藤堂 平助 ❀ Heisuke "the IRresponsible adult" Toudou (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wolfthatbarkstheloudest) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
estoria2014-11-02 01:41 am
wolfthatbarkstheloudest) wrote in estoria2014-11-02 01:41 am
[closed]
Who: wolfthatbarkstheloudest & nostatus & ohspearme
When: During the event at some point. I suck at dates.
Where: A lovely street to kick it off... and then elsewhere.
What: Sano and Shinpachi learn the hard way why they need to keep their buddy on a leash and within sight at all times.
Rating/Warning: Things of the stabby and deathly variety. Also sads.
[ It was all because of a crocodile.
He'd awoken to find his CYbuddy non-functional and at first he'd thought it just sleeping. Surely that was a thing robots did, right? After all, they seemed to function a lot like people, therefore sleep had to happen as well. When it didn't wake up or even move, he'd grown worried and had tried to rouse the little robot to no avail. Robots weren't something he'd ever had experience with before Cerealia, but death was something he'd seen plenty of, so his immediate concern was that he'd somehow killed it -that it had died during the night and it was all his fault. Ruby Rose had fixed it before, though, so maybe if he found a way to do what she had done, he'd be able to revive it.
Despite the warnings that were horribly evident -the music, the announcement, the freaking clowns everywhere- Heisuke set out to see if he could find some tools like what she had used to repair the crocodile after its head had been dented. It never occurred to him to try and contact Ruby instead.
Going too far from 'home' was a mistake. At home in Kyoto, he knew the streets and the surroundings. Here, he hadn't been around long enough to really commit the districts to memory and have a clear map in his head.
It didn't take him long to find what he wanted, but on the way back, he made a wrong turn and wound up on an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar area... and had gone a little too deep. The figures that crept out from the shadows were anything but friendly, their brightly painted masks frozen in grotesque smiles that were a bit of a distraction him from the bodies they adorned and the weapons they carried. He'd been in worse situations before, though. He didn't get his position in the Shinsengumi for nothing, after all.
When the first lunged, his blade came up instinctively to block, the impact of metal pipe against sword reverberating through the blade to his hands. No sooner did that first strike come than a second feinted, followed immediately by a seemingly unarmed third, but the moment their fist connected with his arm, a hard blow to a weak spot while he was still holding back the first, he realized his mistake -brass knuckles were something easily concealed and with the force of the blow, could be devastating. His arm buckled and went limp, his blade wavering as he struggled to keep hold of it one-handed. After a moment of pain and panic, he retreated a few paces and struggled to untie the red sash at his waist to have something with which to bind his hand to the sword to keep it steady.
Unfortunately, he'd backed right up alongside an alley...and while struggling with the sash at his waist, failed to see the wooden bat that arced through the air, connecting with his head and taking him off his feet, katana clattering to the ground. They drew closer, circling like vultures, one leaning in every now and again to taunt him with mocking laughter, and even let him shake it off, attempting to get to his feet. The pipe connected hard with his ribs, the sharp pain accompanied by a sickening crunch, like the sound of eggs breaking, and he hit the ground again, curling into a fetal position and trying to catch his breath. Another blow to the same spot and he could taste blood in his mouth, eyes squeezed shut as he silently hoped they'd grow bored and leave.
Blow after blow rained down on him, finally stopping when he felt a sharp tug at his neck, the lantern he'd woken with breaking free as one of his assailants held it up, a declaration of their victory. It was all over. Footsteps began to retreat, the crunch of boots across the ground slowly fading one by one.
He didn't wait long enough before making an effort to uncurl himself from where he lay on the ground, battered, bruised, and bloodied. He didn't play dead long enough before trying to reach out and blindly feel around for the katana he'd dropped.
One was still there, waiting and watching, and as Heisuke slowly pulled himself up, using his saya to lean on, they bent to retrieve the fallen blade. The faint sound of the sword being hefted made him stop, his good arm lifting to wipe at the blood on his face, trying to clear his vision as quickly as possible. It wasn't quick enough to afford him time to react, the masked man reaching out to grab him by the hair and pull him forward roughly, tilting his head back and pressing the blade against Heisuke's throat, his gruff voice a mocking singsong. ]
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe you don't know... [ The blade slid neatly along the side of his neck as he slid it back, splitting the skin in a thin, shallow line. ] You don't know you're beautiful.
[ He swallowed hard, fear written all over his face. Hijikata's wrath and seppuku suddenly seemed less frightening than this. At least those were controlled. This? ]
And that's, [ he cooed, plunging the blade into Heisuke's stomach on the word, ] what makes you beautiful.
[ This was anything but.
The man released him, letting him curl in on himself, his own katana impaled through his stomach, and disappeared into the night, sharp laughter ringing in Heisuke's ears. As soon as the man was gone, the slow, agonizing trek back began, step after shaky step leaving a trail of blood in his wake. ]
wolfthatbarkstheloudest & nostatus & ohspearmeWhen: During the event at some point. I suck at dates.
Where: A lovely street to kick it off... and then elsewhere.
What: Sano and Shinpachi learn the hard way why they need to keep their buddy on a leash and within sight at all times.
Rating/Warning: Things of the stabby and deathly variety. Also sads.
[ It was all because of a crocodile.
He'd awoken to find his CYbuddy non-functional and at first he'd thought it just sleeping. Surely that was a thing robots did, right? After all, they seemed to function a lot like people, therefore sleep had to happen as well. When it didn't wake up or even move, he'd grown worried and had tried to rouse the little robot to no avail. Robots weren't something he'd ever had experience with before Cerealia, but death was something he'd seen plenty of, so his immediate concern was that he'd somehow killed it -that it had died during the night and it was all his fault. Ruby Rose had fixed it before, though, so maybe if he found a way to do what she had done, he'd be able to revive it.
Despite the warnings that were horribly evident -the music, the announcement, the freaking clowns everywhere- Heisuke set out to see if he could find some tools like what she had used to repair the crocodile after its head had been dented. It never occurred to him to try and contact Ruby instead.
Going too far from 'home' was a mistake. At home in Kyoto, he knew the streets and the surroundings. Here, he hadn't been around long enough to really commit the districts to memory and have a clear map in his head.
It didn't take him long to find what he wanted, but on the way back, he made a wrong turn and wound up on an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar area... and had gone a little too deep. The figures that crept out from the shadows were anything but friendly, their brightly painted masks frozen in grotesque smiles that were a bit of a distraction him from the bodies they adorned and the weapons they carried. He'd been in worse situations before, though. He didn't get his position in the Shinsengumi for nothing, after all.
When the first lunged, his blade came up instinctively to block, the impact of metal pipe against sword reverberating through the blade to his hands. No sooner did that first strike come than a second feinted, followed immediately by a seemingly unarmed third, but the moment their fist connected with his arm, a hard blow to a weak spot while he was still holding back the first, he realized his mistake -brass knuckles were something easily concealed and with the force of the blow, could be devastating. His arm buckled and went limp, his blade wavering as he struggled to keep hold of it one-handed. After a moment of pain and panic, he retreated a few paces and struggled to untie the red sash at his waist to have something with which to bind his hand to the sword to keep it steady.
Unfortunately, he'd backed right up alongside an alley...and while struggling with the sash at his waist, failed to see the wooden bat that arced through the air, connecting with his head and taking him off his feet, katana clattering to the ground. They drew closer, circling like vultures, one leaning in every now and again to taunt him with mocking laughter, and even let him shake it off, attempting to get to his feet. The pipe connected hard with his ribs, the sharp pain accompanied by a sickening crunch, like the sound of eggs breaking, and he hit the ground again, curling into a fetal position and trying to catch his breath. Another blow to the same spot and he could taste blood in his mouth, eyes squeezed shut as he silently hoped they'd grow bored and leave.
Blow after blow rained down on him, finally stopping when he felt a sharp tug at his neck, the lantern he'd woken with breaking free as one of his assailants held it up, a declaration of their victory. It was all over. Footsteps began to retreat, the crunch of boots across the ground slowly fading one by one.
He didn't wait long enough before making an effort to uncurl himself from where he lay on the ground, battered, bruised, and bloodied. He didn't play dead long enough before trying to reach out and blindly feel around for the katana he'd dropped.
One was still there, waiting and watching, and as Heisuke slowly pulled himself up, using his saya to lean on, they bent to retrieve the fallen blade. The faint sound of the sword being hefted made him stop, his good arm lifting to wipe at the blood on his face, trying to clear his vision as quickly as possible. It wasn't quick enough to afford him time to react, the masked man reaching out to grab him by the hair and pull him forward roughly, tilting his head back and pressing the blade against Heisuke's throat, his gruff voice a mocking singsong. ]
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe you don't know... [ The blade slid neatly along the side of his neck as he slid it back, splitting the skin in a thin, shallow line. ] You don't know you're beautiful.
[ He swallowed hard, fear written all over his face. Hijikata's wrath and seppuku suddenly seemed less frightening than this. At least those were controlled. This? ]
And that's, [ he cooed, plunging the blade into Heisuke's stomach on the word, ] what makes you beautiful.
[ This was anything but.
The man released him, letting him curl in on himself, his own katana impaled through his stomach, and disappeared into the night, sharp laughter ringing in Heisuke's ears. As soon as the man was gone, the slow, agonizing trek back began, step after shaky step leaving a trail of blood in his wake. ]
no subject
But most importantly, is he okay?
Heisuke can take care of himself for the most part, just like any of the other guys, but just like any of the other guys, he has limits, too. Sano goes through the apartment once more, asks if any of the others have seen Heisuke, and when the answer is negative, he's sure he and Shinpachi have to go looking for him.
But there's one more option to exhaust first. Before leaving the apartment, Sano contacts Heisuke's cerevice.]
Where the hell are you?!
[Then Sano waits. And as he waits, the seconds turning into minutes, minutes turning into hours - or so it seems - Sano wraps his fingers tightly around the haft of his spear, then loosens his grip, then tightens it again.
Come on, come on, just be okay, just be somewhere safe, just have been stupid and not given us a heads up...]
no subject
...Sa-- Sano... san...
[ His own voice is pained and weak, his breath a shallow, yet thick and raspy sound. He knows he shouldn't have gone out on his own, not when the surroundings were still so unfamiliar and the atmosphere so tense, but he'd done it anyway. Acted without thinking. ]
--side. Outside... 'm sorry...
tags at work because i just love you guys that much i guess
So they have to wait for a reply to their message. And Shinpachi, too, is hoping that Heisuke is somewhere safe or with a friend or whatever as long as he's not hurt, and that he just forgot to tell them like an idiot. He really does hope so, but when Sano sends a message and no reply follows at first, Shinpachi's heart sinks to his stomach. That's what it feels like, anyway, and his hands tighten more and more to fists as he feels so frustrated at how they can't do jack shit, how this place is slowly starting to play around with them just as much as Zelien did.
(Because what if Heisuke is in danger, what if he got overwhelmed despite being strong like them, what if it's like the other two times that he wasn't able to do a single thing to save one of his best friends--)
He's starting to feel like punching a wall just to do something about the damned silence, about the tension hanging in the air between him and Sano, them both worrying about the same thing.
But then there's sound. There's an answer. And even though Shinpachi was leaning against a wall in the hallway they were waiting in, ready to go out of the door at a moment's notice, he can see enough of Sano's CereVice to see the red. Red, just like the streets of Aburano Koji, Heisuke's voice so raspy and weak.. dammit! ]
Heisuke..! [ The worry in his voice is obvious. Maybe also the frustration, but it's since Shinpachi immediately flies into a panic at stuff like this. Because Heisuke is hurt but if he can talk he's not dead and that means they have to hurry up and get to him already instead of bother with apologies and vague answers. ]
Where exactly?!
[ Not that he's going to bother with an answer. His eyes fly up from the screen with the obscured image to look at the other man standing here with him instead, meeting his eyes without words in the dim light of the CereVice's screen and the light of the lanterns. It's not like they've ever really needed words to understand each other, especially not at a time like this when there's really only one answer as to what to do.
They can't wait. Every second matters now. They can just go now and get details from Heisuke along the way, they can't just keep standing around here.
Sliding his katana out of its sheath, Shinpachi opens the door. ]
C'mon, I'll take the lead!
[ His voice is tight, curt, but it's what the situation requires. They'll need the connection with the CereVice just a little bit longer, just enough to find Heisuke, and he'll take the brunt of fighting whatever jumps out at them until Sano has his hands fully free as well, that's what he's saying.
He doesn't wait for an answer, he knows Sano will follow since he already had his spear at ready, so he moves. ]
no subject
There's too much pain coming from Heisuke's end of the conversation and Sano, too, can only think of Aburano-Koji and how that night ended in disaster. Or almost disaster, had it not been for the ochimizu. Though he wishes Heisuke never had to drink it, but he is glad one of his best friends didn't actually die.
But this isn't Aburano-Koji. Sano isn't sure if it's better or worse, only that there is no ochimizu to drag Heisuke back from the edge of death, if this proves to be a similar situation. Not that he or Shinpachi has plans for it to end that badly. They have no idea where exactly Heisuke is, but that's not going to stop them from looking. They can't waste another second, not when Heisuke's voice is so weak, an indicator of one of their worst fears.
But there's no time for fear, just action.
Keeping the device in one hand and his spear in the other, Sano follows without hesitation, without a word, falling into the familiar formation when it comes to the two of them. Shinpachi leads and Sano picks up the rear. And though it's completely dark and they can only see by the lights of their lanterns and his communicator, Sano can still feel Shinpachi's presence as if they were pressed back-to-back. They have each other covered and there's nothing to fear. Together like this, nothing, no one can stand in their way.
They need to find Heisuke...
He needs to answer them as best as he can...]
C'mon, c'mon...
no subject
I dunno... not too far...? Don't have the light... thing anymore. 's gone. ...be careful? Please?
[ He pauses to lift his arm and cover his mouth to cough, the strong, sharp taste of blood starting to make him a little nauseous. ]
Didn't-- didn't mean to... Hurts...
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It's not entirely quiet though. He can hear it though, constantly in the distance, impossible to tell from where with how far away it is. But it's still there. Footsteps. Jingling. Metal scraping against something, laughter-- it'd be enough to give any normal person shivers down their spine, but that's the last thing Shinpachi is thinking about right now. Who cares what's out there, or who's out there, or who actually believes those words enough to try and kill others for it.. he mentally dares them to even show up in his path right now when he's pissed enough already. He'll show them what happens when you try to fuck around with people.
But maybe it's since they're together, or maybe they're just lucky compared to their younger friend.. but the streets are fairly empty and quiet for them. For now, anyway. The only thing that echoes is their quick steps, the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.
Heisuke's voice, coming through the CereVice again, piercing the silence enough even for Shinpachi to hear when he's not the one holding the device.
God, he sounds terrible. It's entirely the opposite of a reassuring message, especially since Heisuke doesn't seem to be capable of thinking where he is anymore. Which sure doesn't make the search easier, and the panic in his heart doesn't either, but dammit, like hell he's letting Heisuke die here again.
He leaves replying to the message up to Sano - he's always been better at the reassuring thing, anyway, Shinpachi's too direct and emotional at all times, especially now - and instead of focusing on trying to lead them down what's hopefully down the right path to where Heisuke is.
He turns a corner, and there's a very faint light in the distance. ]
no subject
Can't hurt worse than when I hit you, all right? Just hang in there.
[It's a lie and they all know it's a lie, but sometimes lies are necessary to keep everyone calm. Or as calm as anyone can be in this situation. Because even though they don't say anything, it's obvious they're all scared.
And God help anyone who gets in their way right now. Sano is not feeling particularly generous.
He feels more than sees Shinpachi change direction, a slight change in the breeze, and he follows still, his eyes immediately taking in the only other light source in this place. And it could be...
Or it could be something completely different, but Sano stuffs the CereVice back into his sarashi and grips his spear confidently as he runs toward that light. It has to be, God, please let it be...]
Heisuke!
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This... might actually be it.
The faint sound of footsteps catches his attention, makes him lift his head, eyes trying to blink away the blood so that he can see the blurry image in front of him. A faint light, just a dot in the distance... that becomes three lights, then two again as one goes out. For a moment, he panics, trying to shrink back against the pole in the event that those lights don't belong to his friends, trying to make himself disappear as much as possible while listening for Sano's voice on the CereVice again.
But when the voice comes, it isn't from up close in his hand, it's from a distance away, a bit faint but still able to be heard. And the footsteps grow faster, closer... He doesn't call out, though, just in case someone is nearby, waiting for them to approach and using Heisuke as bait to lure in others. Instead, he tilts his device to flash the screen in the direction of the voice, letting it speak for him where he's unable. ]
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Thank god, at least they found him. It was obvious from the feed that he's hurt, but at least now they've found him there's got to be something they can do. There's probably no doctor to be found anywhere at a time like this, but maybe they can at least take him somewhere safe and try to take care of his wounds the best they can, or maybe they can find someone who can help with that sort of stuff over the CereVices, or.. ]
Heisuke-- [ When they stop in front of the other, all those thoughts stop though. Because it's only now they're this close, now they're right next to him, that he can see just what's wrong with Heisuke. It's only now that he can see Heisuke's sword firmly lodged into him, and it kills the words on his lips instantly, just making him stare for a moment.
That's not something they can just treat. That's not something someone just survives, being stabbed like that.
It's what he (and Sano too, he's sure of that, he doesn't even have to tear his eyes away from Heisuke's wound to look at Sano to understand just what he's thinking about this too) was fearing the most. But even so, there's a part of him that can't just accept that thought, that thinks there has to be something that can still be done. They can't just-- let it happen, right? No way. He can't stand here and do nothing. They can't just watch their best friend die because of some incredibly fucking stupid thing this place has made up this time.
He instinctively reaches out for Heisuke's wrist, if not just to feel just how bad it is. Is he going cold already? ]
A-- are you-- [ God, no, he can't even ask anything. Of course he's not hanging in there with a sword jammed into him, it's a miracle to begin with that he's still hanging in there at all. But accepting all of that feels too much like just giving up, and the thought of that - and losing Heisuke, again - makes his stomach turn and the urge to kick something across the street rise. ] Dammit...!
no subject
He knew Heisuke had gotten hurt; the sounds on the other end of the conversation through the CereVice gave that away. But even though his biggest fear in this situation had crossed his mind, Sano didn't actually expect to see it in the flesh. But it's happening. It's really happening.
For a few seconds all he can do is stand there in shock, but then time seems to catch up with Sano and he lets his spear clatter to the ground as he sinks to his knees beside Heisuke. The urge to pull the other man into his lap is nearly overwhelming, but the blade makes things a thousand times more complicated, and for various reasons. He wants to pull the sword out entirely, but Sano isn't so overcome by grief just yet to forget that doing so would condemn Heisuke to bleeding out even more and even faster.
...Even more and even faster. There's really nothing they can do to stop this, is there?
Once was bad enough. Why do they have to go through this again? Why does Heisuke? Without saying anything - what is there to say that wouldn't be an outright lie? - Sano takes Heisuke's other hand in between his own, holding tight, as if doing so would ensure Heisuke staying there with them, instead of rapidly slipping away.
It won't work. Sano knows, but still he tries. Trying is all he can do.
But it won't bring warmth back to Heisuke's skin.]
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He can't see his own appearance, but it must be pretty bad if their reactions are any indication. Breathing hurts, moving hurts, talking hurts, his entire body hurts. The cold that slowly seeps in doesn't make it easier either. But Shinpachi is upset. Angry? It's his fault, isn't it? He'd run off without any warning while this was all going on and he's paying for it. ]
...Shi-- Shinpattsu-san...?
[ He doesn't want them angry with him. He doesn't understand that they've had to go through this before. Zelien and being skinned alive was one thing, because that was a punishment, but this...
Looking from one to the other, his eyes are as pleading as he's able, voice shallow and weak. The warmth of their hands feels nice, but he's exhausted and the air feels like it's slowly growing colder by the minute. ]
Can... can we go home? 'm ki-- kinda tired...
no subject
This time, though? With that sword stuck in him.. there's no way he's going to make it. There's a small and almost chidishly foolish stubborn part of Shinpachi that refuses to accept things like these, that always wants to find an alternative or solution for every bad situation, but he knows he can't deny it. Sano knows too, otherwise he wouldn't be quiet, otherwise he would be fighting for every possible moment.
There's nothing they can do.
His hand slides down from Heisuke's wrist to his hand, squeezing it probably a little too tightly. Maybe to hide the way it shakes. ]
What's that, you little brat.. [ His tone is tight, practically choked, like he's desperately trying to hold something in. ] First you make us drag our asses all the way out here, and then you just wanna sleep..?
[ Of course he knows that's not it at all. But what the hell else is he supposed to say? Heisuke just-- just can't die here. People came back to life in Zelien, but something like that hasn't happened here at all. They can't lose Heisuke. Especially not permanently.
For a brief moment he manages to tear his gaze away from Heisuke towards the redhead sitting next to him. What are they even supposed to do? They can't leave him like this with what god only knows may be lurking just around a corner or whatever for all they know, but moving him with that sword in him is practically impossible without making matters even worse. (Without making him die even more quickly.) ]
no subject
But he's also sure that there is no way they can get Heisuke back in his condition. It'll only hurt him more to move him and with as weak as he is already, there's no guarantee that even if they could move him comfortably they'd still make it in time.
He knows that. He knows that Shinpachi knows that, despite his words. They just can't give up like this. It's Heisuke. Their Heisuke.
Sano grips the hand he holds with both of his own, now, still tightly and still desperately.
But maybe it's because Heisuke is their own, because he's so dear to them, they can...give in this once. There's no use trying to prolong his pain, and wouldn't it be cruel of them to do it? As his friends, since there's just nothing else to be done, shouldn't they try and make him as comfortable as possible? Heisuke probably doesn't have much time left as it is, so arguing about it would just be a waste of precious time.
Sano shares a glance with Shinpachi, unable to see too much in the dim lighting, but he shakes his head just once, then returns his attention to Heisuke. He hates doing it, but Sano speaks up, his voice quieter than it should be, but still somehow gentle.]
You know that's Shinpachi's way of saying he'll let you get away with it. He's a big softy, you know that.
[He pauses, really not wanting to continue, but seeing no other choice.]
Go on ahead, Heisuke. We'll get you home.
no subject
Giving the hands holding his a faint squeeze with as much strength as he can muster, Heisuke takes a shaky breath and pushes himself away from the pole. He's not letting those hands go. ]
Nuh-uh... wanna go together. Y'know... like home...
[ He wants them to stay with him. ]
no subject
They have to accept this and let go of him, it's all over Sano's words, and Shinpachi knows it, but.. even if he knows it, how can any of this be right? How can he just accept it that Heisuke is dying in such a way? At least at Aburano Kouji they had been fighting for something, but this stupid game or whatever they were going on.. it isn't worth it. It isn't worth Heisuke's life. He doubts Heisuke would have wanted to participate in something like that to begin with, so it just makes the whole thing even more useless.
At least Heisuke looks happier. Happier than when he died in Zelien, than when he almost died that night back home, regretting way too many things. It's an awful thing to be able to think about and compare, and Shinpachi really wishes he wouldn't be able to recall multiple instances of it. But even so, it's at least something in the middle of this godforsaken moment that's even remotely "good". And so he knows he has to hold onto it, that he has to at least make sure that Heisuke won't die while looking as miserable as he had before. (As miserable as they are feeling right now, he's sure.)
Seeing the younger guy lose his support from the lamp post and stand on wobbly legs, he already knows Heisuke's not going to make it much longer. And he really doesn't want to just stand by and watch him crumble to the ground the moment his legs will give out. So Shinpachi moves too - not letting go of the hand, but he's at least using his free arm to put it across Heisuke's shoulders, pulling him closer to his side to support him that way. ]
'course we're right here with you. [ If only that had been true only a few moments earlier, if only that had been true this entire time during the blackout. ] It's been the three of us for so long.. not like Sano and I are gonna abandon you now.
[ Sure, it's only been a few years, but it feels like longer. And somehow it's always just more.. right with the three of them together. As close as he is with Sano, there had always been something odd about the period of time Heisuke spent with Itou's men instead - like something was missing.
It's why it's so hard to stomach the thought of that becoming a permanent thing now. Because Heisuke is going to have to go ahead, technically, whether he likes it or not. ]
no subject
[No. No, this isn't right. This isn't what Sano wants.
Sano doesn't want any of this to happen, to be honest, but Heisuke is going to die. They all know this, even if they won't say it out loud or in as few words, but that's unavoidable now. But if Sano had any say in how he'd want one of his best friends to die, it would be a quick and painless death. Heisuke doesn't deserve to suffer. Hasn't he spent a fair amount of his life suffering in one way or another?
But this, this forcing himself to get up and walk is not the easier death. Sano isn't Heisuke, but he knows the other man is in considerable pain, it's obvious with the way the sword still garishly sticks out of Heisuke's body, how Heisuke hangs onto his hand for dear life (if only Sano could give it).
He's just going to hurt himself more and for what?
Sano doesn't want Heisuke to die at all and he can't even begin to imagine what it's going to be like in just a few minutes' time without Heisuke there with them. It was different in Zelien after he disappeared. Because there was still hope that Heisuke had found his way back home, but here...
It's too soon to think about any of it. It's too soon for them to lose Heisuke. But there's not a damn thing they can even do except hold his hands and be his support when his legs inevitably fail. When everything fails.
Sano doesn't say anything else. There's nothing else he can say right now. All he can do is wait and try to memorize what Heisuke looks like. Sounds like. Feels like. Hell, even what he smells like. Anything to keep him alive in one sense, even if it won't be physically with them.]
no subject
An attempt to smile makes him cough, the blade cutting deeper, the pain of it coupled with broken ribs and whatever other damage had been done is excruciating. There's only so much bravado he can put up before he has to admit defeat, and he's at that point. Too much blood lost, too many blows taken. His voice is shaky at best. Tired. ]
Ne... Sano-san... Shinpattsu-san...? Can-- can you... do me a favor?
[ He's not stupid, he knows what's going on...but dying is terrifying, and if there was a way to keep it from happening, he'd take it. Unfortunately, there are no easy ways out here, no ochimizu to drink, no magic fix for death. ]
no subject
Heisuke really must be clinging to his life though for a few more moments. Making it this far must already be hard, it must be hurting so damn much, but even so Heisuke's still standing (even if it's probably partially thanks to the support) no matter whether he has that sword stuck through him or not. He's still speaking, he's still breathing..
Shinpachi can't delude himself though enough to think it'll go on forever. (It wouldn't be fair anyway, with how much it must hurt.) ]
Ah.. 'course. [ His voice is lower now, softer. Part of him wants to make a joke or tease like the three of them always do, he wants to tell Heisuke that it better not be about sharing his food in the future or anything equally ridiculous, but.. he just can't. Not anymore by now.
Instead the grip of the arm around Heisuke's shoulders tightens marginally. ]
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He wants to keep all his attention on Heisuke right now, and he does listen to everything the other man says, as well as the way his breathing sounds anything but pleasant. But with Shinpachi distracted, Sano takes it upon himself to scan their surroundings as best as he can, which isn't terribly well in this damned pitch blackness.
But Sano still turns back to Heisuke when he hears his name. He has no idea what Heisuke's going to ask, whether it be good or bad, simple or impossible. But regardless of the unknown, there is no hesitation when he answers.]
Anything.
:3 ilugais? <3
[ His words are cut short as he stumbles, somehow still desperately clinging to them both. Putting one foot in front of the other is a sluggish process that's getting harder and harder because his legs just don't want to support him. He's still trying, though. Struggling to keep himself from being a burden on his friends, struggling to fight off the darkness creeping in on the edges of his vision, struggling to ward off the cold by clinging to Sano and Shinpachi's warmth... but there's only so much he can do, and right now, he has to stop. He's too weak to keep going. ]
Can you... tell Hijikata-san-- [ His voice breaks slightly, and he squeezes his eyes shut to try and blink away the tears. There's too much pain, but what hurts the most is knowing that he's let them all down. Again. ] Tell him 'm sorry... couldn't... be more useful to 'im... an' tell Chizuru not t'worry about me... tell 'er 'm okay... an'...
[ Another fit of coughing and he can taste blood on his tongue, his breathing going from ragged and shallow to just wet. Too much blood and it's hard to keep his eyes open anymore. When his legs finally give out, he doesn't notice, too far gone to focus on anything other than the words he wants to say and the tiny points of warmth from the other two. ]
...'m sorry...for making you guys come out... but... thank you... for not leaving me... alone...
[ His already weak voice falters and trails off. There was so much more he wanted to tell them -that he was glad to have met them, that they were the closest thing to family he's had in a long time- but time was something he'd run out of. That tired feeling finally catches up to him, the pain becoming nothing more than a memory as his hold on Sano and Shinpachi relaxes, their warmth finally fading away. ]
i had to rewrite this tag like three times since i kept upsetting myself why this
.. it's not like he - they - ever wanted Heisuke to get hurt. Especially not like this. Especially not with Shinpachi having to see and hear and feel one of his best friends dying for the third time already. It never gets any easier, anyway. It feels just as terrible as it did the other times, and the more he can feel the heat disappearing from Heisuke's skin and the more he has to actually hold onto Heisuke to keep him from plainly collapsing onto the ground with that sword still in him, the more his stomach starts to turn at the idea that he's just really going to be gone. Maybe without return this time.
And he wants to react to what Heisuke is saying, really, at least if not just to try and smooth his worries in these last moments.. but with how cold he feels Heisuke getting, and with how the grip on his hand is fading, Shinpachi already knows it's too late. Even if they say something, Heisuke won't hear it anymore, and after another moment he realises Heisuke's body is really only still upright because he's still clinging it to his side and refusing to let go.
Especially when that realisation hits, honestly. Especially when his chest starts to feel awfully tight, and his vision a little blurry near the corners of his eyes, and his only response is to furiously shut them, as if that's going to help anything. ]
Heisuke..!
[ Goddamnit. This just isn't right. It isn't fair. For what reason is Heisuke even gone again now, because whoever these jackasses are decided to play a stupid game without meaning?! How the hell is that supposed to make sense?
Honestly, although it might seem like he has his guard down right now since he's so distracted, Shinpachi's actually not afraid of whatever it is that got Heisuke and is lurking out there attacking them.. he'll gladly welcome them to do so, in fact, he'll shove his sword straight through the throat of the first one that shows up while they're still preoccupied with the loss of Heisuke. Even if it won't make any of this better, it sure as hell feels like the only useful thing he can do right now. ]
none of these icons are remotely upset enough and this saddens me
But Sano, like Shinpachi, refuses to let go just yet. He remains still, however, offering up seemingly no reaction to their friend's death.
Death. And a meaningless one, at that. It's disgusting. It's infuriating. But what can they do about it now? Nothing.
Heisuke's dead.
Sano knows that he had died once before in Zelien, but hearing about such a thing and experiencing it first-hand are two incredibly different things. Yes, he was upset when he heard about the first. And even at Aburano-Koji he had been terrified when it seemed like death would snatch away Heisuke's next breath. Or the next. Or the next. But he hadn't died there, so it was different.
But this...
Still saying nothing, Sano's fingers slowly twine with Heisuke's cold ones, though it's harder than it should have been since those fingers don't cooperate anymore. But he gets the job done regardless, the chill of Heisuke's hand seeping into his own, almost as if it will penetrate his bones.
Even though his hand is wrapped, he can feel the calluses on Heisuke's hand, proof of diligence and skill with the sword. And Heisuke is - ...was - skilled, even if he's not up to Souji's or Saitou's or Shinpachi's level. But is anyone else? In his own right, Heisuke is amazing.
Except he's been needlessly taken from them.
Why?
They all love Heisuke, Sano and Shinpachi especially.
So why...?
Finally making some movement, Sano tentatively reaches toward Heisuke's face in the darkness, his hand shaking as he shuts Heisuke's eyes. Then he whispers - ]
Be at peace, Heisuke.
[But that's when his own peaceful demeanor changes. He's held this in for what seems like centuries, staying calm for Heisuke's sake so as not to give him more to feel guilty about, but Heisuke's dead.
And Sano's furious.
Letting go of Heisuke's hand, Sano storms off for a few steps, his fist clenching and unclenching, aching for something he can hit, someone he can make bleed. But there's nothing. Nothing except walls or windows or the ground and while the idea is tempting to wreak havoc, Sano still realizes it would be detrimental to give in. So instead he shoves his hand into his hair, fingers painfully pulling.]
DAMMIT!
[For a moment the curse seems to hang around them, echoing off the walls. And it would be a miracle if no one heard it, but Sano doesn't care.
Let them come.]
real men don't make excuses rose!!!
But now their friend is gone, the only reminder of him his corpse - which Shinpachi still doesn't quite dare to let go of despite the awkward positioning now, mostly since it almost feels like Heisuke would disappear.
It's a mess. Everything is a mess. Heisuke is dead, Sano is furious. And Shinpachi can't even blame him, really. He's angry too that this all happened, that Heisuke died for no reason at all, that it wasn't even some sort of noble warrior's death. He was stabbed with his own sword in a dark alley, probably outnumbered to begin with. But.. even so.. sure, he's angry. Sure, he's upset as hell in general, but instead it ends up manifesting as a terribly hollow feeling instead rather than the rage displayed by his best friend. They couldn't both fly off the handle anyway, not while they're still out here and with a friend's corpse on their hands. And as good as they usually are at calming each other down in their own ways, Shinpachi doesn't think it's going to help now. Nothing can make this alright again, after all. This isn't something they can just try and smoothe over.
But even so, he has to try and at least keep Sano from running off and punching the first fifty things he sees only for the same shit to happen to him as what happened to Heisuke. ]
... Sano. [ His voice is low, and.. well, oddly without spirit. Especially by Shinpachi standards, since he's usually full of it. But how the hell else is he supposed to feel after being confronted with Heisuke's death again?
He wishes that he could reach out to Sano and have everything be somehow alright again. Isn't that always how it works? Shit happens all the time, especially with the Shinsengumi, but they drink together and laugh together and Sano drapes himself all over him like he's some sort of piece of furniture and everything feels like it'll be okay anyway.
The fact that he has his hands full with Heisuke's corpse is only a cruel reminder that this is one of the few times that it can't just be that easy.
Maybe all he can do this once is being calm with something incredibly hollow about it and hope it's enough to cancel out his best friend's anger a little bit before it explodes. ]
C'mon. .. Get me his saya.
[ Because he's not going to leave Heisuke's corpse stabbed through like this, okay, especially not with his own sword. That's no way for a warrior to look. So without waiting for an answer from the redhead, Shinpachi already more or less carries Heisuke's body to the side of the road so he can prop him up half against a wall. One hand falls on Heisuke's shoulder as Shinpachi squats and bends forward enough that his forehead touches Heisuke's forehead briefly. ]
Thanking us for not leaving you alone.. like hell we'd ever do that anyway. [ It's a mubmle, a whisper - he's not sure if Sano can hear it (it doesn't matter, really, since it's not necessarily aimed at him) and of course Heisuke himself can't hear it anymore (he's dead, after all) but he can't help but say it all the same. It's just - well, like Sano said, huh. He's a big softy.
His hand curls around the handle of Heisuke's katana (it feels so differerent than his own, much heavier - although it's most likely just from the situation) and in one fluid motion he pulls it straight out of the body.
There's no blood flowing from the wound anymore, the final proof that their friend is really dead. ]
good thing I'm not a man, huh
Yes, Sano actually knows that it would be wiser to have his head on straight in this situation, especially when danger lurking around any corner, but it's so much easier to be pissed off. It's so much more satisfying to let his anger course through his veins. If only he could let it drive him for just a few minutes, so he could avenge Heisuke and do whatever part possible to keep his death from being pointless.
Karma can be a bitch...
But it's Shinpachi's uncharacteristic quiet that keeps him in the alley. Normally their roles would be reversed and maybe that's another reason he can't just rush off. Because Sano knows it would be stupid and Sano knows he would tell Shinpachi the same thing. He just needs to listen to Shinpachi this time. And also to himself.
There may be a time soon enough where they can fight and retaliate, but Heisuke comes first. Friends should always come first.
Cursing again, Sano turns around, using the light of his lantern to try and figure out where Heisuke's saya has gotten off to.]
Can't see a damn thing anyway...
[It's mumbled, though Shinpachi can probably hear it as Sano passes by. Of course, it's at that moment that Shinpachi frees Heisuke's blade from his own body, the sound a sickening and grating slurp as it leaves behind bone, flesh, and blood. Heisuke may not be bleeding anymore, but Sano doesn't even have to look closely to know his sword is covered in the crimson stuff.
Trying to ignore it all, he notices a blood trail and follows it a little bit before the wanted sheath appears. He grabs it and returns to Shinpachi, thrusting the saya toward him when he's ready to sheathe the blade.]
no subject
And once the katana is lodged in there once more, he stabs the sheath himself, sticking it where it belongs - right next to Heisuke's other sword. He wouldn't dare to even think of taking the weapon anywhere else even though Heisuke is dead now. It's his sword, after all. Even now.
There's a brief moment where Shinpachi just stares at Heisuke's body, but he knows they can't do this forever. So even though it pains him, he tears his gaze away, instead uprighting himself to be able to face Sano across the dim light. (At least they both look like messes. At least they have each other, but -- whereas that might have felt like enough in any other situation, it feels decidedly more hollow now.)
He tries to not focus on it too much, but it's hard. His expression is obviously troubled as well with the way he frowns. ]
What're we gonna do? We won't have much time. [ Considering that Sano's shouting must have alerted just about everyone out on the streets right now to the fact that they're here - it can't be long before they show up. And while Shinpachi has zero problems with paying those assholes back for what they did, there's the matter of Heisuke's body being there. If they were low enough to stab him with his own sword, then he can't be sure if they won't mess up the body as well. ]
And we can't leave him here like this.
[ But carrying him along is going to be a problem too if they might get confronted by whatever is out there.. not to mention that-- well, what the hell are they even going to do with the corpse in a situation like this, in a place like this? It's like no matter what he thinks of doing in this situation, it just brings up more complications. And that's the last thing he needs after losing his friend. ]
--Dammit, this is just so..! [ Yes, even Shinpachi doesn't have words for it. For once. ]