The thing about Cerealia is, there really isn't any nature to be found here. Sure, you can go outside the walls of the city and explore the land beyond but who wants to risk a terrible, horrible death just to sniff the flowers? Not you, that's who! CERES understands that, CERES sympathizes, and sometimes CERES decides to take action when such problems arise. As part of the company's current "Healthier and Happier YOU" initiative, they've decided to let everyone get back in touch with nature a little.
Via ViViD.
Of course, this being CERES, the nature they've sent everyone to is more of a swamp. The place is disgusting, a real marvel of ViViD ingenuity and it smells like the dead. There's strange rustling among the leaves from creatures that may or may not want to eat you, and random pits that open up right under your feet with the goal of sending you straight into the marsh. It's not really that fun. There's no welcome sign either, no nothing except for swamplands as far as the eye can see.
Welcome to ViViD!  This is Mosley. One of our programmers forgot to include a welcome greeting for the level this time. How incompetent can you get? He's been fired now, it's fine. Instead, I will greet you today. Lucky you! You've been invited today to participate in CERES's "Healthier and Happier YOU" level where we've combined both physical exercise and relaxing meditation into the ultimate ViViD experience. Isn't that fun? You can... go camping and stuff. Or whatever. I don't... know...
Honestly, I don't even care. Have fun.
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PHASE I [ 6 00 ] Welcome to your new healthy living training ground! What does a swamp have to do with healthy living, you may ask? Absolutely nothing! To make up for it, CERES has outfitted all players with the proper equipment for their new healthy living lifestyle. They also may or may not have let you keep your shoes based on how benevolent the ViViD gods were being at the time. (Not very.)
Oh, and all newcomers will have something additional on their fancy new yoga shirt. It will be displayed loudly and proudly all over the front and back of it. And if you're one of the few not wearing a shirt, it will be on the back of your pants. As in, your butt. It will be on your butt.
What’s ViViD trying to say, anyway?
Regardless, it probably doesn’t matter as much as finding your way through the swamp. Some sort of dry land would be really nice right now, wouldn't it? You'll have to watch out for the mud that will suck you right down under the marsh, and the creatures with lots of teeth that will never surface from the mud but won't hesitate to snap up an unwary foot or two.
CERES is sure you'll be fine. Totally and completely fine.
PHASE II [ 800 ] Eventually, if you try really, really hard, you’ll make it to a house. Actually, it’s more of a shack, really. If you clamber your way out of the mud and the gunk and the marsh into said shack, you will find it to be empty aside from a table. A table hosting a huge pile of... well, health drinks. See, there's totally a health theme in this level. CERES would never make a ViViD level that wasn't thematically appropriate. Never! Health drinks of all sorts and types and sizes can be found here and there’s even a sign too; it simply says:
Take one.
Well, that seems safe.
Unfortunately, you won’t be able to leave said shack until you do take one. And drink it. The door will lock shut and cover itself in more swamp until you do. Yay. Depending on your luck, the drink may do the following to you: ➟ Cause your ViViD experience to glitch. This may involve phasing through walls, seeing everything in 8-bit, or hearing really annoying old video game music everywhere you go.
➟ Cause status effects. This can include suddenly moving incredibly slowly, being turned to stone for a period of time, suddenly being on fire, suddenly being poisoned, etc etc.
➟ Be healthier. Mmm, kale and hummus smoothie. Taste those veggies. If you try to take more than one, that’s fine too, nobody will stop you, but you probably won’t get lucky more than once.
PHASE III [ 900 ] And back you go, out into the swampy wilderness. Don’t give up! Keep going! Eventually, you’ll find the end of this level. Probably.
Eventually, though, you may stumble across something in the mud and the muck. It’s... a little doll?
In fact, it’s a little doll of one of your most important people (or, alternatively, of someone you absolutely hate). It might be someone in Cerealia currently, or someone who isn’t, but either way, the doll is there and it’s clearly them (covered in mud and all). Be careful, though. If you toss it aside, you’ll suddenly see that important person being tossed aside. If you cut the doll, you'll suddenly see that person bleeding. Even if they aren’t present in Cerealia, whatever happens to that doll, you'll see it happening to them. Is it a hallucination or are they actually there? That's a little more up in the air.
And if they are present in Cerealia, well... doing things to that doll might very well hurt them too -- for real, this time, though.
Be careful! Or don't. You do you, as CERES would say.
PHASE IV [ 1200 ] And then, eventually you reach a quiet, swampy area. Not that the rest of the swamp isn't swampy, this area is just extra swampy.
There’s very little happening here in this swampy place; even the birds are no longer squawking. And for a long moment, everything will remain quiet and peaceful, a place of reprieve... until the swamp begins to bubble. Then suddenly, a new friend will burst out of the swamp, showering mud and gunk everywhere.
Without warning, that creature is going to try to grab for the nearest person (it might be you!) and let out a mighty roar when they have them. Then, they'll hold them up to... read the nutrition facts on their shirt? What?
Of course, it will try to gobble you or whoever else it grabs if it finds, say, the salt content to be acceptable (the monster is watching their carbs). If it's not, then they'll just fling you away and move onto the next snack. For those without a handy nutrition facts label on your shirt, well, it might just take a gamble and try to eat you anyway.
Great. A health-conscious monster. That's just what this level needed.
BONUS [ xxxx ] Finally, you’re free of the game. Without warning, you’re dumped into Cerealia properly and you’re able to scrub the mud and gunk from your clothing (wait why did that come back with you and where are your normal clothes?). You're able to then make your way to your new place of residence (or old) and...
There is a tiny tree there waiting for you. Isn’t it cute? And if you take care of this tiny tree, it will eventually bear fruit! Tiny fruit. Itty bitty fruit.
Depending on which tiny tree you get, it will be one of the following: a tiny dildo tree, a tiny bacon tree, a tiny kazoo tree, a tiny carolina reaper tree, or a (dumb) tiny hats tree.
Everything will, naturally, be tiny. Enjoy your new healthy CERES gift!
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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WHY ARE YOU HAUNTING ME
[LOOK... He can admit his own flaws, but that doesn't mean others have to agree!! Though she's at least kinda-sorta thanked him... "Sort of helpful", whatever, he'll take it.
But wait--]
—Were you not listening to anything I just said?!
BECAUSE INTENSE FRIENDSHIP REMEMBER
That we can't really die and if we do, we'll have to do something really boring before coming back. [and CODE AND THINGS] But that's only if we do get eaten. Which I'm sure won't happen, because Kashuu Kiyomitsu is the fastest uchigatana in the army of...
[squints... AH RIGHT]
What was your army called again? [he never told her...]
ugh a true comrade til the end...
But ah, he's also a gullible moron who likes having his ego stroked, so honestly, she probably could convince his dumb ass to go back. Luckily, he's distracted by that... UNLUCKILY, it's not like he has some grandiose name to give her.]
We're just the Sword Army. [THAT'S IT...]
til the end and the afterlife too apparently
Eh?! [THAT'S IT????] What a boring name!
[though it's just the sort of name Sakichi would approve of tbh.] At least call yourselves something like... the Army That Conquered A Thousand Castles, or the Army with the Super Fast and Not Cute Swords. Something exciting! Not just Sword Army.
THATS HOW U KNOW IT'S TRUE AS CAN BEEE
What a punk, though!!]
Why "not cute", huh?! [Why is that the first thing he focuses on...] Anyway, we didn't come up with the name! That's just what the organization calls all of us, so- [Waves a hand!!] -whatever. It's self-explanatory, right?
AKI ARE U BUSTING OUT INTO SONG
Make up your own name! Don't accept terrible names just because an organization tells you to.
[why is she lecturing kashuu about this]
I AM NOW
It's not like I can just go up to my master and be like "hey! I don't like this name, go tell your bosses to change it!" There are other things to be nitpicky about, y'know?
[Like the rations they get for eating, or the materials they need to repair damaged swords...]
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Why not? Is your master the super strict and inflexible type?
[somewhere haru's sneezing prob]
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He's pretty much the exact opposite. [But he means that in an endeared way, really!!] So I don't wanna put that hassle on his shoulders.
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If that's the way you feel... Then I can tell him instead! [tHAT'S TOTALLY FINE, RIGHT]
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Nooo thank you. Dealing with a person like you would definitely give him grey hair.
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[PATIENT ENOUGH TO ENDURE OKUNI] Also, it's not like I'll say rude things to him like you do to me. [MAYBE] I just want him to come up with a good name for his army.
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If you do talk to him, don't make things hard for him. I'm serious! I won't forgive you if he feels even a little bad.
[He's a staunch member of the Protect Haru 2k16 squad!!]
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Even a little? [how about a teensy weensie little bit] My, you sure are overprotective! Is that just you or do all his tsukumogami feel the same way?
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We owe everything to Haruji, y'know? And it's our duty to keep him safe. [But Kashuu is definitely among the most rabid of the loyal followers, it's true. LOOK, HE JUST LOVES HARU A LOT.]
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[that sounds so sweet and loving... but Okuni immediately takes that with a gallon of salt, because devotion is all well and good until that leads to TRAGEDY RIGHT!! She's actually reminded of the Kunitomo, that group of well-meaning people who loved Toubee so much, to the point of pretending that EVERYTHING WAS FINE EVEN WHILE THEY WERE GETTING TORTURED BY TOUBEE'S EVIL UNCLE-- Okuni cocks her head to the side like a beady-eyed parrot.]
That sounds dangerous! [how] Protecting's all well and good, but you shouldn't take it too far.
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What a salty saltbag, though, gosh... She's the antithesis of Kashuu, who trusts FULLY AND BLINDLY like he's trying to go for the gold in the True Shonen olympics. He'd definitely be the sort of person who'd be in that Toubee-loving group...]
That's what I was born for. [Plainly! And it is, as far as he considers it, the truth.] I'm a good sword, you know? There's no "taking it too far" for a sword.
[Even if he KILLS PEOPLE to protect other people you know, black and grey sword morality...]
SLKFDSFLKSJDFLMF WHERE DO U EVEN FIND THESE CLIPS AKI
You should still be careful. [It's not like... Okuni's actually concerned here for Kashuu and his master's sake or anything... No.... Of course not...] When you're ready to do anything to protect someone, you can end up hurting the person you're trying to protect instead.
[not like... she cares OR ANYTHING] In other words, don't be too uptight, okay?
I DIG THEM UP FROM HELL probably
But ah... You know, he's pretty good at reading tsuntsuns, considering he has a tsun streak himself. HE SEES THAT CONCERN. He sees it, and it reminds him of a warning he'd received once before from a stern but very well-meaning person who he'd absolutely trust with his life. So if Okuni is echoing the same sentiment, she can't be all that bad, even if she's a pain in the ass... Right?
(ie: an illustrated study in how Kashuu Trusts Too Much, or perhaps a thesis paper on why it'll one day get his dumb ass killed.)
Still, tsun meets tsun here?! He makes a little huffing sound, tucking some hair behind his ears in an automatic gesture meant to keep his hands busy.]
I know! I know. The last thing I wanna do is make Haruji mad or sad, so I'm trying to learn how to keep from doing that.
[It's just hard?! As a sword, he's got some Weird Sword Issues that put his self-worth below humans, and he seriously struggles with the concept that maybe dying to protect Haru would hurt him.]
I THOUGHT U WERE A PURE BEAN
[She registers his tsun, once again thinking 'how cute' but without feeling the urge to ever voice that in Kashuu's presence. Instead, she gives him a Look.]
But you're asking him, right? It's not like you're trying to handle all that on your own to avoid burdening him...? [it's not like Kashuu's a LONE SWORD RANGER WITH HIS SWORD FEELIGNS RIGHT]
I AM!!!!
Goodness though, she really does have a soft moe center beneath all that prickliness and tsun, doesn't she? INCREDIBLE. One day he'll take closer notice of it and probably mention it aloud because he has no tact.]
Uh— [WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A LONE SWORD RANGER--] Eh... [Wow, this is really doing all the answering for him, isn't it.] It's not really the sort of thing I can ask him about, 'cause he's the kinda guy who'd just say I'm not being a bother in the first place, see?
how can u lie to me this way
[never notice it or say it out loud kashuu or okuni will hurriedly throw fireworks at his feet in an attempt to get back on the shit list]
Ohhh, I see. [suddenly, Kashuu's Sword Problems are magnified to Sword and Master problems.] So you're both terrible at being honest with each other.
LOOK..... sets u out to sea, you can join dust..
why is okuni like this, though...]
No! Haruji's super honest. [DID YOU JUST IMPLY HE WASN'T, OKUNI!! He'll fight you. Also, as almost an afterthought:] And I'm honest, too! It's just - some of these things aren't easy to talk about, that's all!
I DON'T WANT TO DIE AT SEA WITH DUST THIS ISN'T THE TITANIC
I see. [okuni repeats, in the tone of 'please rethink your life choices quickly kashuu'] I'll pray for the both of you.
[also said very seriously, because THAT'S A PROBLEM, A PROBLEM SHE'S NOT SURE SHE WANTS TO TACKLE, so she'll pray instead.]
THEN YOU CAN BE CAST AWAY INSTEAD
We don't need prayers! Geez! Just how hopeless do you think we are?!
why do i die either way......
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