my oh my such strange supplies

[faceplate]

Who: faceplate & YOU! & w/ zerotohiro, undaunts, and specialization
When: IC 8/11 OOC 7/22
Where: One of Zer0's sniper nests, hanging around in creepy locations, just Around.
What: Zer0 is literally an assassin. BUT ALSO, AN ASSHOLE.
Rating/Warning: Discussion of murder, maybe gore.

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< a | SEEKING GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT. >
[ since their arrival a few months ago, zer0 hasn't technically had a job. the options first offered were all public-performance-based (street poet, enka singer, sword dancer), and they'd become more involved with... less legal pursuits rather than above-board employment.

now given some free time, zer0 is taking the opportunity to look at new jobs. like petting some cybuddies. their four fingered hands are currently carefully cradling a rabbit cybuddy in the pet shop as they crouch in the corner of a small petpen, all folded gangly body-armored limbs.

this really doesn't seem like a suitable job, but they're putting a good ten minutes into the trial period before setting the rabbit down and then literally disappearing from the scene.

having left their hologram behind to hide their tracks, the real zer0 is standing on the roof of the building, looking a bit more hunched and tense than usual. ]

< b | I, ROBOT. >
[ the idea of ocular implants sets a low, burning fury alight in zer0. for someone usually so focused, the anger is an interesting change of pace.

zer0 is spending the night prowling around warehouses, seeking out robots of all kinds (service, maintenance, pleasure, etc.) and whisking them out of sight for further investigation. ]

< c | FAIR GAME. >
[ wildcard/open option! ]

[ some closed prompts below. ]

Comments

c

[decoyhero]

[You can take the pathetic excuse for a human being out of college, but you can't take the college out of the pathetic excuse for a human being.

Or something.

A man's gotta eat, though, and all Jack knows how to cook is ramen. He's also decent at spreading peanut butter on bread. Cheetos and microwave popcorn are self-explanatory, and he never had to learn how to drink Mountain Dew, so he figures he's set for a little while on the food front. He's got it all piled neatly in a bag (the cashier did the bagging), and he's carrying it home with...well, not a spring in his step, but he's not feeling too bad about life in general at this particular time. For once.

That "not bad" feeling lasts for oh, maybe five minutes. He's walking past a fairly busy intersection, full of normal-looking people and robots going about what he assumes are their normal people and robot days, when something catches his eye. A quick glance away from where he's walking is all it takes for disaster (basically the story of his life).]

Shit! Sorry!

[All it takes is a moment's distraction and he's walking right into some poor asshole minding his own business, and spilling his precious food as a result. Even as he makes his hasty apology he drops to his knees, desperate to rescue his cheetos and ramen before someone steps on them.]

[faceplate]

[ normally zer0 wouldn't run into people, but everyone has bad days. maybe that's part of why they also fail to step over the mess and one of their feet lands squarely on a pack of ramen.

crunch. ]

Jack.

[ zer0's hand falls to the hilt of their sword instinctively upon seeing his face, but they don't draw it. being in public and under laws is so troublesome. ]

[decoyhero]

[It's difficult to tell if the sinking sensation in his stomach is a result of hearing the telltale CRUNCH of a packet of ramen being crushed underfoot, or from hearing the sound of his name being spoken in a terrifyingly familiar voice. He'd never actually officially met the owner of said voice, but working for who he'd worked for, he was familiar with it nonetheless.

He looks up slowly.]

Uh. He-heey. Zer0, right?

[This is bad. This is really, really bad. He feels like his life is going to start flashing before his eyes any second. All of his extremely poor decisions will pop up one more time to remind him what a complete and utter failure at life he is. Was. Definitely was. Zer0's hand sure is on the hilt of his sword. Not surprising, all things considered. At least it'll be quick? Probably? He hopes?]

Would it, uh, would it be a lot to ask if I could, uh, have a last meal before you murder me? It shouldn't take more than an hour. Probably less. I know it sounds weird, but I was actually kinda looking forward to the ramen...

[faceplate]

[ zer0 does notice the lack of clips for a mask (they'd looked pretty closely at handsome jack's body after he died), but the guy totally looks like jack even after a second once-over. they don't move their hand from their weapon. ]

You're already dead. You should have stayed in the grave and remained dead, Jack.

[ no last weeaboo meals for you, buddy. ]

[decoyhero]

[Yeah, there's no weird creepy mask of his own face stapled on the burned and scarred ruin of his real face here! This million-dollar face is 100% plastic surgery!]

W-wait, what? Seriously?

[Wow, he sure went from sad about his lack of last dinner to strangely happy in like three seconds flat. What a weirdo, right?]

Like, for sure?

[The sheer delight on his face lasts for about another three seconds before another thought hits]

Oh, god, if he's dead that means I don't have a job anymore and I'm not even being paid to look like this, so now I just look like the universe's biggest asshole for free and people are going to be lining up to kill me - I mean, they already were, but at least I was pulling a paycheck, so it kind of balanced out...Shit...

[He's not a weeaboo, he's a poor college grad, gosh!!!

Okay maybe he's a little bit of a weeaboo

Also, sorry for the verbal diarrhea, Zer0.]

Uh, I've changed my mind. I don't need a last meal. Sorry for the trouble! If you could, uh, make it quick, though, that'd be great.

[faceplate]

[ this... doesn't sound like jack. his voice is sort of like jack's, and his face is exactly like jack's—mask. zer0 tilts their head to the other side, fingers wrapping around the handle of their blade slowly. ]

Are you really Jack?

[decoyhero]

[...That's not the quick death he just requested 8(

...But it is an unexpected question. Uh.]

No?

[Well, it's not like he hasn't answered this question already a few times since he's been here. It just feels weird to spill the beans to someone he actually recognizes, for once.]

I'm just the moron who signed on to be his body double because it seemed like a quick way to pay off my college loans.

It, uh, wasn't, by the way. I should've just defaulted...

[faceplate]

[ zer0 does not grant him a death immediately. instead they lean closer to get a better look at the sides of his face for any sign of mask-grafting, or a sign of the scars that lie beneath it. once they're satisfied that there aren't any: ]

Stupid.

[ is zer0's immediate condemnation of decoy-jack's choice. ]

Should kill anyway.

[decoyhero]

[He flinches when Zer0 leans in close, not at all comfortable with the proximity or with the way his face reflects back at him on the assassin's visor. He can't see through the face plate at all; there isn't even a hint of transparency to be seen in the barrier between Zer0's face and the rest of the world.

If the assassin even has a face back there, that is.

Creepy.]

Very stupid.

[What, were you expecting him to argue?]

And, uh, that's, that's up to you.

[He's not going to beg for life or for death. It's a little shocking to him how ambivalent he is toward either outcome, but...well, with the way his life has gone in the past couple years, maybe it shouldn't be so surprising.

"Hey, Mister, you dropped your stuff! Are you okay?"

By providence or by sheer dumb luck (or because they are kind of hosting this little personal drama on a fairly well-populated city street), a small...robot...child...child robot? It's bitty, and it's a robot, and its voice sounds like a little kid's voice...rolls up and helpfully begins picking up the strewn fruits of Jack's grocery shopping trip.]

Uh. Yeah. Thanks.

[It's a little weird moving to help the little robot tidy his own mess with probably certain death staring him in the face, but it'd be weirder letting the little robot do it all by itself. Jack may be an idiot and an asshole, but he's not a monster.]

[faceplate]

[ zer0 is tempted. sorely tempted. killing someone with handsome jack's face might be fun; his voice alone has gotten zer0 to the edge of murderous intention before.

but what's the point in killing someone who doesn't fight back?

zer0 deliberates while watching the tiny robot kid and fake-jack clean things up. they finger the hilt of their sword for a few more seconds, head cocked. once the fallen groceries have been put away, zer0 just crosses their arms. ]

You're boring.

[decoyhero]

I, uh...What? Oh.

[The little robot kid waves cheerfully and zooms away back to...whatever it is little robot kids do with their day, and Jack has nowhere to look but back up at Zer0.]

Oh, uh, yeah. Y'know, funny story, I hear that a lot? Usually from women...Well, mostly, from women...Why am I telling you this? Ugh, just shut up, idiot.

[That last comment is clearly directed at himself.

You know this loser is way too pathetic to kill, Zer0. Killing him would be right up (down?) there with kicking a puppy.]

[faceplate]

[ zer0 offers him only the response of ... and a silent look that somehow conveys dude, stop without any words or facial expression. ]

[decoyhero]

[Oh, he's having an ellipses flashed at him. Somehow that little red punctuation conveys more eloquently than any thousands of words what an enormous, total, and complete loser he is.

Not that he doesn't already know that.

It still sucks to have it spelled out for him, though.]

S-sorry.

[faceplate]

[ poor jack, really, unable to escape judgment even in a brand new collective world. zer0 doesn't move beyond a slight downward cant of their head at him before straightening up again and starting to walk away. ]

[decoyhero]

[It's the story of his life, lbr here.

He watches Zer0 walk away with a vague, weird sense of disappointment coupled with overwhelming relief. He's not sure why he's disappointed, but he knows he's relieved to still be alive...for a given value of "alive".

He really needs to start looking for a plastic surgeon.

...but first he's going back to his crummy little apartment and cooking his crummy cheap ramen.]