[hearing every last one of those words is like the weight slowly being lifted off his shoulders. even that half-hearted attempt at trying to deny the friendship feels... at least a step closer to normal.]
Right. Together... like always. [he says, though his voice is weak as he does so. it's soft, and hoarse. it's tired, because everything about stahn is exhausted from how draining this has been. these last few months have been so draining, and fighting with leon constantly has only made it worse. he knows that there's still a lot he has to keep to himself; there's a good chance these things will continue to weigh on him until they're all out in the open. but like everyone has said: there are things to be done. he can't shirk his duties as a swordian master, or leave people hanging that need to be saved just because things are bothering him.
but being able to tell leon some of these things helps. the grieving can be replaced a little with healing now that he's drilled some of these things into leon's head. that they don't hate him. that they miss him. that rutee grieved, and stahn himself missed his best friend. he made it known just how deeply they all felt in the aftermath. and with leon not trying to refute the choices they've made, or force on him sentiments that never existed... that helps too. things are a little more honest, which makes the air a bit light.
sure, this isn't all he wants to do. stahn can strengthen his own resolve in trying to find a way to save leon too. he wants to give leon something to live for, and a place he can go—if there's some miraculous way for him to come back to their world, he'd grab it. but with so many other worlds out there... maybe there's another. maybe there's somewhere leon can go and live a new life, free of guilt and free of the burdens that hugo had left him with. these are things he can think about later. they're things he won't bring up to leon now, because they're both tired and overwhelmed, and it'll undoubtedly start a fight they're not ready to have yet. stahn may be dumb about some things, but that's not one of them. he can brainstorm with dymlos, and maybe even otome at some point about alternatives.
for now, it's dealing with what's in front of them.
...which honestly is pretty overwhelming even still.
and that's why stahn can't hold leon's gaze for very long. he tries, but so much energy and resolve leaves his body now that the worst of this situation his over that his head drops once more, and he covers his eyes with the crook of his elbow.]
What a relief... it's a relief... [there's a slightly muffled sob that comes along with this—it's really obvious just how much weight stahn has been bearing that even this much is enough to make him cry from the relief. he feels like he breathe again, if only a little. but he's relieved that they're working things out, that leon isn't just pushing him away. he's relieved that some of this stuff is just out in the open. stahn, who's always been open about his feelings. stahn, who still is a simple country boy that wears his heart on his sleeve... holding all of this back has been so stifling that it's no wonder he's being even more of a crybaby than usual.]
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Right. Together... like always. [he says, though his voice is weak as he does so. it's soft, and hoarse. it's tired, because everything about stahn is exhausted from how draining this has been. these last few months have been so draining, and fighting with leon constantly has only made it worse. he knows that there's still a lot he has to keep to himself; there's a good chance these things will continue to weigh on him until they're all out in the open. but like everyone has said: there are things to be done. he can't shirk his duties as a swordian master, or leave people hanging that need to be saved just because things are bothering him.
but being able to tell leon some of these things helps. the grieving can be replaced a little with healing now that he's drilled some of these things into leon's head. that they don't hate him. that they miss him. that rutee grieved, and stahn himself missed his best friend. he made it known just how deeply they all felt in the aftermath. and with leon not trying to refute the choices they've made, or force on him sentiments that never existed... that helps too. things are a little more honest, which makes the air a bit light.
sure, this isn't all he wants to do. stahn can strengthen his own resolve in trying to find a way to save leon too. he wants to give leon something to live for, and a place he can go—if there's some miraculous way for him to come back to their world, he'd grab it. but with so many other worlds out there... maybe there's another. maybe there's somewhere leon can go and live a new life, free of guilt and free of the burdens that hugo had left him with. these are things he can think about later. they're things he won't bring up to leon now, because they're both tired and overwhelmed, and it'll undoubtedly start a fight they're not ready to have yet. stahn may be dumb about some things, but that's not one of them. he can brainstorm with dymlos, and maybe even otome at some point about alternatives.
for now, it's dealing with what's in front of them.
...which honestly is pretty overwhelming even still.
and that's why stahn can't hold leon's gaze for very long. he tries, but so much energy and resolve leaves his body now that the worst of this situation his over that his head drops once more, and he covers his eyes with the crook of his elbow.]
What a relief... it's a relief... [there's a slightly muffled sob that comes along with this—it's really obvious just how much weight stahn has been bearing that even this much is enough to make him cry from the relief. he feels like he breathe again, if only a little. but he's relieved that they're working things out, that leon isn't just pushing him away. he's relieved that some of this stuff is just out in the open. stahn, who's always been open about his feelings. stahn, who still is a simple country boy that wears his heart on his sleeve... holding all of this back has been so stifling that it's no wonder he's being even more of a crybaby than usual.]