It's true. It's the cold, hard truth. He was dead, but now--now he's alive. Now he's alive, and now he has to deal with the choices he made. There's no other option. No matter how he looks at it...they are the choices he has to accept. No matter how much he wishes he could deny this, and deny Stahn, he can't.
He can't, because Stahn is right. And if Stahn is right, then that means that Leon is wrong. It means that Leon was wrong about everything. It means that...that maybe everyone did miss him. And still do...? Maybe everyone still does miss him? It means that maybe his death actually meant something...to someone. He knew that it would mean something to Chal and to Marian, though their devotion still confuses and surprises him to this day.
But... to think that it could have meant something to everyone else. To think that Stahn is still mourning him. To think that Rutee shed tears over him.... It's almost overwhelming to think that in the end, people actually did care about his death. That Rutee cared about him as a brother. That means that... in the end, maybe he really did have--
He ducks his head. These were the people he betrayed. The ones who cared, the ones who are mourning him now. These are the people he hurt with his actions.
It's difficult to swallow--even though this is something he probably truly knew all along.
He's silent for a long moment, as if absorbing that, and when he finally speaks, he only barely lifts his head, voice soft and wry.]
Stahn... even now--even after everything, you would say all of this.
[Even now, Stahn treats him like this, and calls him a precious friend. Even now--even after everything. Leon doesn't deserve it, but... he can't keep fighting it either. As much as he wants to, and as much as he's been trying to keep Stahn at arm's length, he....can't keep doing this.
He's caving, even if it's still in a very definitively Leon sort of way. Even if all he can do is sound wondering and a little confused.]
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It's true. It's the cold, hard truth. He was dead, but now--now he's alive. Now he's alive, and now he has to deal with the choices he made. There's no other option. No matter how he looks at it...they are the choices he has to accept. No matter how much he wishes he could deny this, and deny Stahn, he can't.
He can't, because Stahn is right. And if Stahn is right, then that means that Leon is wrong. It means that Leon was wrong about everything. It means that...that maybe everyone did miss him. And still do...? Maybe everyone still does miss him? It means that maybe his death actually meant something...to someone. He knew that it would mean something to Chal and to Marian, though their devotion still confuses and surprises him to this day.
But... to think that it could have meant something to everyone else. To think that Stahn is still mourning him. To think that Rutee shed tears over him.... It's almost overwhelming to think that in the end, people actually did care about his death. That Rutee cared about him as a brother. That means that... in the end, maybe he really did have--
He ducks his head. These were the people he betrayed. The ones who cared, the ones who are mourning him now. These are the people he hurt with his actions.
It's difficult to swallow--even though this is something he probably truly knew all along.
He's silent for a long moment, as if absorbing that, and when he finally speaks, he only barely lifts his head, voice soft and wry.]
Stahn... even now--even after everything, you would say all of this.
[Even now, Stahn treats him like this, and calls him a precious friend. Even now--even after everything. Leon doesn't deserve it, but... he can't keep fighting it either. As much as he wants to, and as much as he's been trying to keep Stahn at arm's length, he....can't keep doing this.
He's caving, even if it's still in a very definitively Leon sort of way. Even if all he can do is sound wondering and a little confused.]
Even now...