[it has gone on too long; and it's not like stahn hasn't tried to address it, either. he's always the one trying his best to do whatever will work... whatever will make things better.
he tries to offer solutions, to try and find hope, to try and be a positive beacon like he always has. he tries to do even the small things, like bring lunch so they can eat together and find little things to agree on like they once did. but almost all of his attempts are met with such brutal hostility that he doesn't know what to do. he knows leon cares.
he also knows that leon is pushing him away.
stahn doesn't want to accept that though. why would he? why would he want a situation where he has a chance to be with his best friend for any length of time and not grab hold of it? that's not stahn, and that's never been stahn. but leon is trying his hardest to force that on him. and stahn... is beaten down by it, honestly. nobody let him grieve his losses, leon wouldn't even let him apologize for anything he ever did to cause pain... he's just bearing it all. he's bearing the weight of their entire world, a promise he made to leon, his vengeance, and his sorrows all on his shoulders. he doesn't want to fight like this anymore. he can't fight like this anymore. but what can he say?
he's almost afraid to even open his mouth, because it'll probably just end in leon snapping at him.
they're both like ticking time bombs right now, and he has no idea how to handle it when he can't even handle himself. this has gone on too long but how do they fix it? he wants to.. but... how? all he can do is try to say what he wanted to say before otome interrupted. only instead of combative, it's tired and broken down; all the grief he's been bearing on his own is clearly present right now.]
You don't have to keep trying to push me away, Leon... I can handle things. I'm not that weak. [he knows already. he knows there's no changing the past, and he knows what it means for the future. but he'd rather bear that than not have leon around at all while the chance is present. he's stronger than he was before everything went to shit...
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he tries to offer solutions, to try and find hope, to try and be a positive beacon like he always has. he tries to do even the small things, like bring lunch so they can eat together and find little things to agree on like they once did. but almost all of his attempts are met with such brutal hostility that he doesn't know what to do. he knows leon cares.
he also knows that leon is pushing him away.
stahn doesn't want to accept that though. why would he? why would he want a situation where he has a chance to be with his best friend for any length of time and not grab hold of it? that's not stahn, and that's never been stahn. but leon is trying his hardest to force that on him. and stahn... is beaten down by it, honestly. nobody let him grieve his losses, leon wouldn't even let him apologize for anything he ever did to cause pain... he's just bearing it all. he's bearing the weight of their entire world, a promise he made to leon, his vengeance, and his sorrows all on his shoulders. he doesn't want to fight like this anymore. he can't fight like this anymore. but what can he say?
he's almost afraid to even open his mouth, because it'll probably just end in leon snapping at him.
they're both like ticking time bombs right now, and he has no idea how to handle it when he can't even handle himself. this has gone on too long but how do they fix it? he wants to.. but... how? all he can do is try to say what he wanted to say before otome interrupted. only instead of combative, it's tired and broken down; all the grief he's been bearing on his own is clearly present right now.]
You don't have to keep trying to push me away, Leon... I can handle things. I'm not that weak. [he knows already. he knows there's no changing the past, and he knows what it means for the future. but he'd rather bear that than not have leon around at all while the chance is present. he's stronger than he was before everything went to shit...
even if he is on the verge of a meltdown.]