estoria | [ losing my edge ϟ open ]

Entry tags:

[ losing my edge ϟ open ]

Who: hawkeward moment and whoever else wants to encounter her!
When: various times! but generally post-event because hawke continues not to respect cerealia at all
Where: the church, novus, and trader ceres
What: hawke the bird wonder aggressively ignoring the wrongness of cerealia once again
Rating/Warning: this is a blatant dehiatus general open log, there's not much to say about it

one. or this would be sacrilegious if it wasn't hawke

[ today, anyone who enters the church will be graced with the blessed sounds of -- of snoring. it's not a heavy snore, not one of those gross mucus filled ones that turn a person's stomach, but a snore nonetheless and the culprit isn't immediately visible. this is because the culprit, who is hawke, is sleeping away on one of the pews off towards the back, in the shadows. she's actually quite hidden away, a passing glance would dismiss her and she has a sweater tucked under her head for a pillow. sure, she's sleeping in a church but it isn't as if she wants to disturb anyone. really, that'd be rude!

look, she doesn't really have an apartment right now and the ghosts were kind of aggressive and just -- let the woman nap.

or don't, actually. there's a dog hanging around there too that would be plenty happy with getting up and going to do something else. he might even help you wake her up! ]

two. or this isn't an episode of jessica jones i swear

[ to any poor soul walking past novus this evening (or even at novus), they will see a scruffy looking woman being unceremoniously thrown out of the bar. she stumbles, obviously not very steady on her feet but she manages to catch herself anyway. a sour look as the door slams behind her and she lifts a hand to wipe at the blood on her cut lip before calling out. (which, uh, hawke did you get in another bar fight?) ]

One would think you'd be more charitable! With what, us being the ones who suffer this city the most!

[ hawke eternally has a bone to pick with ceres and cerealia as a whole and while she refuses -- outright refuses -- to get more involved than necessary (this won't be kirkwall 2.0, alright), she doesn't mind freeloading to get what she's due. of course, in a hypercapitalistic city like this, that's not regarded so highly and novus isn't above showing her such. it's a seedy bar anyway! and their drink is poor! that's what hawke's opinion is and after a moment of just scowling at the place, she may notice you. ]

Ah, out for a night on the town, are you?

three. or at least it isn't whole foods (of ceres)

[ trader ceres is overpriced and understocked yet here hawke finds herself anyway. she needs food and still finds the more modern street food served at the food stop too rich for her tastes so, she generally sticks to making her own until she can adapt. when you're from ye olde times, chili cheese dogs are just a bit too much for your stomach.

today, hawke is in the pastry aisle, carrying a basket filled with a variety of things. rice crackers, bread, a huge cut of meat, poptarts. those are the things that can be found in her basket. she's also truly rocking the lazy morning food shopping look, in her sweatpants and grandpa sweater, untied sneakers on her feet and disheveled hair. hawke is just slowly becoming less and less respectable as days go on and no one could really predict that this woman has saved thedas twice over and can kill things ten times her size. come on, she's impressive!

but she isn't very impressive today as she reaches out and grabs a pack of blueberry muffins. she sniffs it, trying to see if it's good enough for her old timer stomach, but the plastic is too much and she lets out a frustrated noise after a moment. ]

It's as if they want you to pay for it before you know if it's edible at all.

[ which is so rude, obviously. hawke's just going to glare at the package a moment longer before looking up and whoever is close by -- ]

Hey, you! Do you know if these are any good?

[ she shakes the muffins a little in gesture and is, well, genuinely asking. help a bro out? ]

misc. or i'm really rusty with open logs

[ and if any of those prompts don't work, but you still want a hawke -- feel free to tag anyway! or hit me up and we can plot something out. thanks for readin'! ]

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[ Dipper, stacking every pineapple he can reach into his shopping cart (it's for his job, honest), glances over with a distinct look of "are you talking to me?" on his face. 9 out of 10 times, they aren't talking to him. His skepticism is valid. But no! There doesn't seem to be anyone else nearby in the muffin-pineapple aisle. She really does seem to be talking to him. ]

Uhhhh - I actually haven't tried the blueberry ones. Lemon, though? The lemon ones are where it's at.

[ Would you trust this kid's opinion, though. Look at how many pineapples he has. ]

[ don't worry, dipper. hawke is that special kind of protag that strikes up conversations in the middle of nowhere and also talks to herself a lot. she is in fact, talking to you.

for a moment, hawke is going to be distracted by that seriously impressive mountain of pineapples. her mouth opens once, twice, but then she closes it and just frowns. let's not ask about the pineapples yet. ]

Lemon muffins. Wouldn't they be sour?

[ hawke does not have much experience with citric pastries, no. ]

[ Glancing between her and his pineapples. What, this is perfectly normal. ]

Not really? You know, I'm not sure if there's actually any lemon in them, or if it's just artificial flavoring stuff... [ Hey, if it tastes good, don't question it too much.

Actually, now he's overthinking this. ] I mean, they'd need preservatives anyway to have long shelf life, but would lemon cooked into bread go bad? Any sooner than bread usually goes bad, that is...

[ And finally, a shrug. ] I guess you could check the label.

[ yes. "normal" -- you know, jury's still out on whether or not pineapples actually exist in thedas too. this may actually be the first time hawke's ever seen a pineapple. chew on that, dipper.

but the more he talks, the more looks sicker and sicker. artificial flavor. preservatives. labels. all the terms used for things hawke's been trying more and more to avoid in cerealia. her ye olde medieval stomach can't take this junk!! ]

Perhaps... perhaps I will skip the muffins for now? Or make my own. Yes, that seems like the wiser choice.

[ just... awkwardly putting down the muffin back then. does she look a little green? she totally looks a little green. ]

[ What a distinguished moment he gets to be a part of.

And wow, he really didn't sell those well at all, did he? Good thing he's just a delivery boy (of pineapples, apparently) and not a muffin salesman. He would so not be hitting his quota. ]

Thaaaat's fair, I guess. Though if you're worried about the muffins, you might want to worry about those, too.

[ He points to the Poptarts in her basket.

Hey, he loves them, personally. But if she thought the muffins sounded unhealthy... ]

[ congrats, dipper.

but yes, the best way to sell something as tasty is to talk about how many preservatives it has. stick with your day (pineapple) job, kid.

meanwhile, hawke looks down at her basket and up at dipper with a frown. shit. ]

I shouldn't known something so colorful really would betray me in the end. Maker, there has to be some kind of food in this time that doesn't take a whole bunch of chemicals to make.

[ sadly she is just going to dump the poptarts back on the shelf. that isn't the right shelf, no, but it'll get cleaned up, right....... ]

What about you? Why do you have so many... [ gestures to the pineapples ] ... fruits?

[ He feels marginally guilty about ruining Poptarts for her - seriously, who does that - but all the same, it's better that she knows the truth!!

The truth is a sad, Poptart-less existence. Unless you just don't care about preservatives, like him. Then again, he's a growing boy. He'll eat just about anything.

...But not this many pineapples. ]

Oh, it's for work. [ Which doesn't really explain anything. ] I mean - I'm a delivery boy. Sometimes I get really weird requests, like "pick up 30 pineapples from Trader CERES and bring them to this address". Believe it or not, I've had weirder.

[ Then, more to himself than to her: ] Noooot sure how I'm going to get these on my bike, actually...

[ she appreciates the honesty?! but when he explains his reasoning, she just tilts her head and examines the cart. well, if hawke knows how to do one thing: it's how to do an odd job. ]

Take the cart. Find some rope, tie it to the handle, the other end to your bike and there you go. Should work just as well as anything else!

[ hawke, you just suggested theft. she's picking up one of those pineapples now to inspect it, actually. ]

[ Dipper nods along with her suggested solution. That would work pretty well, except for the one glaring problem. ]

That's a good idea in thoery, but I can't exactly just take the cart from the store.

[ He's PRETTY SURE THAT'S FROWNED UPON. Though the fact that he's actually sorta considering it speaks to the (questionable) influence Grunkle Stan has had in his life. ]

[ don't... don't say things like that to dipper because hawke just sort of grins in a really dangerous way and looks a little too sharp for a woman in sweatpants and a grandpa sweater. ]

Why not?

[ this is leading into dangerous territory, friend. ]

Because it's kind of stealing.

[ But now that he's thinking about it... ]

I mean, I'd totally bring it back. Why would I keep a shopping cart? So it'd just be like a short term loan. No harm done.

[ Why must he be so good at rationalizing. ]

[ this is the type of thinking hawke likes. she just bounces on her toes a little as dipper follows the train of thought, her grin spreading wider. yes, yes, tiny one, do terrible things. ]

Exactly. They would miss it for no more than a second if so, and you can take care of your errands with little stress! Why, it might even be quite a lot of fun! Much more than it ever would be if you were to carry around bags upon bags of these pineapples.

[ worst adult ever. ]

[ Man, all good points. When he looks at it like that, what's holding him back? It's not like there's any real law enforcement that's gonna hunt him down for it, anyway...

He glances at the shopping cart, so burdened with apples of pine, and then glances back at Hawke.

A grin breaks over his face. ]

Okay, let's do it.

[ Somewhere out in the cosmos, Grunkle Stan sheds a single tear. ]

[ hawke punches the air a little at dipper's agreement because good, yes. you're a great tiny person, dipper. ]

Excellent! Now, let's make our escape. Quickly now.

[ but has he... even paid for the pineapples yet...! hawke doesn't even bother asking, just setting her basket down and quickly walking towards the exit, gesturing for dipper to follow. this is spiraling out of control super quickly, it is. ]

[ He's too excited about this brazen heist to even realize he hasn't paid yet, caught up in this questionable adrenaline rush.

Instead, he just pushes the cart along, picking up speed, even jumping onto the back of it to ride it like a chariot of glory. ]

Oh man, I can't believe we're really doing this!

[ #thuglife ]

[ hawke's just going to run alongside dipper to keep up with the cart, yes! there's a passing trader ceres robot that spots them and looks befuddled but they're going 2fast2furious that all it gets a chance to do is let out a "hey, wait". you can't stop these two, they're the bonnie and clyde of shopping cart theft! ]

Of course we are, kid! Look at their faces, those shambling pieces of metal can't do anything to stop you.

[ pfft, robots. who needs 'em? ]

[ That's right, they can't!!!

As he rides the back of the shopping cart to a glorious escape, he has a moment of "ohgodwhatamidoingthisiscrazypleasestopthistrainiwanttogetoff" but does he head that little voice of reason in his head?

NOT TODAY. This is his little piece of rebellion. Take that, CERES! He's in your shops, stealing your pineapples! ]

Right! I'll just - explain everything when I bring the cart back, just in case.

[ suck it up, dipper!! you are a rebel now and you even have a cause: the liberation of pineapples from trader ceres. it's a noble cause, one that should be reveled. at least, that's what hawke would say.

also ceres can probably afford this, right? probably. ]

Well, I suppose if you want to be a wet blanket about it, sure.

[ hawke, you literally said he could bring the cart back and everything would be fine just a few minutes ago. ]

[ They can probably afford it. I mean, if they're all just code anyway, the pineapples probably are, too, right? How much does a code of pineapple cost? Nothing. You can copy/paste that biz as much as you want.

Or something like that. ]

I don't want to be a wet blanket! [ Said in the most wet-blankety manner ever. They're through the door now, though! Fresh air, freedom! ] Wow, I can't believe that actually -

[ And then, after a few feet, the wheels on the shopping cart lock. The cart skids to a stop and Dipper, its hapless driver, flies over the handle and into the pineapple-laden basket. ]

[ that is faulty logic and is going to get you arrested, dipper. just like this shopping cart!

that said, hawke opens her mouth to interject with probably another insult when -- oh. oh that's embarrassing. she skids to a halt then, stumbling a little before catching herself and turning to dipper. one hand goes to her head, the other to her hip as her eyebrow furrows, taking in this really pathetic scene. ]

Oh, Maker. What did you do?

[ because this is obviously a dipper thing and not a they're breaking the law thing. ]

[ At first, he's just glad the pineapples broke his fall and he didn't land in a heap on the pavement. But after that moment passes, he realizes he just landed in a cart full of pineapples and it was actually quite uncomfortable. Ow.

From his hapless grave of pineapples: ] Iiiiii probably deserve that.

[ He twists to look through the metal wiring on the cart to the wheels below. ]

I guess the wheels locked? Must be some kind of...anti-theft precaution.

[ you know, hawke's just going to marvel at how small dipper is instead of doing anything productive. he really is just drowning in that pool of pineapples, huh? gosh. what a small kid. ]

Yeah, you really did.

[ hawke, you're no help here. she just drops her hands to tuck them into her pockets and rocks on her feet a little. ]

I guess that's why no one was chasing us. I could break the lock, if you want to still go through with it.

[ probably. then there's probably a high chance of them getting attacked by robots. do you want to get attacked by robots, dipper? was that on your morning to do list?

... it was probably on hawke's. ]

[ No, he would prefer not to get attacked by robots, especially considering he now has several sets of pineapple-inflicted bruises to deal with.

And he still just...lays there. Miserably. Questioning his decisions and place in the universe...okay, maybe not that. ]

I think I've done enough damage for one shopping trip. [ That's damage to himself, by the way. ] But...thanks?

[ ????? ]

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[ losing my edge ϟ open ]

three, belatedly barrel rolls in here

aw yeah

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