In our bodies we will live, in our bodies we will die

[dishevelment]

Who: Ren Koumeidishevelment & OPEN (with one part locked to Ren Kouha roughcut)
When: IC 6/16 OOC 4/3
Where: Various places around the city
What: Koumei and Kouha need to have a Talk + Koumei attempts to find a hobby
Rating/Warning: Potential for serious, feels inducing discussions



A -- Locked to Ren Kouha

[It has been a short while since Kouha arrived in the city, and Koumei was overjoyed to have his youngest brother around. Although Haru insisted that it wasn't a problem, Koumei knew that he would need to repay the Saniwa back one day for allowing the two brothers to be in the same apartment. Just being together was enough for Koumei to be content.

But there was something that they needed to talk about-- something involving the Empire that they were supposed to inherit. Something involving their siblings, and the fact that one among them had allowed the darkness in his heart to swallow him whole.

Koumei was actually awake that morning, idly playing with the his little robo-pigeon and the robo-fox that resided in the apartment, trying to find a way to further delay the inevitable. He didn't want to talk about this...

But it was a shadow lingering over them that was hard to ignore.]

B

[There had been a common refrain he had heard over the last several weeks: "Find a hobby."

It was a strange notion for Koumei, a man who had spent much of his life supporting a war effort in one capacity or another. If he hadn't been in war counsels or attending to his work in the magic research facility, he was catching up on precious sleep or playing with his pigeons in Rakushou.

But, mostly it was sleeping.

While Doudanuki's insistence on teaching him how to use a sword was compelling, it was far from an actual hobby. That was work-- and the only way he was able to keep Doudanuki from destroying his hair.

Thus, Koumei found himself in the library perusing the various crafting books, looking for something that would catch his interest. If he wasn't there, he was looking at the selection of fiction novels of a variety that ranged from cerebral mysteries to sordid romances.

After checking out a few of them to read further, he went over to the gardens to enjoy the afternoon reading. Whether he actually spent the afternoon napping underneath a tree or not was another story, but regardless of the outcome he would consider the day well spent.

It was strange, having so much free time. He didn't know what to do with it.]

Comments

[dishevelment]

[Although the issues were obvious, Koumei was infinitely grateful for Kouha's discretion in every regard. The civil war amongst their family and their countrymen, due to the machinations of the organization Sinbad had dubbed 'Al-Thamen', was a heavy burden upon all of their hearts. The losses of both Alibaba, the man Koumei would have gladly accepted amongst their family, and the ever whimsical and unpredictable Judar had left marks upon them all as well.

There was a desperate sorrow in the eyes of Aladdin, the Magi of Alma Torran, that Koumei wasn't liable to forget no matter how much time he spent in this world. The tears of the remnants of Alibaba's Household, and Lady Hakuei's decision to bow out of the war against her only full blooded brother left alive after the inferno that claimed most of her family a decade before, were further burdens that they all needed to bear.

They couldn't let their emotions define them...but, in the state of startling calm that was the day to day life in the Colony, those emotions were impossible to ignore.

Koumei just offered his brother a bitter smile as he gently ran his fingers through robo-pigeon's feathers, listening to the life-like creature coo under his ministrations.]

I couldn't sleep, [he confessed.] Not that it's anything unusual.

[roughcut]

[Kouha tilts his head so it rests on the wall, considering his brother carefully. This is all so familiar and domestic that it's easy to see where the little cracks are, and he can tell Koumei is struggling with something. He doesn't know if he'll be allowed to know what that thing is, but there's no harm in trying.]

Yeah? Since you're not running anything here, I thought you'd have it a little easier.

[He decides to take a careful step forward, physically and emotionally. He's been letting things get a little too cool between them, and he hates not being honest with Koumei, even when it's an attempt to spare his feelings. They'll never get anywhere staying in place, anyway.]

It wouldn't have anything to do with those scars, would it?

[He's prepared to drop it at the slightest hint of refusal, but it seems like an easy enough opener.]

[dishevelment]

[He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh, already seeing that there was no way to further avoid this conversation. Sparing Kouha the pain of this was a practice in futility as it was.

He was a son of Ren Koutoku, and one of only three fathered by that man. He had a keen eye for detail, a warrior's spirit, and an understanding of the people around him that made him an excellent King Candidate. Though Kouha couldn't see it himself, Koumei could see what it was that Leraje had seen in the young man.]

...So you noticed, [Koumei said, not even bothering to question his brother as he pulled himself into a sitting position. Although he had been conscious to keep himself covered as much as possible, there was only so much he could do to hide in such close quarters.

The few who had seen hadn't asked, and for that he was grateful.]

Make yourself comfortable, Kouha-- we've much to talk about, and more than enough time to do so, if you want to do it now.

[roughcut]

It's not like you could hide them for long when we're sharing a room.

[Of course he did. That might be insulting coming from anyone else, but since it was one of his brothers, he knows it's only that Mei was hoping he wouldn't have to involve Kouha in it. That means it's probably going to hurt, but it's still important, so he settles down across from Koumei with minimal fuss.]

I don't think there's much avoiding whatever it is, so what I want's gonna have to wait.

[Once he's settled, he tries to hold still, be he naturally fidgets. He plays with a bit of hair with one hand, holding onto his seat with the other. Despite the fact that he's the one pushing for this, he's nervous. None of this news can be good, so he has to brace himself for it.]

[dishevelment]

[It was war-- and war was never good. Too many good lives had been lost to the might of one party imposing their will upon another, be it Al-Thamen imposing it's will upon Kou from within or Sinbad and the Seven Seas' Alliance imposing from without. In truth, he had wanted to spare Kouha from this pain, but he knew in his heart that his youngest brother had been a warrior from the day he was born.

Blood was nothing new to him. Neither was pain...and Koumei was forever sorry it had taken him so long to even find the information that there was a third son fathered by Ren Koutoku. Earlier intervention could have spared Kouha some of the pain he's already experienced...

But they were both the products of a war that wasn't even their own. There was no choice for them but to endure, for the sake of whatever the future might hold.

Folding his hands together in his lap, Koumei squeezed at his fingers nervously and fought off the urge to find a lame escape like another man would bat away a mosquito. Then:]

...I think we need to first determine what we know of what's happening within the Empire by the both of our perspectives. What do you recall of Aladdin from the last time you saw him?

[roughcut]

[If Kouha could hear those thoughts right now, he'd be doing his best to to soothe and allay any fears that Koumei had about his upbringing. Sure, it was messed up and lonely, but they'd come for him eventually. It wasn't their fault that their father was a piece of human trash in Kouha's eyes, or that his mother mentally collapsed.

In the end, they protected him as best they could, and they gave him a way out of that darkness when he couldn't see it himself. Hadn't they done plenty for him? That was one of the reasons Kouha pushed himself so hard. He refused to let them down, no matter what he had to do to achieve that. If sitting down and listening to painful news was part of those duties, he'd take it without a single complaint.]

Aladdin?

[He looks surprised, but he considers the question seriously. It's been a while since they've met, to Kouha's disappointment. Aladdin's a fun kid, even though he's technically aligned with Alibaba and not Kou proper. But Kouha counts him as a friend, so it's easy enough to remember when.]

Haven't seen him in person since Magnostadt, I think... After that, I went to the Tenzan Plateau, and I didn't go with you guys to Balbadd or the summit. By then, we had a bunch of other things to take care of.

[He gives Koumei a meaningful look. They both know he's talking about Hakuryuu and Judar committing regicide, and the war that followed. At least, he assumes that both of them know. Is that what Mei's getting at?]

[dishevelment]

So...you know what happened.

[Again, it wasn't a question but a direct statement. The aftermath of Hakuryuu's regicide and the casualties of that entire fiasco were impossible for anyone in Balbadd not to notice-- not when Alibaba's entire Household was in tears, not when Morgiana had used so much of her magoi searching for an answer that she reached her very limits...

Not when Aladdin looked like how Koumei had felt over a decade before, when they learned of the passing of Emperor Hakutoku and his two eldest sons.]

And you know what that means for the rest of us, [he added, his voice deceptively even despite the shadows of sorrow in his eyes.] There's no way we can redeem Hakuryuu after he's cursed his own Fate-- not with that young Magi as he was when I last saw him, and not with the strange alliances he seems to have made.

[roughcut]

I know about what our country is up against, yeah. We just had the strategy meeting before I got here...

[Kouha's face turns hot and ashamed as he remembers what led up to all of this. It's still difficult to accept that Judar and Hakuryuu had both betrayed them. Hakuryuu made sense, at least; Kouha had suspected he'd do something like this for a long time, based on his circumstances alone. But Judar? That was a true surprise, and he still wasn't quite over it, even if he wouldn't let it cloud his judgement.

He does remember the news about Alibaba and Aladdin, which just makes it all the worse, but Kouha's head jerks up as Koumei continues.]

Allies? What kind of allies are you talking about?

[Kouha's eyes narrow as he hones in on that comment, suddenly wondering what he's missed. Did Mei find something out and not inform Kouha because he assumed Kouha already knew? Was he supposed to be told about this matter by order of Kouen, and somebody betrayed them by making sure he didn't get the message? Whatever it is, this may be the start of whatever Mei is concerned about.]

[dishevelment]

[It was a difficult truth for all of them to accept. It was literally brother against brother, and there would be no winner declared until someone's head fell bloodied into the dirt of the Tenka Plains. Koumei regarded Kouha a little sternly, swallowing his emotions and metaphorically stepping into the shoes of the Imperial Strategist that he was.]

There's been something bothering me about that entire campaign, and I believe I finally figured out what it was before I arrived here. But, tell me, did you honestly think Hakuryuu would move without any sort of support at all?

[roughcut]

[Kouha knows that look, and he knows he's been naive as soon as it's turned on him. He glances away for a moment, ashamed, before he answers.]

It didn't seem like Sinbad was gonna help him all that much, 'cause it's technically not their problem.

[He practically spits the name. Kouha respects no one more than his own king, but even with that in mind, his opinion of Sinbad is beyond low. It's full of disgust.]

Even if he did, you'd have thought of it already, right? You said these ones were "strange". What's different about them?

[dishevelment]

It was strange because I never imagined Hakuryuu would make such a foolish strategy.

[His eyes lowered now, not wanting Kouha to see the full depth of his shame as he continued.]

Unfortunately, I let my own understanding of him get the better of me and didn't think about what was happening beyond our borders...because, while this normally wouldn't be Sinbad's problem, the Seven Seas' Alliance does intervene when one of their allies is in need...

[Taking a deep breath, he placed a hand over his chest-- right over where the ragged scar was underneath his shirt. Loathe as he was to continue, he knew that he needed to.

They had come this far together. Kouha, of all people, deserved to know.]

And the only one I know of with a Metal Vessel who could have struck me from that distance is Lord Yamato Takeruhiko of the Kingdom of Kina.

...Hakuryuu and Sinbad must have made an agreement during that time he visited Sindria. We can probably guess what the terms were.

[roughcut]

Those scars are from a metal vessel!?

[Despite his earlier determination to stay still and calm, he shoots to his feet with the force of his reaction. His hands fist at his sides in an attempt to keep from grabbing Koumei by the shoulders and demanding he get a better look at the wounds, because he knows that's out of line and ridiculous. If Koumei were still in danger from them, he'd had already seen a doctor by now.]

You survived something like that and walked away with only a scar? I don't know if you're lucky or what, Brother Mei.

[Kouha feels like he's going to be sick. He remembers the name "Kina" and its lord, but he hadn't been expecting those recluses to step onto the field, along with the rest of the Alliance. He feels like he's been blind, and it's done irreparable harm.]

He spent so much time with a snake like that... Guess we should have thought about what other plans he'd been making. Damn it.

[dishevelment]

We should have-- but we didn't, and that's my own fault.

[He looked up at Kouha quietly, schooling himself in the same patience he had used when he explained Kou's policies to the fallen Alibaba because he knew that someone had to be the calm one here. In the trio of princes that stood to inherit the Empire as the plans had originally dictated, Kouha was the passion and Koumei was the rationality behind Kouen's stern and compassionate leadership.

Kouha was rightfully angry. Koumei would have been as well, if he hadn't been berating himself over his own blindness.]

I had wanted to believe the best of Hakuryuu, like we do for all of our siblings, and it pains me to have to order his beheading to end this wretched war. There's no forgiving him for what he used his Metal Vessels to do to our countrymen, Kouha. They deserve nothing less than a swift and honorable end

[Koumei took a deep breath, steeling himself for the news he needed to drop next:]

With Sinbad making his presence known, the only way for this war to end now is in our loss. Kouen could order us to keep fighting, but I trust our brother's judgement to not destroy our country further.

...but that's all speculation. I don't know what happens next.

[For all Koumei knew, he died with that strike. For all he knew, he survived long enough to see himself, his brothers, and poor Kougyoku beheaded by Hakuryuu as his first act as Emperor. There were too many possibilities that he kept himself up at night mulling over them, to no avail.

The future was unknown, and there was no changing that. All he could do was focus on what he could do in this city, and this world.]

[roughcut]

[If this were any less serious, Kouha would scoff at that comment. Instead, he gives Koumei a sharp look, not angry or disappointed at him, but full of denial, anyway.]

Like hell it's your fault! If you were blind, so were the rest of us.

[Koumei may be the strategist, but that doesn't mean Kouha can go resting on his laurels and let everyone else take care of the thinking. Apparently, though, that's exactly what he did, and that fact burns. It burns enough that Kouha has to pace, just to keep from feeling like he'll explode from it.]

I don't get how you can be so calm when we're talking about losing everything. Our men, our family... I'm not gonna just lay down and accept that, Brother Mei! I'm not gonna let a man who'd do that to our people become emperor!

[He shakes his head hard enough to make himself dizzy. The family comes first, and this is a Ren trait that almost all of them have to varying degrees. The empire is their family's work, their reason for doing everything they do, and Kouha just can't let it go without seeing the hopelessness for himself, in person.]

I'm not gonna let any of you die, even if I do.

[dishevelment]

Be reasonable, Kouha.

[It was a rare order, sharply spoken by the normally placid tactician who carried the exact same sentiments in his heart.]

We can't let our emotions get in the way-- that's exactly what Hakuei did, and that's why she can't bear to join us on the battlefield. It's too painful for her and her Household to bear. There's no way we can save Hakuryuu now that he's Fallen, and even if his Rukh were somehow cleansed, there's no way that anyone could just forget about what he's done.

[Murdering the Regent, even if her rule was due to the influences of that Organization, was itself a traitorous act. But, brainwashing and physically ruining the bodies of their countrymen?

Unforgiveable. This was not how any of the soldiers wanted to die, even if many felt it would be an honor to continue fighting for the Empire after their psychological death.

Moving slowly, he reached out to gently grab Kouha's arm in a hesitant attempt to soothe some of the young man's nervous energy.]

I can't accept it, either-- and I'm sure our Brother and King feels the same. Frankly, the choice may be out of our hands.

Now that the Seven Seas' Alliance is involved, you understand what this means for us...correct?

[It meant that Hakuryuu would win, now that he had over a dozen Metal Vessels on his side.

It also meant that they would be the ones branded as traitors, and likely beheaded.....if they survived the battle at all.]

[roughcut]

[at the order, Kouha immediately quiets. It's rare for Koumei to be so direct about that kind of thing, so it gets Kouha's to rein himself in like little else could.

He follows Koumei's touch easily, lifting one hand to rest on it and help him focus on something beyond the despair that's threatening to crash over him.]

If we can't beat 'em... We're done for, all of us. There's no way they just let us go.

[Even if Hakuryuu were that merciful, it just wasn't a smart move, strategically. Allowing threats to your claim to the throne is just stupid, and it's just as ridiculous to think the Alliance would allow for it to happen again. They wouldn't have invested the energy if they didn't expect Kou to be their ally, and none of the other Rens would be likely to play that nicely.

Kouha shakes his head, bowing it a bit to hide his expression. If it looks even a fraction as bad as what he feels, he doesn't want Koumei to see it.]

And we can't beat anyone when we didn't even plan for them to show up... What are we supposed to do now, Mei?

[dishevelment]

[Moving on a whim, Koumei gently pulled his youngest brother into a firm hug, allowing them both the comfort and privacy that they both needed from the things that they both already knew. He sucked in a deep breath to prepare himself-- for knowing that a something is coming doesn't always make a person emotionally ready to handle it.

Not all of the mental exercises, strategizing, and theorizing could have prepared him for the depth of Kouha's grief.]

The only thing I know for sure is that we shouldn't curse our fate, [he admitted at length, in a diplomatic and round about way of stating that he wasn't sure what was going to happen next himself.] We'd be no better than Gyokuen and Hakuryuu if we do, and I don't think I could bear to spend eternity without being near our siblings and cousins.

[It was a fanciful sentiment, wishing for an existance of relative peace within the flow of the Rukh, intermingling with the spirits and memories of loved ones that had long since passed on. A man of science and rationality, it seemed almost outlandish to even have such sentiments, but his own observations of the Rukh within the fields of Magic Research that he oversaw alongside the Empire's military presence and economy did nothing to disprove the Rukh as an ever flowing, ever changing force that influenced them all. Speaking with Aladdin, and witnessing the history of Alma Torran through the boy's words, further cemented that notion.

With that boy around, nothing seemed impossible.]

Otherwise....we must trust our friends and siblings to make the right choices. We didn't come this far to have everything fall apart....and strange things happen around that young Magi.

[roughcut]

[Kouha is a very tactile person. He just never expects anyone else to be the same. When Koumei pulls him closer, Kouha makes a quiet noise of surprise, but he doesn't struggle. Once he's in place, he settles immediately, clinging to Koumei's clothes in a way he'd be embarrassed by, in any other situation. Clinging to those that protect you is for children, and Kouha is no child. That doesn't mean it's not comforting, and he'll take what he can get right now.]

I don't wanna die. I don't want anyone I like to die. But mostly, I don't want to be apart form anyone again. You don't have to worry about that, even if I'm not so sure I believe all of that stuff about the Rukh.

[He shakes his head again, trying to crack a smile but utterly failing to do more than grimace.

He believed in it as far as magic went; he wasn't the type to deny what went on right before his eyes. But that being what happened to you when you die? He'd never really thought about it much. He's supposed to be the one that doesn't think so hard, just being muscle. Getting all philosophical is odd for him.

Besides, Mei was the one who worked with it the most. He'd have a better idea, so Kouha decides to trust in that, instead.]

And Aladdin... He's pretty good. He managed to get hold of one war and stop it, right? You think he might manage it again?

[Granted, those were extraordinary circumstances where the world itself may very well have died without everyone working together. Still, it's hard not to hope for that, no matter how slim the chances.]

[dishevelment]

You know the boy better than I, [Koumei admitted, dipping his head down to rest against his brother's while Kouha clung to his robes like a lost child. In effect they were both children-- and both lost without the light of someone else to follow. But, without Kouen in the city with them, they were in the same position that they were in during that awful period after the First Emperor and his two eldest sons passed in that fire.

Time stopped for no one. They just needed to take the best parts of what they believed, bury it in their hearts, and keep moving forward toward a better tomorrow.]

Aladdin...he has a way with people, and has encouraged alliances to happen where they couldn't have otherwise. I think it's best if we trust both him and our Brother right now, while we're stuck in this city. It's all we can do.

[roughcut]

[This... This is good. Kouha hates the situation, but physical comfort from one of his favorite people in the world helps quite a bit. At least, he's not about to lose it and go smashing anything in the next little while out of frustration, and that's better than what he'd been thinking about five minutes ago.]

He's a good kid. Smarter than he looks, but he can be trusted.

[That's Kouha for you: even when giving compliments, sometimes he just comes off as rude. Aladdin can be a sneak, considering he slipped past Kouha's radar the first time, despite traveling together for a while, but that's to his advantage. Maybe he'll have something up his sleeve nobody else knew about. It's worth hoping for, so he nods as he continues.]

If there's a way out of this, those two have gotta find it. If not... maybe we can take something from here back with us, something to change things. There's plenty of strange things that might help here.

[dishevelment]

Hmm. I know he's a good child, and I can't help but feel sorry for the fact that he bears such a burden at times. [His voice was low, as if speaking any of this too loudly might disturb the others in the apartment. But it only leant itself to the intimate privacy of the moment between the two of them-- and holding Kouha in his arms like that was itself a comfort to him. Although he expressed himself in dry commentary, he was fond of the rough mannerisms of his brothers. The physicality of everyone in their family was something that he greatly missed.]

Even though he's still reeling from losing his chosen King, he still has some hope in his eyes. I believe we can trust them-- and I think having faith in them would serve us better than scrambling for an alternative in this world that we might not be able to bring back with us when we return.

[roughcut]

We've all got our burdens, Mei. Pitying him's just gonna make it harder for him to bear it. As long as he doesn't ask for help, we've just gotta respect it.

[His eyes are dark when he looks up again. Kouha has experienced much, but he's also seen his men go through even worse. If they can hold their heads high and be proud, there's no reason to assume Aladdin can't do the same until he proves otherwise.]

Besides, he's a smart, resourceful guy. If anybody can make the impossible happen, it's him and Brother En. I'm just gonna make sure I don't get soft while we're here.

[That has him smirking. Too bad that Kouha and Koumei don't even know the half of it. For now, though, they can hold onto their dreams, and that'll get them through the day.]

[dishevelment]

Soft? As if the circumstances here would allow it.

[There was a hint of amusement in the scoffing remark-- Koumei had already been putting in the physical work necessary to stand on his own as a warrior. Kouha might note from their proximity that Koumei's arms were a little firmer, and his hands were callused in ways that they weren't before. They were the gifts of Doudanuki's training, hard as it was.

He knew it would be worth it in the end.]

[roughcut]

[Point taken. Kouha can't miss those physical changes, and he acknowledges it with a laugh.]

You'd know better than me. You've been around here a bit longer, right? Guess it's paying off.

[The time difference thing is still pretty confusing to him, but as long as he doesn't think about it too hard, it's not something to worry about.]

[dishevelment]

Truly?

[Koumei pulled away, gazing at his younger brother through his thick, messy bangs.]

I've only been here a short while myself-- there's still many things that I need to learn in this place, but we will find a way to make it work here.

My true concern is our brothers and our Empire....and the safety of our military secrets. Please, Kouha. Be careful around the 'robots' here, and don't let them do anything to you.