[At first there was no indication that Kaz had been listening at all. He was just staring at the demons batting against the Shields with a frightening intensity, as if willing them to break through and disrupt this conversation from ever finishing. They didn't though. That was just how shit his luck was]
You're right. [he finally said after a rather uncomfortable pause, his voice devoid of any and all emotion] I am jealous of you, but I hate you too. I don't want to, though. Hate you, I mean. Or even be jealous of you or whatever. It's such a pointless emotion.
[He was tired of being angry. It was an exhausting feeling, and Kaz wondered how the hell Naoya managed to nurture it for thousands upon thousands of years and lifetimes without burning himself up into nothing. Then again, with how persistent it was, maybe Naoya had no choice but to cling to it. It made a sour feeling settle in his stomach at the thought, empathising with Naoya's stupid grudge, when he had declared that he'd never sink to the same lows as him. He was above revenge and anything like that, he had said, before he had understood what being King of Bel meant. Before he had understood that assimilation with Bel meant he'd get to shoulder his own thousands upon thousands of years and lifetimes of rage and hatred and grief. That rancour was beyond mortal comprehension and absolutely terrified him, so Kaz kept it firmly shoved into the mental closet where it could fester quietly into some sort of mental illness. Didn't stop it from bleeding out into him, though, making him flare up and snap even if rationally, he knew it was an overreaction.
God, he was such an idiot.]
I'm so fucked up it's stupid. I need therapy. [he let out a small huff of self-deprecating laughter. He really did need therapy. Holy fuck] Whatever. Sorry, I guess. Probably snapping at you more than I should've, but, y'know, you are a raging asshole sometimes. Can't help it.
no subject
[At first there was no indication that Kaz had been listening at all. He was just staring at the demons batting against the Shields with a frightening intensity, as if willing them to break through and disrupt this conversation from ever finishing. They didn't though. That was just how shit his luck was]
You're right. [he finally said after a rather uncomfortable pause, his voice devoid of any and all emotion] I am jealous of you, but I hate you too. I don't want to, though. Hate you, I mean. Or even be jealous of you or whatever. It's such a pointless emotion.
[He was tired of being angry. It was an exhausting feeling, and Kaz wondered how the hell Naoya managed to nurture it for thousands upon thousands of years and lifetimes without burning himself up into nothing. Then again, with how persistent it was, maybe Naoya had no choice but to cling to it. It made a sour feeling settle in his stomach at the thought, empathising with Naoya's stupid grudge, when he had declared that he'd never sink to the same lows as him. He was above revenge and anything like that, he had said, before he had understood what being King of Bel meant. Before he had understood that assimilation with Bel meant he'd get to shoulder his own thousands upon thousands of years and lifetimes of rage and hatred and grief. That rancour was beyond mortal comprehension and absolutely terrified him, so Kaz kept it firmly shoved into the mental closet where it could fester quietly into some sort of mental illness. Didn't stop it from bleeding out into him, though, making him flare up and snap even if rationally, he knew it was an overreaction.
God, he was such an idiot.]
I'm so fucked up it's stupid. I need therapy. [he let out a small huff of self-deprecating laughter. He really did need therapy. Holy fuck] Whatever. Sorry, I guess. Probably snapping at you more than I should've, but, y'know, you are a raging asshole sometimes. Can't help it.