[ he actually expected Tsurumaru to fight back or at least step off of him- but obviously that didn't seem to work. that doesn't mean Hijikata will just allow him to hurt himself. with more strained force he tries to force the blade to go into the opposite direction. with every movement he just feels that sharp pain run up his leg and it hurts, but the more he struggles it only gets worse.
but being stubborn as hell, it doesn't mean he'll get up or lose strength. once again, he would fight until death if he has to. but even he'll even fight death itself? then, at the same time he knows he has to stay alive... but then he would also accept death if it was for the Shinsengumi.
well. it's a bit complicated sometimes. he can't die if there are things left to do... like waiting, and waiting to see Souji, or Kondou show up once again. he at least wants to see them one more time.
he looks at Tsurumaru, as everything just spills out. everything would register much faster if he wasn't thinking about the pain he's stubbornly trying to ignore. Hijikata knows this- the yelling and holding back tears of sheer loneliness and frustration. it's nothing new to him.
but he can only stay silent, for some reason. but he has to say something... ]
Ah, well... [ honestly, he's shocked? ] It sounds like... You're blaming yourself when it's not your fault.
[ because well, he really couldn't do anything. but it really ... sucks when you can't do anything and people disappear. even Hijikata doesn't even have good advice for this because he struggles with the same type of problems. because really, he would act the same way: a violent outburst on the verge of tears. ] Killing me isn't going to make it less painful, is it. You can cry if you want.
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but being stubborn as hell, it doesn't mean he'll get up or lose strength. once again, he would fight until death if he has to. but even he'll even fight death itself? then, at the same time he knows he has to stay alive... but then he would also accept death if it was for the Shinsengumi.
well. it's a bit complicated sometimes. he can't die if there are things left to do... like waiting, and waiting to see Souji, or Kondou show up once again. he at least wants to see them one more time.
he looks at Tsurumaru, as everything just spills out. everything would register much faster if he wasn't thinking about the pain he's stubbornly trying to ignore. Hijikata knows this- the yelling and holding back tears of sheer loneliness and frustration. it's nothing new to him.
but he can only stay silent, for some reason. but he has to say something... ]
Ah, well... [ honestly, he's shocked? ] It sounds like... You're blaming yourself when it's not your fault.
[ because well, he really couldn't do anything. but it really ... sucks when you can't do anything and people disappear. even Hijikata doesn't even have good advice for this because he struggles with the same type of problems. because really, he would act the same way: a violent outburst on the verge of tears. ] Killing me isn't going to make it less painful, is it. You can cry if you want.