It's sometime in the later part of summer. You wanted to spend time with Yu-senpai and though it's not a secret place, it's a place you've come to find comforts you greatly. Sitting side by side with him helps you relax and you tilt your head back, looking ahead.
"When I first got to town, I used to sit here and do nothing…I would just listen to the sound of the river, the sound of the birds, the sound of the rain…" You know you're stalling a bit, but sound is something that also comforts you greatly. "I felt I could forget 'Risette' and find myself that way…but…Senpai, have you ever thought that you're pushing yourself too far, or that you were just acting?"
It surprises you greatly when he watches you, smiling in that soft way of his as he assures you "All the time." The answer catches you off-guard and your heart jumps, turning to look at him more closely as your shoulders relax.
"Really? Then you might even be a better actor than me. But I see…you've been through a lot too. But I guess that makes sense. No one can be their 'normal self' all the time, huh?"
It's a sobering thought, that people can't always be a normal self. Your shadow has taught you a lot about looking within yourself and there's a small bit of anxiety at the idea. Of course, he surprises you again with a nonchalant "Not really." Like it's no big deal.
Senpai's so cool, you think to yourself. It's impressive how he can keep his cool and maybe, just maybe…that's why you trust him so much. Yu-senpai has always allowed you to be honest with him and with yourself.
"Hmmm, so this is your normal self right now? Are you sure?" You tease, ribbing him a bit and giggling, immediately blowing your cover. "I'm just kidding! But that's incredible."
And it is. How can someone be so…okay with everything all the time? It makes you wonder but it's something you keep in mind. That Yu acts, too. That maybe Yu would understand…? You fall quiet, suddenly looking at your sandals.
"I feel like I've been able to relax after coming to Inaba. Meeting all of you, laughing together…watching the store, reading comics, playing with the cat…" The simple, mundane things. Inaba's a quiet little countryside away from the city and it's a relief…even if there's a small, indescribable pang of longing. It quickly shifts to something you recognize as melancholy, things you keep to yourself often enough. Talking about depressing subjects isn't how an idol should be! But…you're not an idol now, are you? You're Rise Kujikawa.
Would your friends still like you for just being Rise Kujikawa? Would they like you if you weren't bubbly and cute all the time, if you weren't always on? Or would they be like others?
"…when I was at my parents' house, I was on my best behavior around them. Grandma doesn't ask me anything. Y'know, like why I quit or what I'm thinking of doing next. She just talks about tofu. She says…I'm like tofu."
You huff a laugh, shaking your head. You love your grandma very much, but you still think she's wrong about this. "I had to ask her what that meant. The way she explained it…tofu looks weak and fragile, but it's actually pretty resilient. Even though it stands out because it's not like any other food, it can be mixed in with any recipe or flavor. Tofu is incredible…I'm nothing like that."
It's a heavy thing to admit, you think, but Yu only regards you quietly. You feel awkward and embarrassed, unable to believe you're telling him things that are so private and not at all Risette. But he's still here. And he's not asking. He's patiently waiting in the way he always does, calm and sure and capable of making you comfortable even with all things. You're nothing like tofu. You aren't strong enough to do this on your own yet. But maybe…that's okay? Maybe this is okay.
"I was actually bullied at school before I made my debut. I wasn't good at talking and always looked at my feet." Sort of the way you are now and you immediately straighten up to look at him. On. "I was alone the entire time..but I didn't have a problem with that. No one expected anything of me. And then…the application my relative sent without telling me passed the first audition." There's another pause as you breathe, bowing your head again. You still can't admit this to his face, but there's no looking back now.
"I wasn't interested in being an idol, but I wanted the chance to change myself. And just by chance, I won." You let out a humorless laugh. "When it happened I panicked…thinking maybe I should turn their offer down. Then I thought…if I appeared on TV, I could make friends." You feel stupid now, shaking your head. "That was literally the only reason I went through with it. After a while, I realized something. The person everyone likes? The one they say hi to on the street? That's not the real me. Risette is the one everyone likes…the fictional character they sold the public."
You're afraid to ask. There's fear gripping your heart, knots in your stomach but you refuse to let it show in your face as you eye him again. "It's the same with you, isn't it? You don't have to deny it…I won't be mad. You're with me right now because I'm Risette, yeah?"
You aren't sure what you're expecting, but you know it will be honest. And as honestly as he always is, he says "I don't know" and something inside of you jumps again. Is it really possible that other people who're so cool and confident also are uneasy? You stare at him, a light flush to your face as you smile despite the heaviness of the conversation.
"Wow…I'm kinda surprised. You project the image of strength, so I didn't expect you to say that. But I see…you're just a year older than me, huh? I never thought of that."
Perhaps he, too, has many expectations he needs to meet. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that you can bond like this and you feel something warm blossom in your heart as you lean in closer. There's one more thing you feel you need to explain.
"When I got back to school after my debut, no one bullied me. I was happy at first with people I didn't even know talking to me…but then they weren't suddenly interested in Rise Kujikawa. They wanted to hang out with Risette. The bullying stopped, but I felt like none of them saw the real me. In my heart, I've always thought 'this isn't the real me'…" And those thoughts, you know now, manifested into something ugly and hurt, a part you didn't want to recognize. "Funny, huh? I was the one who wanted to change and…"
You linger awkwardly before you huff, head held high and voice regaining its confidence. "But none of that matters now! I'm done being Risette! Now I have people who know the real me." And the thought brightens you. Those friends of yours, the ones who came to save you. You. Not Risette. The ones who rely on you. "Plus I have powers that can help everyone…I love that! This time, I'm going to change into a Rise that everyone can like!" You tilt your head, throwing in a wink.
"Keep an eye out for her, Senpai!"
It's easier to tackle together, you think. With someone like Yu at your side, you feel you can do anything, be who you really are meant to be. And you'll do anything to help him, too, no matter what he may struggle with. It's an oddly calming thought and you offer your hand to him to pull him up. "Let's go, Senpai."
no subject
"When I first got to town, I used to sit here and do nothing…I would just listen to the sound of the river, the sound of the birds, the sound of the rain…" You know you're stalling a bit, but sound is something that also comforts you greatly. "I felt I could forget 'Risette' and find myself that way…but…Senpai, have you ever thought that you're pushing yourself too far, or that you were just acting?"
It surprises you greatly when he watches you, smiling in that soft way of his as he assures you "All the time." The answer catches you off-guard and your heart jumps, turning to look at him more closely as your shoulders relax.
"Really? Then you might even be a better actor than me. But I see…you've been through a lot too. But I guess that makes sense. No one can be their 'normal self' all the time, huh?"
It's a sobering thought, that people can't always be a normal self. Your shadow has taught you a lot about looking within yourself and there's a small bit of anxiety at the idea. Of course, he surprises you again with a nonchalant "Not really." Like it's no big deal.
Senpai's so cool, you think to yourself. It's impressive how he can keep his cool and maybe, just maybe…that's why you trust him so much. Yu-senpai has always allowed you to be honest with him and with yourself.
"Hmmm, so this is your normal self right now? Are you sure?" You tease, ribbing him a bit and giggling, immediately blowing your cover. "I'm just kidding! But that's incredible."
And it is. How can someone be so…okay with everything all the time? It makes you wonder but it's something you keep in mind. That Yu acts, too. That maybe Yu would understand…? You fall quiet, suddenly looking at your sandals.
"I feel like I've been able to relax after coming to Inaba. Meeting all of you, laughing together…watching the store, reading comics, playing with the cat…" The simple, mundane things. Inaba's a quiet little countryside away from the city and it's a relief…even if there's a small, indescribable pang of longing. It quickly shifts to something you recognize as melancholy, things you keep to yourself often enough. Talking about depressing subjects isn't how an idol should be! But…you're not an idol now, are you? You're Rise Kujikawa.
Would your friends still like you for just being Rise Kujikawa? Would they like you if you weren't bubbly and cute all the time, if you weren't always on? Or would they be like others?
"…when I was at my parents' house, I was on my best behavior around them. Grandma doesn't ask me anything. Y'know, like why I quit or what I'm thinking of doing next. She just talks about tofu. She says…I'm like tofu."
You huff a laugh, shaking your head. You love your grandma very much, but you still think she's wrong about this. "I had to ask her what that meant. The way she explained it…tofu looks weak and fragile, but it's actually pretty resilient. Even though it stands out because it's not like any other food, it can be mixed in with any recipe or flavor. Tofu is incredible…I'm nothing like that."
It's a heavy thing to admit, you think, but Yu only regards you quietly. You feel awkward and embarrassed, unable to believe you're telling him things that are so private and not at all Risette. But he's still here. And he's not asking. He's patiently waiting in the way he always does, calm and sure and capable of making you comfortable even with all things. You're nothing like tofu. You aren't strong enough to do this on your own yet. But maybe…that's okay? Maybe this is okay.
"I was actually bullied at school before I made my debut. I wasn't good at talking and always looked at my feet." Sort of the way you are now and you immediately straighten up to look at him. On. "I was alone the entire time..but I didn't have a problem with that. No one expected anything of me. And then…the application my relative sent without telling me passed the first audition." There's another pause as you breathe, bowing your head again. You still can't admit this to his face, but there's no looking back now.
"I wasn't interested in being an idol, but I wanted the chance to change myself. And just by chance, I won." You let out a humorless laugh. "When it happened I panicked…thinking maybe I should turn their offer down. Then I thought…if I appeared on TV, I could make friends." You feel stupid now, shaking your head. "That was literally the only reason I went through with it. After a while, I realized something. The person everyone likes? The one they say hi to on the street? That's not the real me. Risette is the one everyone likes…the fictional character they sold the public."
You're afraid to ask. There's fear gripping your heart, knots in your stomach but you refuse to let it show in your face as you eye him again. "It's the same with you, isn't it? You don't have to deny it…I won't be mad. You're with me right now because I'm Risette, yeah?"
You aren't sure what you're expecting, but you know it will be honest. And as honestly as he always is, he says "I don't know" and something inside of you jumps again. Is it really possible that other people who're so cool and confident also are uneasy? You stare at him, a light flush to your face as you smile despite the heaviness of the conversation.
"Wow…I'm kinda surprised. You project the image of strength, so I didn't expect you to say that. But I see…you're just a year older than me, huh? I never thought of that."
Perhaps he, too, has many expectations he needs to meet. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that you can bond like this and you feel something warm blossom in your heart as you lean in closer. There's one more thing you feel you need to explain.
"When I got back to school after my debut, no one bullied me. I was happy at first with people I didn't even know talking to me…but then they weren't suddenly interested in Rise Kujikawa. They wanted to hang out with Risette. The bullying stopped, but I felt like none of them saw the real me. In my heart, I've always thought 'this isn't the real me'…" And those thoughts, you know now, manifested into something ugly and hurt, a part you didn't want to recognize. "Funny, huh? I was the one who wanted to change and…"
You linger awkwardly before you huff, head held high and voice regaining its confidence. "But none of that matters now! I'm done being Risette! Now I have people who know the real me." And the thought brightens you. Those friends of yours, the ones who came to save you. You. Not Risette. The ones who rely on you. "Plus I have powers that can help everyone…I love that! This time, I'm going to change into a Rise that everyone can like!" You tilt your head, throwing in a wink.
"Keep an eye out for her, Senpai!"
It's easier to tackle together, you think. With someone like Yu at your side, you feel you can do anything, be who you really are meant to be. And you'll do anything to help him, too, no matter what he may struggle with. It's an oddly calming thought and you offer your hand to him to pull him up. "Let's go, Senpai."