estoria | ( OPEN )

I've been... [ how has he REALLY been? Mikazuki has so many things he could say in response to that but he (thankfully) not as inclined to spill his innermost thoughts and feelings anymore. Even if he was for some reason, he'd be far too embarrassed to want to express any of it. He'll at least poke his full head out of the blanket at this point, glancing over at Kashuu before attempting his best smile --

-- which comes out less than his best, usual sparkling smile but while it may be weak and while it may falter quickly after...he tried at least. ] I've been very tired. Resting a lot after everything...I think more than that though, I've been unsure. [ It can't be seen but he's definitely, nervously, and tightly holding his hands together. ] It's strange for me to be unsure of myself but I am and I don't know where to go from here.

[Ah, that's a tired jiji smile if he's ever seen one... It's a little sad to see, but honestly, any sort of emotion is a relief after that bizarre stint of unnatural placidity that the mask had caused.]

I dunno. It might be strange for you, but it's not strange in general, yeah? I mean, if you think about something in one way for a reeeally long time and then suddenly you have a brand new way to think about it, being unsure's totally normal. [Kashuu smiles then, and it's a little less bright and energetic than his usual ones, but it's soft and understanding all the same.]

But! The good part about all of this is that you don't have to be unsure by yourself. [Old habits die hard, he knows. It must be even harder for older swords who have had so, so many years to set those habits. But still...] Rest up all you need until you're not tired anymore, but don't forget that we're all here if you wanna talk or vent or just sit for a while. Whatever, y'know? I meant what I said.

[That Mikazuki is a precious comrade - and he always does everything he can for his precious comrades.]

[ Hearing all of that again serves to make Mikazuki attempt his best smile again. It's a little better the second time around...and he even sighs a little! Not any kind of sad or forlorn type of sigh but a happy, little exhale of relief. Somehow being told that again when he has control over himself and isn't under any devious mask influence...it's liberating. ] Ahaha, it almost felt like a dream when you told me that the first time!

But, knowing that you really mean that and that others feel the same... [ Most likely! ] I'm not sure how to describe it? If I had to try it'd be similar to being wrapped up in this blanket of mine. Like an enveloping warmth which I much prefer to the silent cold as anyone would really, haha.

[ STILL... ] It'll take some getting used to. Please do feel inclined to correct me when I talk about going back to the museum from now on.

[There's a much better jiji! Smiling suits him best, and the smiles that aren't difficult to read are even better. Something nice and warm like this - even if it's a little fragile, he still enjoys it.]

Well, it's definitely not a dream! And I'll correct you every time you mess up too, got it?

[Ugh what the heck is with that mushy gushy blanket metaphor, though... KASHUU IS EMBARRASSED. His tsun heart can't handle this... Even if he's still glad to hear it, like a lame chump.]

Geez... Old men are a lot of trouble. But that's fine, I guess. I can't really imagine going back to the way things were before we had you around.

Ah, I'll happily receive a scolding from Kashuu-kun in that case! Though I will try not to do anything to deserve it. [ Lili had told him as much not very long ago. ]

[ HONESTLY, Mikazuki may enjoy teasing Kashuu and making him a tsun...he can tell that he really cares beneath his pouty complaints. ]

Old swords sometimes have to really rely on the young ones, don't they? I can't either though...it might take awhile for me to get used to something so nice, but I am allowed to selfishly want somewhere warm to go to, right?

Good, 'cause it makes me tired when I have to scold people! I don't want to end up looking old out of stress.

[He definitely cares beneath his pouty complaints, someone stop him... HE'S A MENACE. But he ducks his head down a little after that, even though he doesn't move away from Mikazuki.]

I don't think that's selfish. Everyone wants a warm place to go, right? It's fine for you to want something like that. It's okay for you to have that. So even if it takes a little while for you to get used to it, that's fine, too.

[ Can they even get wrinkles? Mikazuki pops an arm out of his blanket burrito to pat Kashuu's head. There, there... ]

Is it a bit strange for me to say we're like a family? Though we're all of different smiths -- [ It's the first Real Time(tm) that Mikazuki has referred to all the other swords and their Saniwa as a "family" but he finds that it's not exactly weird to do so. ] Aaah, in a way...it's relieving to have told you everything I did. For so long I was sure I couldn't tell anyone any of that...that it wasn't really anyone else's business but, I suppose I was wrong.

Ahaha, I am glad that I was. I haven't exactly said it to you yet but, thank you Kashuu-kun for having been there for me.

[He doesn't want to find out!! But ah, headpats... He will accept these, even if the tables have turned and now he's the one feeling Embarrassment.]

I don't think that's strange, either. It's the same for me too, y'know? You guys are my family. I think it's like that for a lot of us. [HIS GROSS SAPPY HEART... But he absolutely means it, of course.

The rest of that is a little bit of a surprise to hear, though. He blinks, shifting so he can look up again.]

...You're welcome. [He doesn't feel like he did a whole lot, honestly, but--] If it's like, something that makes things easier or better for you, then I'll always be glad to help. Even if you just need someone to talk to for a little while or something. I dunno if I'll be able to say anything good, but - I mean... Family's there to listen too, right?

"Family" is such an interesting word for swords like us to use. [ Simply due to the fact that sword spirits such as them...technically wouldn't be able to have families. There's having the same smith which is about as close as they get but to have a tangible family like they have made here...it's such an interesting thing to have happened. ] Haha, it feels strange to say it but it gives this lovely little feeling.

[ He sighs a long and relieved sigh... ] Just your presence is enough sometimes, Kashuu-kun. Forgive me for being so...mushy [ he's just a ball of mush by now tbh ] but you seem to always pop up out of nowhere to help this old man. I can really rely on you for anything, ahaha. [ Cue more head pats! ]

[Kashuu agrees with that in one sense, though he'd been close enough to the other Shinsengumi swords to consider them a "family" back when he was much younger. ...It makes him happy, then - because those days had been so nice, it makes him happy to know that the other swords can experience that warm feeling for themselves.]

Then that's the important part! If it feels right to say it, then that's just the way it'll have to be.

[Family's family!! He makes a little huffing sound, and he'd probably cross his arms over his chest if it would take less effort. Instead, he just tilts his head a little like a punkass cat, inviting more headpats.]

Anyway, there's no way I could leave a hopeless old guy like you alone.

[ Maybe it's just Mikazuki being Mikazuki but Kashuu is positively adorable when he says things like that. It's too hard to resist for this Sanjou sword so Kashuu will have to brace himself when his cheeks are squished together with nothing but the utmost of jubilant affection.

This is a sure fire sign that he's feeling 100% like himself again at least -- ] Right, right. I can always count on you, Kashuu-kun! I must sound like a broken record repeatedly thanking you but, [ squeeze, squeeze ] I am very grateful.

[ REGRETFULLY...he releases Kashuu from His Grip™ before he gets too ruffled. ] Ahaha, it seems I can't leave you alone either.

Wait— [Is his face--] Wha—? [GETTING SMUSHED...] Mikazuki?! [Except all of that is much more muffled and distorted because his poor cheeks are squished, so it probably sounds more like "Mhkuhshooki". A for effort...

He's definitely on his way to being Very Ruffled though, so it was a wise choice to let go. Kashuu settles back down, though his feathers are still ruffled... Truly, the power of a grandpa knows no bounds.]

Geez! You say embarrassing things with a straight face like it's nothing. [As if Kashuu doesn't do the exact same thing?!

Still, after a pause:] ...But I'm glad. You sound better now.

( OPEN )

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