estoria | [ losing my edge ϟ open ]

Entry tags:

[ losing my edge ϟ open ]

Who: hawkeward moment and whoever else wants to encounter her!
When: various times! but generally post-event because hawke continues not to respect cerealia at all
Where: the church, novus, and trader ceres
What: hawke the bird wonder aggressively ignoring the wrongness of cerealia once again
Rating/Warning: this is a blatant dehiatus general open log, there's not much to say about it

one. or this would be sacrilegious if it wasn't hawke

[ today, anyone who enters the church will be graced with the blessed sounds of -- of snoring. it's not a heavy snore, not one of those gross mucus filled ones that turn a person's stomach, but a snore nonetheless and the culprit isn't immediately visible. this is because the culprit, who is hawke, is sleeping away on one of the pews off towards the back, in the shadows. she's actually quite hidden away, a passing glance would dismiss her and she has a sweater tucked under her head for a pillow. sure, she's sleeping in a church but it isn't as if she wants to disturb anyone. really, that'd be rude!

look, she doesn't really have an apartment right now and the ghosts were kind of aggressive and just -- let the woman nap.

or don't, actually. there's a dog hanging around there too that would be plenty happy with getting up and going to do something else. he might even help you wake her up! ]

two. or this isn't an episode of jessica jones i swear

[ to any poor soul walking past novus this evening (or even at novus), they will see a scruffy looking woman being unceremoniously thrown out of the bar. she stumbles, obviously not very steady on her feet but she manages to catch herself anyway. a sour look as the door slams behind her and she lifts a hand to wipe at the blood on her cut lip before calling out. (which, uh, hawke did you get in another bar fight?) ]

One would think you'd be more charitable! With what, us being the ones who suffer this city the most!

[ hawke eternally has a bone to pick with ceres and cerealia as a whole and while she refuses -- outright refuses -- to get more involved than necessary (this won't be kirkwall 2.0, alright), she doesn't mind freeloading to get what she's due. of course, in a hypercapitalistic city like this, that's not regarded so highly and novus isn't above showing her such. it's a seedy bar anyway! and their drink is poor! that's what hawke's opinion is and after a moment of just scowling at the place, she may notice you. ]

Ah, out for a night on the town, are you?

three. or at least it isn't whole foods (of ceres)

[ trader ceres is overpriced and understocked yet here hawke finds herself anyway. she needs food and still finds the more modern street food served at the food stop too rich for her tastes so, she generally sticks to making her own until she can adapt. when you're from ye olde times, chili cheese dogs are just a bit too much for your stomach.

today, hawke is in the pastry aisle, carrying a basket filled with a variety of things. rice crackers, bread, a huge cut of meat, poptarts. those are the things that can be found in her basket. she's also truly rocking the lazy morning food shopping look, in her sweatpants and grandpa sweater, untied sneakers on her feet and disheveled hair. hawke is just slowly becoming less and less respectable as days go on and no one could really predict that this woman has saved thedas twice over and can kill things ten times her size. come on, she's impressive!

but she isn't very impressive today as she reaches out and grabs a pack of blueberry muffins. she sniffs it, trying to see if it's good enough for her old timer stomach, but the plastic is too much and she lets out a frustrated noise after a moment. ]

It's as if they want you to pay for it before you know if it's edible at all.

[ which is so rude, obviously. hawke's just going to glare at the package a moment longer before looking up and whoever is close by -- ]

Hey, you! Do you know if these are any good?

[ she shakes the muffins a little in gesture and is, well, genuinely asking. help a bro out? ]

misc. or i'm really rusty with open logs

[ and if any of those prompts don't work, but you still want a hawke -- feel free to tag anyway! or hit me up and we can plot something out. thanks for readin'! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Right. And that makes such a difference. Guess I should hold you in high esteem now.

[That was sarcasm, by the way, just in case this old fossil can't tell...!! Not that he's, uh, not vaguely impressed about the shot glass. That sounds messy. Gotta take notes in case someone deserves it one day.]

But if you're so offended, then I might as well let you defend your honor. Sure you're up to it?

[ if jason inquired, hawke would say it came out with a very nice plop. so, there you go.

still, she's satisfied enough even with the sarcasm and she's also not old so shut up. his next part kind of throws her off a little because wait, what.

are they going to fight? oh my god. ]

To fight you? [ pause. ] Or... to outdrink you?

[ another pause. ]

Or, wait, to lay with you? Because I was also insinuating that one too.

[ this conversation had so much subtext that hawke forgot which one they were talking about so she might as well ask. ]

[Oh my god.]

Wow.

[VISCERAL REACTION. Wow, Hawke. Just wow. That's a little too forward, even for him.]

Already inviting me to bed — and without taking me out to dinner first? Where are your manners, Hawke? I'm a very traditional kind of guy, I'll have you know.

[He's... joking. Mostly. Okay. This is why he doesn't do this social life thing.]

But, no. I'm talking about outdrinking you.

[ look at all that discomfort!! hawke visibly, outwardly brightens because hawke is a shitstain that likes making people uncomfortable. especially people like jason who banters back at her like a champ.

so, yeah. she just takes a step closer to poke him right in the chest with a smile like a shark. ]

I only bother to use them on those actually worthwhile but, if you're that concerned with propriety, I'll take you out to dinner. Would you like me to romance you, Nancy Drew?

[ sweet maker, hawke's having so much fun. she's only doing this because you reacted, jason!! idiot + idiot only equals more idiot.

anyway, she takes a step back after, hands clasped behind her back as she rocks on her feet a little, amused. ]

I can also outdrink you too. Where shall we go?

I could give you a real, honest to god answer to that [it's no], but... Eh. I've got a better question for you. Are you capable of romancing me? Personally, I don't think you're up for the challenge. You seem to me like someone who's all bark and no bite.

[He's only saying this because his bitter orphan's pride has been wounded...!! Or something equally as ridiculous as that. Idiot + idiot truly does equal more idiot. Yikes.

Either way, he shrugs, like whatever the heck that was didn't just happen.

Someone stop them.]

I dunno. You tell me. What bar haven't you been kicked out already? It'd be so sad to get throw out on somebody else's offenses, y'know.

[ wait no the gauntlet has been thrown, she can't go back to the drinking contest until she settles this. how dare you challenge her on romance, jason!! do you know who she is? SHE'S A DATING SIM PROTAG -- well, no. but also pretty much.

hawke just gives a shake of her head then, looking visibly annoyed now because really, you just hurt her ego. ]

I'm perfectly capable of romancing you. I would sweep you off your feet. Epic sonnets have been written about my skills as a paramour [ okay varric writing dumb poetry about hawke boning people doesn't count ] so I really hope you're just denying my offer because of cowardice and not because you truly think I can't. That would just be... well, that would be wrong is what it would be.

[ and then she waves a hand dismissively, back to the more important thing!! the drinking contest that was distracted by petty "i know you are but what i am"s. ]

Anyway, I may have been kicked out of a few but that doesn't mean I've been banned from any. Don't be so hesitant.

Are you? I hear you talking about all this alleged proof, but I'm not buying it. Seems to me like you're bluffing to make up for your lack of romantic expertise. [Says the guy who's only kissed like, one person.] But don't feel bad. Most people just aren't capable of getting this good a catch.

[LOOK. A CHALLENGE HAS BEEN MADE. He can't shut up until he wins. His pride is on the line.

That, and bruising Hawke's ego is great.]

But enough of that. If you're sure, then I know a place.

[Spoiler: It's as cheap and seedy as they come.]

[ oh my god you are the worst person she knows!! INCLUDING EVERYONE IN KIRKWALL. hawke is actually pretty annoyed now and lets out a huff, running a hand through her hair in frustration because shut... up?? she's good at this, she knows she is, but jason's a giant walking talking butthole. she wags a finger at him, opening her mouth to say something before closing it and frowning, arms crossing over her chest. this isn't like fighting, she can't just prove she's better with an asskicking -- or. OR CAN SHE. then, she grins that asshole grin of hers again and takes one big step towards jason to grab him by the lapels of his jacket and --

AND KISS HIS CHEEK. it's actually a very soft cheek kiss, okay. look at that, romance'd.

when she pulls back, she looks much more satisfied and her grin, not nearly as sharp. if her invitation was reacted to so badly, this should be even better. ]

Yes, enough of that. You're more than welcome to lead the way.

[ DRINKING. CONTEST. much easier to win than the shame that is a romance contest. ]

[He is actually a GIANT NERD so, you know. He reacts to that as well as anyone can expect. Which is to say, he contemplates pushing her off a split second before it happens. Makes a face at her like this is grade school a split second after, too, before he puts a lid on it. Is this... what it feels like to be smooched by a prehistoric artifact...??? HOW TERRIBLE. And how very kindergarten of her. It wasn't even that good a cheek kiss. 0/10. Not romance'd.

But she felt the need to react like that, so he considers this a win. This has totally turned into the weirdest sort of dick measuring contest to ever disgrace this planet.]

Alright. [LIKE NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY HAS HAPPENED.] This way.

[AND OFF HE GOES in some direction. A direction. One direction. This is not Google Maps, okay.]

[ SHE'S NOT A PREHISTORIC ARTIFACT!!!! oh my god, hawke's so offended that his reaction was so lackluster. she should have just given him a real smooch but she was aiming for the romance. damn you and your broken soul, jason todd.

in fact as he shrugs it off and walks away, she hangs back a moment just to do the mature thing. the mature thing that is to thrust two middle fingers at his back in annoyance. fuck you and the horse you rode in on, asshole. and then, after a beat, she catches up to fall in step with him, hands tucked into her pockets. nothing happened, shut up.

hawke's still too petty to let it go so after a few minutes of walking in ... companionable silence, she has to say something. ]

You know, you're a bit too baby-faced for my tastes anyway. Are you a virgin?

[ SHE'S NOT LETTING IT GO. ]

Nope.

[POPPING THAT P, NOT MISSING A BEAT. And don't think he didn't notice the way she stayed back there for a moment. He doesn't need to have spooky psychic powers to take a guess at what she was doing, okay. He's trained to notice this sort of thing!!! And is also just as immature so, ha.]

Y'know, the way you're trying so hard to make me get all embarrassed... It's kind of cute. [Jason, shut up.] Guess you must've realized your skills as a paramour aren't as good as you thought, huh?

[LETS BE REAL, HE'S NOT LETTING IT GO EITHER.]

[ oh my god. inwardly, hawke really does want to beat him up. why does she keep meeting such terrible people in cerealia!! first jade, now jason. it's like her life is consistently filled with assholes. what happened to the good old-fashioned idiots from kirkwall? she misses those people.

outwardly, hawke just gives a huff of laughter and keeps an amused expression on her face. she'll kill you, jason. later. punch you right in the throat. ]

No, no. I'm not asking to embarrass you. [ yeah you are, hawke. shut up. ] I've just come to the realization that we're good enough friends at this point to share such details with one another, yes? I really want to get to know you now. I can admit to finding you attractive -- even if, a bit young -- but since you're obviously so disinterested in women, friendship might be the wiser course of action.

[ hawke, you still think his name is nancy drew. well, sort of. she probably tried to text him and realized it's not in the cerevice. now she's a little suspicious. ]

Really, you aren't? You sure had me fooled. [He's good at reading people. Reading people and digging out their trash is what he's best at. You can't fool him, Hawke...!!

But please consider another thing he's best at: shit eating grins. He's not even bothering to hide how hilarious this is because, c'mon. Is that really the best she can dish out? It's super duper disappointing. He's totally going to snort before shrugging his shoulders.]

Have you ever considered that maybe it's you I'm not interested in? Not that big of a shocker. But like I already said — don't feel too bad. Most people just aren't able to meet my high standards.

[This is what she gets for not being up to date with pop culture.]

[ hawke seriously just wants to hit him now. she's weighing the pros and cons of her ego to continue the banter or just give up and beat the shit out of him. hawke doesn't like being outbantered!! this is why all her cerealia friendships are terrible.

but without missing a beat, she gives a sad (if facetious) sigh as he finishes talking about his high standards. oh, jason. ]

Is this because I've been calling you Nancy Drew? I did figure out it was fake when I tried to send you a letter the other day.

[ hawke's so old she accidentally calls texts letters because sometimes she forgets the new terminology. leave her alone. ]

Still, if you'd prefer to be friendless and alone, you only need to say so. I'm not cruel.

[ this is the most pathetic conversation is all of cerealia. ]

[Let's be real. She should hit him and steal all his stuff!! Or, you know, just ditch him.

But he's totally snorting at her in the most exaggerated, shit eating manner. Look, man. There is a very short list of things he cares about, and his name and making friends are definitely not items on that list. Those are just very bad assumptions.]

Heh, you say that like it's a bad thing. [BEING FRIENDLESS AND ALONE IS A BAD THING, JASON?.] I don't care about anyone, and nobody cares about me. I'd say it's a pretty sweet deal.

[This conversation is so pathetic... How did this happen...........]

'Sides, you're just upset you're not as good as you thought.

[ SHE'S SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING IT.

but also that throws her off a little because remember who you're talking to, jason! this is hawke. champion of kirkwall, survivor of many assassination attempts, bleeding heart that gives too much to a city that hates her. saying something like "no one cares about me" in front of her just makes her laugh. ]

Oh, that's a lie. I care about you. [ probably the only damn sincere thing she's said this entire conversation yet it's still so flippant in a way only hawke can do. ] So, you'll have to think of something better. Is it for appearance? Ah, my brother used to do the same thing -- never wanted to care for anyone ever! Joined the army to spite me but then I just tagged along and he nearly strangled me. How can you care for no one when you're fighting for the King?

[ but uh. ]

Still, notttt a comparison I'm sure I want to make in the context of this conversation.

[ yes, definitely not going to compare jason to carver if she still wants to get in his pants. she's just gonna grimace a little, whoops. ]

Anyway, I'm actually phenomenal but you're stubborn. You won't give in in one conversation, will you? Might as well talk about something else.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ losing my edge ϟ open ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

you make me type these things

i hope you know im losin it sqUEE

I'M SO SORRY

NEVER BE SORRY

STILL SORRY!!!

if i die please write "romance'd" on my grave

oh my god i'm losing my shit

this is the worst thread i've ever taken part of

someone stop them

theyre grounded until the universe collapses from heat death

but jason already had a heat death

YELLS AT YOU

HAHAHAHAHAHA