Entry tags:
( OPEN ) i don't want a mental suplex, i want quality customer service
Who: Elliot Nightray (
meriter) and you!
When: IC 11/25—11/27
Where: Residential District (primarily the CERES Gymnasium) + Shopping District (anywhere)
What: Elliot has a terminal allergy to common sense: a lesson in three (four) parts, comprised of psuedo-drowning, Machiavellian swindlers, and terrible book taste, respectively speaking.
Rating/Warning: None, probably.
1. INSERT SWIMMING PUN HERE (ceres gymnasium.)
2. CULTURE OF THE YOUNG AND VAIN (around, somewhere ...)
3. LMAO, SPOILERS (still around ...)
4. CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE (wildcard!)
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When: IC 11/25—11/27
Where: Residential District (primarily the CERES Gymnasium) + Shopping District (anywhere)
What: Elliot has a terminal allergy to common sense: a lesson in three (four) parts, comprised of psuedo-drowning, Machiavellian swindlers, and terrible book taste, respectively speaking.
Rating/Warning: None, probably.
1. INSERT SWIMMING PUN HERE (ceres gymnasium.)
- [ In reconciliation of every self-deprecatory impulse in his body, Elliot actually shows up for lifeguard duty for the first time in two weeks.
He'd been staving off the financial necessity of having real credits on hand to buy very real things for a long while (like microwave dinners, for one thing, considering he'd survived thus far on a diet of refried peas and mashed potatoes with the consistency of clumping dirt). Monetary gain: the true motivator of any stalwart teenager in these trying, trying times. It wasn't as if he was going to turn to his brothers in some prostrated act of weakness. Just because he'd been hairsplitting nebulous concepts like coming to the gym during his technical shift and maybe staying the whole period instead of flat-out leaving whenever it suited him didn't mean he was a stranger to manual labor. Not at all.
So. It's just another routine day at the swimming pool, and by the third hour he's sweating bullets attempting to get a grip over his genteel, strait-laced Victorian morals. There are just so many exhibitionists about in the afternoons, all in varying levels of undress, and he's blistering red up to his ears keeping his gaze trained at all the patrons without turning away at the sight of scantily-clothed bodies. Literal lingerie, at that — it was nothing short of incredible that Vessalius hadn't succumbed to utter debauchery, exposed day in and day out to water-slick forms and all manner of loosened morals. He'd always been a weird kid, anyway.
But his tension reaches a culminating point hits when someone's apparently spritzing out at the deep end of pool, an arm stuck out and frantically waving him over. Reluctantly, Elliot strips off his jacket and cravat and strides over, peering down at the swimmer in question with scrunched eyebrows a stare tipped toward palpable disdain. ]
Well, what are you waiting for? Hurry up and take my hand already, I don't have all day.
[ Too bad he doesn't have any sense of peripheral awareness to comprehend the rather peculiar grin he's shot with until the stranger's got their hand grappled around his, and then — ]
Gh — no, no, n-o-t again ... !
[ — he falls in. Panic briefly settling in his lungs, he spends a second or two in slantslide vertigo, water rushing around in some great, disorienting deluge before he kicks up, hard, breaks the surface with audible frustration. ]
I HATE THIS JOB!
2. CULTURE OF THE YOUNG AND VAIN (around, somewhere ...)
- [ When his mood considerably sobers, he takes his paycheck for a supermarket splurge to refuel his stockpile of frozen dinners and comes away with several plastic bags full of cheap, cholesterol-inducing foods. Normally he'd head straight for his apartment, but Elliot decides to take the scenic route and ends up finding the kitschiest merchant stalls known to man. One minute he's minding his own business, and the next he's surrounding by a copious amount of creams and lotions purported to rejuvenate youth, like he'd just been plunked in the middle of a health ad and was ethically obligated to spout off some hypocritical drivel about the losers who'd buy into such scams. Seriously.
Well, beggars can't be choosers. Elliot wastes no time forcing his way to the front to blithely jab a finger at one of the offending vendors in question. ]
What a load of crap! It's just like CERES to promote these kinds of underhanded ruses. They're a bunch of raving idiots. I'm surprised they can get anything accomplished.
[ You know, because there's nothing wrong with waxing poetic on insurrection to the merchants. With this kind of bullheaded mentality, Elliot's lucky he isn't get his ass hauled away by security guards right this minute. ]
3. LMAO, SPOILERS (still around ...)
- [ Wayward hellion of paltry exasperation that he is, Elliot Nightray can't get by without self-gratifying himself on one of the finer things in life. Namely, literature. So he makes a habit of scanning the shelves of the bookstore with a probing fixation at least once a week, turning up his nose at the YA section and heading for the classics to spend hours turning through the pages, scouring the contents for answers, or maybe just a quick read.
Only — today it's different, because he's currently engaged in some kind of weird, heated argument with the cashier. On closer inspection, it's composed mostly of angry, one-sided outbursts, like: ]
It's a clear ripoff! This isn't the series I ordered at all. DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING?!
[ Or: ]
What do you mean, you don't have any copies of Holy Knight IN STOCK?! What kind of blasted establishment is this? I demand to speak with your higher-ups IMMEDIATELY!
[ If nothing else, bystanders can at least pick up on the fact that there's a very frustrated fanboy hogging the front desk to blather on and on about the most emotionally bloated, self-indulgent novels to ever grace the Latowidge Academy library. ]
4. CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE (wildcard!)
- other than that, he'll be roaming the residential and shopping districts because
no subject
Jaw tightening, he tacitly avoids directly staring at Kaoru, instead fixating his attention to the left or right margin of her face, staggered clean through with a frigidity that leaks viscid into his bones, cloying and inextricable.
It's nothing like humility. The farthest thing from it. Dissuading himself from the sudden compulsion to pour tea down his throat in one unrelieved draught (warm as it is, it'd do nothing but needlessly scald his esophagus and alarm Kaoru), he turns aside again, eyes fixed on the granite table with unnecessary preciseness, blinking away the needles prickling his vision. ] I see.
You've ... never hated your sister?
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And then it's Kaoru's turn to glance away, though it's a very brief drop in gaze. From Elliot's face to the little lick of unruly hair curling at his temple to the bookshelf pressed against the nearby wall and then back again. A breath in; it's held for a second or two longer than usual.]
I love my sister more than anything. [That, of course, doesn't mean that Kaoru has never hated her. In the end, his hatred is equal in weight and size to his love - or maybe it's always been the same thing. Everything had been warped at such a young age that what could be considered "normal, healthy" love is a distant and alien concept.
The silence lingers again, and Kaoru's smile (which had dropped off to make room for the sympathy) returns for a beat.]
Even if we don't see eye to eye on some things, I can't say that I've ever hated her.
[The most direct lie Kaoru has said to Elliot yet.]
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But her sister is gone. That's understandable, too.
Without comprehension, he lets his eyes wander, then plaintively raises the tea cup for a sip, a slow intake of warmth that settles in protracted suffusion within him. Out of cowardice, he doesn't lift his gaze. ]
I've loathed my sister, once. Just once. [ A beat. ] But that didn't mean I didn't care about her even then. She ... if she had a flaw, it would be pride. It blinded her to the truth at hand. And then she died.
[ His tone waxing quiet at the end, he glances up at last, eyes boring holes into Kaoru. ] Where do you think they go after they die? Do you think there's an afterlife, or do you believe that nothing awaits us after we breathe our last breaths and inevitably perish?
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In a way, it isn't entirely falsified. There is a frantic part of him, deep down, that panics at the notion. The death of a sister - even if that sister isn't his own, and even if Kaoru couldn't really force more care about a pair of veritable strangers - is something truly terrible. Even a person who would kill their own sister if it suited them would understand that their death would come with a crushing and unshakable sense of loss, surely. Kaoru would.
At the question, Elliot's gaze is still met and held somewhat solidly. Kaoru glances upward once, toward the ceiling, thoughtful. Outside of that singular instance, he maintains eye contact.]
...I haven't thought much about it, to be honest. [As a young person, it probably isn't surprising. Of course, the real reason for Kaoru's lack of consideration is because of an equal (or greater) lack of care. Regardless of whether there's something waiting on the other side of death, it doesn't help a person accomplish what they want to in life. It doesn't ease any of the suffering that the cruel world of the living can deliver.]
What does Elliot-san believe?
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The sympathy is infuriating, somehow. Elliot's already regretting proposing the trip, because he can't even focus, hands snatching around nothing in particular: pockets of air, his own futility, digging kneaded creases into his palms.
The faltering stare doesn't escape his notice: he's always found that people lie when they avert their gaze, but he's guilty of that notion several times over himself. ]
The world wouldn't be unkind enough to offer absolution for the virtuous and morally righteous. Even if they pass, it isn't the end. They'll only be taken back into the cycle that all life moves through.
For the damned, there's nothing but finality awaiting them. They'll die. Permanently.
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[And unlike the mild stutter-stare and the sympathy before, Kaoru states this like it might as well be fact. That's exactly what it is, to him. The world is unkind to everyone with the exception of a spare few, and those few are either eventually introduced to its unkindness or they continue living, blissfully unaware of the fact that they're in the midst of a hellish situation. There is (or should be, at least) equality in how absolutely shitty the world is. No one should be spared.
Still, it's not like it's easy to discern just how emotionally connected Kaoru is to this particular subject. There may not be any hesitation, but there's not really much emotion one way or another, either. Nothing beyond the usual measure, anyway.]
But I suppose that's what I hear from the majority. The good are rewarded and the bad are punished, correct? The basis of many religions.
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[ Vacuum of negative and cynical outlooks aside, he really doesn't want to drag Kaoru down into that still unnameable panic that grips him sometimes, the telltale fear that he isn't any better than those he criticizes without censure. It's humiliating in theory, but more than that he's afraid — he is a coward, but not a self-admitted one, and it irks him more than any pretty words used as an excuse to cover up his weakness.
He doesn't agree with Kaoru's internalized principles, but then again, he can't tell if his are any better. She seems quite adamant on neutrality, regardless. ]
The good rarely receive what they deserve. And try as you might to punish all who have committed some sin, it's never quite that easy.
What do you believe in, Kaoru?
no subject
But the question earn Elliot a quizzical look, and by now most of the edge from earlier has gone away again. His hands come to rest near the bottom of his cup.]
What do I believe in? [The question is echoed back, and then a momentary but thoughtful silence follows.]
I don't have any particular beliefs for the afterlife itself, if that's what you mean. Of course, it's prudent to honor one's ancestors, but I don't have much time to spare on pondering the what-ifs beyond that. [A small, quirking, wry smile.] We're on the brink of war, after all. It's troublesome enough to think of what lies exactly before us.
[Which isn't entirely a lie, for once. He really doesn't have much time to solidify his beliefs. Even if Elliot was talking about beliefs in a more general sense - good and bad, right and wrong, the way of the world - Kaoru's answer would remain pretty much unchanged. His scope of vision is very narrow.]
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[ His stare doesn't lacerate. Elliot isn't staring at her at all, really, even if his eyes are fixated on Kaoru like he'd been entranced by some peculiar eccentricity, snaring himself in self-ruination, a moth diving into open flame. She, in particular, was an abnormality he couldn't merely dismiss as inconsequential, yet another droll passerby like those who had come before in his life, all parrots blathering on about subjects that didn't matter. Small talk exchanged at the price of nothing.
And he doesn't know what he's doing, inquiring her at length like he could scalp meaning from it all, thrust head-first in a world that never gave much of a damn about egotistical nobles and their overly-entitled offspring. He isn't even sure what she thinks of him. She never reacts as he'd expect: only a clean rinse of a smile perpetually donning her face, neither flattering nor dismissive, only polite.
Just polite. ]
As for religion —
[ He reaches out to grab a stray tissue even when he hasn't done anything more than blink morosely at his cup and the scenery around him, settling on balling it in his hand at the successive sentence.
Neutral, as always.
Perhaps he really did seek out offense in others (another reason to put on airs and pretend restlessness was an ingrained trait within him). ]
You shouldn't speak so neutrally, I won't be offended if your beliefs differ from mine. Perhaps I overestimated myself in your eyes. I believed you thought better of me than that.
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I'm afraid that there's nothing neutral about it, and I certainly didn't mean to imply ill of you. [Or rather, "you shouldn't read insult into everything", but that would break too far away from niceties to be feasible. Kaoru holds one hand out as though to help with the explanation that will follow, and the gesture is still very elegant even though it holds a little more command behind it than usual.]
I have no interest in matters that are intangible. [Said very primly, cut and matter-of-fact.] Wondering about things that one can't affect with their own two hands - I don't see much of a point in it. In that realm, what will be will be. In the world that we inhabit, there are other things that require attention and focus instead.
[The sentiment of a good clan leader, or at least one who's willing to see their goals through to the end.]
I suppose you could say that is what "governs my thoughts".
no subject
Then you have no thoughts for spirituality? It's inconsequential to you, so it makes no difference either way.
[ It isn't disbelief staining his inflection. Not quite. Not in the right way, just — something in his stare that begets answers. Understanding where he won't find any: he can't scalp comprehension from anyone else more than he can sloppily dig his own grave. ]
The physical realm requires focus. But I don't believe you can disparage the intangible plane so easily.
[ It's a bit chafing. He isn't sure what he wants from Kaoru, acceptance or denial or anything resembling resignation. He's certainly inconstant enough, playing both fields without rationale for either side.
... Validation, probably.
That hits the nail squarely on the head. ]
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Perhaps that holds true for some people, or in some worlds.
[It's agreement without actually budging at all. There's just a difference of opinion here: clearly there's something about the spiritual realm that Elliot finds much more important than Kaoru does. Is it surprising? ...Not quite, honestly.
The hand that Kaoru had raised earlier had settled back against the teacup just as quickly, and one finger now rests against the thinnest curve of its handle.]
If it's of greater consequence in your own world, then it would make sense to pay it mind, correct? Or if it held personal significance, I suppose... It simply doesn't to me.
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It's annoying, but he can discern some level of nonchalance from Kaoru — even as her face chops up into another rebuttal, it's muted — her response lacks edges where he'd wanted (desperately coveted) a sharp-laced retort, if just for shutting it down.
It's not Leo before him, however. He understands that much.
Dispassionate, Elliot sinks into his chair, deprived of his former manic feverishness. ] Only for the cultists. It wasn't something spoken highly of in reasonable parties. It's sensationalism there as much as it is here.
[ He doesn't address the latter statement's insinuation at point-blank regard. ] Then you've never bore even a fleeting thought where your soul might end up? Beyond all these useless trivialities — there must be something — an idea. Even just a notion of what lies after for you, even if there's nothing at all.
[ Confirmation or denial of his own beliefs is wholly inconsequential, regardless. He just wants the corporeality of an honest-to-god answer. ]
no subject
I see... It would seem that's a similarity, then. [The sensationalism of religion, or spirituality, or things that remotely fall into that realm. Maybe that's another reason Kaoru doesn't really have a lot of interest in it; it's not part of his culture to be observant of human religions. Demons have their own ideologies and beliefs, and most of them are firmly rooted in realms of the tangible, too. Family comes before the self or any sort of god-like existence. Paying respect to ancestors is generally more important than worrying about where one's own soul goes, even to those who don't have quite as many bizarre hang-ups as Kaoru.
But it looks like Elliot's question is getting some serious consideration, either way. He sure doesn't give up once he latches onto something...]
Mm... I've wondered if it might go to the place that my ancestors supposedly rest, once or twice. Still, by virtue of not having a solid belief, "nothing" might be what I've considered most often.
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[ He tries so hard sometimes, but no dice. It's privately absurd that Kaoru can be completely chill with someone like Elliot, who has likely tripped and fallen over his own too feet several times in his life, but them's the breaks. It's not as if he doesn't see his relatives as important — it's just hard to properly venerate them when all of natural blood-related family members are as dead as doornails. Vincent had come and gone like a fleeting dream, the same with Reim, and he didn't have the slightest inkling as to Gilbert's whereabouts, or even his current state of mind, what with the upheaval of pretty much everything over their extended stay in Tellus.
It's stupid. Elliot poses hypotheticals on others that he's more inclined to answer himself, but no one ever applauded him for keeping a cool head under pressure, either. ]
You don't believe in anything after this life.
[ How anticlimactic. He folds one hand over the other, absently thumbing his wrist. ]
Still — even if the circumstances in which we were able to meet like this have been skewed to the agenda of others — I'm glad I was able to meet you. I hope you will be able to return home. I've heard rumors that those who disappear have supposedly found a way back, but — if you ask me — it's more likely that they were forcibly removed for one insurrection or another with the excuse of faulted code that makes up this strange world.
For your sake and hers, I hope your sister hasn't succumbed to the same fate that likely befell the rest of those who have departed since our arrival.
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That said, Kaoru feels a sick sense of... something that isn't concern, but-- if anyone is going to make his sister miserable, it should be him, honestly. A Mature Individual. Most people's concerns would probably be alleviated at least partially upon hearing that their vanished siblings are safe and sound, but not Kaoru Nagumo, who's only buttblasted as usual that his precious little sister is getting special treatment.
But that's neither here or there, and not much of that conflict shows on Kaoru's face. There's another little smile, more subdued than before. Kaoru's head dips forward into a grateful-looking bow.]
I hope for the same, and thank you for your kind words. I suppose there isn't any way to know with certainty as things are right now, but... it's still reassuring, to know that others outside of myself are wishing her well. [SO REASSURING.]
And thank you for wishing me home, as well. I wouldn't mind returning, but I've very much enjoyed the company of everyone that I've had the pleasure of meeting here in the meantime.
[Even Elliot "difficult on purpose" Nightray!!]
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If he had even an inkling of what Kaoru happened to genuinely think of Chizuru, he'd drop his """friend""" faster than a bat out of hell. There's no way he'd ever understand — not in the way Kaoru uses when justifying genocide or blatant murder, staggering words around pretty, gilded notions instead of genuine substance.
Elliot hates himself but loves the world (fervently, fervently, even as he spurns all else), so it only makes sense he'd hate someone who'd rather watch it burn with bright-eyed inconsistency. never faithful to anyone other than the individual, the singular: the demise of collective hope.
Or, yeah, Kaoru Nagumo just happens to be a stir-crazy yandere for a sister the same likeness, not that Elliot knows any better. He flatlines. ]
It's obvious, isn't it? It's not my place to say, but if you were content with it, I would search for her in your stead.
[ He dislodges his petty ire, swapping it out for resignation. ]
I think the same of you. With all that's happened, I've found that there are less people I can confide in, that I can truly call allies with candid earnestness. It's likely apparently to you by this point, but I do consider you a —
[ AN UGLY PAUSE ENSUES as Elliot fiddles with his tea spoon, his cowlick, his collar, everything but the matter at hand, and then, rather begrudgingly: ]
... a dear friend. You've been nothing but hospitable from the first day I met you, and I'm ... I'm grateful. I can't even conversing with my siblings as naturally as I have with you.
Thank you.
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But he's also well aware of the fact that he could be wrong, because every person has facets of themselves that they keep hidden sometimes for days, sometimes forever. Elliot may seem tolerable enough now - sweet, even - but he knows better than to blindly trust or to trust at all. It's what makes that statement something that he would rather sneer than smile at. Bold words coming from someone who knows nothing about their conversational partner...
The look on Kaoru's face is caught in a shade of subdued surprise, but it shifts soon after.]
Elliot-san... [A beat, and then:] You're welcome. [First of all, because Kaoru has a feeling genuine thanks are something of a rarity from him and it shouldn't just be glossed over.]
It's truly an honor to hear that you think so highly of me. I can't be certain of my own worth as a friend, but if you believe it of me, I'll continue to be here for you as best as I'm able.
[The hives will be coming on now any second, surely... But oh, a little nugget of the truth follows, then.]
I wasn't allowed many friends in my youth. I'd like to offer the most, but it's still something that I'm adjusting to... Thank you for your kindness.
time 2 pull the plug on this trainwreck
he's lonely, most days. and maybe it's selfish, but he needs a crutch — and if kaoru's more than willing to play the role of dutiful friend, then he won't ask for more.
so all the contrived emotional manipulation is lost on him, seriously. he can't stop from compulsively stirring his tea even after it's long since cooled, and then he stares into his contents like he's reading his fortune in tea leaves and found something particular propitious in their lukewarm contents. he holds the cup up and downs the dredges in one prolonged draught. setting the porcelain glass back on its saucer, eyes still averted. ]
That's fine, then. This isn't ... a kindness, really. I just wanted you to know.
[ it feels like a confession, and maybe it is. he isn't certain anymore. ]
Anyways, that's all I wanted to say. You don't have to reciprocate anything.
[ collecting himself, he picks up the tab and tip, collecting the cups in one harried flourish. ]
I'll take my leave now, so — will you be alright? I can walk you over to your next destination, if necessary.
me staring into the sky over these nerds forever help elliot nightray
So this is fine. This isn't a bad situation. Kaoru doesn't mind pretending when the tax isn't too high on the return, and for all of his prickliness, Elliot is not a very high-maintenance friend to keep on hand. It's not bad, and Kaoru watches impassively as he drinks the rest of his tea and starts to clear things away like he's trying to leave behind all of the emotions he had just allowed himself to hint at aloud. What a skittish child, like some sort of mountain hare afraid of the hunt.
There's a smile then, bigger than what's been offered so far in the conversation, more certain and pleasant. The softer topics are done and it's appropriate to return to some semblance of normalcy now.]
Thank you, regardless. You're a very sweet boy. [THE FIRST AND LAST TIME ELLIOT WILL EVER HEAR THIS, PROBABLY.]
I'll be quite fine, though. Please take care whenever you're heading, Elliot-san.