al saiduq/alcor ✵ 【アル ・サダク / アルコル】 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
adminproof) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
estoria2016-03-18 10:47 pm
adminproof) wrote in estoria2016-03-18 10:47 pm
Entry tags:
✵ 001 // [open] program: joy
Who: Al Saiduq/Anguished One (adminproof), Otome Yanagiya (mombastic), Hiro Kageyama(theshiningone) & the Ticos, and the star, you, Cerealians! It's like a party up in here.
When: IC: 6/8; OOC: 3/18
Where: ViViD.
What: A completely not suspicious (but fun...???) health exam of some sorts, promoted and announced via networkwhich was handwaved, invited via personal message, hearsay, or this might just be another session in ViViD for you. Either way, please be their guinea pig. Guinea pigs will be compensated accordingly.
Rating/Warning: None so far! Just some virtual demon-whacking in ViViD for the sake of science.
► part A: DO YOU AGREE TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS?_
[ Perhaps you've received a personal message on your CereVice inviting you to come here. Perhaps you saw an advertisement or (handwaved) announcement on the network that there'd be a special event in ViViD today that pays more than normal. Or perhaps this is just another ViViD jaunt for you. No matter the reason for coming, what pops up on the level selection screen are not one, but two friendly and helpful NPC assistants, here to tell you something so very exciting! The purple-haired bunnygirl speaks up first in her incredibly peppy voice: ]
Hey-o! We're running a super special custom-designed level today! It's basically a health exam, but waaay more fun, hee-hee! All you gotta do is play our custom level, AI Challenge. Beat up some baddies, let us watch you for a lil' bit, win some credits, everyone's happy!
[ The male butler (thankfully) decides to speak up and clarify the terms. ]
In other words, your performance and vital statistics will be monitored for this gaming session. You will be compensated for your time and effort, of course. The points you accumulate in this session will be worth 1.5 times more than normal.
[ Without further ado, he gestures with his hand and brings up a screen detailing...the dreaded terms and conditions. All the specific information is there (they'll be monitored about their health, stamina, spiritual energy while playing, for the sake of collecting data on ViViD's usage), but buried within the text wall they need to scroll down, unfortunately. Curiously, they don't seem to care about whether the players actually read the entirety of the text wall or not, only that they select whether they agree or disagree to the terms they've laid out. ]
Sounds super neato, right? So whaddya say?
[ Ignoring the two (totally very helpful) AIs and selecting the "I agree" option will bring them to a difficulty selection menu but...weirdly enough, there doesn't seem to be any other modes besides BLESSED and APOCALYPTIC.
Well then. ]
► part B: PARTY FORMATION_
[ The monitoring system can run independently of the ones hosting this, after all, so why not add their own data to the mix and get some exercise/training in? Upon selecting a difficulty level and agreeing to the terms and conditions they surely read all the way through and thoroughly, characters will be presented with a choice from one of three allies just standing around right in front of them. Everyone (including you) will have skills and statistics laid out in a window floating above their heads, because what kind of RPG would it be if there wasn't some number crunching, spells, and cheesing involved?
For players who normally don't have any supernatural abilities in real life, they'll find that they can pick from a large variety of them for this session, ranging from elemental and healing spells, to outright physical moves that allow them to strike multiple enemies.
Name: Al Saiduq
Handle: ???
Age: ???
Name: Otome Yanagiya
Handle: Otome
Age: 24
Name: Hiro Kageyama
Handle: Hiro
Age: 18
( ooc: Just state in the subject header which character you want! Alternatively, this option can be skipped entirely and they can go at it solo, leading to part C.) ]
► part C: BATTLE START!_
[ Now that their party's been set up and they'vesigned away their souls (hopefully) learned about what they're getting into, it's time for the main event to begin! The two AI navigators from earlier will appear right in front of the party. ]
Welcome! Welcome, from the bottom of my heart.
Hi, sweetie! I'm sooo happy you're here!
You are now inside our custom level. Since you have come all the way here to grace us with your presence and agree to assist us, I wish to entertain you to the fullest extent possible. I assume for those like you, there would be no greater entertainment than the challenge, the rigor, and the excitement of combat! I have prepared a number of demons for your battling enjoyment.
The rules are simple! Last one standing is the winner! By the way, I'm like, super-duper strong. Check out the guns!
[ Blows air kisses at her (quite frankly non-existent) biceps. ]
We will try not to be a dull encounter. After all, your happiness is our happiness.
[ And with that, they teleport away, each one far away at opposite ends of the stage. The rest of the field however, will be suddenly be littered with packs of demons. Some of them will definitely look as tough as they are, while others might seem more...disarming. No matter what however, they'll certainly pack a punch and rush at you (and/or your ally) as soon as they spot you! Fortunately, their own stats and moves will be displayed above their heads in a floating box too, including any (randomized) weaknesses! ...And resistances.
Victory: Defeat Tico
Defeat: All allies are defeated. ]
adminproof), Otome Yanagiya (mombastic), Hiro Kageyama(theshiningone) & the Ticos, and the star, you, Cerealians! It's like a party up in here.
When: IC: 6/8; OOC: 3/18
Where: ViViD.
What: A completely not suspicious (but fun...???) health exam of some sorts, promoted and announced via network
Rating/Warning: None so far! Just some virtual demon-whacking in ViViD for the sake of science.
► part A: DO YOU AGREE TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS?_
[ Perhaps you've received a personal message on your CereVice inviting you to come here. Perhaps you saw an advertisement or (
Hey-o! We're running a super special custom-designed level today! It's basically a health exam, but waaay more fun, hee-hee! All you gotta do is play our custom level, AI Challenge. Beat up some baddies, let us watch you for a lil' bit, win some credits, everyone's happy!
[ The male butler (thankfully) decides to speak up and clarify the terms. ]
In other words, your performance and vital statistics will be monitored for this gaming session. You will be compensated for your time and effort, of course. The points you accumulate in this session will be worth 1.5 times more than normal.
[ Without further ado, he gestures with his hand and brings up a screen detailing...the dreaded terms and conditions. All the specific information is there (they'll be monitored about their health, stamina, spiritual energy while playing, for the sake of collecting data on ViViD's usage), but buried within the text wall they need to scroll down, unfortunately. Curiously, they don't seem to care about whether the players actually read the entirety of the text wall or not, only that they select whether they agree or disagree to the terms they've laid out. ]
Sounds super neato, right? So whaddya say?
[ Ignoring the two (totally very helpful) AIs and selecting the "I agree" option will bring them to a difficulty selection menu but...weirdly enough, there doesn't seem to be any other modes besides BLESSED and APOCALYPTIC.
Well then. ]
► part B: PARTY FORMATION_
[ The monitoring system can run independently of the ones hosting this, after all, so why not add their own data to the mix and get some exercise/training in? Upon selecting a difficulty level and agreeing to the terms and conditions they surely read all the way through and thoroughly, characters will be presented with a choice from one of three allies just standing around right in front of them. Everyone (including you) will have skills and statistics laid out in a window floating above their heads, because what kind of RPG would it be if there wasn't some number crunching, spells, and cheesing involved?
For players who normally don't have any supernatural abilities in real life, they'll find that they can pick from a large variety of them for this session, ranging from elemental and healing spells, to outright physical moves that allow them to strike multiple enemies.
Name: Al Saiduq
Handle: ???
Age: ???
Name: Otome Yanagiya
Handle: Otome
Age: 24
Name: Hiro Kageyama
Handle: Hiro
Age: 18
( ooc: Just state in the subject header which character you want! Alternatively, this option can be skipped entirely and they can go at it solo, leading to part C.) ]
► part C: BATTLE START!_
[ Now that their party's been set up and they've
Welcome! Welcome, from the bottom of my heart.
Hi, sweetie! I'm sooo happy you're here!
You are now inside our custom level. Since you have come all the way here to grace us with your presence and agree to assist us, I wish to entertain you to the fullest extent possible. I assume for those like you, there would be no greater entertainment than the challenge, the rigor, and the excitement of combat! I have prepared a number of demons for your battling enjoyment.
The rules are simple! Last one standing is the winner! By the way, I'm like, super-duper strong. Check out the guns!
[ Blows air kisses at her (
We will try not to be a dull encounter. After all, your happiness is our happiness.
[ And with that, they teleport away, each one far away at opposite ends of the stage. The rest of the field however, will be suddenly be littered with packs of demons. Some of them will definitely look as tough as they are, while others might seem more...disarming. No matter what however, they'll certainly pack a punch and rush at you (and/or your ally) as soon as they spot you! Fortunately, their own stats and moves will be displayed above their heads in a floating box too, including any (randomized) weaknesses! ...And resistances.
Victory: Defeat Tico
Defeat: All allies are defeated. ]
no subject
But certainly, he was kind of revealed to have Kazuya casting some support spells here or there. Even throwing up a Shield All would help stall those demons for a bit. A second saved could've easily added up to a better chance of victory.]
Thanks for the help, rookie. Those shields outta stall those demon jerks for a bit.
[After all, Hiro's been demon slaying twice in a row compared to Kazuya. Of course he'd be the rookie here. Seeing those shields up do give Hiro an idea or two, but he'd have to save that for a moment. More importantly, there was the fact that he knew healing spells couldn't last forever in the heat of combat.]
... Though I hope you realize that if you end up running outta magic, then we're both pretty screwed here. You've got a skill that can refill that magical tank, right?
no subject
If anyone's the rookie around here, it's you. [he shoved Hiro's shoulder in disgust] Asking stupid questions and shit. I've got Spiritual Energy coming out of my ass right now, so that's the least of our concerns.
[Already, what little spiritual energy he spent to cast Prayer and Shield All was pretty much replenished. With Victory Cry and Alter Pain, Kaz had, theoretically, limitless Spiritual Energy to throw around. And if things became tight, well, Kaz knew how to dig deep for that extra little bit. Shortened the life span a little, but hey.]
You just focus on flexing those muscles and hitting things like the meathead you are, noob.
no subject
[He looked more amused than irritated at the shoving. But in turn, Hiro will just flick Kazuya's nose like he was swatting away a fly. He felt sorry whoever had to team up with Kazuya considering he seemed like a bitter and angry mess most of the time. But unfortunately for Kazuya, Hiro loved messing with grumpy people.]
I'm just showing a little concern for my teammate. It's all part of Teamwork 101 if a dullard like you haven't notic-- [Ah, Hiro stops his witty comment as he hears one of the Shields shattering and one of those demons are lunging straight for Kazuya. With a quick hand gesture, Hiro will grab Kazuya by the back of his collar and pull him out of the way and deliver a quick Assassinate as he chops off the demon's head with his free hand. He lets out a brief "Phew!" before shooting a sassy reply towards their opponents.]
Hey, cannon fodder! ♪ Now I'm no food expert, but you might get food poisoning if you eat this guy! I'm just sayin'!
no subject
Ugh! You fucking-
[He hated this man. He hated him so much he could barely take it. He pressed his hands against his eyes and tried to count upwards in prime numbers, feeling his boiling blood settle a little. Geeze, even now, Hiro could rile him up like no tomorrow! Truce or not, he felt that there was still too much... bad something between them to settle around him. He really needed to bite him. Or gouge his eyes out. Or. Something.]
You fucking asshole. [he finished, somewhat lamely, because his voice had lost all heat and oomph. He lowered his hands, only to flick his wrist to set up another Shield All to stem the flow of demons. He looked resigned] Just shut up, for fuck's sake. I'm this close to biting your throat out and rending you mute forever.
no subject
For someone wants to be friends with me... You're givin' off a lot of mixed signals. You could try to be a little friendlier and I'll happily follow suit! I think I'm being friendly, but if I'm not being friendly, then I'm so sorry that I can't read what goes on in your head.
[For Hiro, it was really that simple as making friends was as easy as breathing for him. Not without some arguments or brawls, but friendship wasn't friendship without the good and bad. Hiro perfectly understood that, but he just didn't know what Kazuya deal was to paint him off as some kind of enemy...
Hiro hummed to himself in thought as he watched the demons still trying to smash through the shields. He didn't kick Kazuya's dog across the street or hurt a friend of his. He liked dogs and none of Kazuya's friends have wronged him from the last time he checked. There was that argument they had way earlier about on how to manage humanity and what not... But there were plenty of ways to do that. Sometimes, Hiro had to wonder if there really was a 'right' way to handle humans.]
You should really make up your mind, Captain Autism. You want this "truce" to ride? Or do you want your parents to keep paying your medical bills forever? [Rather rude way to put it, but went to show even as friendly as Hiro was... Even his patience was being tested here.] Make up your damn mind.
no subject
[Kaz kicked at nothing, scuffing the ground up as he resisted the urge to go stomping off - if only because there was nowhere to storm towards in an appropriately dramatic fashion. So instead he stood there, glaring at his Shields holding the demon horde at bay, taking a moment to breathe through the sudden flash of - something.
...
Though, Hiro did raise a good point.]
I don't know. [He turned back to Hiro, his tone troubled] I'm just fucking crazy, I guess. I look at you, and I just feel... irrationally angry. [He could admit that much, at least] I just wanna rip you apart, piece by piece, and do... something. I dunno. I don't understand it. It's coming from nowhere and I can't help but feel it, okay?
[But, now that Hiro's pointed it out, and he's actually voiced it... that was pretty fucked up. It was actually genuinely, horrifically fucked up. He really was crazy. True, Hiro wasn't human, but he was humanish - and it wasn't the first time Kaz felt like impulsive murderous urge either. He felt it, albeit on a milder scale, with Yu as well, who was definitely human. Who's to say this wouldn't continue with other people, with the emotion growing so intense that he actually acted on it? It wasn't simply hunger, it was more than that, and Kaz was alarmed to realise that he couldn't tell if it was an emotional bleed from Bel. It was just coming from himself.
...]
Ugh, forget it. [Feeling deeply uneasy, Kaz turned back to the demons - that was a threat he understood and knew - determinedly not looking at Hiro] I'm a psycho or whatever. There's your answer. So, can we just focus on fighting now? Then I can get out of your life if you want.
no subject
[There's no fear, sarcasm, mockery, disappointment or even judgement in Hiro's tone. It's just plain dry acceptance as in admitting the sky is blue. By no means did it make this okay, but hearing that was a better step than just pondering on what he done or what he hasn't done to earn Kazuya's ire. The first step to fixing a problem was admitting the problem.
Now Hiro knew how badly grudges could fuck up people - He took Ronaldo's beef with JPs and Yamato for example. Not to mention, he had to admit that this wasn't the first time that he's had someone or something try to kill him before he became friends with them. It might have been the reason why Hiro wasn't freaking out over hearing that or the fact that he could understand how it felt to have bizarre impulses that you normally wouldn't feel when you're not human anymore. While Hiro admit that it was awesome to be something different, it was also... complicated. There was that worry that he might not be himself in a couple of hundred years down the line or he'd start forgetting important people or--
Well. His own issues weren't the subject here.]
I don't think you hate me as much as you seem to let on. That word is thrown around and misused a lot, anyway. Like saying you hate someone or... something for what they are when you really just hate the things that they did. Big difference there. [Hiro couldn't say he was an expert at that nor a perfect saint. He knew what hatred and anger was as he experienced it plenty of times during the trials. Fighting the demons, the Septentriones, Polaris, the Triangulum and Canopus... He wouldn't had fought if he did not feel something towards those beings. But he tried to make sure that those emotions did not define who was.]
You wouldn't be working this hard to try and fix things if you really didn't care at all. That much is obvious to me. [That being said...] Anyway, I'll just cut to the chase. You don't hate me, I think you're jealous of me. I have certain things that you don't seem to have.
[Again, there's no sarcasm, cockiness or his usual trolling as he's being 100% serious here (for once). Ugly emotions usually start with a small emotion such as that. Hiro figured that there was no way that he'd be strongly disliked just by existing when he hasn't done anything seriously terrible.]
no subject
[At first there was no indication that Kaz had been listening at all. He was just staring at the demons batting against the Shields with a frightening intensity, as if willing them to break through and disrupt this conversation from ever finishing. They didn't though. That was just how shit his luck was]
You're right. [he finally said after a rather uncomfortable pause, his voice devoid of any and all emotion] I am jealous of you, but I hate you too. I don't want to, though. Hate you, I mean. Or even be jealous of you or whatever. It's such a pointless emotion.
[He was tired of being angry. It was an exhausting feeling, and Kaz wondered how the hell Naoya managed to nurture it for thousands upon thousands of years and lifetimes without burning himself up into nothing. Then again, with how persistent it was, maybe Naoya had no choice but to cling to it. It made a sour feeling settle in his stomach at the thought, empathising with Naoya's stupid grudge, when he had declared that he'd never sink to the same lows as him. He was above revenge and anything like that, he had said, before he had understood what being King of Bel meant. Before he had understood that assimilation with Bel meant he'd get to shoulder his own thousands upon thousands of years and lifetimes of rage and hatred and grief. That rancour was beyond mortal comprehension and absolutely terrified him, so Kaz kept it firmly shoved into the mental closet where it could fester quietly into some sort of mental illness. Didn't stop it from bleeding out into him, though, making him flare up and snap even if rationally, he knew it was an overreaction.
God, he was such an idiot.]
I'm so fucked up it's stupid. I need therapy. [he let out a small huff of self-deprecating laughter. He really did need therapy. Holy fuck] Whatever. Sorry, I guess. Probably snapping at you more than I should've, but, y'know, you are a raging asshole sometimes. Can't help it.
no subject
[Now one would've expected him to say that you have to be happy always. But that would've been rejecting those negative emotions out right. Having positive emotions all the time wasn't a good thing either as you became blinded to what you wanted to see and ignored what you needed to see. He wasn't perfect as he may forget that sometimes, but...
Hiro couldn't lie to himself. He was an optimistic person who turned his head to the blacker colors because they weren't pretty to look at. And even here he still struggled with it. Despite the fact that he's seen the darker sides in humanity within strangers and his own friends. It was not an easy thing to accept, but he couldn't turn away from it. Humans were neither white or black... They were only gray. That's why he understood to an extent that there had to be a balance of both.]
I could call you an asshole too, but that wouldn't really help much. [Because it's not specific at all.] I don't know what goes through people's heads and I don't have cheat codes to understand people... Otherwise, I'd have everyone here be my friend and we wouldn't be in this situation right now. [Hiro loved friendship, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that it couldn't always fix everything nor always save everyone... But even so, he still wanted to connect with people.] But we were given mouths for a reason. To talk, connect and understand people. Even if it's painful, I still wanna do what I can for others.
[There's some firm resolve in his tone at that last sentence. It didn't matter if he failed once, twice or even one hundred times with someone. Even if it frustrated him, he'd keep trying to connect with a person. If he couldn't make friends, then he could try to understand them at the very least.]
Just tell me why you're jealous of me... or why you hate me so much. I'm not you, so I don't know anything.
[Stop making everything more difficult than it needs to be, Kaz.]
no subject
Will you drop it if I tell you? Fine.
[His tone started to become snappish again, moving about restlessly - pacing a few steps away from Hiro, and back again, like some sort of caged animal, his gaze intent on the Shields. The demons weren't even pretending to be attacking them now - if anything, they looked more interested in their budding soap opera drama. Figures]
I'm jealous because you- [He stopped his pacing, looking like he was trying to choke down a full lemon, before;] You're everything I'm not. You... everything went how it was supposed to go for you.
[It was then that Kaz just seemed to... deflate. His eyes were now trained on the ground between them, expression flat]
I didn't want glory or anything, but I... I wanted to save everyone, y'know. Go home afterwards and pretend it was all a bad dream. But it didn't end like that. Instead everything went wrong, and now I'm some fucked up abomination, my brother hates me so much he tried to kill me, my friends are terrified of me, humanity's stuck under the thumb of a tyrant and I... I'm ashamed of myself.
[He paused, briefly looking startled. Seemed he hadn't intended to say that last bit - hadn't realised that that was what he had actually been feeling until it passed his lips. Shame... yes, that summed it up nicely. The shame of picking the wrong choice, the shame of becoming something inhuman, the shame of feeling anger and hatred at his situation, even though that was what caused the whole mess in the first place, shame in just... being a failure, while Hiro was an aggravating success. It was petty, he knew, but...]
You were... better than me, and it's like every time I look at you, and you act- act so proud and happy, that... it's like you're rubbing it in my face. You can even freely say what you are and...
[The anger was fizzled out. Kaz kept his gaze on the floor, feeling something very indescribable. That hurt, to say that, yet he felt a little lighter. Didn't make him feel much better, but he felt as if he could breathe a little easier at least. He didn't really care, he found, if Hiro agreed or laughed at him - he was well aware that the human administrator's opinion of him was pretty low, and Kaz found that previously aggravating quality strangely liberating. He could say anything and Hiro would probably still call him an idiot and not look at him with pity. There was some cold comfort in that kind of predictability]
1/2
And really? Did it really matter who had it better (or worst) than who? Hiro didn't think so. Since at the end of the day, they were just doing what he could to help everyone. Being proud and happy were just traits that were generally him... Sure, he had to fake it sometimes to keep everyone's spirits lifted. Since that was the role that he felt that he dropped into and was satisfied with that. He always thought positively and everything worked out. But even then, there were times when positive thinking wasn't enough...
For a moment, he certainly does feel anger at Kazuya's pettiness. Who does he think he is judging his life as better when he's gone through two worlds of this crap and one world where he didn't even exist. If everything went Hiro's way, then everything would've been finished at the first world and everyone would've be living their peaceful days. Hiro would've been a normal teenager living happily with his friends right now. He wouldn't had the Administrative Authority forced upon him and he would not be the Administrator of Earth right now. Saiduq split it between everyone for a reason and Hiro took that as an opportunity and not a liability. But even so, it was pointless to play a comparison game between them.
Well, Hiro certainly does walk over to Kazuya with a horrific gleam in his eyes and a very murderous expression as if he was going to punch him - No, Deathbound his ass. That's right. Blow him away, laugh at him and call him a self-conceited weakling with an inflated sense of victimhood. The look on that loser's face was bound to be hilarious.]
You scum... [Not "idiot". Something much lower than that.] How dare you. Who do you think you are. Comparing our lives on a fucking scale like that!? Do you think I'm 200% percent happy with my choices? Do you think I was happy when I discovered nearly all of my friends were killed off in a world where I didn't exist at all?! Do you think I was laughing when I was living in the pain and horror with creatures attacking my existence and I wouldn't wake up tomorrow!? Do you think I was proud when I had to lie to everyone and watch my best friend cry whenever I had to leave him and everyone else behind to become a god?!
[Whenever Hiro gets close enough, he grabs Kazuya by the collar and lifts his fist as if he's going to really punch his face in and not stop until Kazuya himself stopped breathing. This dumb motherfucker would've deserved it-]
no subject
That's why instead of punching him away, he does something else. Hiro takes a deep breath and just pulls him into a tight warm embrace because he felt that Kazuya needed it. He didn't care if Kazuya hated him or not... He speaks sincerely and calmly in a hilariously sharp contrast to a moment ago. Yeah, he was still a bit mad about hearing that for plenty of reasons... Not just Kazuya thinking his life was sunshine and rainbows.]
--Of course I wasn't.
[He could've picked a much happier path without become a god and stayed with all of his friends. But even if that happy world happened... Could he really be content living with some paranoia that things could go wrong again? He's had their happy ending destroyed once and didn't want that to happen again. He's quiet for a moment as if collecting himself and starts speaking again.]
I was just like you... I wanted to save everyone and was just doing all that I could. But when I thought everything was going my way, I ended up learning that things were always getting worst somehow! Do you think I was constantly happy back then? No, I wasn't. But I still had to force a smile for everyone's sake and make my own choices to try and fix things as best I could.
no subject
He should be getting angry right now - defensive at least. He couldn't even muster a token effort. That indescribable feeling felt like a frozen rock had wedged itself behind his breastbone, throbbing along with his heartbeat - which raced, frantically, despite the calmness that had overtook him. He was definitely fucked in the head, if he was like this, right? His body's instincts had identified the rapidly approaching frothing mad threat invading its very personal space, but his mind simply... acknowledged.
No, maybe he had expected this after all. Maybe he wanted Hiro to get angry at him? Minato and William and Hyoubu had all been kind and understanding when the truth of what he was came out, that, while appreciated, always struck him as wrong on a deep, visceral level. This was what he expected. This was, on a twisted level, was what he wanted.
Hiro's hand closed around his collar, the grip almost choking. Kaz closed his eyes, bracing, in response to-
...
...
-to the hug?]
...?
[Yeah. Hiro was hugging him. Kaz opened his eyes and stared over his shoulder, arms hanging limply by his side. It didn't properly process at first, Hiro's words taking a sluggish few seconds to fully sink in. His heart beat faster, like it was trying to smash through his ribs and fly off somewhere - anxious. What? What was this?]
I... don't understand. [he felt like Hiro really had sucker-punched him from how hard he was reeling - actually would've preferred it. He would've known how to react to physical pain and anger, not... whatever the hell was happening right now. He felt like his brain was in the middle of some weird meltdown] Why are you... if you were like me, then... how...
[Somewhere in his guts, Bel gave a slight shift, as if to remind him of its presence. He shook. Should he push Hiro away right now? Maybe that would make him punch him and make things go along a route that made sense? He should have lied. He didn't want to know if Hiro was the same and suffered the same - fuck. Fucking fuck. What the fuck.]
How... h-how are you not strangling me right now?
[Seriously????]
no subject
You don't get it already? We're the same. We might handle things a little differently, but we're still the same.
[It was just that simple. The irrelevant small stuff like Hiro being mentally tougher, kinder, funnier and more confident did not matter to him. Hiro's grasp on Kazuya doesn't not move an inch... If he planned on pushing him away, then Hiro would just hug him again.
How many times was he rejected by friendship in the past few worlds? Far more than Hiro could count and it did hurt, but he was persistent. And he's even felt himself doing the rejecting which he couldn't help. As it was for a far greater goal to get everyone to get along. It was one of the reasons why he fought Yamato and Ronaldo in the trials as his goal wasn't betrayal - But friendship and to show the others that there were more than one way.
Once again, Hiro is calm and sincere as he speaks. It wouldn't be the first time that he's dealt with troublesome people.]
Look, you don't have to keep setting yourself up to some kind of scapegoat for suffering or whatever. Beating yourself up over little mistakes... Isn't that counterproductive to moving forward?
[It wasn't in Hiro to bring himself down over every mistake he's made. Does he have regrets? Yes. Does he get down in the dumps sometimes? Yes. But reflecting on it, learning from it and moving forward was the only thing he knew how to do.]
Living for me means making choices. So that's why I'm choosing not to hurt you. Doesn't matter if you're human or non-human to me... There's no doubt that people will always hurt each other, but sometimes they can choose not to. That's why makes friendships and bonds an awesome thing.
[His body may have not been human anymore, but his heart still was. It didn't matter what he was, but as long as could cling to that... Then Hiro felt like he could stay as himself even if it would mean much more suffering in his future.]
no subject
...it's difficult, y'know.
[He mumbled this, his head dipping slightly so the words were muffled into Hiro's shoulder. Moving forwards... it was difficult. He tried, he really did, but he felt like all that baggage that got foisted on him was acting like some killer anchor, trying to drag him down the harder he pulled. Sometimes he thought it'd be better if he drowned, but no, he had to keep moving forwards. Like Hiro said, focusing on the little mistakes was counter-productive to that, but... it was just hard, and he was so so tired.
...
He took a chance.]
Hiro. I-
[he hesitated, then slowly, he returned the embrace with the air of someone who was unfamiliar it. He was more of a headpatting guy, personally, and Naoya, despite being affectionate during his childhood, had never been a huggy person. But, it was... comforting, and... well, good thing Hiro had that stupid bunny hoodie, because it padded him out enough to make the hug feel comfortable. He kept his face hidden in his fellow protag's shoulder, though, because he knew the moment he started feeling self-conscious, would be the moment he sabotaged himself, or chickened out, or do something equally stupid and destructive]
I'm sorry. [Let's hope Hiro's good at parsing quiet mumblings muffled by fabric, because that was the only volume Kaz could muster right now] I know we're the same, but, m'not gonna stop feeling jealous of you, y'know, because... it's all stuff in my head, and... I know, it's unfair, especially since it hasn't actually been all rainbows and roses for you but... I dunno.
[Because even when confronted over this, his emotions weren't going to do a complete 180 in the span of a few minutes. He'll still think Hiro's better. He'll still be jealous of that fact. It was going to be a work in progress, something that made him feel deeply exhausted just thinking about it. Maybe he should actually look into getting some kind of mental help. Though, he didn't know if Cerealia did that kind of thing, and back in his world, well, Lord forbid the Messiah seeing a therapist. Another work in progress task too...]
Ugh... this is dumb. [His grip around Hiro tightened to the point where he might feel his ribs creak. Kaz didn't realise] Emotions are stupid. I hate it. This. Something. You, maybe. I don't know.
no subject
[Hiro wasn't expecting him to change overnight. It took literally three worlds for all of the friends he made to finally confront their problems and become better people. And despite the way that he projected himself sometimes, Hiro knew that he wasn't perfect either. He had plenty of flaws that he wasn't sure if he could fully get rid of, but he could definitely improve on them slowly. He might have become the Human Administrator, but he wasn't going to go as far to say that he was the perfect human.
If humans were truly perfect beings, then they wouldn't had needed to be watched over or protected. While Hiro did lead the assault against Polaris, he certainly didn't think of her as evil. He definitely knew that she had plenty of good points on why humanity needed to be improved. They always fell down, but they always got back up again... That's one of the reasons why Hiro found them so awesome.
Despite the fact that Kaz was quiet, Hiro was always a better listener than most gave him credit for. He understood where he was coming from. So he had to say his part too...]
I'm sorry too. [Hiro knew that he had to fess up too. Kazuya wasn't the only one at fault here.] For not realizing how bad you've had it on your end... Sometimes, I like to have fun a little too much. So I end up hurting other people's feelings when I go overboard with it. Making people smile and laugh is one of my Number #1 goals.
[Laughter was the best medicine, after all. And speaking of which, the sensation of Kaz hugging him tightly... Well, it didn't hurt as his body wasn't human anymore, but he did feel quite a strong grip. Hiro gives him a supportive pat on the shoulder.]
You're pretty good at hugging! Just be a little more gentle with it and you'll be an expert in no time.
no subject
Expert hugger... psh, I'm too scrawny for that. [he loosened his hold, and then pulled back a little. His expression looked a little drawn, but something about him seemed a little lighter - a little less angry] Don't think I'd be all that comfortable. You, on the other hand...
[Hiro was surprisingly comfortable and warm, and Kaz was fairly certain he could've easily just fallen asleep like that - though he was certain it was mostly to do with his bunny hoodie and not the man himself! The hoodie just- just gave him a plushy feel...!]
Er, nevermind. I mean... [he pulled back a little more, looking slightly embarrassed] Thanks. Like, I know I've been an asshole, and, okay, both of us were but... you're not as bad as I thought, I guess. You're like, uh, okayish? Sometimes. Yeah. S'what I'm trying to say or... something like... yeah...
[Mumble mumble]