The thing about Cerealia is, there really isn't any nature to be found here. Sure, you can go outside the walls of the city and explore the land beyond but who wants to risk a terrible, horrible death just to sniff the flowers? Not you, that's who! CERES understands that, CERES sympathizes, and sometimes CERES decides to take action when such problems arise. As part of the company's current "Healthier and Happier YOU" initiative, they've decided to let everyone get back in touch with nature a little.
Via ViViD.
Of course, this being CERES, the nature they've sent everyone to is more of a swamp. The place is disgusting, a real marvel of ViViD ingenuity and it smells like the dead. There's strange rustling among the leaves from creatures that may or may not want to eat you, and random pits that open up right under your feet with the goal of sending you straight into the marsh. It's not really that fun. There's no welcome sign either, no nothing except for swamplands as far as the eye can see.
Welcome to ViViD!  This is Mosley. One of our programmers forgot to include a welcome greeting for the level this time. How incompetent can you get? He's been fired now, it's fine. Instead, I will greet you today. Lucky you! You've been invited today to participate in CERES's "Healthier and Happier YOU" level where we've combined both physical exercise and relaxing meditation into the ultimate ViViD experience. Isn't that fun? You can... go camping and stuff. Or whatever. I don't... know...
Honestly, I don't even care. Have fun.
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PHASE I [ 6 00 ] Welcome to your new healthy living training ground! What does a swamp have to do with healthy living, you may ask? Absolutely nothing! To make up for it, CERES has outfitted all players with the proper equipment for their new healthy living lifestyle. They also may or may not have let you keep your shoes based on how benevolent the ViViD gods were being at the time. (Not very.)
Oh, and all newcomers will have something additional on their fancy new yoga shirt. It will be displayed loudly and proudly all over the front and back of it. And if you're one of the few not wearing a shirt, it will be on the back of your pants. As in, your butt. It will be on your butt.
What’s ViViD trying to say, anyway?
Regardless, it probably doesn’t matter as much as finding your way through the swamp. Some sort of dry land would be really nice right now, wouldn't it? You'll have to watch out for the mud that will suck you right down under the marsh, and the creatures with lots of teeth that will never surface from the mud but won't hesitate to snap up an unwary foot or two.
CERES is sure you'll be fine. Totally and completely fine.
PHASE II [ 800 ] Eventually, if you try really, really hard, you’ll make it to a house. Actually, it’s more of a shack, really. If you clamber your way out of the mud and the gunk and the marsh into said shack, you will find it to be empty aside from a table. A table hosting a huge pile of... well, health drinks. See, there's totally a health theme in this level. CERES would never make a ViViD level that wasn't thematically appropriate. Never! Health drinks of all sorts and types and sizes can be found here and there’s even a sign too; it simply says:
Take one.
Well, that seems safe.
Unfortunately, you won’t be able to leave said shack until you do take one. And drink it. The door will lock shut and cover itself in more swamp until you do. Yay. Depending on your luck, the drink may do the following to you: ➟ Cause your ViViD experience to glitch. This may involve phasing through walls, seeing everything in 8-bit, or hearing really annoying old video game music everywhere you go.
➟ Cause status effects. This can include suddenly moving incredibly slowly, being turned to stone for a period of time, suddenly being on fire, suddenly being poisoned, etc etc.
➟ Be healthier. Mmm, kale and hummus smoothie. Taste those veggies. If you try to take more than one, that’s fine too, nobody will stop you, but you probably won’t get lucky more than once.
PHASE III [ 900 ] And back you go, out into the swampy wilderness. Don’t give up! Keep going! Eventually, you’ll find the end of this level. Probably.
Eventually, though, you may stumble across something in the mud and the muck. It’s... a little doll?
In fact, it’s a little doll of one of your most important people (or, alternatively, of someone you absolutely hate). It might be someone in Cerealia currently, or someone who isn’t, but either way, the doll is there and it’s clearly them (covered in mud and all). Be careful, though. If you toss it aside, you’ll suddenly see that important person being tossed aside. If you cut the doll, you'll suddenly see that person bleeding. Even if they aren’t present in Cerealia, whatever happens to that doll, you'll see it happening to them. Is it a hallucination or are they actually there? That's a little more up in the air.
And if they are present in Cerealia, well... doing things to that doll might very well hurt them too -- for real, this time, though.
Be careful! Or don't. You do you, as CERES would say.
PHASE IV [ 1200 ] And then, eventually you reach a quiet, swampy area. Not that the rest of the swamp isn't swampy, this area is just extra swampy.
There’s very little happening here in this swampy place; even the birds are no longer squawking. And for a long moment, everything will remain quiet and peaceful, a place of reprieve... until the swamp begins to bubble. Then suddenly, a new friend will burst out of the swamp, showering mud and gunk everywhere.
Without warning, that creature is going to try to grab for the nearest person (it might be you!) and let out a mighty roar when they have them. Then, they'll hold them up to... read the nutrition facts on their shirt? What?
Of course, it will try to gobble you or whoever else it grabs if it finds, say, the salt content to be acceptable (the monster is watching their carbs). If it's not, then they'll just fling you away and move onto the next snack. For those without a handy nutrition facts label on your shirt, well, it might just take a gamble and try to eat you anyway.
Great. A health-conscious monster. That's just what this level needed.
BONUS [ xxxx ] Finally, you’re free of the game. Without warning, you’re dumped into Cerealia properly and you’re able to scrub the mud and gunk from your clothing (wait why did that come back with you and where are your normal clothes?). You're able to then make your way to your new place of residence (or old) and...
There is a tiny tree there waiting for you. Isn’t it cute? And if you take care of this tiny tree, it will eventually bear fruit! Tiny fruit. Itty bitty fruit.
Depending on which tiny tree you get, it will be one of the following: a tiny dildo tree, a tiny bacon tree, a tiny kazoo tree, a tiny carolina reaper tree, or a (dumb) tiny hats tree.
Everything will, naturally, be tiny. Enjoy your new healthy CERES gift!
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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jfc future son-in-law or w/e
Anakin is at a loss, his confusion still aggravated by the annoyance--getting duller, at least--of the noise resounding between his ears, one he figures is a personal malady, since this stranger doesn't seem afflicted by it, or really even surprised at all.
Figures.]
Anakin Skywalker, though I assume you knew that. [Look, he tried for pleasantries, where is his compliment for that much?] So, how was it that we met?
[For now, he doesn't remark on the linear time bit: he's still chewing on it, between whatever this is and a 14-year-old living embodiment of his older master, he's familiar with it, but he doesn't quite understand it.]
Re: jfc future son-in-law or w/e
[Longer than he's actually willing to go into. There is no way him being the guy who tells Anakin about Darth Vader can possibly end well. Actually, he's not convinced anyone telling Anakin about Darth Vader can possibly end well. It certainly hadn't in Luceti!]
It was actually in another place where they grab people across time and universes. I can't explain it but let's put it this way: I'm married to your daughter.
no subject
A Jedi with children? The concept is laughable, and he knows damned well that--if this insane claim is true--that this would be the only thing left that the Council would need to kick him out of the Order. There's no way that whatever he's supposed to give them as their chosen (as if he ever possibly had a choice in any of it?) would outweigh such a flagrant disregard for the Jedi Code.
He's always had a habit of disobeying, enough for it to be a useful trait when the universe tilts to the side just right, but that crosses such an obvious line that he's not quite sure how to take it.
Though, truthfully, the same could be said for his wife, future children or no. So is it that unreasonable?]
My daughter.
[He doesn't sound like he believes it, the mimic coming back in a soft monotone that belies more confusion than straight disbelief.]
And what am I in this universe, a moisture farmer?
no subject
Though at least his conversations with Padme have clarified some of the confusion. He sure prefers Luke's take on these things.]
The galaxy changes a lot. Including the Jedi. Kids are only at the Academy part of the year. The rest of the time, they're with their families.
no subject
Except no, that's not quite it either, is it? He's too sincere about it, and his hallucinations are either exactly what he wants to hear or the worst-case-scenario. Which...what, makes it true?
He doesn't even know how to feel about this. All he can do is laugh.]
This--this is a joke, right?
no subject
You must have had some interesting comedians in your time.
[It's probably the firs time he's ever seen Anakin Skywalker laugh. He's really not sure what to do in that situation.]
There's about three decades of utter galactic upheaval between us.
no subject
[But, sadly, not all that surprising, even not knowing anything more than that the war he's still fighting had seemed pretty close to over, and felt like it was reaching a crescendo of...some point. It's a distant worry, ever present, but not here. Still, finding out that there's a significant period of backlash that follows?
It's the first part of this whole scenario that's actually made a modicum of sense. Galactic upheaval is Anakin Skywalker's second? third? middle name. If he'd had one and had been keeping track of how many times that particular idea's run through his head recently. Galactic upheaval got him off a wasteland of a backwater planet (with no "water" to speak of, semantics), galactic upheaval landed him in Padme's arms (so to speak), got him a promotion within the order, and into a war that felt far more comfortable--maybe too much so--than his conflicting orders of "peacekeeping" ever had.
Galactic upheaval is tangible. He understands it, and it's been a constant for the last 13 years or so, at least as far as he remembers being a part of it directly, so to hear that it lasts another 30 just seems like more of the same. And he's benefited directly from it in a number of ways.
But then, there's still that pesky question of "balance" and what the point of that is even supposed to be. (Or why a few decades seems to be a benchmark before it just...ends rather conveniently without explanation.)]
But it sounds like your timeline's the one with the better comedians.
[If nothing else, this is the best distraction from the situation at hand that he's had since arrival. It...could be worse?]
Honestly, have you considered a new day job, beyond whatever you--what do you do?
[You know, in interest of that daughter he supposedly has, right?]
no subject
Officially, I'm special security detail to the Chief of State.
[Sounds pretty good for 'yeah it's easier if you stay active so you keep your security clearance']
In practice, I'm basically a stay at home dad. Once things started settling down, Leia's skills were needed more than mine.
[Surprise your daughter's a politician]
no subject
[He says it in a breathy reverence that honestly belies his shrinking doubt. It's a beautiful name, Padme's influence if he'd ever heard it. If this is true.
But the coincidences begin to stack, perfectly fitted pieces of a puzzle he'd yet to even start piecing together, and they become harder and harder to ignore, no matter how much he wants to. No matter how unfair he thinks this is, when he has to hear it from a stranger and not the people who matter the most.
Future son-in-law or not, this certainly doesn't count.
But somehow, when he thinks about it--now, because the war hadn't left much time for dalliances, let alone to sit and consider their consequences--a daughter seems perfectly fitting. Strong in the force, strong like her mother, he imagines they must look similar too, if the universe is at all kind.
But the assumption misses Solo's recollection in one key area:]
My daughter is Chief of State? [He sounds caught between incredulous and impressed.] Of the Republic?
[From Solo this doesn't sound like a line, and Anakin feels nothing to imply that it's a lie so it must be in some universe, whether truly his or one of the many he's already seen. So in that case, while certainly Padme's influence through and through, this story says nothing of the girl's force potential.
And there's no way that's not present. Not, of course, if this is true.]
no subject
She is. Damn good at it too.
[No need to go into the elaborate route to and from Republic. There's a lot he doesn't feel the need to go into.]
And your son is in charge of the Jedi Order. He's the one who changed it.
[From a certain point of view]
no subject
But with the right influence, he finds that this is a reveal he doesn't mind all that much. Disagreements or no, Padme has a head on her shoulders, and cares even beyond that chamber where so many of her peers don't.
It's the second half of this that leaves him gaping and surprised all over again. Just when he's starting to come around to the idea...]
Wait--there's more than one?
[IN CHARGE OF THE ORDER?]
no subject
[And what a story that is that he is so not about to share because it will only bring pain.]
You'd barely recognize the galaxy.
[Which also leaves out a lot of details. He's becoming fond of leaving out details.]
no subject
But...it sounds so familiar, too much so, to be so easily made up. These children, grown in their own right in another time, he supposes, take after their parents with alarming similarity and supposed alacrity, that it's that much more difficult to write off.
Huh. Maybe things can change.]
Sounds like a cop-out to me. You're telling me I have adult children and I'd "barely recognize the galaxy"?
[He scoffs lightly.]
Are they happy? [A pause.] Are they here?
no subject
They are. Very busy, but it's work that makes a difference, and that makes them happy.
[The look on Han's face at the last question might just remind Anakin of when Padme's not around]
Leia was, for a while. People disappear, sometimes. And they'll come back, too. It's a bit frustrating.
no subject
[The look--one he's intimately familiar with any time Padme comes up in discussion or otherwise--just isn't enough. Overwhelmed as he already is with the sudden change of pace of arrival, combined with a lot of difficult-to-swallow surprises, he gets a response like this, and something in him cracks.
He would be ripping the galaxy apart to put this all back to rights, right now even, had he the resources at his disposal. (
Luckily, that's not the case.) The idea that he has to suck it up and wait, hinging hope on the case that none of what he was told upon arrival is true, and worse, that he'll get used to it enough to talk about it so openly...it's woefully not enough.And if anything has been unfathomable to this point, it's that.]
no subject
[He'd finally gotten the hang of parenting teenagers! And then there were no more teenagers in the apartment.]
People do turn up again though. She's done it before.