estoria | ( OPEN ) i don't want a mental suplex, i want quality customer service

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( OPEN ) i don't want a mental suplex, i want quality customer service

Who: Elliot Nightray (

meriter) and you!
When: IC 11/25—11/27
Where: Residential District (primarily the CERES Gymnasium) + Shopping District (anywhere)
What: Elliot has a terminal allergy to common sense: a lesson in three (four) parts, comprised of psuedo-drowning, Machiavellian swindlers, and terrible book taste, respectively speaking.
Rating/Warning: None, probably.

1. INSERT SWIMMING PUN HERE (ceres gymnasium.)

[ In reconciliation of every self-deprecatory impulse in his body, Elliot actually shows up for lifeguard duty for the first time in two weeks.

He'd been staving off the financial necessity of having real credits on hand to buy very real things for a long while (like microwave dinners, for one thing, considering he'd survived thus far on a diet of refried peas and mashed potatoes with the consistency of clumping dirt). Monetary gain: the true motivator of any stalwart teenager in these trying, trying times. It wasn't as if he was going to turn to his brothers in some prostrated act of weakness. Just because he'd been hairsplitting nebulous concepts like coming to the gym during his technical shift and maybe staying the whole period instead of flat-out leaving whenever it suited him didn't mean he was a stranger to manual labor. Not at all.

So. It's just another routine day at the swimming pool, and by the third hour he's sweating bullets attempting to get a grip over his genteel, strait-laced Victorian morals. There are just so many exhibitionists about in the afternoons, all in varying levels of undress, and he's blistering red up to his ears keeping his gaze trained at all the patrons without turning away at the sight of scantily-clothed bodies. Literal lingerie, at that — it was nothing short of incredible that Vessalius hadn't succumbed to utter debauchery, exposed day in and day out to water-slick forms and all manner of loosened morals. He'd always been a weird kid, anyway.

But his tension reaches a culminating point hits when someone's apparently spritzing out at the deep end of pool, an arm stuck out and frantically waving him over. Reluctantly, Elliot strips off his jacket and cravat and strides over, peering down at the swimmer in question with scrunched eyebrows a stare tipped toward palpable disdain. ]

[ Too bad he doesn't have any sense of peripheral awareness to comprehend the rather peculiar grin he's shot with until the stranger's got their hand grappled around his, and then — ]

again

[ — he falls in. Panic briefly settling in his lungs, he spends a second or two in slantslide vertigo, water rushing around in some great, disorienting deluge before he kicks up, hard, breaks the surface with audible frustration. ]

I HATE THIS JOB!

2. CULTURE OF THE YOUNG AND VAIN (around, somewhere ...)

[ When his mood considerably sobers, he takes his paycheck for a supermarket splurge to refuel his stockpile of frozen dinners and comes away with several plastic bags full of cheap, cholesterol-inducing foods. Normally he'd head straight for his apartment, but Elliot decides to take the scenic route and ends up finding the kitschiest merchant stalls known to man. One minute he's minding his own business, and the next he's surrounding by a copious amount of creams and lotions purported to rejuvenate youth, like he'd just been plunked in the middle of a health ad and was ethically obligated to spout off some hypocritical drivel about the losers who'd buy into such scams. Seriously.

Well, beggars can't be choosers. Elliot wastes no time forcing his way to the front to blithely jab a finger at one of the offending vendors in question. ]

[ You know, because there's nothing wrong with waxing poetic on insurrection to the merchants. With this kind of bullheaded mentality, Elliot's lucky he isn't get his ass hauled away by security guards right this minute. ]

3. LMAO, SPOILERS (still around ...)

[ Wayward hellion of paltry exasperation that he is, Elliot Nightray can't get by without self-gratifying himself on one of the finer things in life. Namely, literature. So he makes a habit of scanning the shelves of the bookstore with a probing fixation at least once a week, turning up his nose at the YA section and heading for the classics to spend hours turning through the pages, scouring the contents for answers, or maybe just a quick read.

Only — today it's different, because he's currently engaged in some kind of weird, heated argument with the cashier. On closer inspection, it's composed mostly of angry, one-sided outbursts, like: ]

at all

[ Or: ]

Holy Knight

[ If nothing else, bystanders can at least pick up on the fact that there's a very frustrated fanboy hogging the front desk to blather on and on about the most emotionally bloated, self-indulgent novels to ever grace the Latowidge Academy library. ]

4. CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE (wildcard!)

~~i didn't put him in school~~

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[ What do you think it's for.. sticking it up the other guy's ass?!

.. okay, no. He's not exactly that rude or that temperamental - thank god it's Heung Soo Elliot is dealing with here and not his best friend in that regard, really. He more just looks annoyed in a defeatist way, as if he's seen all of the terrible things in the world already and doesn't feel like putting up with them anymore. ]

What do you think? [ No, seriously!! He doesn't hesitate to give a slightly rude quip in return to a question like that in this situation. ]

This is my job.

[ Unfortunately.. ]

[AS LONG AS HIS ATTENTION IS AWAY FROM THE STALL... her mission is more or less accomplished. That provides a nice window of opportunity for the poor, unfortunate vendor to slip away, before they have to listen to another rant about the evils of consumerism—or whatever he was ranting about. Touka isn't even sure, and she's listened to her fair share of self-righteous, angry customers. Whoa.

It's a good thing she can't rip this guy's head off in broad daylight, because she's killed men over pettier things. Alas, she'll have to settle for the human way of dealing with this type of thing. That means playing fair and avoiding any bloodshed. Kind of a pity, tbh.

Maybe she doesn't have to play completely fair, though. Who even uses the word imbecile, these days?]

Hoh, I'm the imbecile? Fine. What an annoying piece of shit you are. [Snorting, as she forces herself to chill. Maybe she can rip his head off at a later date, once she's hungry. She's sure he'd taste as awful as his attitude, though... Oh, well. She's not 100% sure how the security robots around here work, but she spotted some earlier and she's been told they're quite vicious, so—]

—Kyaaa! [Yeah, she went there. That's one huge change in pitch, from her previous tone. It's the same one she used while squirming away from that sleazy old man, the second time she saw Kaneki.] Someone! There's a pervert here — h-help!

[SHE COULDN'T HAVE SHOUTED THE WORD "PERVERT" ANY LOUDER. In front of witnesses, while pointing at this gigantic douche. It's slightly gratifying.]

Are kid to me.

[She moves back to allow him room to get up. She contemplates pushing him in again, but she's worried he might try to pull her in too. The pool gets a wary, suspicious glance and she decides against that course of action. For now.]

Is amusing, probably. Or perhaps there is no thought at all. Humans are like that, yes? [Oona looks him up and down] Will you not get sick if you stay like that?

I could say the same of you.

[ DIVERSION SUCCESSFUL. Even if it was spoken in the least-offensive manner possible, he would probably stalk off if his pride was too badly damaged.

Nevertheless, Kaoru's succeeded distracting Elliot enough that he completely retracts his key goal of making the poor beauty cream seller cry because he only pauses to tighten his grip over his grocery bags before continuing in pursuit. It's only after they're decently stranded from the rest of gossipy civilization as they know it that he continues speaking. ]

How about a trade, then? We'll exchange questions and answers back and forth. I wouldn't want to leave things so one-sided. And — ... I am interested. In learning more about you as my ally, I mean.

[ He certainly dodged a bullet right there, because of course the word ally is synonymous and yet completely different from the word friend. You know. Semantics. ... Yeah. ]

Are you deaf? I don't get paid for watching you, I get paid for keeping every actual patron here safe.

[ Boy, he's laying the sarcasm on thick, as if anyone in the Vessalius dukedom doesn't apply to the prerequisite standard by virtue of being overly-entitled brats. Furthermore, Elliot's nothing if not terribly snarky. It's like he can't go a day without insulting someone else's mother.

In the meantime, Elliot's peeling off his socks and dress shoes in a despairing effort to dry them within the hour while Oz continues being the punkass dweeb all of Tellus practically knows him for at this point. Wadding the mess of leather and polyester cotton beneath the lifeguard post, he straightens, grabbing another towel to swipe messily at his face. ]

Hah?! Who'd want to swim with you in the first place? What a complete waste of time. Besides, isn't it better this way? We both know you'd be too frustrated to work properly if I beat you in every swimming match.

I'll be fine. It wasn't like I wasn't prepared this time.

[ UGH, never mind that it's a generally inconvenient hassle to go change over something so inconsequential. Notwithstanding the fact that he hates being talked down to, all her words are parsing strange in his head. Maybe he's seriously behind the times?! ]

Not all humans. Besides, aren't you human, too? Why are you referring to people like that?

[ More dumbly blunt than a brick hurled at breakneck velocity, this one. ]

[ YOU NEVER KNOW.

Heung Soo's a saint, most likely. Lesser people would've tossed Elliot in the dumpster where he rightfully belonged, but it sure is inspiring to see people who aren't deterred so easily. Too bad all those nuances are lost on Nightray's all-encompassing egotism. ]

You should've picked a better one, then.

[ He cursorily squints down at the package before lifting his gaze again. ]

Is it going to take long?

If you're going to keep pathetically blathering on like that, you might as well take your leave. I'm not going to waste another second of my time waiting for you to fail persuading me of anything.

[ He's wholly unfazed by all her blustering bravado, even more so when she's all talk and no substance. He's priming himself to launch back into another horrible tirade on the evils of consumerism when she denounces him as a pervert, and then his stare abruptly flatlines. ]

What — is that supposed to be convincing? No one with a working brain could possibly buy into such a moronic accusation, I didn't even touch you —

[ SUDDENLY, ROBOTS SWARM THE SCENE, BULLDOZING THEIR WAY THROUGH THE CROWD OF JUDGING, EXASPERATED GAZES and Elliot's visibly paled in the interim, taking a few steps back to jab at the wretched girl. Now would be a good time to get an ally, but he's shunted off any potential help with his recent rant, so he's pretty low on any kind of support from the masses.

Elliot balks. ]

I didn't do anything! You all saw, right?! She's lying!

[Instantly she looks a little offended] Am not human!

[excuse you. Oona quickly shakes her head and draws herself up some.] Am a mermaid! Simply in a human form. Otherwise, would not be able to walk on the land. Obviously!

You do know what mermaids are, yes?

["AS MY ALLY." ELLIOT NIGHTRAY, THIS IS WHY YOU ATTRACT PEOPLE LIKE OZ... And conversely, people like Kaoru... So it's really just a lose-lose situation.

Kaoru is good-natured about it, at least, and ends up laughing in a polite and unobtrusive way.]

You are? I'm afraid I won't have many interesting things to tell you. [Glancing over! There's a mildly teasing expression present, but it's just soft enough to not be offensive to certain delicate sensibilities.]

But that trade sounds fine to me, anyway. Would you like to visit a cafe so that we can sit and talk, then?

[Petulantly slapping his hands against the wet deck DON'T BE A BUTTHEAD.]

You get paid to watch the patrons! And since it's not my shift yet, I'm a patron!

[Gosh, Elliot!!! Maybe he'll just run on the deck on purpose specifically to give him a real problem swimmer to have to babysit! But before he can really entertain that thought any further, Elliot goes turborude and insults his swimming skills?! Wow, he doesn't want to hear any of that from the guy who jumped in with his shoes.]

If you beat me? [INCREDULOUS.] And what's that about "every" match? You haven't even beat me once!

[The only way that Nice reacts physically is that he straightens as well and puts his hands in his pockets. Otherwise, he still looks pretty neutral.

...He's used to people yelling at him.]

And there you are, being a hypocrite again. You don't know me either, right? Then why are you jumping to conclusions that I've bought into what they've been telling me?

[A beat.]

You're really not good at arguing, are you?

[ Ok, maybe he should've seen this coming, given the types of people he's encountered thus far, but it's still pretty shocking. What's even going on here ... ] I've never heard of stories like that.

I know the lore, it's just — ... surprising. How am I supposed to tell, anyways?

[ And there he goes, prattling off on the defense. ]

[ That's kind of sad ... then again, Elliot's usually the one using doling out a repertoire of petty rants at the receiving end, so it's not like he's the slightest bit remorseful about his life as a plaster saint ... ]

Says the one who couldn't leave business well-enough alone. Do you try to instigate everyone you see on the street? Badly, at that. If you're trying to convince me, at least bring up valid points first.

Don't disparage yourself like that. It's unseemly.

[ Elliot's just a handful of contradictions thrown into the body of a prepubescent nerd, it's no wonder Kaoru's treating him like he's made of porcelain. ANYWAYS, it's been a while since he's actively sought out someone's attention, so he'll nod in assent, already trekking in the direction of that one place they agreed upon visiting way-back-when or something. Ignore the fact he's literally fast-jogging there, he might be a little too excited by the prospect. Someone spray him with water before he gets too yappy. ]

Certainly. I've saved some funds in the meantime, so as such, I'll take care of the bill.

Is that supposed to be persuasive? I'm not buying that kind of half-baked excuse!

[ SAYS ELLIOT, LOSER EXTRAORDINAIRE, as he backpedals himself into audible hypocrisy. He's keeping one eye peeled in case Oz decides to effect the behavior nuances of a flamingo and go hopping in convolutions around the pool so he can body-tackle him to the ground and earn them both head-splitting concussions, but so far all he's done is ... throw a tantrum ... how predictable.

Superiority inflating, Elliot rises to his full height, airing out the towel in a gesture reminiscent of a housewife's domestic beleaguerment because it's such a pain to prattle on about the obvious. ] It would be unfair to challenge you and get your hopes up when the winner of that contest is already clear. You haven't been properly trained by a licensed professional, so what kind of match would that be? I'm looking out for your best interests here.

[There's just a polite laugh at that BECAUSE WHAT ELSE DOES ONE SAY, SERIOUSLY. Elliot is a handful and Kaoru isn't even the one dealing with him, more often than not...

But it's down the streets they go, familiar as they are now that it isn't even necessary to check landmarks, really. All of the shops that are most often frequented are as easy to get to as Kaoru's own apartment.]

Oh— Are you certain? It's a kind offer.

[A faint smile! Even if Elliot's looking forward or otherwise not directly at this dingus, there's a little upward lilt in the tone of those words, too.]

[yes just leave him to his dumb baby pool tantrum ALL WILL BE WELL!!

Or not, because Elliot can't keep his dumb mouth shut and Oz too is cursed with being unable to walk away from a situation that should really be walked away from. Where does that leave them? Somewhere stupid, basically...]

Oh... I see.

[And here it goes. Here comes the stupid train. It's rolling fullspeed out of the station and barreling directly toward Elliot. There's no escape now, only imminent death and the bRUTAL AGONY of being run over and left on the side of the tracks. Why can't they just live their lives like normal people??]

You're afraid of losing, right?

[This is never going to end...but Nice just scratches at the bandage on his cheek idly as he considers what to say next.]

Not everyone. Just some.

[Lucky you, Elliot.]

Well, since you seem like a stubborn kind of person, I don't know how well I'm going to change your mind. Anything I say you'll have to just take my word for it, and are you going to do that?

[Just wondering.]

['speaking normally' 'speaking normally' Where's Yata... Totsuka found his younger brother.]

That's because I know a lot of people who speak just like you! [an entire gang of thugs, for example. Unfortunately, Totsuka is not the official headpuncher of the group, or he'd probably dish one out for Elliot's sake. Instead, he's mister GOOD SAMARITAN. There to pacify and there to skedaddle if things get too heated.] The kind of people who get angry a lot, but don't mean any real harm. None of them read many books though.

[they all dropped out of school for a Reason.] Which reminds me, what's the book you're waiting for? Knights...?

Then you have not been looking for right ones. [H u f f.]

Should be obvious. Am simply better than humans. And prettier. [STARES AT HIM.

DARING HIM TO DENY IT.]

[Are you for real -- it's like a battle of obnoxious people. She huffs at that before placing both of her hands on her hips and there's really only one thing she cares about now:]

Will you truly wait in peace? Or does your idea of peace involve more unnecessary rudeness and shouting?

Have you noticed how long you've been taking already?

[ Okay, yeah, now Heung Soo is just being a sassy prick. It's what kdramas are good at, after all, but it's more just that he also has his limit in dealing with morons, and he sure is about to hit that right now.. what's next, does he want to know what's in the package? Does he want to have a conversation about his backstory? And into the dumpster Elliot goes, at least verbally.. ]

Aish, is it really that hard to let another person just do what they're supposed to do?

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