kure "why this?!" haru (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
swordsitter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
estoria2015-09-08 03:29 pm
swordsitter) wrote in estoria2015-09-08 03:29 pm
( OPEN )
Who: swordhaus + cr
When: throughout march
Where: the three apartments swordhaus uses.. or will be, once the newbies arrive
What: march catch-all
Rating/Warning: probably nothing, but i'll edit as necessary.
[ this is a busy, noisy household. sorry, neighbors. ]
When: throughout march
Where: the three apartments swordhaus uses.. or will be, once the newbies arrive
What: march catch-all
Rating/Warning: probably nothing, but i'll edit as necessary.
[ this is a busy, noisy household. sorry, neighbors. ]
UGH LISTEN I CAN HELP WITH THAT Turns down ac its time to become chill
From what he can tell, Souji is warm and it's something he hopes that will stay with him as time goes on. A body that loses all warmth means nothing but pain and suffering from what he could tell. Yamato has yet to move his own hands up to wrap around the other's because he doesn't feel like he can. Nor does he want to harm him but he understands that, if he wishes to return this embrace — he'd have to feel the same.
As much as he wants to, he can't do things without asking for it to see if he can. Though, the words that follow after such a reassuring action causes him to rethink his feelings on the matter. He bites down on his bottom lip as he takes in each and every word, it sounds kind and nothing seems forced. As much as he wants it to be, everything he's hearing now is related to what he's always wanted. It's all too surreal, this shouldn't be something he gets to hear so early on in this new life of his.
He does wonder when Souji will take back what he's said.
He waits and he waits. But he doesn't. He keeps speaking as if Yamato is valuable ad wants him by his side. It's funny, Yamato can't hold it against him at all, no matter how unfair when the time came and Yamato wanted to stay by his master — he couldn't because his master had died.
And here is his master, asking for him to stay. Asking so much from such a simple spirit and shouldn't Yamato be angry? He should be. But he's not. He can't think of anything like that because Souji's words. They hurt him. There's a frown that follows on Yamato's features as he tries to hold his feelings in but.. ]
I don't care about a warrior loving his swords, I don't care about that.. I just want.. [ His hands find their way at Souji's sides, not to hug him but like a child who wants to hold onto the side of their parent's clothes. He does that because he wants to hold him in a way so that he doesn't have to let go. ] ..Okita-kun to love me. When you say these things to me, I wish I could have been better — I wish I could have saved you. I wouldn't have had to wait so long just to hear these things when I don't feel like I deserve them. It's unfair. [ Though life is unfair and he shouldn't complain, he shouldn't. ] But.. I'm really happy to hear them.. I am.. I wonder if that makes me selfish.. [ Shifting just a bit so that he can rest his forehead against Souji's own, Yamato's eyes do wander and can't see him eye to eye until he speaks again. ] What does that make me.. is it okay to accept this. I just want to be with you Okita-kun, I don't want to lose you again .. so it's scary if I accept this.. will you and Kiyomitsu leave me again? [ Because when one goes, it seems like the other does follow. ]
wraps self in blankets defiantly
[The hand resting on the back of Yamato's head moves, until it's gently cradling his face instead. Souji is still smiling, although it hurts to hear his sword think so very little of himself - it's a feeling that he knows all too much about. It had been like an empty pit inside him when he was still a child, the sense that he could do no good, and to want acceptance was selfish and wrong. In a way, when it came to having a human body, Yamato really is a child, isn't he? A child with hundreds of years of pain with nowhere to go.
How can he make that okay? He can't promise like Hijikata had promised, can't give Yamato a place in the world because this... this isn't their world, and even if it was, he is only a human. Even without his disease, he would perish while Yamato remains.]
You know... we really are alike, aren't we? We only really know how to do one thing. We fight, and that's what we exist for. So there are some things we just can't do. [Now his hand moves to his own chest.] You could never cut the oni out of my chest without killing me as well, right? And I couldn't attack the hurt in the hearts of the people I love, not without cutting out all the good things as well. So there are things we can't save people from, and it's really scary.
[He very gently bumps their noses together, one arm still wrapped around Yamato.]
You did all you could, and for me that's good enough. Both you and Kashuu Kiyomitsu... I love you both. [He lets out a shaky little sigh, carefully measured and controlled so it won't catch and cause more coughing.] I can only promise to do my best in turn, to stay with you and not leave you alone again. I know it's not much, but... it's all I can do, see?