estoria | You wake up a stranger to yourself [OPEN]

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You wake up a stranger to yourself [OPEN]

Who:

onerous & u
When: IC: 4/10ish
Where: Around the city
What: Yuri goes to work at being a shrine maiden for the first time full of trepidation and no idea what she's doing. Send help.
Rating/Warning: Blanket warning due to the nature of Yuri's canon that mentions of suicide might crop up. See Yuri's general permissions post for more.

[it's someone idea of a sick joke, Yuri's pretty sure. Her uniform is nearly identical to the one she wore in ViViD and she's fairly sure it's not an official uniform. Someone, somewhere, is having a laugh at her but Yuri puts it on with a grim resignation, minus the headdress. That can stay at home, but she tucks her Camera Obscura into her robes. You know, just in case.]

[A]

[She hangs around the shrine feeling awkward, just sort of. Hovering along the edges, trying to make herself look busy without actually trying to do anything. This works for maybe two hours before she realizes how bored she is just sweeping the grounds idly.

She spends her time observing the people coming and going, or just passing by and wonders if she should be trying to encourage people to visit. When she catches someone's eye, she starts in surprise and hastily looks away, but after a moment approaches rather stiffly.] Is there anything you need help with?

[Yuri glaces up again with a semi-desperate look in her normally sad-looking face. It gives a effect not too dissimilar to a puppy caught in the rain. Please give her something to do she's going crazy here.]

[B]

[Bringing her camera to a holy (she assumes, anyway) place probably isn't the best idea. It's entire job is to reveal "impossible" things and anyone sensitive to such things will most likely notice or be drawn to the dark pull of the camera. It certainly doesn't feel harmless or friendly; it's a powerful weapon against the paranormal after all.

Hisoka had warned her to be careful with it. Using it had the potential to create links between its user and the spiritual world, the threat of pulling her under looming wide. But, then, she'd been dealing with worse "what ifs" lately.

Yuri's not using the camera, but she sits off to the side on her break, examining her camera with a concentrated expression. It's not reacting to anything, exactly (there are no hostile spirits at the moment so the filament isn't reacting), but she's debating on if she should start taking pictures in the hopes of discovering something.]

[C]

[Yuri didn't really like using her powers. She wasn't ashamed of them anymore, and Hisoka used her own powers openly enough (and had gone out of her way to help Yuri in harnessing hers') that Yuri felt it might be a disservice to Hisoka's hard work to not use it to help those in need.

Still, it was a constant reminder that she just wasn't normal anymore. She was...wrong, somehow. Different.

I'm not sick anymore.

She clung to that thought repeating in her head. I'm not sick anymore. It wasn't an illness, she wasn't crazy or losing her mind or just reacting to trauma (well, she had that in spades too, she supposed, but that was neither here nor there). She was just... different.

But Yuri wanted to be normal again, just once. Just a little while.

Today was not that day, however, and she listened patiently to the crying little girl who told her about losing a pair of her mother's earrings. She'd been wearing them without permission and lost one. 'Can I have the other earring?' Yuri's asked, patiently explaining that she could use it to track it down. The girl had finally relented, and here Yuri was, activating her powers to follow the Trace to its source.

Activating it didn't mark any obvious physical changes, though Yuri's eyes became a little unfocused. The white 'shadow' of a person walked slowly, following the exact path the girl had been walking and providing a lead. She doesn't keep it up long (using it too long usually caught the attention of spirits and she really didn't want to deal with that right now), and most people don't seem to be aware at all.

Depending on someone'as level of sensitivity they might notice nothing at all except Yuri seemingly following a path that doesn't exist, or a vague feeling of 'something' appearing, moving, then disappearing; or hell, they might see the whole apparition when it briefly flickers to 'life' and starts walking, with Yuri following soon behind it.]

[D]

[She's tired. She'd say 'dead tired,' but somehow that seems like a bad joke she has no right to make.

Her eyes hurt, her head aches a little (she hadn't thought to tell the little girl to keep quiet about what she'd done, and unfortunately that girl had a few little friends who had also lost things and Yuri hadn't been able to say 'no'), and she's starving.

Unfortunately she's not really paying attention to where she's going, her movements sluggish and her head bowed. So when she stumbles, or nearly stumbles, into someone, she wobbles a moment before raising her head.]

Ah, sorry... [A tired mumble and she blinks a few times, trying to wake herself up before she falls asleep on her feet. Using mitori on the mountain had been exhausting too, but the adrenaline of being hunted down by spirits had been enough to keep her awake those nights. She didn't have that sense of urgency here, so she just raised a hand to scrub at her face] I wasn't paying attention...

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[Kashuu is definitely unfortunate enough to feel that pull, and he's not irresponsible enough to just let something like that go unchecked, either. WHAT IF IT'S DANGEROUS...

And it very well could be?! It doesn't leave him feeling relaxed or happy, so when he sees it in Yuri's hands, he's quick to approach. She'd been a nice person, after all, even if she was dressed a little funky. Best not to let her get into too much trouble.]

Hey-- Did you find that somewhere?

[One day she'll meet Kashuu in an outfit that isn't an affront to fashion. One day.

But for now she just looks up, startled by his sudden approach and says intelligently:] Huh?

['Find what?' She almost asks before realizing he must be asking about the camera.] What, this? No, it's... It's mine. It came with me from home. [Yuri then trails off uncertainly, watching him, wondering just where that question had come from and where it was headed]

[WILL SHE REALLY. Hopefully she does, because he's going to offer to drag her out shopping at this rate...

But!! Hm, if it's hers and it came with her from home, that makes things more complicated... Maybe it's a keepsake or something and it just happened to get a little mashed up in the code process, whatever that is and however it works. So, after a second of thought:]

Um... You might wanna get it like, I dunno. Cleansed or something? It feels bad.

[Maybe he can drag Ishikirimaru over here...]

What? [She feels like she's saying things like that a lot in this conversation. What a good, intelligent impression she's making.]

You... can sense that too? [The camera is dangerous. Even if it hadn't intended to be one, it was still a weapon, a connection to the spirit world that could drag its user under the waves far too easily. Yuri wasn't stupid enough to think she was stronger than it or could resist it forever-- she felt like she already had one foot in the doorway as it was.

Still, it was both comforting and a little worrisome that others might be able to pick up on it. She tucks the camera closer.] Sorry to worry you, but... It's not that simple. Cleansing won't really help it.

[Yuri taps her fingers against the camera and glances away, feeling uncomfortable talking about it. Most people didn't really understand or sense these sorts of things, after all.] At least, I'm pretty sure it won't. It's an exorcism tool too, so... [She trails off, not quite sure where she was going with that in the first place.]

[Kashuu doesn't seem offput by the repetition or "whats", at least! More or less because that's what he sounds like in an average conversation... And because there are bigger fish to fry, so to say: he's still wary of that camera, even moreso as she talks about exorcisms and cleansings being of no use.]

Maybe you could try? It's kinda weird for something used in exorcisms to feel like that. I mean, I haven't been around many of those things, but most of the stuff they use for exorcisms are like, blessed or whatever, right?

[This is definitely a conversation more suited for Ishikirimaru... But he does, at least, seem to know what he's talking about, even if he words it inelegantly. Then, as an afterthought:]

Um-- Hey, that thing isn't dangerous to spirits if we're just nearby, right?

Edited 2015-12-09 08:29 (UTC)

I... don't want it to get broken. [She's sure it'd be fine,but there's an irrational little fear that somehow cleansing it will rid it of its power, or something.] It's the only weapon I have. If something happens to it...

[Yuri stares at him a moment. Spirit? Ah. Right, she's heard about that already (thanks Haru) and honestly she can't even be surprised anymore. Yuri's reached a state of divine resignation to her life.]

No. Even if I took your picture it wouldn't do anything unless you were trying to attack me. Its original purpose was just to photograph things normal people couldn't see-- I'm not sure how the exorcism part of it was found out.

So it's really only a weapon if I'm in actual danger.

Edited 2015-12-10 06:04 (UTC)

Oh... [Though Kashuu's tempted to suggest trying a different weapon (one with that kind of energy seems bad to have around regardless of its usefulness), he holds his tongue for the time being.

But ah, at least he doesn't have to explain the whole spirit-y thing! Though-- her explanation seems to leave him a little confused.]

So it's like, just a camera that can see into the spirit world? [Funky. He's heard of similar things before, though...] But it exorcises things that attack you directly? I don't think I've ever heard of a weapon that works like that.

[It fits with the camera itself, though, since that's kind of One Big Oddity.]

I... think so? I'm sorry, I don't really know that much about it. I know it was created to try and prove spirits existed and things like that, but... I guess it only reacts to hostility. I mean--

[how does she explain this.] It makes sense, doesn't it? You wouldn't just kill a living person who was just standing there not doing anything. But if they attacked you, you'd do anything to try and survive, right?

Maybe the camera can just tell the difference between friend and foe. [After a moment Yuri adds, a tad awkwardly despite her attempt to be reassuring:] I won't use it against you.

I know! You don't seem like the kind of person who would. [Or Kashuu is just an overly-trusting moron, perhaps, considering this is only the second time he's ever spoken to Yuri... It doesn't seem like he's lying about that, though.]

But it's kind of a spooky-feeling camera, so I guess I just don't trust it. [Which is why he's also standing a little outside of where the lens is pointed, just in case...]

I guess it's a good thing if it keeps you safe, though. ...D'you get attacked by spirits a lot or something?

...I'm glad you think so. [it's said politely, but she certainly looks embarrassed even if the praise isn't something worth getting excited over.

But she notices quickly that he's wary of the camera and sets it down beside her, opposite of where Kashuu was standing, the lens focused away regardless.]

Ah, yes-- Back home, I suppose... [It's still weird trying to talk about it, and she watches him with sharp, wary eyes as she still fully expects judgement and mocking for her admission.] It was common enough.

It's not as common here, though. I don't know. Maybe there's just too much going on for them to seek me out this time. Not that I'm complaining-- it's been nice to have quiet for the first time in a while.

[As far as he's concerned, he has no reason not to think so! She moved the camera for the sake of his comfort and she's getting embarrassed about a compliment okay, it's cute, she's cute (even with her weirdass clothes).

With the camera facing the opposite direction, he bounces a little closer, visibly less wary. It doesn't seem like he's got any judgment reserved for her either - naturally, probably, since he's a spirit and all - though there is some mild confusion.]

I'm glad you're getting a break here. That's pretty unlucky, isn't it? Only like, attracting the nasty spirits... Ooh, unless you can see the okay ones too? There are some really nice ones out there! Like those cute little guys who help Haruji with the gardening and stuff. The bad ones-- [A beat; his brow furrows.] ...Eh. People shouldn't be around 'em. That kinda energy isn't good even for humans. D'you know why they bother you so much?

[Yuri makes a soft 'uhhh' noise, trying to follow along as Kashuu dances around the subject at hand. Who was Haruji? Were there gardening spirits here or something?]

I don't-- Er, that is... I don't really know. If I can see "okay ones" too, I mean. I don't think I ever have... [Not that she could remember off the top of her head, at least. The "okay ones," to her, were just the ones who didn't attack her on sight, even if they were usually still gruesome in appearance.

To the other part of the question she can hazard a good guess, though, and she rests her arms on her drawn up knees. Fingers twist in the material around them as she glances off, thinking before she answers] I lived at the base of a mountain that's a pretty infamous suicide spot. That's probably why I only saw the "bad ones."

[And being someone who drifted between the line of living and dying probably doesn't help matters much. Probably they saw something of a "kindred spirit" in her. Oops.]

[He has trouble staying on one topic for long, lord... Though he definitely looks a little sympathetic at that, and the look increases the longer she talks.]

Huh... Those kinda spirits probably don't mean to be bad. [But if they're attacking her, they're still not good. He's quiet for a few seconds, thinking something over, and then:]

You should come meet some of my comrades sometime! They're all really good spirits. We have a little troop, too! [That probably makes no sense. He's basically just trying to introduce her to some of the better spirits, though, because it's a shame that someone with a tie to their world has only been able to see the ugly parts of it.] And Haruji - he summoned all of us, so you two might be able to talk about things, y'know? [SPIRITY THINGS, since they're both attuned and all!]

They don't. [Mean to be bad, she means, and she says it with firm conviction.] They were corrupted. It's not their fault, but dealing with them and cleansing them is difficult. [And probably won't be completed until Yuri can cleanse the entire mountain, which... Well, she's working on it, okay? It may or may not end with her death, but hey! Small price to pay, right?]

Haruji-- Oh. Haru-san? The saniwa? [At least that's a name she recognizes and she looks a tad embarrassed.]

We talked, a little, when I first arrived. He's nice. I joked he had a whole army, but I didn't know just how serious that was... [There are so many sword spirits she keeps running into. And it's not a refusal, even if she still seems a little reluctant. Not so much because they were spirits and all, but because interacting with people can be exhausting.]

Which one are you? [Wait, she means--] I don't know sword history very well or anything like that.

[Her conviction seems to convince him in turn, and he nods once at that, expression dropping into something solemn. Corruption again, huh?]

That sounds like a lot of hard work. [Since he assumes, just from what she's said so far, that she's got something to do with that clean-up... Nodding once in response to that, though! He looks a little more enthusiastic, but still more subdued than before, like the levity of the topic is still hanging around.]

Right, right! That's our saniwa. He really does have a whole army of us, y'know? There are only like, about fifteen here, I think - but back home, he has almost fifty. [Fifty swords... Kashuu also notices that brief reluctance, but doesn't press the topic just yet. Instead:]

I'm Kashuu Kiyomitsu! If you don't know the history well, that's fine. Just know that I'm a good sword! Hard to handle, but strong in battle. [...] And super good with fashion, too! [Just in case someone here needs a little help...]

[A hum of acknowledgement, because yes it's hard, exhausting work and she didn't want the responsibility of it, honestly.]

Fifteen of you... So, he's someone who could be quite dangerous if it came down to it. [It's not said accusingly or anything; she doesn't expect Haru to suddenly decide to take over or whatever, but it is a fact she's not afraid to state. While she's sure there's always someone stronger somewhere, there's strength in numbers.

She tries to remember if Haru said anything about this one, but she can't remember. Oops.] I see. I wonder if there are books here that can tell me more about that kind of thing. [A pause and she suddenly makes a face, remembering her last encounter at the library.] ...Not from the library.

[WAIT... WHAT WAS THAT FASHION COMMENT... Yuri eyes him, a tad suspicious, then glances down at herself again.] ...I really am just wearing this because of work. I don't dress like this because I like to.

If he wanted to, probably. [Kashuu admits it readily, since the Retrograding Army saniwa is basically proof of that. But:] But he wouldn't be! Haruji's one of the best humans I know. He's got a really big heart and he's super kind and he looks out for all of us.

[Will he ever be able to talk about Haru without gushing like a sappy mess? All sources point to "no". His nose wrinkles a little in turn at the mention of - well, both the books in general and the library in specific. He doesn't particularly like people reading up on him, but he's hoping it just reads as displeasure at the library, which is also Very Real.]

They seriously can't go a month without ruining something. [Ceres...

ALSO, SMILING AND NODDING like yes, yes! He believes her... (He may have some tiny doubts forming.)] Right! Right, 'cause it's for shrine maidens, yeah? It's a shame you keep getting stuck in it.

You really admire him a lot, huh? [She looks amused though, despite the general neutrality she keeps in her expression most of the time.

Look, if he just told her things, she wouldn't have to look him up in books!!] Do things like this happen every month? Maybe I should just become a hermit. [She's joking! May...be...]

Ah, well... It's what the shrine maidens at home used to wear. I suppose it makes sense they keep sticking me with it. And with jobs like this. [She touches at her hair a bit self-consciously and shrugs.] I have that spiritual power; If I don't use it to help people... [She trails off, not sure where she was going with that exactly.] If I don't use it to help people, I'd be letting Hisoka down, I suppose.

Edited 2015-12-13 22:24 (UTC)

Yep! Haruji's my most important person. [How can he say these thoroughly embarrassing things with such a straight face? That's the true mystery here...

Also gosh, he wants to live as a super cool and cute and strong sword and he can't do that if he tells her about himself!! It's better if she just leaves the past in the past! But, as for the question:]

Preeetty much. They were kinda missing for a while since Maris really did a number on the place, but I heard something goes wrong every couple of weeks or so, like clockwork. [This is the first real memory/personality/mental-altering event Kashuu has been through himself, though he's heard of them happening before, and he'd honestly join her in her hermiting if it started happening more frequently...

But he'll save talks of becoming a hermit for later, refocusing instead on that pause and the emphasis that follows.]

Hisoka? S'that an important person? [Must be, if Yuri's doing this for them.] But it's good, y'know. Using your abilities like that - it's a good thing, I think.

Who's Maris? I'm afraid I don't really know much about the history of this place either. [She really should buckle down and do some research so... This was as good a place to start as any, asking questions and all.]

Hisoka is-- [Yuri pauses, hesitating. How does she describe Hisoka?] She's... [Everything?? Literally Yuri's savior? Her fingers curl into her clothes, her expression far away.] Hisoka is... my most important person. [To steal Kashuu's line, though she at least blushes while she says it.]

She taught me how to use my power, and also... That I wasn't a freak for having them. She saved me.

Oh, sorry— he's one of the elemental spirits! There's Occidi, Ardeo, that guy and Caeli and they're earth, fire, water and air, I'm pretty sure. They tried to save us from the colony last month buuut... well, it didn't work out super well 'cause our codes can't be supported that far from this place. [His nose wrinkles a little at that since he still doesn't entirely understand it, but it's a bit too over his head, either way.

As far as that goes, though - he certainly understands what it's like to have a most important person, so there's no judgment on his face. He just nods once, like it makes all the sense in the world.]

She saved you, huh? Then she must be a really good person, too.

I see... Then, they don't like or trust CERES either? There doesn't seem to be a lot working in their favor. Does anyone actually like them here? Besides themselves.

[But his comment about Hisoka gets an automatic response, Yuri not even having to think about it] She is. She's... She's a lot better than I deserve, honestly.

Right, right. Uh... I don't think so! [BLUNTLY. Poor CERES, sitting alone at the metaphoric lunch table.] Y'know, I'm not even sure if all of CERES likes CERES, either. [Some of the things he's heard about Mosley comes to mind...

That said:] If she was your friend, she probably didn't think that, yeah?

Doesn't that work to our favor though? If something happens, it's easier to destroy it from the inside out... Right? [Maybe she shouldn't be thinking that way haha... ha.] I mean, if we can make allies on the inside-- Ah, sorry. Maybe I'm thinking too seriously about this.

I don't know. I suppose... [She thinks of Hisoka's journal entries. Maybe I'm drawn to Yuri, and she to me, because we are both fighting against the current.

She thinks, in some bitter part of her mind, that she's supposed to be a redemption for Hisoka. She wonders, too, if she can live up to that expectation.] I don't want to disappoint her, that's all.

No, that's not a bad idea. A lot of warlords use that kinda tactic, y'know? The drawback is that you can't ever really trust someone on the inside who started there, though - and it'd be a bad idea to try infiltrating 'cause those guys seem to know everything about us and we don't know anything about them.

[A lose-lose situation... Or at least nowhere near as solid as he's sure many people would like for it to be.

But since he's a very tactile existence, he reaches out after that, lightly touching Yuri's shoulder - a very brief touch though, since he can also tell she's probably the exact opposite of tactile.]

If you do your best, that's all anyone can ask for, right? ...Something like that, anyway. Haruji says stuff like that a lot. [He still has trouble getting it, but it sounds like a nice thing that Yuri might need to hear.]

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You wake up a stranger to yourself [OPEN]

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