[Souji will respectfully leave that part of the converstation be, not commenting on whether he thinks the sword was bad or not. Honestly, though, he can't say that he thinks any blame really attaches to the blame itself. It was Souji's mistake when he was a child that created that creature, and the sword was only a vessel for its hatred, really. In the hands of its original owner it would probably never have brought misfortune... unless, of course, the misfortune it brought had been Souji. But that seems far-fetched to him somehow.
He nods in response to Kashuu's question instead.]
Yes. I was... really scared once I'd killed that thing. I'd made all these bad things happening because I was born with a skill for hurting people. My sisters had tried to keep me from that sort of thing, but now I'd killed I was sure it was never going to stop. I was a monster, and everyone would know it and no one would love me again.
[As a grownup, it shouldn't be so hard to say these words, to face the horror that had stalked his childhood nightmares, but it is. He never quite left it behind - it just started wearing a different mask with time.]
I was crying a lot, and I guess Hijikata-san didn't really know what to do or how to calm me down, but after a moment...
[He halts, because this really feels like exposing the very core of his being, and such a private thing is not easy to do. But if he trusts anyone to hear this, it's Kashuu.]
He asked me if I wanted someone to need me. I said yes. He said- He said he'd be a powerful one day, that there were things he needed to do. He said that if I trained hard, became stronger than anyone else, and promised never to cry in front of him and Kondou again... [His voice softens into reverence, longing, awe, love, loss - all these things and more beside.] ...he would always need me.
don't kinkshame
He nods in response to Kashuu's question instead.]
Yes. I was... really scared once I'd killed that thing. I'd made all these bad things happening because I was born with a skill for hurting people. My sisters had tried to keep me from that sort of thing, but now I'd killed I was sure it was never going to stop. I was a monster, and everyone would know it and no one would love me again.
[As a grownup, it shouldn't be so hard to say these words, to face the horror that had stalked his childhood nightmares, but it is. He never quite left it behind - it just started wearing a different mask with time.]
I was crying a lot, and I guess Hijikata-san didn't really know what to do or how to calm me down, but after a moment...
[He halts, because this really feels like exposing the very core of his being, and such a private thing is not easy to do. But if he trusts anyone to hear this, it's Kashuu.]
He asked me if I wanted someone to need me. I said yes. He said- He said he'd be a powerful one day, that there were things he needed to do. He said that if I trained hard, became stronger than anyone else, and promised never to cry in front of him and Kondou again... [His voice softens into reverence, longing, awe, love, loss - all these things and more beside.] ...he would always need me.