estoria | they are full of regret

[I swear it will happen this time--

But either way. Sousei's not particularly happy. It's been a little while since Soramaru disappeared, but nonetheless... it is when training someone else that he finds that this is just... not right. He's training people, but his protege is taken right out from under his nose as if he was never there.

Sousei gets home, and he's grim. He's not in a particularly bad mood, but he's definitely extra quiet as he walks back into their shared (and significantly emptier) home. It's ridiculous. But he supposes Kumous do have a way of worming their way in--and he really does miss his protege.

He's not ignoring Tenka, exactly, he's just...not starting any conversation, that's all.]

[we're so hopeful

Regardless, Tenka's scrounging up some poor attempt at dinner - aka trying to tend to whatever last leftovers Soramaru had prepared. It's amazing how easy it is to deal with extra food now that they're in the future. Yet as they slowly but surely rid themselves of the food that Soramaru already made, Tenka finds himself dreading the fact that they're eventually going to run out.

Then there really won't be any mark of his brother being there anymore.

So when Sousei wanders in and doesn't say anything, Tenka just shakes his head. Even without a single word, he can tell his partner's mood is off based on the lines on his face. He nudges him lightly then, bumping elbows and he tilts his head. His smile is one of friendliness and curiosity, though his eyes still contain traces of sadness.]

Yo. Welcome back.

[Though a few days ago, he could at least pretend to call this place 'home'.]

[... Right.

Tenka. Sousei doesn't think it'd be quite fair to bring up Soramaru to Tenka--even if he did leave his little brother to Sousei, he regretted it, and he's still his little brother. It must be just as painful in a different way for Tenka. So while he's usually willing to speak about what's irritating or bothering him, now... he's just not sure it'd be worth it.

Then again... leaving the elephant in the room isn't his style either.]

...Good evening. [hm... how to bring it up... what to say... he's just not sure right now.]

[ . . . . . in complete honesty, that manages to make him laugh. He covers his mouth with one hand as he turns away, shaking his head before he walks back into the kitchen.]

You're trying to avoid talking to me about something? Or are you just being dumb about emotions again?

[Sousei doesn't mince his words unless it's something that might hurt him - he's seen it when the other holds back his opinion when they talk about Shirasu, just for the sake of Tenka's fondness for the other man. It's a funny type of consideration but at the same time, Tenka doesn't really care for it.]

Just say it. I can take it.

[He'll be sure on Sousei's behalf, if only because there's only one, singular thing that could possibly be bothering the both of them right now.

The one single thing that Tenka won't be forgetting any time soon anyway.]

[Wow, Tenka, don't hold back or anything. In response to that, Sousei scoffs faintly, but under his breath, crossing his arms and looking Tenka over for a long moment.

And then, he admits--]

It is grating. This is the second time I have lost track of my protege.

[It's what Soramaru is to him now, and he doesn't really take that particularly lightly. He hates that it's that easy for this place to mess with someone who he decided to look after.]

[He's going to take the time it takes to put the food in the microwave, close the door, and pick out how long it's supposed to heat up for as time to figure out an answer to that.

That's right. Sousei took on Soramaru as his protege - Tenka remembers the fit of rage and jealousy that he'd been caught up in then when he remembers Soramaru telling him that he was seeking training from him instead. He'd asked Sousei to look after Soramaru too, just before he'd died.]

Didn't think you'd take either of our requests that seriously at the time.

[Soramaru wants to be stronger than him and Sousei was willing to get any dig in at Tenka - he was almost entirely certain that's why Sousei even entertained the idea at first. Sousei hadn't even truly acknowledged Tenka's request at the execution site-]

It's hard for you too, isn't it....

[He didn't even completely realize.]

[It's true--originally, he can't say that he took Soramaru on for any reason besides the fact that it was a dig at Tenka...that, and that he couldn't dismiss the gumption and effort Soramaru had put into the information he had brought. That would just be...too much, even for him.

Nonetheless...]

I did not seriously take him on because of you. [It sounds harsh, but it's not meant that way. He wants to be certain that Tenka knows that while he did decide to protect and look after Soramaru, it wasn't due to Tenka's request.

He had already resolved to. Soramaru had earned it all on his own. There were certainly other things Tenka's death had caused, but that was not one of them.]

He earned his place, and due to that, I owe him more than this.

[If Soramaru's going to call him "master", then... he owes him protection and care as well as teaching. He knows there was nothing he could do about it here, but... it's still irritating. Twice now... Twice. So though he doesn't answer that statement, it's true--it is hard.]

[At the very least, Tenka doesn't really need an answer. That alone is enough for him. So he just chuckles faintly at that. Soramaru's gone now - but Tenka remembers with clarity the pride he'd felt in his younger brother when he saw him again for the first time. "Of course I'm alright," he'd said.

Tenka just grins. His little brother became so cheeky.]

I would be pissed if you did it just for me. .... Soramaru's always been in a rush to grow up.

[And he's remarkable in his own right. True, he's not as strong as Tenka, but no one is except for Sousei. Knowing that Sousei took on Soramaru based on his own actions.... it fills Tenka with pride. Sousei's not easy to impress, after all.]

.... but we both owe him more than this. [He rubs the back of his neck then, sighing.] I really hate this place sometimes....

[Well...they can both be proud of Soramaru--and both be a little unhappy that they weren't able to give him what he deserved after all. Sousei's protege...Tenka's little brother. They both have reasons to look out for him and protect him and want the best for him and want to see him grow.

And now he's gone.

He simply nods at that, crossing his arms.]

It is a sense of powerlessness. [to not be able to do a single thing...] ...Neither have us have ever dealt well with that.

[He quirks an eyebrow at that, if only because-]

Ah? When's the last time you felt powerless?

[Tenka's been resigned for ten years.

But ever since Sousei took on the Yamainu, it's hard for him to imagine a situation where he felt anything similar. Call it... a morbid sort of curiosity.]

[... why would you ask that? Morbid curiosity or not, it's not a question he wants to answer. But still... Tenka has answered questions he didn't want to answer also.

And so, Sousei simply looks away, arms still crossed, expression tightening. He's felt powerless a lot lately as well. Tenka may not recognize it, but... it took Sousei a long time to break away from that feeling and stop following orders that he thought he had no choice but to deal with.

And...the event that started all of that...?]

... Your execution.

[Of course he felt powerless then.]

Even at the end, I could not get you to answer me. [and he never would have been able to stop it, even if he'd wanted to.]

[Tenka asks the questions he's curious about --

Though it's pretty clear from the expression that he makes that he wasn't expecting that answer. It's as if Sousei gripped him by the collar again and he can feel the vague chokehold against his throat.

He'd refused to tell Sousei the entire truth then, even though he'd told Shirasu and Botan about the experiments mere hours before. It had made sense to him at the time. Everything that he had done made sense to him at the time - or perhaps he just didn't want to go with regrets.

If nothing else, he could pretend.]

.... Ha, that was a bad day for a lot of people, wasn't it?

[It's easier than admitting he hurt so people just by being... gone.]

[A bad day for a lot of people.... that's the easy way to put it. Sousei huffs quietly at that, a short sound, devoid of any amusement at all. Yeah. Yeah, that was a bad day for a lot of people. He doesn't even really want to dwell on it, but...]

...Yes.

You cannot expect people to lose their sun and remain well. [because..that's what Tenka was for their home. The sun amidst the cloudy skies--

And Sousei's, too, though he's making this less about him if only because it's easier that way.]

[ . . . . . their sun, huh. Tenka's suffered through enough of the comparisons - Sousei had been one of the people to make them, after all.

"Disappear. High, mighty, and alone."]

.... Everyone has a bad habit of expecting too much of me too. [Takeda had wondered why his strength wasn't being used to help Japan. Iwakura had heard of Tenka's achievements and wanted him back in the Yamainu. The doctors wanted him to live through the pain of their experiments for the sake of research.

Sousei's bought into him being the sun too, huh. It was almost easier when he was using it as an insult.]

It's fine, isn't it? Soramaru took over for me while I was gone - and I'll be back soon so he doesn't have to suffer more. It's really boring to be the Head of the Kumou.....

It is not fine.

[The answer comes immediately, suddenly, and now Sousei looks at Tenka, brows furrowed. He doesn't understand why Tenka resists this idea so much. Why does he make people love him and then act baffled when people do? Why does he want people to trust him and lean on him but not put any pressure or responsibility on him?]

Every time you speak of yourself as replaceable, it pisses me off. [Seriously... what are you thinking?] Consider it your duty, if you must. But if you intend to act as support for your people, you do not have the right to act as though your presence is not important to them.

[The people of Otsu needed Tenka. That much was fact, whether he wanted it to be or not.]

[It would be so much easier if all he was doing was acting baffled. Rather, he opens his mouth immediately to defend himself. He never thought of himself as replaceable --

Merely expendable.]

Sousei.

I know what my duty is -- didn't we have this conversation already? [His duty to his family, to his brothers, and yes, to the people of Otsu. But all of that was hinged on his health and his body's ability to withstand the pain of the Orochi cells.]

Don't you think I would've stayed if I could?

[When do you think the last time he felt powerless was?]

We've been over this. What's done is done.

And I will continue to say so until you acknowledge it properly.

[Expendable, replaceable, neither matters--the point is, people depend on Tenka, and he can't let them down, even if he never asked for that depending in the first place.]

You have taken on more than just the role of protector of Otsu. You act also as their older brother, their confidant and their friend.

[Just by being Tenka--that is what he is.]

Whether you want it or not, you have that on your shoulders as well.

[Tenka's brow furrows at that and he can't help the budding frustration. He can't even disagree with what Sousei's saying - his relationship with the people of Otsu is complex. He loves them like family. He owes everything to them, seeing as he doesn't think that he could've been able to raise Soramaru and Chuutarou by himself.

Though now he frowns faintly.]

.... You weren't home for ten years.

How can you talk for an entire village that you've left alone for a decade? When you haven't seen me for more than a decade?

[Tenka doesn't want to be lectured about a relationship that Sousei wasn't even there for.]

[He's not even offended by that. It's true, he left Otsu. The Yamainu ended up in Tokyo instead. They could hardly stay where they were--it simply never would have worked.

But this? This is an obvious question, as far as he's concerned.]

Because I saw the aftermath.

[And Tenka did not. Tenka saw the townspeople, upset and unhappy, but he didn't see the days of rain, the days of a shell-shocked, lifeless Otsu.

Sousei can be certain what Tenka was to them, because he saw what they were without him.]

[Temporary.

That aftermath would only be temporary -- that's what Tenka wants to say. Of course it was going to hurt, losing people always hurts. But he's just one person. One day or another, he's going to die and he was prepared for it to be that day (or so he likes to tell himself). The point was always that life was going to go on.

. . . . so he just shakes his head faintly even as he goes to retrieve the food.]

The people of Otsu are tougher than that.

[They would've found their footing again. Even if he left, an entire village and his brothers remained. There would still be reason to smile and laugh.

So he tries to inject a bit more life into his voice even as he collects bowls and plates for their meal.]

You're too dramatic, Sousei.

... And you are intolerable sometimes.

[Honestly... Sousei sighs then, moving to finally sit at the dining room table as opposed to standing around any longer. He really just...can't handle this.]

I am too tired to try to convince you right now.

['Tired', he says, but really, he's just too frustrated and sad about Soramaru being gone.]

Just know that I disagree with you. [...] Whatever your opinion is, I disagree.

So you think I'm wrong about something? What else is new?

[He'll take intolerable though. He'd rather be intolerable and difficult than deal with this nonsense of being -- .... what is Sousei even accusing him of being? Too important?

Nah.

Regardless, Tenka sits down next to Sousei easily and puts his plate of food in front of him. Still the leftovers of Soramaru's previous dishes and he grins easily, miraculously recovered]

Thanks for the food!

[TOO IMPORTANT.

but for now...he just looks at that food, and then closes his eyes.]

Thank you for the meal.

[Soramaru, wherever he ended up--hopefully back home, and safer than this, in a Japan where the Orochi is gone.]

Edited 2015-02-23 05:23 (UTC)

[ . . . . man, it's quieter.

Tenka sighs as he helps himself to the food and takes a second just to enjoy it. It still tastes like it was made with all of his little brother's love.]

....

He's probably home, right?

Yes.

[There's...no other option he can entertain, really. He's a realist, but... no, there are no other options.]

It appears as though we were successful in taking down the Orochi, so there is no major threat to him there.

[So why is it so difficult right now?]

goal 3: actually talk about the problem???

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject