[ Whether out of habit or just instinct due to that his throat felt tight and constricted, Kaneki just nodded quietly in assent. He was completely right, as back then, he was trying to get on his feet and accept being a ghoul so it was far from a time when he'd be able to just openly say anything to his closest friend for precisely the reasons Hide had stated just a moment before.
He still felt that in a way; that he was a monster.
So many little habits he'd picked up on since separating from Hide, and the things he's done. Admitting to them straight would take a long time, like the fact that he kind of broke 103 of Touka's brother's bones, lost his mind in Kanou's underground lab back then, killed all those ghouls in Tsukiyama's ghoul restaurant and even having attacked Banjou who was his comrade. Plus you count in all the cannibalization he's done to ghouls in the past before that and he had this whole list of unimaginable things he's done and the kinds of people he's fought against.
Kaneki remained quiet for a moment after that, the cracks in his composure more than evidently visible in how close to breaking down he was getting to. His expression turns almost hurt, like he doesn't know to feel about his friend's words because it was true and yet made him feel a little guilty when he saw that look in Hide's eyes. ]
They... taught me a lot of things and helped me find a place to belong when I thought I didn't have one anymore.
[ Stepping forwards, he then stopped himself because he knew he shouldn't. There was so much more he wanted to say, and yet there was no way he could apologize to Hide for leaving him alone all this time. ]
It wasn't just them, though. Hide, I... wasn't just eased into accepting who... or what I was.
[ By now it seems something comes to the surface and the next words all spill out, unbidden. Mostly on instinct, and after they've been said he freezes up a little. ]
There's more to it... I... never really wanted it to happen that way.
no subject
He still felt that in a way; that he was a monster.
So many little habits he'd picked up on since separating from Hide, and the things he's done. Admitting to them straight would take a long time, like the fact that he kind of broke 103 of Touka's brother's bones, lost his mind in Kanou's underground lab back then, killed all those ghouls in Tsukiyama's ghoul restaurant and even having attacked Banjou who was his comrade. Plus you count in all the cannibalization he's done to ghouls in the past before that and he had this whole list of unimaginable things he's done and the kinds of people he's fought against.
Kaneki remained quiet for a moment after that, the cracks in his composure more than evidently visible in how close to breaking down he was getting to. His expression turns almost hurt, like he doesn't know to feel about his friend's words because it was true and yet made him feel a little guilty when he saw that look in Hide's eyes. ]
They... taught me a lot of things and helped me find a place to belong when I thought I didn't have one anymore.
[ Stepping forwards, he then stopped himself because he knew he shouldn't. There was so much more he wanted to say, and yet there was no way he could apologize to Hide for leaving him alone all this time. ]
It wasn't just them, though. Hide, I... wasn't just eased into accepting who... or what I was.
[ By now it seems something comes to the surface and the next words all spill out, unbidden. Mostly on instinct, and after they've been said he freezes up a little. ]
There's more to it... I... never really wanted it to happen that way.