[oh man, the guy is drinking now because he's depressed....that's the saddest thing ever, even sadder than an angry clown. (because a sad one is funny so)

Instead of there, there-ing the other male, he takes a generous swig of his own brew]

That sure is sappy....you must really miss the scurvy and stuff. How're you supposed to do that now, though? No treasure to be found here, I don't think.