[stahn sees this in just the opposite light: leon is just as deserving as anyone else to be here. leon always deserved a chance to live and exist, and despite the wrongdoings—he still deserved to live.
no life was really worth being taken so unfairly. no life was really worth being taken at all. even the people he was most angry at, even the people he couldn't convince to change their minds with regards to ideals weren't worth that sort of end. people like baruk and ilene, didn't they just want to be able to live happily too? didn't they deserve that much?
so of course, there's no way stahn would ever agree with leon's view on this. nor would he ever change his mind about leon. not in any way.]
You're here. You're really alive, Leon...
[there's a lot of emotion in his voice when he says those words; his voice breaks a little from how overcome he is by this reality. this is something he never thought he'd see again, and he's so, so happy that he can sit next to leon this way, that he can look up and see his friend, hear his voice, and just simultaneously exist.
it doesn't change how worried he is about everything else, of course. their world and friends and still so important, and the idea of all of them being gone for good is something that honestly makes stahn feel so sick and helpless about. it also doesn't change his hurt feelings about the way leon approached everything prior to his sacrifice. but stahn is simple; he's too simple sometimes, and now is when it shows.
he doesn't want to be weak in front of leon; he wants to show that he's grown and become capable of being a worthy swordian master. he wants to show that he found a way for his priorities in the right place, and that even though he has so much to mourn, he can bury it when he has to—even if it's something he hates doing. but stahn struggles with that now, being so open most of the time. but it's hard for his weaknesses to not spill over in the face of so much uncertainty; rutee has been his biggest voice of reason lately, and she's not here to talk him down.
the simplicity comes out in another way too, of course. he can't focus on all of the things in his head. he's not good for thinking that much, which is why despite how sickeningly worried he is about home and the situation there (dymlos trying to be the voice of reason only carried them so far, after all), there's only one train of thought that spills into his words.]
I'm so glad... I can see you again...! [for a moment, he covers his face with his arm in an effort to use his sleeve and soak up the tears that accompany it. this is the side of stahn that leon never got to see; he never saw the tears of grief, or the side of stahn that is so deeply emotional when it comes to the people he cares about. he didn't see the desperation and rage, or the side that sought vengeance. so all he can see now is the lowest rung—a stahn that is completely overcome from the shock of what's been happening.
he doesn't know how to ask the important questions, but dymlos does. but still, despite that, there's silence from the swordian, because he can't interrupt this scene yet, and he knows it. as tough as dymlos can be, he's never anything short of considerate in these situations, when stahn needs to just let it out before he can move on.]
no subject
no life was really worth being taken so unfairly. no life was really worth being taken at all. even the people he was most angry at, even the people he couldn't convince to change their minds with regards to ideals weren't worth that sort of end. people like baruk and ilene, didn't they just want to be able to live happily too? didn't they deserve that much?
so of course, there's no way stahn would ever agree with leon's view on this. nor would he ever change his mind about leon. not in any way.]
You're here. You're really alive, Leon...
[there's a lot of emotion in his voice when he says those words; his voice breaks a little from how overcome he is by this reality. this is something he never thought he'd see again, and he's so, so happy that he can sit next to leon this way, that he can look up and see his friend, hear his voice, and just simultaneously exist.
it doesn't change how worried he is about everything else, of course. their world and friends and still so important, and the idea of all of them being gone for good is something that honestly makes stahn feel so sick and helpless about. it also doesn't change his hurt feelings about the way leon approached everything prior to his sacrifice. but stahn is simple; he's too simple sometimes, and now is when it shows.
he doesn't want to be weak in front of leon; he wants to show that he's grown and become capable of being a worthy swordian master. he wants to show that he found a way for his priorities in the right place, and that even though he has so much to mourn, he can bury it when he has to—even if it's something he hates doing. but stahn struggles with that now, being so open most of the time. but it's hard for his weaknesses to not spill over in the face of so much uncertainty; rutee has been his biggest voice of reason lately, and she's not here to talk him down.
the simplicity comes out in another way too, of course. he can't focus on all of the things in his head. he's not good for thinking that much, which is why despite how sickeningly worried he is about home and the situation there (dymlos trying to be the voice of reason only carried them so far, after all), there's only one train of thought that spills into his words.]
I'm so glad... I can see you again...! [for a moment, he covers his face with his arm in an effort to use his sleeve and soak up the tears that accompany it. this is the side of stahn that leon never got to see; he never saw the tears of grief, or the side of stahn that is so deeply emotional when it comes to the people he cares about. he didn't see the desperation and rage, or the side that sought vengeance. so all he can see now is the lowest rung—a stahn that is completely overcome from the shock of what's been happening.
he doesn't know how to ask the important questions, but dymlos does. but still, despite that, there's silence from the swordian, because he can't interrupt this scene yet, and he knows it. as tough as dymlos can be, he's never anything short of considerate in these situations, when stahn needs to just let it out before he can move on.]