[Yes, Kashuu exists as much in the world of action and affirmation and words without words as he does. Souji can read oh so very much from the way people act toward him, and he practically lives and flourishes on it. When it comes to some people he cares about, well, he could write several books about what each interaction implies - or he could if he was the least bit academical in nature, at least, and if his hand writing wasn't such a mess.
But even so, they are both creatures tried and broken in different ways. Even if it's easy to pick up every little thing that others give, even if that is how you yourself express your love for others, the question sometimes still persist. Because deep down, there's the sensation of not being worthy. Of only being deserving as long as they can prove themselves in some way, and that the exchange must always be equal and exact. And how can unconditional love exist, then, when there's nothing that can ever weigh equally to something like that?
It's why Souji still fears outstaying his welcome at home, becoming a burden and useless. Because he can't reconcile the love he gets with the thought of no longer being able to deserve it somehow, and so a life where he's not of use is a life without love. And until this idea is challenged out loud, until he's given definite proof that he is more than the sum of what he can do for others, the future remains dark and frightening.
Kashuu, though... he doesn't actually need Souji to fight to be of use. What Kashuu needs from him is simpler than that, and it exists in the words he just said, and his hand on his cheek, and especially in the tears Souji remembers from when they first met. It's something Souji will be able to give no matter how sick he gets, and it takes an enormous eight off his soul. Here, he'll always be important. It almost feels like a betrayal of his home to know this, to take comfort in it, but he can't help it. All he's ever wanted is to be needed, as he was promised all those years ago.
And here's Kashuu, asking about what happened back then, even if he doesn't know it. Souji makes a soft little noise, somewhere between laughter and a sigh.]
Well, I am a prodigy, after all. [His tone is gently teasing, but he follows it up with a small shake of his head.] Mm, but that's not the whole truth.
Did you know... you weren't actually the first blade I wielded in battle, to kill? That happened long before I even picked you up.
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But even so, they are both creatures tried and broken in different ways. Even if it's easy to pick up every little thing that others give, even if that is how you yourself express your love for others, the question sometimes still persist. Because deep down, there's the sensation of not being worthy. Of only being deserving as long as they can prove themselves in some way, and that the exchange must always be equal and exact. And how can unconditional love exist, then, when there's nothing that can ever weigh equally to something like that?
It's why Souji still fears outstaying his welcome at home, becoming a burden and useless. Because he can't reconcile the love he gets with the thought of no longer being able to deserve it somehow, and so a life where he's not of use is a life without love. And until this idea is challenged out loud, until he's given definite proof that he is more than the sum of what he can do for others, the future remains dark and frightening.
Kashuu, though... he doesn't actually need Souji to fight to be of use. What Kashuu needs from him is simpler than that, and it exists in the words he just said, and his hand on his cheek, and especially in the tears Souji remembers from when they first met. It's something Souji will be able to give no matter how sick he gets, and it takes an enormous eight off his soul. Here, he'll always be important. It almost feels like a betrayal of his home to know this, to take comfort in it, but he can't help it. All he's ever wanted is to be needed, as he was promised all those years ago.
And here's Kashuu, asking about what happened back then, even if he doesn't know it. Souji makes a soft little noise, somewhere between laughter and a sigh.]
Well, I am a prodigy, after all. [His tone is gently teasing, but he follows it up with a small shake of his head.] Mm, but that's not the whole truth.
Did you know... you weren't actually the first blade I wielded in battle, to kill? That happened long before I even picked you up.