estoria | [closed]

Entry tags:

[closed]

Who: Flynn Scifo, Yuri Lowell
When: 3/3 IC
Where: Their apartment
What: Two idiot friends deal with being roommates.
Warnings: Towelless post-shower Yuri and Flynn's cooking abominations.

[sharing a room with yuri happened a few times during their recent travels and usually with more people involved than just the two of them. actually being roommates with yuri and yuri alone, well, that's been a while, but it's a move that makes sense. with both of their ideologies being on a similar page with ceres and flynn's apartment being out of commission, why not room together? the idea feels a sound one. okay, maybe they do have their differences and some of the things yuri does will no doubt drive flynn up a wall, but they'll manage. hopefully. it's been a few days and they haven't killed each other yet, so that's a promising sign.

now if only no killing continues into today. flynn came home a few moments ago after a quick hospital check up for the broken arm. it's better, but just not healed yet. flynn's mind isn't focused on that at the moment, however. the only thing which matters right now is food. there's days when eating comes as an after thought, but today's not one of those days. he's hungry and needs something to quell that hunger. a sandwich sounds like the best idea about now and no time gets wasted in heading for the kitchen. hmm what sort to make though? peanut butter and jelly... eh, that's a bit plain. what if he throws in some raisins? oh and maybe replace the jelly with barbecue sauce. they're both gooey condiments so it should serve as an adequate replacement. ah, and pickles for some kick? yes, perfect. surely the resulting dish will be fantastic. he wastes no time in getting started with whipping it up.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[well, yuri's plan had been to shower and get dressed before going out to buy some food. but this plan is foiled slightly by the fact that he didn't actually take any clothes with him into the bathroom—so it's just him and a towel.

and of course, he figures it's not a big deal; flynn had an appointment at the hospital, after all, so he'd be gone a while, right? meaning there wouldn't be many complaints if he abandoned his towel as soon as he was dry and headed back for his room. you know, except for the part where flynn is home way earlier than expected. when he opens the door, he hears the sounds coming from the kitchen—oh boy. the last thing flynn needs to be doing right now is making food of any sort, yuri thinks. between his kitchen improvisations and the fact that he's still operating with a broken arm, it's just a headache in the making.

so, rather than get dressed, yuri heads in the opposite direction. he doesn't think much of it—it's not like they haven't changed in front of each other before. they're both men here, so why would it matter? maybe he's a little too casual about it when he knows that flynn's pearl clutching it inevitable, but whatever. there isn't much time to waste here, if he's going to salvage that guy's lunch and get him to chill for maybe three seconds.]

Could've sworn I said I'd cover kitchen duties while you give your arms a rest. [he pipes up from the kitchen doorway, sighing a bit. he's not even looking at flynn, either, but rather the ingredients flynn is using for his sandwich... and possible shuddering inwardly. why this. what did yuri ever do to deserve a best friend who is so hopeless in the kitchen most of the time? he regrets everything about leading flynn astray from cookbooks all those years ago.]

[flynn doesn't bother looking up from sandwich making when that commentary comes. that sigh doesn't go unnoticed, either. his lips twitch upwards into a small smile as he adds in the bbq sauce. he knows full well that kitchen duties were supposed to be all yuri's.]

I know that, but you've done it all for the past few days.

[yuri always cooks so much. really, whenever the chance pops up, the one who cooks tends to be the other man. it feels like taking advantage of a friend, especially were he to bug him for something so simple as a sandwich. making one doesn't take much effort so no reason to not make it himself. a brief glance, accompanied with a smile, gets spared at yuri while he spreads the peanut butter on the other half.]

I can at least make myself a sandwich.

[his eyes JUST lowered themselves back down when his brain finally realizes what it saw. or what it didn't see rather. all movement ceases, flynn silently praying for the love all that is good and holy that yuri isn't--

yup, he is. of course he is. he has to be. flynn's eyes land on the shirtless chest and trail downward almost instinctively. red spreads on his cheeks, both from being flustered and frustrated. who the hell walks around naked IN A KITCHEN? the number of reasons that's unsanitary is innumerable. and who walks around naked when their roommate is around? so rude. towels exist! PANTS exist!! having taken the extra 10 seconds to shove his dumb ass into a pair before coming over would not have killed him!!]

Go put on some clothes!!

Yeah, and I said it was fine. You can at least let your arm heal fully before you start doing this stuff again.

[or never again, preferably. even if it does get a little tiring to cook all the time, yuri honestly doesn't mind it much. especially if it's going to spare anyone at all the agony of flynn's improvised concoctions.

not that it matters much at this point. yuri's not given much time to think about that before he sees flynn's eyes wandering and the flush of his cheeks that follow. it's almost instinctive for yuri to raise a skeptical eyebrow at that—one that almost silently says "seriously?" clearly, yuri remains totally unbothered by his lack of clothes.]

You don't have to act so scandalized, I already know it's nothing you haven't seen before. [how many times had they changed in front of each other? growing up, and then later as part of the knights in training, it was a casual norm that they hardly had to think twice about. this isn't all that much different. you know, aside from him being in a kitchen doorway.

of course, the part yuri leaves out is that he was on his way to get dressed, but was more concerned about flynn. even if that concern was more over his kitchen abilities than his well-being. it was a minor detour anyway—it's not like he planned on walking around in the buff all afternoon anyway.]

[there is a difference between changing clothes IN A ROOM DESIGNED FOR THAT as opposed strolling up all willy nilly to the kitchen with that willy nilly exposed for the world to see. yes, they shared a room but that was a room and flynn also didn't actively watch yuri undress, either. surprise naked roommate, unsurprisingly, throws him off guard.

okay, yes, nudity is a thing. flynn knows this. if it were in a bathroom or bedroom? or even living roo-- no no, naked and couch equals no. guests sit on that and no, just no. in the two former locations, however, that's fine. out in the open? without any regard for roommates or anyone else? nope, not okay. an unhappy glare, if one not nearly as potent thanks to the flush still present, comes yuri's way.]

That isn't the point! [why does yuri always miss the point!!] You shouldn't be walking around the apartment, near the kitchen, without clothing!! It isn't sanitary and what if someone sees you through the window!

[what if it's a child, too? the last thing flynn needs is an angry (rightfully so!) mother coming to their doorway upset about her child being scarred for life. flynn gives a heavy, irate sigh.]

Go get dressed.

No need to overreact about it.

[he doubts anyone would even see through the window from this high up—unless someone has binoculars and intentionally is snooping. in which case, they probably earned the right to get the full show, or something like that. this is what happens when dealing with yuri, who really can't be too fussed about this sort of thing. it's his apartment, and it wasn't like he planned on doing this all day.

seriously, flynn. chillax.]

I'm going, so you can stop clutching your pearls like it's the end of the world. [flynn's being spared helicopter dicks for now. but this is hardly going to be the last time this conversation comes up. for the time being, he saunters off back to the bedroom to get some pants on. he slings the shirt over his shoulder, though, not wanting the back of it to be drenched by his hair while it's still wet. this is about as closed to dressed as yuri's getting for now, so flynn's just going to have to deal with it.] Sit down. I'm gonna have to clean up any messes you make in here anyway.

[flynn, his irked expression becoming even more so at the pearl clutching comment, opens his mouth for yet another unhappy mouthful, but yuri beats him to the punch by leaving. thank you for listening for once! and that was not pearl clutching. it was desiring being sanitary and proper, something only the other man would find problematic. flynn gives a sigh when yuri's out of view. honestly...

rather than dwell on how wrong that assertion of pearl clutching was, all efforts go into finishing up the sandwich. a little sauce here, toss in some more raisins... there! perfect. by the time yuri returns, a nice big bite just got taken to sample the flavor. not bad, not bad at all. now to clean u--

or not yet. his intent to tidy up gets interrupted by roommate. rather than reply immediately, checking if nudity levels have gone down takes place first. no shirt, but pants. acceptable, even if the urge to mention blow-drying that hair barely gets bit back. for now? this is fine. not the best, but fine. flynn even gives a small, approving nod.]

No, I can do that muc...

[wait... something about this picture is off. it doesn't take any real effort to figure out what. flynn's eyes trail back down to yuri's abdomen while his face scrunches up in open confusion. a scar? a large one, at that. considering the lack of it appearing faded and the lack of any memory about when it possibly happened, whatever caused had to have been relatively recently. that confused, if concerned gaze then lifts itself so to meet yuri's eyes.]

When did that happen?

[what that is ought to be obvious.]

[it takes next to nothing at all for yuri to realize exactly what it is flynn is referring to. internally there's a small 'shit' that comes to his head—he realizes that flynn never saw that wound or its scar before... which had been by design.

he didn't tell anyone upon reuniting what happened at zaude; what sodia had done and how that dagger really did almost bring him to a fatal end. it was solely because of duke that he managed to survive, but it came with a price. this isn't something he ever wanted flynn to know about, not in detail, at least.

it isn't as if he didn't think a time would come when flynn would see that scar—that's inevitable. but he did want enough time to pass for it to fade and blend with some of his other past wounds and he could more easily shrug it off. he didn't want this to happen while they were still trying to resolve everything with terca lumireis, and even more so now dealing with ceres and cerealia on the whole. it's harder to shrug off this way, especially when he's so intent on not telling flynn just who caused that near-fatal injury.]

Back at Zaude. [he replies casually and with a shrug, as if it's not a big deal at all. of course, this is just masking everything to keep it from flynn. it was kind of a big deal. there is a bit of guilt that came with lying about it, not only to flynn, but to estelle, too. he knew how much everyone had worried while he was missing, and it all had been over a petty enough dispute. one that still hadn't been resolved by his own accord, since there wasn't any time to see sodia before he wound up here.] I guess it must've happened when I fell. Don't remember much about it, just that it was there when I woke up.

[yuri, tbh.]

[zaude... flynn's eyes return to the scar in question, his expression gaining a somberness to it. the mention of the ancient shrine brings back memories, unpleasant ones.

well, sort of. most of what went on immediately after that is sort of a blur following being told that yuri went missing. his mind had been frantic initially but quickly became devoid of anything. unlike the others, the luxury of being upset wasn't one he possessed. allowing anything but confidence to show then, when so many people needed a commanding presence, would have been doing a disservice to the empire and the knighthood.

however, his body worked on auto most of the time. all his commands, ordering boats to futilely search those waters for SOMETHING (even a body...) and whatever else, were given without much in the way of thought. honestly, he still doesn't know the precise date that he left due to not having paid attention to most anything. thinking meant thinking about what happened. thinking meant thinking about the possibility that his best friend was lost at sea forever, not leaving even a body. maybe that hit far too close to his father and hurt far more.

his frown deeps as he looks back up. he needs to know one thing, one thing that has been plaguing him this whole time. they never had a chance to talk at large about what happened so the chance isn't getting passed up now. ...even if flynn fears the answer himself.]

Yuri, what exactly happened then?

[was it really so simple as him falling? if it was then... then how could flynn have failed his best friend so badly by allowing it to happen? how could someone not capable of saving their best friend, of making so many people cry due to that inability, be capable of being a good commandant?]

[this conversation is definitely taking a turn for the "areas yuri really doesn't want to talk about" territory. there isn't much he can say without revealing just what happened, and why that scar came to be—something he'd honestly rather flynn never finds out about at all.

sodia's his suboordinate, after all. he trusts her, and she's undoubtedly dedicated to serving under flynn. it's fuzzy, but he did catch a glimpse of the horror in her eyes as he began to fall from that platform; he doesn't really doubt that she wasn't thinking very clearly and let her personal issue with him cloud her judgment of her actions. it's not something to easily forgive a person for, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get sodia's reasoning for her actions, either. it's between the two of them, and he intends to keep it that way, because flynn needs her at his side for the work he does. and he doesn't want to see that trust broken, despite the fact that he's not likely to ever be on the same page as sodia.]

I told you, I don't remember much. Got knocked out, and when I came to, I was in my own bed, with Duke waiting around to take back Dein Nomos. [yuri's gaze averts just slightly before he closes his eyes and shrugs.]

Figure it doesn't matter much now anyway. What's done is done, right? It's not like dwelling on it is gonna change anything. [he tries to keep it as simple as he can—he's not really lying about most of it. save for how much he remembers, it's largely the truth and with any luck, a satisfactory answer for flynn.

he'll follow up by tugging the shirt from his shoulder and pulling it over it head in an attempt to cover up the scar. he knows if flynn gets a good look at it, he'll be able to recognize it as the scar of a stab wound and not something more innocuous.]

[chances are, flynn wouldn't have noticed the finer details even if that shirt remained off. no reason exists to doubt yuri's words. what reason is there to lie? none, obviously. the fact that this is the truth, however, fails to come off as soothing. that might be another reason why he wouldn't have noticed: the guilt.

he averts his own gaze away from yuri and keeps it on his tasty sandwich for a moment. one thing needs to be said after hearing all that. honestly, it should have been said far earlier. fear about learning the fact that his own failure lead to what happened is not excuse and won't remain an excuse any longer. flynn swallows before finally opening his mouth.]

...I'm sorry. [his soft tone comes across fully apologetic.] Had I been paying more attention to what was going then you never would have had to gone through what you did.

[okay, yes, maybe alexei's attack did temporarily take him down and even left a small skin discoloration as a result, but that is no excuse. as a knight, as yuri's friend, he should have been there and should have prevented it from happening. he was SO close. pushing himself a little to ensure the safety of others is part of who he is! all things considered, he should have prevented it!!

and still he failed to. he failed someone so dear to him and, thanks to this failure, so many people suffered. some were emotionally hurt, like estellise, whereas yuri now has an unpleasant reminder of it. the only one to blame for it all is flynn himself. how can he be worthy of being a commandant when he can't even be there for the people who matter most to him?]

[on one hand, it's a bit of a relief that flynn takes his words at face value—the less flynn questions what actually transpired, the better. there's a subtle exhale of relief, one easily missed while flynn's gaze remains averted, but he knows he's not out of the woods just yet. he can feel the weight building in the air around this conversation, and it's the sort that hasn't been present in their conversations in quite a while.

the last he could remember where it felt this bad was their confrontation at mantaic following his run-in with cumore. that felt pretty crappy, and honestly? this somehow feels worse. at mantaic, yuri knew he was at fault for his actions. zaude, though, he had been the victim, and yet he still wants to protect flynn from the truth. maybe it's because he knows that death and retribution is coming, maybe it's because he knows that he's not suited to stand by flynn's side as a friend or an ally, or maybe it's because he really doesn't want flynn's trust in sodia to be broken when he needs her more than most. whatever it is, he knows that it needs to stay this way.]

Don't apologize. [he says after a moment. that sits with him even worse than everything else, considering nothing about what happened is flynn's fault. it's not, and it never was. best friends or no, there's just not a reason for flynn to shoulder this kind of blame. that? that makes him feel miles worse about the whole thing.] You didn't push me off the edge, did you?

[he forces out a sarcastic laugh, trying to lighten things a bit—possibly more for his own sake than for flynn's, though he isn't keen on admitting it.] It's over, let's just drop it. If I'm not worrying about it, you shouldn't either.

[yuri being so nonchalant about it doesn't help flynn do the same. he can't do the same. he might not have done the pushing, but not doing the saving feels just as bad. a knight, a commandant, should be capable of rescuing at least a single person. he failed. he's failed so much. it causes further doubt about his qualifications as commandant to bubble up. those thoughts get suppressed immediately. now isn't the time.

his head snaps over to yuri, his expression as somber as before.]

But still! I was right there, I should have been able to do something...

[anything.... he trails off before sighing and frowning at the floor again. part of him wants to argue the point further, but if yuri doesn't want to talk about it any more then is it really fair to press the subject? it can't be a pleasant memory for the other man, what he recalls, anyway. bad as flynn feels about what happened, he won't push the subject any further. that's the least he can do. agreeing to end the conversation doesn't keep him from repeating what was said moments ago. nothing more on the subject will be said, but repeating this feels necessary.]

I'm sorry.

[the honesty, as well as guilt, come across loud and clear in those words. he really does blame himself for what happened. maybe he didn't have a hand in how it played out, but maybe that was part of the problem.]

Save it.

[please, flynn. just save the apologies.] It's just the two of us here. You don't have to do the noble knightly thing of apologizing for things that aren't your fault, or acting guilty when you couldn't control it. Save that for the citizens who don't know any better, not for me.

[the part he doesn't say is how much worse it makes him feel about things. that it happened at all. that he was so caught up in everything else that he didn't see sodia coming. that he has to keep lying through his teeth about it because he knows it's the best way to approach it. he can't let flynn's trust in sodia be hampered, and he can't let these things come to light until he can confirm why exactly she wanted him dead so badly—sure, he has an idea, but the two of them can't let it go totally unsettled.

this whole topic is just such a problem, and the more flynn looks like a kicked puppy (and sounds like one too), the worse yuri feels about it. he'd barely had time to think things over before being pulled away from dahngrest and dragged into their current situation, so it isn't like he's been able to really reconcile a lot of things about it, either.]

[but it IS his fault and that's the issue. yuri might not see it that way, might not even blame him, but flynn himself does. no one else exists to blame for it, just like all the other times recently (allowing barbos to escape proper trial, blindly following orders like a puppet, screwing up so bad that his best friend turned to murder not once but twice, allowing alexei to take estellise and now zaude...). no apology in the world could make up for any of that, but to not say it would be worse. this apology isn't the same as one he might give to any citizen, either. those would get fluffed up and fancied up, accompanied with a bow. that would be the knight, the commandant, flynn scifo apologizing.

this isn't that. this apology is genuine, one made by flynn scifo, lower quarter kid who screwed up bad. why can't yuri just accept the fact it was flynn's screw up? well, he won't force him to. the one who suffered the most wasn't him. it was yuri and estellise and karol and everyone else who did. if any of them don't want to talk about it with the one most at fault or even not place blame then they won't be denied that. a moment of silence passes before he nods.]

All right.

[despite flynn agreeing to drop it, his tone of voice clearly implies the guilt still remains.]

[yuri knows the apology is a genuine one—it's just that he really doesn't want to hear it in the least.]

Go sit down. I'll start cleaning this up. [so yuri takes the opportunity to change the subject as soon as he possibly can. it doesn't remove the tension that lingers in the air, of course, nor does it make it any less obvious how desperate yuri is to get away from this topic. it may not be for the reasons flynn would think, but the quicker this changes, the better.

it just won't help either of them to keep with this topic of conversation; even repede can sense the weight that seems to be sitting in the room and opts to lay down in the kitchen near the sink, where yuri is headed.]

[it speaks volumes about how flynn feels when no argument comes in return. attempting to convince yuri otherwise, to aid in the cleaning, would've been the norm. instead, he does as told, taking his food with as he moves to the living room and sits down on the couch without a word.

why can't yuri have, for once, agreed? not having pushed him over the edge doesn't mean flynn is resolved from any of the blame. the only way to ensure this never happens again, that no one ever suffers so, is to put more effort into work and training and all else than before. none of that effort had been enough. if it was then he would not have failed. all it'll take is additional time management. less sleep, less time for food, less time spent relaxing and it should even out. he'll grow used to lessened sleep and, well, going hungry and dealing with it isn't something foreign to a kid from the lower quarter.

then again, he'd have to do that stuff anyway. as commandant, his duty is to give his absolute all. it might not be fun or even healthy, but that's fine. as long as these stupid failures stop, as long as no one else gets hurt all due to stupidity, then he'll do whatever it takes. one sacrifice, namely his own, is a small price to pay to ensure the happiness and safety of others.

on the bright side, at least his sandwich turned out good enough.]

[it's for the better this way, yuri thinks. and he's glad that flynn, for once, doesn't push it and leaves yuri to clean things up alone. doing that and dropping the subject entirely, that's what he wants to do.

there are a lot of burdens to bear; some he can't handle alone, some are best shares. some are flynn's alone. but this... this is the one burden he would like to hold for himself. there are too many things that ride on it, and details that he doesn't feel flynn ever needs to know about. even repede didn't know about what happened—that's how deeply buried he feels this needs to be kept. so he's going to, and that's exactly why he tends to the kitchen without any intent of actually doing anything but letting the topic drop completely.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[closed]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject