[ Those palpable cracks wouldn't mend anymore; not now that they've gotten this far and he's said some things that he could no longer take back.
Kaneki wholeheartedly wished it had been just Anteiku who had helped him accept his ghoul side, and perhaps if events had happened differently then there was the chance that maybe he wouldn't have become so broken. If Yamori had never existed then perhaps he would still bear his normal haircolor and still be someone who was a little more human than him. His heart - and mind - wouldn't be in so many scattered pieces, waiting and leaning on that line of sanity and insanity with memories he wish he could forget eternally.
His throat feels tight and his head reels a bit, a hand soon coming up to rub absently at the joints on his other hand in silent remembrance. Aogiri. Aogiri. They broke him in more than one way and surely everything in his body language and posture hints at this; the darkness that clouds his pale eyes as he slowly nods in what feels like a delayed answer to Hide's question. ]
...Yeah. A... man named Yamori, particularly. Jason... whatever it is you want to call him.
[ In a sick way, he knows it was also Rize that helped him in that entirely too messed-up and forwards way of hers. Forced him to accept that he was lonely and that he had to be someone who had to hurt others instead of being the one who got hurt.
Made him realize that if he didn't change, then when Aogiri got too strong, they would go after all of his precious people and he would not dare risk something like that. They meant too much to him, after all. ]
Ten days. I experienced things no normal human could have possibly endured, Hide.
[ That's all he's going to say unless his friend ever pressed it, but for now he was going to leave it at that. ]
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Kaneki wholeheartedly wished it had been just Anteiku who had helped him accept his ghoul side, and perhaps if events had happened differently then there was the chance that maybe he wouldn't have become so broken. If Yamori had never existed then perhaps he would still bear his normal haircolor and still be someone who was a little more human than him. His heart - and mind - wouldn't be in so many scattered pieces, waiting and leaning on that line of sanity and insanity with memories he wish he could forget eternally.
His throat feels tight and his head reels a bit, a hand soon coming up to rub absently at the joints on his other hand in silent remembrance. Aogiri. Aogiri. They broke him in more than one way and surely everything in his body language and posture hints at this; the darkness that clouds his pale eyes as he slowly nods in what feels like a delayed answer to Hide's question. ]
...Yeah. A... man named Yamori, particularly. Jason... whatever it is you want to call him.
[ In a sick way, he knows it was also Rize that helped him in that entirely too messed-up and forwards way of hers. Forced him to accept that he was lonely and that he had to be someone who had to hurt others instead of being the one who got hurt.
Made him realize that if he didn't change, then when Aogiri got too strong, they would go after all of his precious people and he would not dare risk something like that. They meant too much to him, after all. ]
Ten days. I experienced things no normal human could have possibly endured, Hide.
[ That's all he's going to say unless his friend ever pressed it, but for now he was going to leave it at that. ]