[He doesn't have to say "yes", because it's not really a question, and what else could he possibly say. Yes, and it feels like the sickness gathering in his lungs is like a physical manifestation of all the ugliness inside him. The part of him that refuses to accept that this is how it has to be, he has to be forgotten and left behind because he no longer serves a purpose. The part that resents his fate, his own body, even the people he loves because they'll have to leave him. That wants them to grieve, to miss him, to realize that they still need him.
The part that made him ask for a gun to end it all with, as if Hijikata wouldn't understand what he meant. Had he done that just to hurt him? To see the color drain from his face as the realization struck him, to force him to deny Souji a quick end so it would be his fault - like everything else is his fault, in his mind.
Who does that to someone they love? Who wants people to keep needing them, when they know they're dying?
No, he won't talk about pain now. Instead he will allow himself to be fascinated by the being that is Kashuu, smile tenderly at the sight of him looking almost ashamed of his origins.]
That's kind of what I was told. That you were most likely an untested blade, too hard to use for anyone who would've laid their hands on you before. That I ought to go for something safer for my first blade, because gambling on an unknown quantity was stupid even for me.
[He reaches up and lifts Kashuu's chin, looking as if he's admiring him every bit as much as he had the slight curve of his blade, the sharp line of his edge back then.] And I thought of a farmer's son bitterly asking me why I had to be a samurai, when I didn't even want to fight, and understanding then why he'd been so mean to me before. So maybe if I cut myself on you at first, or got hurt in battle because you were hard to wield, it would kind of be the same thing. But that didn't mean that you didn't deserve a chance as well.
I'm pretty sure this isn't how shipping is supposed to work ^^;
The part that made him ask for a gun to end it all with, as if Hijikata wouldn't understand what he meant. Had he done that just to hurt him? To see the color drain from his face as the realization struck him, to force him to deny Souji a quick end so it would be his fault - like everything else is his fault, in his mind.
Who does that to someone they love? Who wants people to keep needing them, when they know they're dying?
No, he won't talk about pain now. Instead he will allow himself to be fascinated by the being that is Kashuu, smile tenderly at the sight of him looking almost ashamed of his origins.]
That's kind of what I was told. That you were most likely an untested blade, too hard to use for anyone who would've laid their hands on you before. That I ought to go for something safer for my first blade, because gambling on an unknown quantity was stupid even for me.
[He reaches up and lifts Kashuu's chin, looking as if he's admiring him every bit as much as he had the slight curve of his blade, the sharp line of his edge back then.] And I thought of a farmer's son bitterly asking me why I had to be a samurai, when I didn't even want to fight, and understanding then why he'd been so mean to me before. So maybe if I cut myself on you at first, or got hurt in battle because you were hard to wield, it would kind of be the same thing. But that didn't mean that you didn't deserve a chance as well.