[it's oddly relieving to hear leon refuse his apologies; not because it's what stahn wants, but because it's so distinctly leon to say that it feels... more real. it's something stahn needs right now, because despite the fact that leon is alive and tangible right now, there's something that still feels so unreal about it that reconciling the situation hasn't been easy.
even as he's cried, even as he begged leon to accept this chance at life, and even as he's informed leon of all the tragedy that's befallen their acquaintances, it's been hard to feel like any of it is real. being told it's real doesn't account for much when it's impossible to tell what's real and what isn't. he's already been fooled by an illusion of leon once today, after all. but hearing those words, harsh as they are... that makes it feel more real.
it's really leon. he's really here, and he's doing what he always does; putting those necessities before their own personal feelings in a way that stahn struggles so deeply with.
of course, there's a slight hitch to his breath when leon moves to stand—it's an immediate concern that he's going to use the opportunity to try and get away again. which he doesn't want at all. stahn would probably cling to that wet cape if leon would allow it (he knows leon won't allow it) if it would keep his friend in his sights. so naturally, when leon forces the topic to shift to the business ahead of them without actually leaving? okay.
it's going to be okay.
somehow, some way, he knows it'll be okay.]
Right. I think we're going to have a lot to do when we get out of this thing, too. [right.
if leon can stay strong and not let his emotions overtake him at a time like this, stahn realizes he needs to be able to do the same. what he's been through hurt, but it can't be nearly as painful as what leon's experiencing. so even if it's just for the sake of that, he'll steel himself.
if he could steel himself for rutee, for the swordian team, and for all of his other friends in their darkest hours...
then he can do it for leon.
so he wipes away the last of the wetness around his eyes, forcing back anything that threatens to fall, and then pushes himself to his feet to stand next to leon. he's not quite smiling yet, but... he can do this. he can do this, because he has to do this, no matter what. he has to show leon that he's able to handle all of the burdens; he has to show leon how his own strength is something stahn's been able to use for himself to get through these difficult times.]
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even as he's cried, even as he begged leon to accept this chance at life, and even as he's informed leon of all the tragedy that's befallen their acquaintances, it's been hard to feel like any of it is real. being told it's real doesn't account for much when it's impossible to tell what's real and what isn't. he's already been fooled by an illusion of leon once today, after all. but hearing those words, harsh as they are... that makes it feel more real.
it's really leon. he's really here, and he's doing what he always does; putting those necessities before their own personal feelings in a way that stahn struggles so deeply with.
of course, there's a slight hitch to his breath when leon moves to stand—it's an immediate concern that he's going to use the opportunity to try and get away again. which he doesn't want at all. stahn would probably cling to that wet cape if leon would allow it (he knows leon won't allow it) if it would keep his friend in his sights. so naturally, when leon forces the topic to shift to the business ahead of them without actually leaving? okay.
it's going to be okay.
somehow, some way, he knows it'll be okay.]
Right. I think we're going to have a lot to do when we get out of this thing, too. [right.
if leon can stay strong and not let his emotions overtake him at a time like this, stahn realizes he needs to be able to do the same. what he's been through hurt, but it can't be nearly as painful as what leon's experiencing. so even if it's just for the sake of that, he'll steel himself.
if he could steel himself for rutee, for the swordian team, and for all of his other friends in their darkest hours...
then he can do it for leon.
so he wipes away the last of the wetness around his eyes, forcing back anything that threatens to fall, and then pushes himself to his feet to stand next to leon. he's not quite smiling yet, but... he can do this. he can do this, because he has to do this, no matter what. he has to show leon that he's able to handle all of the burdens; he has to show leon how his own strength is something stahn's been able to use for himself to get through these difficult times.]