[Kashuu is outwardly silent, and an awful, rotten part of him thinks yes, it's unfair. It's unfair to be afraid of that when you left me behind first. He doesn't blame Souji. Not really. That doesn't mean he can't be resentful, though; he is even now, even after reluctantly mending some of the bridges that he had intentionally burned, even after building some of that trust and affection back when he had tried to bury it all. It's a lingering note of bitterness that he's normally quite good at shelving, but it resurfaces sometimes.
In the way he refused to so much as say Okita's name aloud, or his rejection of the blues that most of his comrades had been summoned with.
In Ikedaya, walking through those familiar halls with Nagasone. The person with the right to say that is the Kashuu Kiyomitsu of this time, he'll say, but could he ever really mean it?
Now, as his grip tightens, fingers still wound into Souji's hair. It's a gesture that bridges between agitated and possessive, and if his former master is bad for being so in need of other people, Kashuu shares that guilt. After all, it's why he can't push Souji away now that he's heard all of that. It strikes an unpleasantly familiar chord in him; he rests his cheek against Souji's head like that might alleviate his discomfort, folding him up into his arms as best he can.]
Hey... I didn't leave, see? [Not fully, anyway. He was pulled back before he had the chance to do that.] ...But I'm sorry. Even after all we said about talking more, I didn't really wanna talk at all. I thought it'd help, but it didn't make me feel any better, and I made you sad too. I reminded you of some bad stuff, so-- so, I'm sorry.
[His grip relaxes, but he stays curled close. ...Maybe that rottenness runs a little deeper in him than he acknowledges. Maybe that ugly part enjoys the fact that Souji is so reliant on him. Actively making him miserable is certainly not something he'd ever aim for, but-- it's nice, isn't it? It's reassuring, to know that he's become something close to irreplaceable - that his brief absence had been upsetting.
WHY U GOTTA BE SO RUDE
In the way he refused to so much as say Okita's name aloud, or his rejection of the blues that most of his comrades had been summoned with.
In Ikedaya, walking through those familiar halls with Nagasone. The person with the right to say that is the Kashuu Kiyomitsu of this time, he'll say, but could he ever really mean it?
Now, as his grip tightens, fingers still wound into Souji's hair. It's a gesture that bridges between agitated and possessive, and if his former master is bad for being so in need of other people, Kashuu shares that guilt. After all, it's why he can't push Souji away now that he's heard all of that. It strikes an unpleasantly familiar chord in him; he rests his cheek against Souji's head like that might alleviate his discomfort, folding him up into his arms as best he can.]
Hey... I didn't leave, see? [Not fully, anyway. He was pulled back before he had the chance to do that.] ...But I'm sorry. Even after all we said about talking more, I didn't really wanna talk at all. I thought it'd help, but it didn't make me feel any better, and I made you sad too. I reminded you of some bad stuff, so-- so, I'm sorry.
[His grip relaxes, but he stays curled close. ...Maybe that rottenness runs a little deeper in him than he acknowledges. Maybe that ugly part enjoys the fact that Souji is so reliant on him. Actively making him miserable is certainly not something he'd ever aim for, but-- it's nice, isn't it? It's reassuring, to know that he's become something close to irreplaceable - that his brief absence had been upsetting.
That's what he wanted most, after all.]