estoria | [open] And as you know I have a gigantic heart

Entry tags:

[open] And as you know I have a gigantic heart

Who: Rise Kujikawa and OPEN!
When: 7/19-7/23 (IC) aka event-time!
Where: Various prompts
What: It started with a goat. Then it all just went downhill from there. AKA Rise Kujikawa and the mysterious memories event.
Rating/Warning: N/A for now, will update if needed

[It started with a goat. Honestly, at first she thought that she'd dreamed it, that maybe it was just an extension of the white feathers she saw in her dreams recently but no. She wakes up and there sure is a wispy little goat at the foot of her bed. She stares…and the goat bleats flatly at her. It's a sad-looking thing, but as she tries to get closer it seems to disappear immediately.

Wow. That's weird.]

A.) is for Academy

[It's a normal school day. With everyone back from the dead and her worries a little more at ease, she can concentrate a little easier. It's quiet in the Study Hall period of the day and she's working on some homework when she spots the goat out of the corner of her eye…approaching a wastebasket. She hasn't realized it can't change much of the world around them, but she'll get that memo as soon as she gets up and stealthily tries to approach the animal.

Of course, the goat suddenly moves and it startles her and her arms suddenly pinwheel as she yells, trying to balance on her high heels so she doesn't bite the dust. Are you going to catch her? Let her fall? Fall with her? Sorry about all of that.]

B.) is for Bad Places Rise Shouldn't Wander

[This goat is seriously way more trouble than it's worth. She's not sure where it came from or why it's in such poor condition, but she's taken to following it around the colony to make sure it doesn't get too far out of her sight. It's for that reason she doesn't even realize she winds up right in the middle of the Pleasure District. The goat's paused, and if it's possible it gives her a knowing look despite its lack of real expression.

(Is it possible that this goat knows about her dungeon?)

She ends up in a staring contest with the goat, narrowing her eyes when she realizes she's standing in front of a love hotel.]

Don't even think about it. [She sure was talking to the goat, but it's not that hard to overhear her.]

C.) is for Cafe

[Everything is exhausting. She's sprawled over a chair almost ungracefully and that goat hovers around near her feet, but at least its not moving. On occasion, she'll be writing neat lines in a notebook and sipping her tea, though she frowning in concentration. There's an extra chair at her table though. Feel free to ask if you can join her or even be nosy about what she's doing, she won't mind.

On the other hand, if you're a friend or even someone she recognizes, she'll look up and smile brightly before pushing the chair out with her foot.]

Hey, over here!

D.) is for Dancing Games

[Sometimes Rise likes to play games. Sometimes Rise likes to use the game station to practice and when she gets bored of dancing in her room this is the next best thing. However, she's found at the game center today in front of one of the dancing games, and as she watches the colorful arrows fall across the screen she's continually missing and whines in frustration.]

Ugh, come on! This should be really easy! [And it would be…if she actually remembered how to dance. It's like all memories and coordination have left her and she's left trying really hard to fix that. Help her? Challenge her? Question her?]

E.) is for Everything Else!

[If you want to run into her while she's out shopping, at work as a model/karaoke star/tofu connoisseur, or if housemates want to do apartment shenanigans here you go!]

[ooc: ALSO if you have a preference on your type of memory please let me know! Otherwise I will be randomizing. Thank you!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ If there's one thing that Yosuke understands, it's a need for distractions. It's been a total mess and whirlwind of WTFery since he arrived. Okay, he had a few free days, but after that, fans and shit and more questions than answers. Apparently that's the status quo and it makes him miss whales eating him. That's where we're at.

On the plus side, Rise seems to be of a similar mind. What guy doesn't like video games? Ignoring ViViD who is way too heavy on the reality side of "virtual reality". But DDR?

He grins. ]

You really want me to go up against an idol? This isn't just to make you look better, is it?

[ But oh, little does he know... ]

[With Yu and Dipper back there's a little bit of breathing room. In a way she almost feels bad for everything Yosuke's already experienced. But she did say she'd take him out for karaoke and stuff when things settled down. While this isn't her forte, it's pretty close. (And if she's honest, it's been kind of nice being able to spend some time with him by himself, too.)

She's just really, really hoping she can get it together because embarrassing herself in front of her senpai is not cool by any stretch of the imagination. There's some catchy tune playing in the background and Rise leans back against the screen, smiling brightly as she tilts her head toward the other dance pad.]

Aw, come on! Are you scared? [Her eyes only drift a bit to that goat. Oh hey. You. You're from the apartment. (At least Yosuke didn't land in the trash today, that could have been a selling point for Rise's goat-friend here.)] I promise I'll go really easy on you.

[ Rise cares, he knows that. And maybe because she can actually sense where everyone was and when they disappeared, it was harder for her than for most who were left behind. But just as much, she wants to see her smile.

It's kind of nice getting to have some one on one time with her, too. Usually they hang out in a group, but without the rest of the gang, it's kind of narrowed down their options. It's not as stressful as he imagined it might be. ]

Just being realistic here! You've got professional training and I've...got my living room. But, hey, maybe this'll be my lucky day for once?

[ Yosuke doesn't notice the goat. Of course he doesn't, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST! Or really, because he doesn't see it. Either way, he accepts her challenge and steps up to the neighboring platform. ]

Any song looking good for you?

[Yosuke, you have the lowest luck stats of the entire party and she knows it. She knows that luck usually isn't on Yosuke's side but she also knows she can't let him get away either. She's always up for a little bit of friendly competition anyway.

(Plus if she thinks about it, it's nice that he'll do this for her.)]

I don't think I've ever seen you dance before. I guess we'll find out! [She's scrolling through songs, listening to little clips before she lands on one that seems light enough (and oddly reminds her of the boy next to her.)] What about this one? [Yosuke's not getting much of a choice here seeing how she's already going through the motions of picking the game and setting them up for "hard" mode.] I hope you're ready!

[ Hello fourth wall, how are you doing today? Needing to be poked? That's good, because there is something about the song that strikes Yosuke as familiar. He's not sure why, but it seems like the kind of thing he'd dance to when he's alone in his room, trying to think of how cool he might look doing it. Not that he'll admit that. ]

That's fi--whoa, hard mode on the first go? You're serious about this, Rise-san.

[ Is he worried? He's a little worried, though he's accepted Rise is going to cream him either way. He can at least give it a good effort, right?

Luckily, he has played DDR in the past. Unsurprisingly it's been a while since Inaba doesn't have a plethora of gaming centers available. (None, read that as none.) But still! Yosuke rolls his shoulders and assumes the starting position on the board just in time for the song to start.

It's actually staring out kind of ok--AH THAT'S A LOT OF ARROWS RISE WHY DID YOU PICK HARD? ]

[Look it might actually be Yosuke's lucky day considering she really can't remember how to move in time with the music. She giggles instead and gets in a starting position just as the song begins to roll.

She's not having a lot better luck than Yosuke at least! The arrows are flying faster than she can hit all of them and her accuracy's maybe about 50%. This is terrible! This is horrendous! This is clearly the most perfect opportunity for the goat to come examine Yosuke. Depending on how the boy does during the next portion of the song, he just might be in danger here. Can you keep up, Yosuke-senpai?]

[ Yosuke is...actually doing fairly well once he gets into the groove of it! Maybe in part because he's played games like this before, even if it's not this specific song, or maybe because he's actually not a total klutz in some arenas. Who knew? But he is surprised to see his score climbing hiring that Rise.

You know. Rise Kujikawa? Stage name "Risette"? The megastar idol? Who he's owning in DDR.

What a strange turn of events. ]

Not quite like being on stage, huh, Rise-san?

[ He has to rub it in a little, he can't help bit. Of course, he has no idea where this goat is hanging out, so if he gets a little too close to Yosuke's stepping...then there's gonna be one squashed goat in about five seconds-- ]

[She puffs out her cheeks and she's definitely frustrated by now, stomping a little too hard (but still out of sync) in response to the teasing.]

It's a dumb game! [It's the only protest she's going to get in before she hits a few notes correctly, perking up instantly as her score climbs again.] And it's not over yet!

[Maybe not for her. But it sure is over for Yosuke because the goat's up on the platform, allowing the boy to move right through it but not enough to spare him from...well. Something Yosuke probably shouldn't be privy to.]

It's sometime in the later part of summer. You wanted to spend time with Yu-senpai and though it's not a secret place, it's a place you've come to find comforts you greatly. Sitting side by side with him helps you relax and you tilt your head back, looking ahead.

"When I first got to town, I used to sit here and do nothing…I would just listen to the sound of the river, the sound of the birds, the sound of the rain…" You know you're stalling a bit, but sound is something that also comforts you greatly. "I felt I could forget 'Risette' and find myself that way…but…Senpai, have you ever thought that you're pushing yourself too far, or that you were just acting?"

It surprises you greatly when he watches you, smiling in that soft way of his as he assures you "All the time." The answer catches you off-guard and your heart jumps, turning to look at him more closely as your shoulders relax.

"Really? Then you might even be a better actor than me. But I see…you've been through a lot too. But I guess that makes sense. No one can be their 'normal self' all the time, huh?"

It's a sobering thought, that people can't always be a normal self. Your shadow has taught you a lot about looking within yourself and there's a small bit of anxiety at the idea. Of course, he surprises you again with a nonchalant "Not really." Like it's no big deal.

Senpai's so cool, you think to yourself. It's impressive how he can keep his cool and maybe, just maybe…that's why you trust him so much. Yu-senpai has always allowed you to be honest with him and with yourself.

"Hmmm, so this is your normal self right now? Are you sure?" You tease, ribbing him a bit and giggling, immediately blowing your cover. "I'm just kidding! But that's incredible."

And it is. How can someone be so…okay with everything all the time? It makes you wonder but it's something you keep in mind. That Yu acts, too. That maybe Yu would understand…? You fall quiet, suddenly looking at your sandals.

"I feel like I've been able to relax after coming to Inaba. Meeting all of you, laughing together…watching the store, reading comics, playing with the cat…" The simple, mundane things. Inaba's a quiet little countryside away from the city and it's a relief…even if there's a small, indescribable pang of longing. It quickly shifts to something you recognize as melancholy, things you keep to yourself often enough. Talking about depressing subjects isn't how an idol should be! But…you're not an idol now, are you? You're Rise Kujikawa.

Would your friends still like you for just being Rise Kujikawa? Would they like you if you weren't bubbly and cute all the time, if you weren't always on? Or would they be like others?

"…when I was at my parents' house, I was on my best behavior around them. Grandma doesn't ask me anything. Y'know, like why I quit or what I'm thinking of doing next. She just talks about tofu. She says…I'm like tofu."

You huff a laugh, shaking your head. You love your grandma very much, but you still think she's wrong about this. "I had to ask her what that meant. The way she explained it…tofu looks weak and fragile, but it's actually pretty resilient. Even though it stands out because it's not like any other food, it can be mixed in with any recipe or flavor. Tofu is incredible…I'm nothing like that."

It's a heavy thing to admit, you think, but Yu only regards you quietly. You feel awkward and embarrassed, unable to believe you're telling him things that are so private and not at all Risette. But he's still here. And he's not asking. He's patiently waiting in the way he always does, calm and sure and capable of making you comfortable even with all things. You're nothing like tofu. You aren't strong enough to do this on your own yet. But maybe…that's okay? Maybe this is okay.

"I was actually bullied at school before I made my debut. I wasn't good at talking and always looked at my feet." Sort of the way you are now and you immediately straighten up to look at him. On. "I was alone the entire time..but I didn't have a problem with that. No one expected anything of me. And then…the application my relative sent without telling me passed the first audition." There's another pause as you breathe, bowing your head again. You still can't admit this to his face, but there's no looking back now.

"I wasn't interested in being an idol, but I wanted the chance to change myself. And just by chance, I won." You let out a humorless laugh. "When it happened I panicked…thinking maybe I should turn their offer down. Then I thought…if I appeared on TV, I could make friends." You feel stupid now, shaking your head. "That was literally the only reason I went through with it. After a while, I realized something. The person everyone likes? The one they say hi to on the street? That's not the real me. Risette is the one everyone likes…the fictional character they sold the public."

You're afraid to ask. There's fear gripping your heart, knots in your stomach but you refuse to let it show in your face as you eye him again. "It's the same with you, isn't it? You don't have to deny it…I won't be mad. You're with me right now because I'm Risette, yeah?"

You aren't sure what you're expecting, but you know it will be honest. And as honestly as he always is, he says "I don't know" and something inside of you jumps again. Is it really possible that other people who're so cool and confident also are uneasy? You stare at him, a light flush to your face as you smile despite the heaviness of the conversation.

"Wow…I'm kinda surprised. You project the image of strength, so I didn't expect you to say that. But I see…you're just a year older than me, huh? I never thought of that."

Perhaps he, too, has many expectations he needs to meet. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that you can bond like this and you feel something warm blossom in your heart as you lean in closer. There's one more thing you feel you need to explain.

"When I got back to school after my debut, no one bullied me. I was happy at first with people I didn't even know talking to me…but then they weren't suddenly interested in Rise Kujikawa. They wanted to hang out with Risette. The bullying stopped, but I felt like none of them saw the real me. In my heart, I've always thought 'this isn't the real me'…" And those thoughts, you know now, manifested into something ugly and hurt, a part you didn't want to recognize. "Funny, huh? I was the one who wanted to change and…"

You linger awkwardly before you huff, head held high and voice regaining its confidence. "But none of that matters now! I'm done being Risette! Now I have people who know the real me." And the thought brightens you. Those friends of yours, the ones who came to save you. You. Not Risette. The ones who rely on you. "Plus I have powers that can help everyone…I love that! This time, I'm going to change into a Rise that everyone can like!" You tilt your head, throwing in a wink.

"Keep an eye out for her, Senpai!"

It's easier to tackle together, you think. With someone like Yu at your side, you feel you can do anything, be who you really are meant to be. And you'll do anything to help him, too, no matter what he may struggle with. It's an oddly calming thought and you offer your hand to him to pull him up. "Let's go, Senpai."

[ On minute he's stepping down on the pad, and the next? He can't see the screen anymore. His vision goes with and then he's--back...in Inaba? Yeah, he recognizes the place. Seeing Yu there isn't all that surprising either. But the words that come out of "his" mouth clearly aren't his own.

So this is what it feels like, huh?

Only from listening to other people's past experiences does Yosuke make the connection fairly quickly. This isn't actually happening--it's a memory. And from the sounds of it, from the location and the fact that Yu is sitting next to "him", it's Rise's.

He let's the scene play out before him. It's...it's not what he expects.

He'd seen her shadow, of course. He's got an inkling of her insecurities and her struggle to find where the line between Rise Kujikawa and Risette begins and ends. But he'd thought that she'd come to terms with the fact they're all her, hadn't she? He should know that accepting your Shadow isn't the immediate end all of your problems. If anything, it's just the beginning. Acknowledgment is only step one.

He's surprised to hear she didn't get on in school that way. Who wouldn't like Rise? She's bright and friendly, cute and chipper, but--is that just who she's become because of Risette? What's with kids, anyway? Sometimes they can be so mean to each other. There's never a reason to bully someone else. But becoming Risette hadn't even been her intention, huh? No wonder things would get confusing when people were more interested in Risette than Rise...

Plus I have powers that can help everyone…I love that! This time, I'm going to change into a Rise that everyone can like!

...Yeah. And that's the most important part, right? That they can help people and become better than they started off.

He realizes that there's a lot he really didn't know about Rise. Sure, he'd gotten closer to her than he ever would have had she not joined the Investigation Team. Hell, he'd probably still just be drooling over her posters without fully realizing that Risette's place was on stage and Rise should feel comfortable to be who she wants to be around people she wants to be around. She'd just be a girl, an idol. That's all.

Now I have people who know the real me.

It resonates with him until the vision fades.

And he realizes that he'd fallen off of the DDR machine and landed face first into the ground, ass in the air. As per usual.

Ow. ]

[Normally she'd be a little worried about Yosuke landing hard on the dance pad. Or she'd playfully tease him about the position he's landed in because isn't it always ass in the air for him? But she can't this time. She can't because there's a blinding sort of dizziness in her head and a distressed noise as she winds up dropping to her knees next to him. The world's tilting a little too fast and her stomach churns a little as she still, somehow, gracefully slides both hands over her mouth trying not to be sick. The still-flashing lights and arrows of the DDR game aren't helping either.

And so here they are. Two dumb kids on the floor in the middle of an arcade and showing no signs of movement yet. Where's Yu when you need him? Don't worry, Yosuke. She'll try to be with you in just a moment.]

[ This is clearly the most intense game of DDR that's ever been played. The fact that the song just continues on despite their lack of participation really doesn't help matters at all. But, Yosuke, while inconvenienced isn't totally out of it. ]

Geez...

[ With a little resistance from sore muscles, Yosuke is still able to push himself up and rubs his nose. It hurts, but it's not broken. He definitely knows what that feels like, thanks to the whole sewer journey. But he also knows what just happened. Is Rise-- ]

--Rise!

[ Whoops, no honorifics. She looks like crap, which isn't very usual for her. He scurries to his feet, smacking the console of the game to forfeit the competition before he's kneeling next to her on the pad. He reaches out, putting a hand on her back. ]

Hold on there. Do...we need to get you to a bathroom?

[At least nothing's broken and Yosuke seems to be okay enough to move. His health isn't taking any hits and he's back up in no time. The arrows stop and the music stops until they're back at the menu, and Rise's still on the ground.

The thing is, idols don't throw up and they sure as hell don't throw up in front of their senpai so while that's probably a good idea she's slowly shaking her head and suppressing a gag. More than anything, on top of feeling very sick very suddenly she's more embarrassed than anything.]

I'm okay. [Said from behind her hand still even as her throat's working to swallow again.] What the hell...?

[ Her health is way more important to him right now. He knows how lousy he felt every time someone else ended up absorbing one of his memories and she doesn't look like she's feeling much better. There's no shame in needing to run to a toilet, really, and he'd rather her take care of it if she needs to. ]

You sure...? [ He's not so certain. Yosuke looks up, around, and sees a seating area past another row of machines. ] Hey, let's get you over there, okay? I'll help you.

[Really, all this is is affirmation that Yosuke's a good guy who tends to put his friends before himself. She's sick and she's upset and trying not to embarrass herself but his offer earns him a nod and a small "okay."

If she's leaning on him due to being upright and dizzy, she's polite enough not to draw attention to it and with Yosuke's help they're up and off of the dance platform and settled into the seating area. She seems to be feeling a little better and she brings her hands away from her mouth, giving him a small, sheepish smile that's more Rise Kujikawa than Risette.]

Sorry. These effects are getting way out of hand. [But she's curled up in the seating area and working through the vertigo even as she gives Yosuke a curious, somewhat wary look.] ...that means you saw something, didn't you?

[ Don't worry, Rise. Yosuke won't comment on it. They're both people who find keeping appearances up kind of important, but in moments like this, her comfort takes priority. Once she's settled, he'll let her shift her weight if she needs to, but he won't move away until he's sure she's holding herself up.

There's gotta be water around here somewhere too, right? He glances around--but looks back at her when she speaks again. ]

Yeah. I know. They're totally uncalled for. You'd think getting exposed was enough--

[ Which, of course, sounds worse when he has to admit... ]

--er...Yeah. I did.

[Part of her wouldn't say no to staying propped up against him, but she's a little too proud for that. She's sitting up on her own and taking in deep breaths through her nose to keep calm, watching Yosuke curiously.]

At least you missed the house of mirrors down in the Labyrinth. [Did Yu ever tell him about that? She has no idea. But she pauses, unsure if she really wants to hear the answer.] ...was it that bad?

House of mirrors...?

[ Yeah, he's got no idea what it is. But really, he is glad, he just doesn't know it. The sharing of memories here seems to be somewhat random, at least.

At her question, he straightens almost immediately. ]

Oh, no, it's not like--I mean...it wasn't happy. Not exactly. [ Yosuke sobers up quickly. ] I feel kind of bad, actually. Like...that was a private conversation between you and Yu. It's like eaves dropping on something you're not supposed to hear. But...for what it's worth? You're definitely a Rise that people like.

[There's a look that says she'll explain in a little bit. This is more important and when Yosuke says that, it becomes pretty clear just what he might have seen. There's an ashamed little laugh as she ducks her head, looking at her lap instead. She can't meet his eyes for this.]

You really think so? [It's still something awkward to talk about.] ...like I said when we first met, I thought you guys wouldn't like me all depressed and stressed. So I changed a lot. And people here...nobody but you and Yu-senpai really know who Risette is. Everyone here is friends with Rise Kujikawa. [She finally looks up.] It's kind of really cool.

[ He can't help but smile a little like that. She isn't telling people she's an idol? Of course that would be one of the first thing's Yosuke would do, for some of the same fears she'd had when they initially met--he wants people to like him. The thought that she really needed to ever worry about that is still a little mind-boggling. He hadn't taken it too seriously before, but after seeing that... ]

Well, if you're not telling anyone, I'll try not to name drop you for posterity. [ He winks. ] ...But if there's anything I've learned from Yu and everyone else, it's that it's better to just be yourself, you know? Someday, before you know it, you'll be special to someone.

[It's funny and a little weird that sometimes she's still insecure about it. She's better than she was now, able to balance the parts of her that make up a whole person, but sometimes she gets a little too caught up.]

A few special people know. [She grins.] The people I'm closest to here find out eventually, but it's not the first thing I tell people now, you know? I'm doing my best to be honest with myself so I can be honest with everybody else. [...but being special to someone? She thinks she knows what he means, but she's also jumping forward a step or two in the conversation.] Yosuke-senpai...do you think a person can be special to more than one person?

[ He nods. It makes sense, like she said. It's her opportunity for people to get to see Rise without the looming reputation of Risette in the background. Not that he thinks Risette is something that would upset people, he can definitely understand how it might influence their opinions on her. It's better to be liked honestly than to have someone fawn over you, right? Although he wouldn't mind a little fawning every now and then.

(Let's be real, he wouldn't know what to do with it.) ]

And they still like you just as much, right?

[ Which is what should drive the point home. He'll never really get what it's like to have that kind of reputation hanging over his head, but he maybe gets having something precede you on some level. Not like Junes is anything like having a celebrity status, but people did jump to a lot of conclusions before even meeting him. Hey, maybe he understands better than he thought?

Her question makes him blink. Brown eyes widen a little before he frowns slightly, considering. ]

...I mean, yeah, I'd imagine so. You don't always know what someone might see in you, and maybe different people see different things they like. Like you--don't get me wrong, you know I'm a huge fan and everything, but how many people would really put their celebrity gig aside and decide to risk their own wellbeing to help people when you know you'll never get thanks for it? That's...a pretty big deal, Rise-san. I don't think a lot would.

[ He is proud of his friends. Like ridiculously proud. ]

Why do you ask?

I think so. [Truthfully most of her friends don't even know what an idol is which suits her just fine. She can educate at her speed and be more proud of who she is. It's nice making friends on her own which…really is why she became Risette. It's like finally being able to stand on her own two feet.] It's kind of nice not to have any expectations to meet here, too. We can be our own people.

[She knows what kind of rumors float around town about Junes by now. She doesn't think it's the same, but it must be nice for all of them to just be themselves.

She remains innocent when he answers the question, smiling brightly the longer Yosuke talks. She's put a lot of thought into people and what people think and how people feel about other people. She hadn't been expecting him to question her in return though.]

It was just something I was thinking about! That's all, it's no big deal. […] Sometimes I feel like no matter how many people we meet, nobody's going to be more important to me than Yu-senpai and you. I guess I'm still getting used to the idea of what other people see here.

[Yeah nice save, Rise.]

[ "We can be our own people". Yeah, he thinks that's a good way to look at it. It is kind of a place to start over in many ways. Well, assuming people didn't know who you are beforehand, which Yosuke realizes that there are a handful that do in regards to himself. But it's no where near the kind of notoriety Rise is used to. Not even close.

She looks happy by his answer, at least. Whatever that means... ]

Well, if people think you're half as cool as we know you are, I think you'll be fine, Rise-san.

I hope so. [She looks fairly comfortable but she's watching him carefully, a half-smile still on her lips.] …I think I'm going to head home. Coming with me?

[open] And as you know I have a gigantic heart

D. OBVIOUSLY

PERSONA 4: DANCING IN CEREALIA....

HELL YEAH

...I'm so glad those two icons matched

SO MUCH WINKING HAPPENING HER

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