PHASE I [ 6 30 ] You really have arrived, finally.
Too bad the welcome isn’t so great.
Upon arrival, you will literally be dropped out of the sky.
You may land in the lake (watch out for the fish). You may land on the roofs of the buildings in the town (watch out for the spires). Or you may be unlucky, and fall all the way from the sky to the ground, at which point you die and lose a life already.
Don’t worry, you’ll respawn in the air and you can try again.
Good luck this time!
If you do manage to finally land in a way that doesn’t break your spine and/or drown you, you’ll find that if you’re a newcomer, you’ll have some strange words hovering over your head. They seem to be a set of your name, a level, a class and a quest, something like --
Ima Adventurerer Lv. 9000
Class: Dragon Slayer
Current Quest: Slay every dragon
-- but aside from existing, they don't seem to have any actual impact on your abilities or requirements. But you can do the quests if you really want to. Everyone will clap politely for you if you do. There might be confetti, even.
They would appear to coincide with a scroll or two posted up in the middle of town for everyone to see.
At least it’s easy to tell who’s new this round.
PHASE II [ 745 ] Once you’re safely on the ground (hopefully no broken bones!), it’s time to get a feel for the game. As free range as it seems to be, you have all sorts of choices in where to go and what to do. You could take on some quests! You could go hunt down monsters! You could...pick up that fancy looking armor over there!
Except you may not actually want to do so. As soon as you touch that armor, it will equip itself, no ifs, ands or buts. Of course, it isn’t so bad, at least, not for the ladies. For the men who equip the armor, they may find it to be a little breezy. In many different variations.
To make matters worse, be careful what you touch in your inventory, unless you want to equip a fish instead of your sword, or whatever the hell this is instead of your cool, awesome, special weapon. Good luck.
And the only way to unequip it is to find something else to equip. There’s motivation for some questing, at least.
PHASE III [ 1000 ] Eventually, you have to venture out of the town, however. There are NPCs ushering you to quest onwards, and there’s nothing in the town worth poking your nose into; none of the doors open, and all of the NPCs say the same, looping lines in a creepy monotone.
There are quests to be done outside of the town, they say, over and over.
So, off you go. However, the moment you step out of the town, you’re…somewhere else entirely. Look behind you, and the town is gone. Look around you, and there’s nothing but flowers, fields and the other people who have stepped out of the town themselves, looking equally confused. The bizarre armor is now gone, and you're back in your proper clothing; the strange floating titles and levels and the like are also gone. Otherwise, it is silent; there isn’t a single other soul. No bird song, no buzzing of bees -- just silence.
Of course, it won’t last. Soon, the monsters show up...but strangely, they seem to be monsters from your world, if your world had monsters. If your world had animals, they are those, or robots, or any number of combinations. But they seem...different. They’re meaner, larger, nastier, and all dark colors and bloody, dripping claws and fangs.
It seems everything’s been a little corrupted here -- even things from your own worlds.
PHASE IV [ 1400 ] If you persevere through the monster-infested fields, trampling your way through flowers which did nothing at all to you, you’ll eventually find yourself at a still, still lake. It’s a beautiful place, quiet and hushed and untouched, and totally monster-free; it might be a good place to take a breather.
But if you look into the lake, even for a brief moment, you’ll see whatever it is you want most in the world. Whether it’s a person (dead or alive), a thing, a title… it doesn’t matter; the lake will show it, tantalizing and right there, so close to being in your grasp.
If you don’t pull away immediately, you might find that it’s hypnotizing, in fact; you’ll feel the need to go closer and closer, even if it means wading into the lake to get closer to that goal. Just...don’t go too far. Something is waiting for you.
If you touch someone to try to help them, you’ll see what they are also seeing in the lake, for better or for worse. It might be a good chance to get to know them, if you weren’t, you know, in danger of being eaten.
Thankfully, with some perseverance and good friends, the hypnotism can be broken. You do have friends, right?
If you survive all of that, you can finally log out and join Cerealia proper -- hooray!
BONUS [ xxxx ] There sure are a lot of flowers in this field of flowers. There are flowers everywhere. Which isn’t a bad thing, unless you’re allergic to flowers (if you are allergic to flowers, CERES apologizes and suggests you take their special, patented ClariCERESclear to clear that right up). Except...the longer you’re in said field of flowers, the more you may notice that things are a little...strange.
Some of the pollen of the flowers has some strange effects on your bodies, it would seem. You could stumble across any of these (or none at all), and they could last anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour or two, depending on how much of that pollen you breathe in.
The effects are as follows:
➟ The urge to princess-carry the nearest person
➟ The urge to serenade the nearest person, regardless of your singing ability
➟ An awakened urge to be really aggressive towards the nearest person, even to the point of fighting (it's time to pvp)
➟ Uncontrollable crying
➟ An uncontrollable urge to make flower crowns and place them on peoples' heads (which thus further spreads the other effects).
Don’t trust the flowers.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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stahn.
It's not that Leon was unaware that Stahn was capable of deeper emotions, of course; that would be silly. But to see it...there's something deeply uncomfortable in it for him, and he shifts awkwardly. Because...this is his fault. There's no denying it anymore. The reason Stahn is crying is Leon, and Leon's death, and... he honestly wasn't expecting him to be so affected by it.
He doesn't like it. And he doesn't know how to react to it (he wants to fix it, but he can't fix it, can he? How would he even go about fixing it?).
Leon knows he doesn't even deserve this much emotion over seeing him again. He knew Stahn cared... in some strange way. But there's something different between accepting, vaguely, that Stahn cared a little, and seeing just how much he cared, especially when it's... like this.
Leon swallows, and it's painful, and not just because he feels like he's coughed his throat somewhat raw.]
You... [how does he respond to this? How does he react to this? What does he do?] Stop crying. [Ah yes, that'll do it, Leon. You sure nailed that comfort thing!] This isn't--this isn't anything worth crying over, and someone like you shouldn't be--
["Someone like you shouldn't be so wrecked over someone like me."]
That's enough.
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the feeling is something he can't be helped, and while it's not entirely leon's fault, he's being forced to deal with the brunt of this breakdown. though maybe stahn allows it partially because it's leon, because he won't be coddled through it. because somehow, leon will always find a way to say the thing he needs to hear, even if he has to sit through the deprecation first.
he can't help himself. he can't hold his emotions back when he's been holding it back for so long. even though stahn knows he needs to be strong for leon too, how can he be? the dam broke open with how much shock he's just endured. this breakdown state isn't a good one, as short-lived as it may end up being...
but even dymlos doesn't try to talk him down from it yet.]
"Leon, Chaltier." [dymlos will speak up now, trying to deflect things a little bit. god leon, even a sword has better emotional consideration than you do! but really, it's because dymlos knows what needs to be asked first and foremost, and they're things that will help to calm stahn down, and perhaps ease some of his burdens. he has much to say to chaltier too, but that can wait until later, when their masters have gone to sleep for the night.] "We should start from the beginning. Stahn, pay attention.
Were you given any reason for how this situation is possible, or what that means for the others?" [which includes everyone. the humans and the swordians alike. getting on the same page is key, and it gives stahn a minute to try and regain his composure, since he's clearly in no state to answer anything just yet.
(and maybe it's also a little for leon too, since he clearly has no idea how to handle stahn right now. having been through this before, dymlos does.)]
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But even as Dymlos speaks, Leon can't quite drag his eyes away from Stahn. It's...strange, to see him cry like this. He doesn't like it, but he also doesn't feel like he has the right to look away. While he's here, and while he's the cause of these tears, he can't look away from them.
This is an outcome he wasn't expecting, huh...
Eventually, though, he takes in a deep breath, and he speaks, flatly and with little intonation.]
Nobody I have spoken to knows our specific purpose here. [And he's been trying, but info-gathering is hard in a situation like this.] The common consensus is that we're here as some sort of group for CERES' experiments.
[He doesn't sound bothered; quite frankly, this is nothing new to him. Living as Hugo's pawn, living as CERES' experiment--nothing has changed, huh? And... people disappear when their use is up. Leon contemplates saying so, and then chooses not to. Stahn would probably worry over that, and he's already too emotional. (And it hadn't bothered Leon when Kashuu had told him the first time that people disappeared, but that was before he knew Stahn was here--)]
I have been warned to not believe what we were told about our world being destroyed. [Duh. That was obvious to Leon; he's paranoid enough to already do that. This is to Stahn, short and almost snappish:] So do not give up so easily on that. It would be a good demoralization tactic, if nothing else. The others may be fine still.
[... A breath. There's another part of this situation that shouldn't be possible, and he knows it. The fact that Leon is alive.... Leon doesn't have any explanation for that. He died. He felt it.]
... I don't know anything else. [For obvious reasons, he didn't really feel like asking people how people can come back from the dead here, so he falls uncomfortably silent after that.]
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[is it alarming? yes. even dymlos couldn't have predicted a situation that would turn out this way, but... here it is. he wasn't so quick to believe that anything would destroy their world so easily in the blink of an eye, after all. though they hadn't yet made it to dycroft to put an end to the current situation, there isn't a circumstance that dymlos could believe anything else would steamroll all of that without a trace.
whatever is happening here and now... it's fishy, to say the least. dymlos can tell they've got a lot of work to do in figuring out what has happened, what led them to this situation, and how it's possible for leon and chaltier to be here. it's not as if it isn't obvious already that leon remembers what transpired—it raises too many questions that they obviously can't answer.]
"Stahn." [dymlos begins to speak in an attempt to get stahn's attention and make clear what's going on. but stahn's not foolish enough to tune out when leon speaks, so the words directed at him aren't missed. it takes him a minute to try and regain his composure...
but he's still stahn aileron. sinking that deep into an abyss isn't something that comes naturally to him, and leon's words resonate. of course, he's nowhere near reconciled with how overwhelming this situation is—but it instills a little bit of hope in him.]
So... you think they're just doing this so we'll help them, but the others could really be okay. [he hopes so. he really hopes that's what leon means, and what dymlos wants to explain. he's been trying to convince himself of something similar, but somehow hearing it from leon makes it easier for him to swallow.
there's a lot more to consider, of course... like what makes it possible for leon to be here, how they can get back... and if there's some way to save leon for good. is this a second chance?
(of course, stahn will put himself on the track to believing it, but it'll take some time to get there.)]
...Right? Is... is that it, Leon? [he says after a moment, seeking that confirmation. he knows he must seem pretty weak and pathetic to leon right now—and it's such a stark contrast to the way he's had to be lately, but it isn't as if stahn knows how to find the words for that.
how can he really explain the feeling of relief that his best friend is here, even though he should be dead? or how he's been bottling his grief—not just for leon, but for everyone who is suffering because of hugo? how can he explain that he's placed his resolve above his personal feelings, when those feelings had always been his biggest driving force? stahn isn't any good at that. he could barely even help rutee when she was grieving; all he could do was offer his own shoulder and cry with her, instead of letting her cry alone.
trying to articulate his own feelings is even harder, especially when it's to the one person he never thought he'd have the chance to even do so with. all he can do is try to get a grip on his own feelings... though maybe that's why it's a good thing that stahn is so simple sometimes.]
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But Leon... Leon's just angry about it. He's angry that he's here right now, forced to watch Stahn cry, because it makes him uncomfortable in ways that nothing else ever has. He's angry that he's for some reason alive, when so many other people are more deserving of that, and when he'd had an escape of sorts through dying.
And even more than that, he's angry at the utter nonsensical nature of the entire thing. His world, destroyed? The world that Stahn and the others were fighting so hard to protect? Rutee, dead, after everything? Don't make him laugh. That's nonsense, and he won't accept it, and he'll fight to his last breath to see it proven wrong, because everything about this situation is twisted and wrong.
So when he meets Stahn's eyes, it's with total confidence, maybe a shred of arrogance, back to the Leon that had always been so cocky and confident in his own self and knowledge. It's just that this time, he's confident instead in--]
Yes, that's it. Even someone as air-headed as you wouldn't be able to allow the world to be destroyed without even being aware of it. I had had suspicions before, but now I am certain of it.
[A world that Stahn would allow to be destroyed? Utterly ridiculous.]
The others would not die so easily either. I didn't leave the situation to you because I thought that you would be so easily beaten, so don't even imply that such a thing could happen.
[He left it to Stahn because he knew Stahn could do it. He could save their world. And Leon isn't even willing to contemplate anything else.]
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[yes, leon must be alive again because stahn is saying his name approximately every other sentence already.
but this time, there's something a bit different in his tone. it's surprise—but it's a good kind of surprise, almost as if he didn't expect such serious encouragement. leon's right though, isn't he? he'd left stopping the destruction of their world in stahn's hands, in the hands of their friend and fellow swordians. that's something that he hasn't lost sight of.
well, not since he'd gotten over his vengeance quest and got his priorities back in order. but since that point, he's fought to hard to do all of those things... to protect his dream, save the world so people could live peacefully, and avenge leon's senseless death. so maybe leon is right... none of them would give up that easily. none of them would be blindsided by something so destructive... it couldn't be possible not when they'd worked and fought so hard all this time to make it as far as they did. and really, they had come such a long way, even just from the time they left to meet with ritora. they wouldn't, they couldn't.]
Yeah... you're right. You're definitely right, because you're always right about these things. [he trusts leon, he has so much trust and admiration for him that despite the things he should be angry for (and the things he's still angry about), he's just relieved to hear something so familiar and comforting. he sniffles a little, but uses his sleeve to wipe his eyes (and his nose; gross, tbh). the tears aren't really stopping, but there's a little more light in his face; there's hope that's a little more reminiscent of the stahn that everyone is used to dealing with.] They're okay...
Rutee, Philia, Mary, Woodrow... Chelsea, Kongman, Johnny and Lilith too... they're okay. They're still fighting. They wouldn't give up, no matter what. [it kind of sounds like he's trying to convince himself, but there's a little more conviction in his tone. he's working himself back up to where he belongs.]
We'll find them again, we'll be able to finish everything, so everyone can live happily like they're supposed to. [though after he says that, he realizes the weight of his words and bites his lip for a moment.
...no.
no, he can't hold back because of what happened, and he can't give up this new possibility that's sprung up.] You too, Leon.
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Leon had nothing figured out for awhile there, when everything had spiraled out of control so terribly. He had made every possible wrong decision, had ruined things for so many people, had caused so much trouble...the fact that Stahn has all of this faith in him still is incredibly wrong, he can't help but think.
But all of that pales to the rest of what Stahn says.
"so everyone can live happily like they're supposed to. You too, Leon."
But he's not. He's not supposed to live happily. He's dead, and Stahn pretending otherwise is not going to help either of them (it's just going to break Stahn more and more if he clings to this, isn't it...?). Unsurprisingly, Leon reacts sharply, almost aggressively.]
Don't be ridiculous.
[He shifts uncomfortably; even this sort of topic is enough to make him almost want to flee the conversation, but... it's something that has to be said nonetheless.]
Hiding from the truth does you no good. There's no room for your idiotic delusions here. Nothing about this situation will change what happened, so don't even try.
[Chaltier makes a pained noise, but Leon ignores it entirely.
He's dead, don't you see, Stahn? Even if he's breathing now, don't you see that he deserves it? That he doesn't deserve to live a happy life? That he doesn't deserve a second chance, and he doesn't want one?
He'd gotten exactly what he deserved already.]
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[it doesn't matter who says it; even if dymlos were to interject and try to argue it, stahn would be adamant about this. so he shakes his head as his brows knit, looking at leon with the sort of conviction that anyone would expect from stahn.
it's idealistic in its way, sure—but unlike the past, when his idealism was narrow and blind, he can see things from a different perspective.]
You're here now, are you? You're here, you're breathing just like me! We may not be able to change the things that happened then, no matter how much we want to, but...
[stahn's hand clasps at his chest; he's stopped by his armor, of course, so his hand just curls into a fist and remains there. it's such a crushing feeling in his chest. having leon sit before him and encourage him in the way only leon can, only to follow it up with something so defeatist. how can he have so much faith in everyone else, but none in himself? it's so crushing to stahn to see this happen time and time again.
wasn't this how things ended up so poorly in the first place? if leon had just relied on him then, things could have been different. so now, now when they have another chance to set things right... stahn isn't going to let go of that so easily.]
This could be a chance! There has to be a way... if you're here now... if you're really here, then... [he's overcome a bit again—it's hard for stahn to find the words to say. he's not good at this kind of thing, especially not when he's so overwhelmed. but he knows for sure that he can't give up, and he knows he has to make leon see how important he is to everyone.]
I won't let you give up again, Leon. Don't do things alone anymore and... if you trust me and everyone else... keep doing it. Keep doing that, and I'll keep looking for a way.
[he sucks in a breath—dymlos almost interjects right at that moment to tell him to calm down, but he's not given the chance. stahn is worked up now; even if leon refuses, stahn's not going to give up.] Nobody wanted what happened, nobody wanted that so if I can change it...
[maybe there's no fighting leon's fate, but there's no way in hell he won't try.]
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friendshipunderstanding during their trip together, but even so, that's not enough he thinks for something like this. A reaction like this... it's too much, and Leon feels incredibly uncomfortable. He feels... like he's at fault here, and his shoulders hunch defensively, even as he bites back.]"Nobody wants that"? I understand that you are so stupidly soft-hearted as to think anyone dying is sad [and it's the first time he's said that word out loud, "dying", and for a moment his breath catches. He'd thought he was resigned. Where is this all coming from?] but you don't have to make such ridiculous claims.
[Nobody wanted him dead? That's bullshit, and Leon knows it. He did so many terrible things to bring them to that point. He ruined his career, he murdered his...yes, his friend, the captain he'd gotten promoted was his friend, and he'd set into motion the end of the world.
It didn't matter that he had his reasons.
These were still things he did, and he doesn't deserve anything less than death for it. In a way, death had been atonement, and now that's been stripped away from him, and he's left realizing that he has to deal with the consequences of his actions, and it's terrifying.]
I don't...I don't have any reason to trust you! [Besides their entire journey, and Stahn on watch, making sure they were all safe. Besides Stahn shoving him out of the way of a monster, making sure he was safe. Besides Stahn never doing anything for an ulterior reason, but simply because he was Stahn and that was what he did.
He has every reason to trust Stahn, but he tries to push him away anyway. This is for Stahn's own good anyway in the end.]
Don't act as though it was a--a mistake-- [Because it was. It was a mistake, to not trust in Stahn and the others, and to try to save Marian on his own. But he hadn't thought he'd had any other option. He'd been so desperate, and he'd failed so badly, but even so...
Even so, don't make him think that the events leading up to his death were a mistake. Don't make him think that the choices he made, not all of them, were a mistake. His throat closes up, and he can't get any more words out, but he doesn't have any more anyway.
At least one of those mistakes had to be right, and Leon knows which one he thinks it is. It was when he pulled that lever, and he can't stand the thought of treating that as a mistake on top of every single other mistake he made.]
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but it still hurts to hear it. it still feels terrible after all that's happened for him to say that when stahn knows that neither one of them actually believes it. it's stupid. it's stupid and foolish... for all the times leon called him an idiot, stahn took it and accepted it, or found ways to deflect it. but never did he turn it around on leon or call him an idiot for the thing he'd done. because leon may do stupid things sometimes, but he's not an idiot.
so why does he insist on pushing the matter in way he does—especially when he can't even see that statement straight through to the end?]
It is sad! [he protests, but for all that stahn wants to be so heated, so hot-blooded as his nature dictates, he finds himself deflating before he can even get the next sentence out. it's too sad. he's too sad; and it's not out of any sort of pity. it's pain, and it's empathy, and it's deep-seated sorrow that he feels.]
Did... did you really think that everything would end because you left us like that? Everyone felt it, Leon—everyone! Me, and Rutee...
[he pauses, swallowing hard. rutee. how could he ever forget the way she tried to pretend like she was okay; that he didn't even notice because he was so consumed with his own grief to realize how much leon's confession had completely rocked her to the core? it hurt him, it hurt them both that all they could do was just yell and cry until there was nothing left but necessity to push them forward.]
...And Marian. [right, marian too. marian, who couldn't hear those words. marian, who was going to return to the manor in darilsheid to wait for him, even though she knew he'd never be returning home.
is this what leon thought was okay? is he really so consumed by the things that fuel him to truly believe that nobody would mourn his death? that hurts even more, when everyone felt the effects of that day. they were all changed by it in ways that they couldn't just go back to.
that's why even though stahn doesn't yell, there's a fury and tension that rises in his voice. what started as deflated now has something that resembles stahn's passion in it, though it's muted, bubbling under the surface and waiting to erupt—not that there's any telling how or what will trigger that eruption, and just what it'll entail.]
I'm not saying it was a mistake. I can't make that choice for you; I'm grateful that we had a chance because you gave it to us. But don't... don't turn away the chance I want to give you! Nobody deserve the things that happened... nobody deserves to go through what you went through!
[nobody deserves to die suffering. nobody deserves to die because of someone else's ideals or actions. leon, baruk, ilene rembrandt... how many more people was he going to have to see die right in front of him before this would all stop?
how can he give up on leon, or let him push away an opportunity after what he's seen, and after what he's forced himself to be strong during, no matter how much it tore him up inside?]
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It was never obvious at all to him, and even now, he doesn't understand it. They had no reason to miss him. He betrayed them all, and that was after a journey in which he did little but belittle them and shove them all away. They weren't friends. They were comrades of convenience, and nothing more, and... they had no reason to miss him. And Rutee-- well. What does blood mean, when there's no attachment there?
(Then why did he tell her, at the end of everything?
...He's not sure.)
He flinches at the final name, though. Marian... His voice is choked, too choked to be as properly harsh as he'd like it to be. And an echo of that one time, so long ago--]
Don't say her name so easily! [Don't say her name to him... not when he'd given up everything for her, and not when he has to admit now, now that he's dead and couldn't do a damned thing to save her--] She would be better off without me anyway!
[That much is something that can't be argued. Because Hugo hired her to keep a leash on him, she was kidnapped. She was subjected to such a terrifying situation. And because of him, she even tried to....
He huddles in on himself a little bit more, as if in some subconscious way to protect himself from everything around him (but it's a little too late for that, isn't it?)]
I don't want it! [What does he have left anyway? He threw away his career under Hugo's orders. He's a traitor in the eyes of everyone now. Marian would be better off with him dead. The others would save the world. He doesn't even have a reason to have a second chance, and he doesn't want it.
Something like that... it's more than he deserves, and he almost wishes he was dead right now.] So stop...stop trying to help me!
[A short breath, and he tries to shove himself to his feet. It's shaky; his legs barely want to support him after everything.]
I don't want your help. I don't want your chances. Get it through your thick head!
[He's dead, and they're all better off that way.]
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Stop trying to run away, Leon! [he always does this. whenever leon can't handle the conversation—whenever he's flustered or upset—he looks for an out. he tries to have the last word, the last bit of satisfaction, like there's some kind of reward for "winning" the argument. it was always like that, right to the very end.
he can't let that happen now. because even if leon is scolding him so saying her name, there's more about marian leon absolutely needs to hear. he needs to know this thing that he would never get to see on his own otherwise.
and maybe, just maybe, what he has to say would have some kind of impact on leon. maybe then he could start to see how much they all care, how much they're all grieving because of his sacrifice. so shaky legs or not, he won't get the chance to walk away; without getting up, stahn reaches his arm out and grasps at leon's wrist from where he sits.]
We got her back. She's safe. [it's so important. it's so, so important he knows that they did the one thing leon tried so hard for. what he ended up throwing everything away for.
he needs to know they did it. he needs to know they have no intent of letting him down, even after his death. he needs to know that the impact is something that will always be felt, no matter how much leon wants to deny it or run away from it.]
And she said... [for this, his head drops. stahn can't seem to look at leon while he says these words, for some reason. and a lot of that angry fire fizzles out in despair. it's just so damn sad, even if he understood her reasons and couldn't even dream of deterring her from them.] She was going back home to wait for you.
[stahn's hand drops down, almost listlessly. maybe leon won't take it well; maybe he'll yell and refuse to see stahn's point. maybe he'll stomp off alone and leave stahn there with dymlos to stew in these darker thoughts he tries so hard to push back.
but he can't not say anything. he can't leave leon in the dark about what's going on, and he can't pretend that things are different. he won't act as if anyone is okay with the fact that he died, and he won't give up on the hope that they're being afforded a chance to right all of the wrongs that never should have been.]
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When Stahn grabs his wrist, he's tempted to try to jerk away, and to really walk away--he doesn't want Stahn touching him right now, and he's irritated at the very thought (on top of everything else, or maybe this feeling is stemming from everything after all), but then Stahn speaks, and...
He really can't breathe.
It'd really figure, wouldn't it? In the end, it was Stahn who saved Marian, and not him. In the end, maybe if he'd asked for Stahn's help-- ...but even in the midst of his darker thoughts, it's pure, pure relief. Marian was safe. They had saved her. She wouldn't be harmed, she wouldn't have to be hurt for Leon's sake, and for his own terrible decisions, and all because he'd cared about her.
He shuts his eyes tightly as Stahn continues, and then he crumples. She was going back home...to wait for him? Why would she do that? It was her duty, sure, but she should have known...she should have known he wasn't coming back. She shouldn't waste her life there. Marian is a beautiful person who deserves only the best out of life, and he doesn't want her to be stuck there all alone, waiting for him again, and he crumples to the ground again when his legs won't support him, head bowed, still-wet hair hiding his face.]
Why...
[Why would she do that...? Why would she waste her life like that? Why did he bring so much pain and suffering and trouble onto her, even after his death?
Why couldn't she just be free of him?]
Why would she...
[He can't breathe, and his shoulders slump, posture so completely defeated. With a situation like this... What is he even supposed to do anymore?]
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[stahn says those words quietly, still not looking up. his own grief is on display right now, and he's trying not to let it spill over any more than it already has. it just wouldn't be fair, not when leon needs this time to process what he's been told.
it makes him feel terrible, honestly. to have to tell him something so painful in such a blunt way—in a way he knew would shake leon to his core... he feels awful about it. he doesn't have the strength leon does to be so blunt and say things that are intentionally hurtful, even when they are for the greater good. this hurts leon. he knows it hurts leon deeply, because he cares so much about marian that he'd throw away his reputation and his life for her.
so how can stahn possibly feel good in revealing a truth like this to him? even if he wants nothing more than for leon to see that there are things worth fighting for—that there is value in this renewed lease on life.
if he won't do it for stahn, for rutee, for the others... would he at least be willing to do it for marian?
stahn isn't sure he cares what the motivation is; he just wants leon to place a bit of value in this time and stop running away from everything that's hard. stahn's been forced to face so many things that leon couldn't; it's been so hard to bear, it's been so hard for him to pick up all the pieces that were scattered in the wake of what was happening... ]
We've lost so many people already... [he mutters quietly, just above a whisper. it's not really for leon; it's an idle thought that just slips from his mouth without thought. the notion of losing leon a second time is too much to bear, on top of everything else that's happened, but he's trying so hard to not force that on leon—not when he hasn't even processed everything about marian yet.]
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It's not going to happen. He died, with a finality that Stahn isn't seeming to grasp. Maybe it's the fact that he's soaked, and his throat and lungs burn from his sudden second dunking, but Leon isn't finding it quite so easy to accept this as an elusive "second chance". No... no, this feels like he's a fake, if nothing else.
But Marian... Marian is alive. They saved her, despite Leon's own betrayal and failures (not that he thought they'd take that out on her, they're not Hugo). And he's so sincerely grateful and relieved, he really is, and he knows he owes Stahn a debt that he can't repay for that, but...
He's honestly still trying to process all of it. And that's when Leon hears the whisper, and he goes rigid. He doesn't know what happened. He was busy being dead, so he has no idea what Stahn's been through. So when he says something like that, looking so defeated, Leon's mind automatically jumps to the worst case scenario, and he grits his teeth and sounds legitimately frightened.]
Rutee and the others, are they--
[...Are they okay? They didn't lose anyone else in the party, did they? That...is a thing Leon doesn't want to ever see happen, and it's enough to derail even his own upset feelings at the situation, with his death and with Marian..]
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[stahn's more than grasped the finality of leon's death—or at least, that had been the case until just a few minutes ago. finality doesn't seem to final when the dead is living and breathing next to you.
but the time to think about that has temporarily passed; there's no doubt they'll be back on this topic again soon enough, but the thoughts are more than pushed to the side for now. he didn't expect that leon would catch his thought, considering he hardly even realized he spoke aloud to begin with.]
They're okay... they're safe. [or, they were.
it's incredible, how leon can be this way, though. for all the times he acted like he didn't care—even now, when things were such a mess—he had time to be genuinely concerned for their friends. it speaks volumes to stahn about what leon feels.... the fact he could have time to worry about that even when marian had taken center stage in the conversation says more than maybe even leon realizes. but it doesn't slip past stahn, just as most things don't.
he may be inept when it comes to academics, and even common sense at times. he may let insults fly right over his head, and he may not be the most competent swordian master. but he can read the emotions of other people; he's perceptive in that manner, and when it comes to leon especially, he can't miss it. what kind of best friend would he be otherwise?
stahn is glad in that sense. he's at least relieved that even at the worst of times, leon does worry about the others, enough so to express it in his own way.
but it's not them that have been lost, so he shakes his head.]
But you and Chaltier, Baruk... [he pauses, sucking in a quiet breath. the next name is the one that brings back the worst memories aside from leon—he was forced to see someone he believed in take her own life out of helplessness.
it's still hard.] Ilene... and Rembrandt, too.
[maybe those people aren't important to leon; he probably knows that they were siding with hugo's awful plan. But he liked Baruk and Ilene especially, and he still doesn't think anyone's life is worth losing for something like this. everything has gotten so far out on control, and he knows that hugo's life is likely the next one.]
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There's for a moment pure relief that Rutee and the others are safe. It's a strange euphoric feeling that he wasn't expecting (but maybe he's just lightheaded from all of his emotional outbursts so far), and he's not sure what to make of it or how to feel. He was...worried, wasn't he?
... And then Stahn's words make him cold all over again.
He can't say it comes as a shock, though. Ilene, Baruk, Rembrandt...they'd been working with Hugo all along, of course. They'd tried so hard to protect him, though, even so. They had tried, in their own way. It hadn't been enough, of course, because in the end they listened to Hugo, and Leon... Leon had had no choice. But they'd been there all his life even so. When he had been a child, Rembrandt had been there. When he'd first become a captain, Ilene had been there to cheer him on.
Baruk had always teased him, for so many things.
He breathes out a shuddering breath, posture still bowed. And it's barely a whisper, when he does speak, because it was inevitable. Of course, this was how it had to go. They would never have stopped. They never would have let Stahn and the others convince them. To carry on, Stahn and the others would have had to...]
... I see. Of course, that's... of course.
[Dully, quietly. He's supposed to be dead, isn't he?
So why does all of this still hurt?]
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[stahn really isn't sure what to say after that. it's not as if there's anything good to say; the fact that their friends are still alive doesn't make things okay. it's not okay that other people have had to die for this cause. they were all people with their own dreams and goals, and while some things didn't line up—the things that would sacrifice too many more more lives, namely—it didn't mean they should have to die for it.
they weren't bad people. they just had beliefs that were dangerous. and what's more, these are people who clearly had worth to leon. stahn wasn't sure at first how deeply it would affect him; he was always sure leon cared about them and trusted them, but his reaction says a lot to stahn. more than he cares to admit, honestly.
everything hurts; everything is hurting both of them so deeply right now. maybe there's something in this that should be a happy reunion, but there's so much else that overshadows it that stahn just has no idea what to say or do anymore. he's thinking about their friends they haven't seen yet, he's thinking about what all of this means, and he's thinking about the other people who were lost. it's still hard to get the image of ilene's last moments from his head.
there's a reason stahn readily admits that his head is no good for situations like this. he has a hard time wrapping his mind around this level of complication and despair. and the more he thinks about it, the worse it gets. now would probably be a good time for dymlos to tell them both to get their heads on straight, but even he knows that it's not that simple. they need time and they need to work out the very basics first—which is a slow process, but they're not at a total standstill, at least.]
I'm... sorry. [he's sorry for so much. he's sorry that he couldn't save leon or the others. he's sorry that he had to break so much bad news to leon. he's sorry he had to do it this way, and he's sorry if he's caused leon pain as a result.
none of this is fair, not for any of them.]
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This isn't like him. He's Leon Magnus. He's better than this.
It takes him a brief moment longer, head still bowed, but then... he takes a breath in, and he lifts his chin. When he does, his expression is flat, and calm, and perhaps a little cold. But this was too emotional, and too emotional is dangerous. Like this, he's no good to anyone. And what he knows for certain is that regardless of the true story of this world, he has a Task.
For so long as Stahn is here, he's not where he's supposed to be--back home, saving the world. For so long as the fate of their world is up in the air, things are wrong, and he can't accept that. He has to fix it, he has to see Stahn back to his proper role as the hero of their world, and then... he can think about the rest after that. And emotions are a detriment to that. They'll just get in the way.
He has to get a grip. He can mourn Ilene and Baruk and Rembrandt later, because he knows he will. Even if in the end they chose to follow Hugo, they were still...
... Well, it doesn't matter.]
No. Don't apologize for them. [Simply. Flatly.] They lived their lives according to their own beliefs and choices. To apologize now for that would be insulting.
[... A breath, slow and slightly less steady. No... he can do this. There's nothing to this. He's fine.]
For...saving Marian... [A breath, and he continues as calmly as he can:] Stahn, I owe you a debt.
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it doesn't hurt any less, of course. they shouldn't have had to die at all, but yet so many had to suffer and lose their lives for a cause that was so... so awful. he hates it a lot, especially whenever the thought of ilene's helplessness comes to mind. but that's not really the reason he's giving his apologies, and leon should probably be informed as to why.] It's for you.
[how could he not apologize, after all? he's the one dealing blow after blow at a time like this. leon must be overwhelmed by everything that's happening as much as he is, and yet stahn's told him so many painful things. he can't mourn like this, just like stahn couldn't mourn anyone else properly, either. even if leon is better at shoving those feelings down and bringing priority to the forefront, stahn knows all too well how much leon must be hurting.
and maybe that's why stahn goes quiet after leon's last statement. he finally looks up after keeping his head dipped and wild hair from letting his expression show—and his eyes are wide with surprise.
...owed, a debt?
no.
that's not right.]
What—No... you don't owe me anything. [he'd never have let anything happen to marian if it could be helped. she'd been a hostage, and more so... she was important to leon. she was the reason leon took the actions he did, after all. the absolute bare minimum he could do was get her to safety. on top of doing the right thing—because what else would stahn do—carrying out something so important to leon was only natural.
he had to finish the things leon couldn't. that's what friends did in situations like this, stahn's sure of that much.]
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I don't want your apologies. [It doesn't matter what the apology is for. If it's for what happened to him, well, he made his own choices, and he dug his own grave. Now he has to deal with the consequences. If it's for what Stahn is telling him, then that's even more ridiculous; he wants to know this, even if it's painful. Stahn is doing him a favor by telling him these things. He doesn't get it, and he doesn't enjoy it--Stahn apologizing or receiving apologies.] Keep them to yourself.
[And... of course Stahn would think that. That Leon doesn't owe him anything, even after he saved Marian. Even after he did what Leon himself couldn't do, and saved the most important person to Leon. Even after he accepted saving the world, and fixing Leon's fuck-ups, and took it all on his shoulders.
No, Leon owes him a great deal, and if Stahn won't accept it out loud, well... Leon's still going to repay that debt someday. Somehow. He'll find a way, even if... even if it's just in making sure that he gets home safely, of all people. If he will see one person home safely, it will be Stahn.
So after a brief pause, he just makes a noncommittal noise under his breath; it's pretty obvious that he doesn't buy it, but he's not interested in arguing with Stahn here. Instead, he moves to stand (though at least it doesn't seem as though he has any intent to storm off this time).]
...Regardless. Our first step should be finding our way out of here. [Business. If he focuses on business, then...this will be fine. He can figure out the rest (mourning, and Marian, and paying Stahn back for what he's done for him, and everything) on his own time, when they're not in a dangerous virtual reality.]
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even as he's cried, even as he begged leon to accept this chance at life, and even as he's informed leon of all the tragedy that's befallen their acquaintances, it's been hard to feel like any of it is real. being told it's real doesn't account for much when it's impossible to tell what's real and what isn't. he's already been fooled by an illusion of leon once today, after all. but hearing those words, harsh as they are... that makes it feel more real.
it's really leon. he's really here, and he's doing what he always does; putting those necessities before their own personal feelings in a way that stahn struggles so deeply with.
of course, there's a slight hitch to his breath when leon moves to stand—it's an immediate concern that he's going to use the opportunity to try and get away again. which he doesn't want at all. stahn would probably cling to that wet cape if leon would allow it (he knows leon won't allow it) if it would keep his friend in his sights. so naturally, when leon forces the topic to shift to the business ahead of them without actually leaving? okay.
it's going to be okay.
somehow, some way, he knows it'll be okay.]
Right. I think we're going to have a lot to do when we get out of this thing, too. [right.
if leon can stay strong and not let his emotions overtake him at a time like this, stahn realizes he needs to be able to do the same. what he's been through hurt, but it can't be nearly as painful as what leon's experiencing. so even if it's just for the sake of that, he'll steel himself.
if he could steel himself for rutee, for the swordian team, and for all of his other friends in their darkest hours...
then he can do it for leon.
so he wipes away the last of the wetness around his eyes, forcing back anything that threatens to fall, and then pushes himself to his feet to stand next to leon. he's not quite smiling yet, but... he can do this. he can do this, because he has to do this, no matter what. he has to show leon that he's able to handle all of the burdens; he has to show leon how his own strength is something stahn's been able to use for himself to get through these difficult times.]
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A long-term mission, but on his own terms. He has his end goal, and that's enough; he can figure out how to accomplish it on his own.
And Stahn... well, Stahn has changed a little, hasn't he? The tears were startling, but somehow the way that he picks himself right back up is even more so. Stahn had never been the sort to take things in small measure. He laughed fully, he smiled fully, and, it seemed, he cried fully too.
But now he's putting it aside, and trying to stay strong in a way that makes Leon oddly uncomfortable, and he fails to realize that it's because he's seeing Stahn attempting to be a bit more like him. Stahn, trying to bear more burdens, and look strong throughout it all, even though it doesn't come naturally to him at all.
... Leon doesn't like it. It's not natural to Stahn. It doesn't feel... right.
He clears his throat and focuses on their surroundings, crossing his arms. He's still wet and dripping, but that doesn't matter. What matters is finding an exit, and... there's a glimmering, rather blatant > Log Out option hovering there now, now that they seem to have gotten through this entire level.
It makes him wary, really, but there's really no way to figure out if it's going to work besides...trying it. Leon hesitates briefly, and then sighs.]
Presumably this is the way out. [Some...how... however it works. The less he has to look at Stahn right now, the better.] Let's go.
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it's not as if he enjoys shoving his grief down, and it's definitely not easy for him to carry out. but he tries. he tries so hard for the sake of everyone else, he tries so hard for the sake of duty. he's a swordian master, he has to be responsible and put the needs of the world before his own personal hangups. and he knows that.
so he's trying his best to be stronger. he'll bear the burdens his friends can't. dymlos chose him as a master, and that means he has to be worthy of that mantle; maybe stahn himself doesn't realize his own similarities to dymlos, or how dedicated to duty he can be. even if the hardest of trials, stahn understands now that he just can't give up... and that he can't let his own personal hangups stand in the way of what matters. he has a dream he'd like to achieve and protect, and he can't do that by being weakhearted and letting grief get the better of him.
it's not easy, but he'll do this. even if it's weird to leon, and even if there are times that it cuts him right to the core with pain. and that's why he continues to shake off his sadness, why he pushes aside to focus on the same things leon is focusing on. he's done this before, and while this is all a great shock in every way, they have to get out. so his focus shifts when the log out imagery occurs, and he nods his head.]
Ah... so that's how logging out works. [he muses; he'd asked others about it earlier and didn't get much help on what to do. it seems strange that it's shown up now, but he guesses it's because they finished what needed to be done.
...was the game just ensuring they'd cross paths first? it's something that doesn't cross stahn's mind, but dymlos lets out a skeptical hum. "......."
yeah, it's as suspicious as anything else, but stahn's keeping his attention on leon.]
Right. Let's go... let's see what comes next.
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Leon wonders how long he's been dead for, and how long Stahn has been doing this for.
What happened, exactly, after that elevator reached the top...?
Well--it doesn't matter right now. Instead, Leon's left pondering their new quandary. He doesn't want Stahn to go first (if anyone's going to risk anything, it's Leon, considering he's already dead), but they have no way to communicate even if he does go first. It's frustrating. Stahn will have to take the risk too no matter how he tries to prevent it from happening.
Either way, though... he's still going to go first. If there's a threat on the other side, he could probably dispatch it first, or at least engage it first, then.
Leon glances at Stahn (sees the look on his face, looks away quickly) and nods.]
I'm going, then. [He does spare a look for Chal, though, before he goes.] Ready, Chal? ["Of course, young master!"
And with that, he's really not going to wait for Stahn's opinion, instead going right ahead with that log out option and stumbling right into Cerealia. Sorry about sucking at this "not disappearing" thing already, Stahn.]
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