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Entry tags:

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Who: swordhaus + cr
When: throughout march
Where: the three apartments swordhaus uses.. or will be, once the newbies arrive
What: march catch-all
Rating/Warning: probably nothing, but i'll edit as necessary.

[ this is a busy, noisy household. sorry, neighbors. ]

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[ Touch is enough for him to slowly ease into the room as he takes a step forward with help from the tug. At this moment, he doesn't know how to respond other than he's shocked that he has a bed to himself and more so that they want him staying in this room too. The uchigatana has always been hard to deal with, when it comes to doing specific requests from other people when he feels like he doesn't deserve it. Which he doesn't. In the end for him, he's already chose what he's going to do so humouring anyone would be bad to do. ]

You can have that bed..

[ It kind of hurts to say such things when he's speaking to someone important, someone who's willing to smile at him through thick and thin. He really can't help how he's feeling, staying to himself and trying to cope with sudden changes but it's hard for him. To see his previous master again. To hold his hand and follow his steps like a child, looking down and placing his feet in each spot that Souji's just was. ]

There would be no other way I would want it, so please take it for yourself! [ It's sincere and spoken quickly since his mind is already made up, he needs his rest anyway but he does shift to sit down on the bed along with the other. There's no need to share when he can have it all to himself? Yamato would like that anyway, he doesn't ask for much so with his free hand gripping at his hakama as he shakes his head. ] So you don't have to worry about that, alright? Besides, I'm sure if Kiyomitsu doesn't mind, you should remain dozing along with him. [ Nod, nod! ]

[It's a bit strange and overwhelming, how subservient and deferential this sword is being, picking his words with such great care and truly acting as if Souji is somehow vastly superior to him. It honestly throws Souji quite a bit; he is used to command in battle, sure, like any Shinsengumi captain would be expected to be, and he is born as samurai class, but this is different. He has never held an elevated or respected position in society, and he certainly isn't used to being treated with excessive formality - unless you count Tatsunosuke, but that is different too.

Not to mention it's one hell of a culture shock after Kashuu's excessively casual and familiar form of address. So Souji stumbles a bit, hesitating, before his mannerisms soften even further, his smile growing more muted but warmer.]

I think you misunderstand me. I don't care at all about the beds, and I honestly prefer sharing. [Because he's a tactile nature, and since this used to be his sword, the hand that isn't holding on to Yamato's immediately lifts to brush a lock of hair away from his face with unquestioning familiarity. He and the Souji that Yamato is used to might differ a bit, but this is still the sword he used to polish and maintain, wipe clean of blood after battle, so how can it be strange to touch him? He runs two fingers along his cheek, and then gives Yamato a playful little flick on the nose.]

What I mean is that I would be happy for you to share this room with us. If you are more comfortable sleeping on the futon, then you are free to do so, but-! [He makes a soft little sound, now resting his fingertip square on the tip of Yamato's nose.] I probably won't sleep on this bed at all unless I'm sharing it with you, okay? So it would be a bit silly to refuse on my behalf.

[ Would he call this weird? No, it's actually reassuring but he can't help but hope that he's okay like this. Is it too much to sit by him, is it too much to continue that hold onto the male's hand. Yamato really, really, really cares about the other's well-being, it's why it's so easy to take himself out oe the equation in order to give Souji a better life. He's always known Kashuu to have a sort of negative vibe when it comes to the swordsman being brought up so he doesn't want to intrude on that. It makes him happy to know how glass they've grown, so maybe there's no more of negative feelings coming from him when it comes to Souji.

There's a lot that stops Yamato from staying in this room but he does flinch when a hand is raised and touches his hair. He shouldn't have to hesitate towards someone he's idolized but it's been so long, he doesn't know what to expect. This is something that makes him stare at the other. He wonders why of all things that he starts to push away the locks of hair that gets in his way when he could say things like how selfish he wants to be when it comes to the bed.

The fingers that run against his cheek, he leans into it just a bit from the touch. Touch to a sword has always been comforting and even now, he wouldn't mind that warmth to stay there. It makes him feel calm more than he was moments ago where he was more hesitant about this second meeting, he thinks about how he could raise an arm and keep the male's hand on his cheek but he can't. What gets him real bad is the flick on his nose and he's shocked, eyes widen and he's shaken like a feline. ]

Huh!! [ He tries to stare at Souji but his gaze falls onto the index finger that pokes at his nose. He wonders why so much has to happen in order for the other to get Yamato to sleep in this room. Isn't it better if he wasn't here in the first place? He wasn't here in the beginning so it should be no different if he doesn't take this chance. Though, he blinks a few times before looking off to the side. ]

You don't understand, when it comes to you.. I'd do a lot of things to make sure you're comfortable and don't have to deal with stress. As I do want you to have your rest.. I don't want to burden you when you really need sleep.. I know that I haven't been here as long as you and Kiyomitsu but.. you've both have grown here without me in this room, do you really want me barging in on that?

[There is a melancholy ache in his heart as he listens, as the sword tells him that he doesn't want to be in his way, doesn't want to be a burden, doesn't want to trouble the one he admires and loves even by allowing the smallest concessions. Somehow, Souji feels responsible. He is Okita Souji, one of the incarnations of the masters of this sword, and therefore somehow, a part of his soul is truly in this blade, in this spirit. So when the parts that resonate so strongly with him are things that make him ache for the sword, it makes him feel like he should have done a better job somehow, been a stronger person, and maybe Yamato wouldn't have to feel this way.

Souji is an impulsive and tactile person. What happens next comes as seamlessly as it had when he's first seen Kashuu; there is no real thought or plan behind, only affection and true joy at being close to this very part of himself made flesh. He leans forward and wraps his arms around the shorter man hard, face buried against his shoulder, arms gently but firmly holding him close. He knows he's as fragile as a bird right now, that the embrace could easily be broken if Yamato wants it, but somehow he doesn't think that will happen.

Arranging himself after a moment so that his cheek is resting against the sword's, he sighs, lifting one hand to rest it soothingly against the back of his head.]

You're not a burden to me, Yamato no Kami Yasusada. You could never be. I'm happy that you're here; proud and honored to get to know you. You were once a part of me, right? How can a warrior not love his sword? [He knows now for sure that some don't, from talking to Haru and others. But it's still alien to him.] I want you here. You could never be in the way, do you understand? Because you're precious and beautiful to me, and having you here is a gift. Please, never think that you are troubling me. Sharing anything with you will make me happy.

[ What comes with the embrace is shocking to him, arms that wrap around his person and him trying not to flinch from contact. But, that is not what happens, he stays still and with this affection he does for a moment find himself leaning in. It's hard to reject this, with words and such he's able to deter himself from conversations but for touch — it's something a sword yearns, also by someone who he'd wish to have this affection from.

From what he can tell, Souji is warm and it's something he hopes that will stay with him as time goes on. A body that loses all warmth means nothing but pain and suffering from what he could tell. Yamato has yet to move his own hands up to wrap around the other's because he doesn't feel like he can. Nor does he want to harm him but he understands that, if he wishes to return this embrace — he'd have to feel the same.

As much as he wants to, he can't do things without asking for it to see if he can. Though, the words that follow after such a reassuring action causes him to rethink his feelings on the matter. He bites down on his bottom lip as he takes in each and every word, it sounds kind and nothing seems forced. As much as he wants it to be, everything he's hearing now is related to what he's always wanted. It's all too surreal, this shouldn't be something he gets to hear so early on in this new life of his.

He does wonder when Souji will take back what he's said.
He waits and he waits. But he doesn't. He keeps speaking as if Yamato is valuable ad wants him by his side. It's funny, Yamato can't hold it against him at all, no matter how unfair when the time came and Yamato wanted to stay by his master — he couldn't because his master had died.

And here is his master, asking for him to stay. Asking so much from such a simple spirit and shouldn't Yamato be angry? He should be. But he's not. He can't think of anything like that because Souji's words. They hurt him. There's a frown that follows on Yamato's features as he tries to hold his feelings in but.. ]

I don't care about a warrior loving his swords, I don't care about that.. I just want.. [ His hands find their way at Souji's sides, not to hug him but like a child who wants to hold onto the side of their parent's clothes. He does that because he wants to hold him in a way so that he doesn't have to let go. ] ..Okita-kun to love me. When you say these things to me, I wish I could have been better — I wish I could have saved you. I wouldn't have had to wait so long just to hear these things when I don't feel like I deserve them. It's unfair. [ Though life is unfair and he shouldn't complain, he shouldn't. ] But.. I'm really happy to hear them.. I am.. I wonder if that makes me selfish.. [ Shifting just a bit so that he can rest his forehead against Souji's own, Yamato's eyes do wander and can't see him eye to eye until he speaks again. ] What does that make me.. is it okay to accept this. I just want to be with you Okita-kun, I don't want to lose you again .. so it's scary if I accept this.. will you and Kiyomitsu leave me again? [ Because when one goes, it seems like the other does follow. ]

I know what that's like, you know. Seeing someone suffer and not being able to do anything about it.

[The hand resting on the back of Yamato's head moves, until it's gently cradling his face instead. Souji is still smiling, although it hurts to hear his sword think so very little of himself - it's a feeling that he knows all too much about. It had been like an empty pit inside him when he was still a child, the sense that he could do no good, and to want acceptance was selfish and wrong. In a way, when it came to having a human body, Yamato really is a child, isn't he? A child with hundreds of years of pain with nowhere to go.

How can he make that okay? He can't promise like Hijikata had promised, can't give Yamato a place in the world because this... this isn't their world, and even if it was, he is only a human. Even without his disease, he would perish while Yamato remains.]

You know... we really are alike, aren't we? We only really know how to do one thing. We fight, and that's what we exist for. So there are some things we just can't do. [Now his hand moves to his own chest.] You could never cut the oni out of my chest without killing me as well, right? And I couldn't attack the hurt in the hearts of the people I love, not without cutting out all the good things as well. So there are things we can't save people from, and it's really scary.

[He very gently bumps their noses together, one arm still wrapped around Yamato.]

You did all you could, and for me that's good enough. Both you and Kashuu Kiyomitsu... I love you both. [He lets out a shaky little sigh, carefully measured and controlled so it won't catch and cause more coughing.] I can only promise to do my best in turn, to stay with you and not leave you alone again. I know it's not much, but... it's all I can do, see?

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( OPEN )

UGH JUST CHILL OUT

I HAVE NO CHILL

WHERE IS YOUR CHILL

I lost it in a tragic accident, and I am now chill-less

UGH LISTEN I CAN HELP WITH THAT Turns down ac its time to become chill

wraps self in blankets defiantly