estoria | [Closed] Take me to the place I love

Entry tags:

[Closed] Take me to the place I love

Who:

notsosolo

When: Backdated to a few days after arrival

Where: Their living quarters

What: Leia and Han have a few things to talk about.

Rating/Warning: PG, some cursing maybe, definitely sappy married people stuff

It didn't take a Jedi to know that Han was unhappy. Of course, because Leia was a Jedi, albeit a fledgling without a master now, and had a strong Force bond with her husband, she could all but see the cloud of anger and unhappiness that had taken root in him.

She understood that the way that Luke and she knew everything that he felt was annoying and found it frustrating herself, so she'd given him space. If he wanted to talk about it, he would. Hopefully. But three days was enough to let him stew in his own feelings before it gave her a headache and needed to be addressed.

She found him, logically, in the main room of the quarters, fiddling with something. She watched him for a few moments from the door of their bedroom before she came over and put her hands over his larger ones to still them. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong or should I just continue to visualize a storm cloud over your head for the rest of our days?"

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"I know. They've never been our entire lives." They had a government to worry about. And a grownup relationship between the two of them. Friends with long histories. "I just.." It was hard, so terribly hard.

"The longer I'm away from them, the more I feel like I'm forgetting little things. Favourite foods. Favourite colours." The ones that changed as the children grew. Not the core of who they were, but the details.

He uses her grip on his hand to draw her gently to her feet. He can't believe he almost forgot to show it to her. "The picture... it must be the same way our weapons came along."

"I didn't think they were." She couldn't make one person, or even three people, her entire would. While she loved her strange family, they were only a small part of the people she felt she needed to serve, although they were more important to her personally. And there was no way that their marriage could stay as strong as it was to Han without some time to bond, both physically and emotionally.

"I doubt that you'd forget anything about our children, Han, but I do get what you're saying."

When he pulls up to standing, she looks at him a little quizzically but doesn't stop the motion. "It's possible. A part of me was definitely surprised that I managed to keep...the lightsaber."

She still isn't sure how he feels about her using it, since he doesn't talk about it and she isn't keen on prying. They both know who it belonged to before she got it from Luke.

"I've never liked being away from them when I chose to." Which happpened. There were always responsibilities and sometimes the good of the galaxy required he leave them safely with someone else while he went out to make sure safe stayed that way. "This is longer and less reason." Even when things got really bad... nine months was such a significant fraction of Anakin's entire life.

"I guess the lightsaber counts as yours now." Better than thinking about who used it before. It wasn't like they'd never used TIE fighters or Star Destroyers. They had to be practical about these things. "I didn't even have this in Luceti though."

The picture he retrieves is clearly just that: A family picture. Not to be confused with various publicity shots of the family. Those didn't intend to include Winter or Chewie as well as them, Luke and the children. The children are clean and smiling, but dressed for play, not in clothes selected by publicists. And perhaps the presence of all their other dearest explained why the angle is just a little strange. "Or I would have let you have faces to go with the stories a long time ago."

"You're an excellent father, Han." She smiles as she looks up at him. "In that respect, you're like Bail. I always knew he loved me, Winter and Mom, no matter how long he was gone. I highly doubt it's any different with you and our children." But with the children being so young, any time away would be significant. "Time stopped when we were in Luceti, so we haven't missed anything yet."

She's ignoring anything having to do with the speech they got when they arrived. The thought of their galaxy, their lives, no longer existing is bone-chilling.

She knows that he doesn't understand about what a lightsaber really is, what it means when it's made. That it contains a part of the Jedi or Sith that makes it. So, with it being made by Vader, she's still carrying a piece of her birth father with her at all times, using it with relative ease. However, he has a point about it now belonging to her, especially after six months of owning it.

The photo... Her heart catches in her throat as she sees her own face, older but happy, with her family. All the people she loves and would love, right there staring at her with delighted faces as they were captured for the family photo. A shaky hand comes to touch the picture, ghosting across the three angelic faces beaming at her. "They're beautiful."

None of that existing any more isn't a concept he even wants to contemplate. They've fought long and hard for the people of the galaxy. It needs to still be there, somewhere.

And the more personal implications. He just pushes those aside. He refuses to even consider that possibility.

"Aren't they?" He can't show pictures of them to anyone without a hint of pride. No matter how unsettled he might be feeling right now. It's so simple. They have the three most beautiful, amazing children in the universe. "I'd missed seeing their faces... it's better than nothing." He still wants to hold them, tickle them, chase them around. But this is something.

How could she ever think that having children would be horrible? Of course, there was a time when she had no idea about Anakin or what it meant to be a Jedi. But now, she knows and she can see what her stubbornness nearly cost her—and Han.

"I'm sorry. Any woman would be proud to call them her own." Him, as well. So many women had fallen for his slow, sexy grins and rakish charm, all while she'd tried to resist him. But they're hers and there's a fierceness in her that she's not sure how to quantify. This is her family, her life.

"She does look like me. And Anakin was properly named too. He has my father's hair and smile." And Jacen is just as beautiful as she could've imagined any child of Han's.

"This picture is much better than the one I got."

"I always thought of him as looking like... but I guess Luke does take after him." It was funny the things you could miss when you spent most of the time avoiding someone. He and Anakin were very good at that. Complete different from his little Anakin.

"You don't have to apologize. The important thing is we have three beautiful children." As much as their faces are ingrained in his memory, he still likes having something physically reminding him. "Who sit still... about long enough to take a picture."

He last statement has his attention. Arriving here has them both so off balance. They'd both missed things. "What did you get?"

"Yes, my brother does look like our father. And...Anakin looks like both of them." During the last three months of her stay in Luceti, after she was shifted back into her adult body, she and Anakin avoided each other. The memory hurts her a little, proof that she would never make real peace with her father, but staring at her son gives her some hope.

"We do." She looks up at Han and smiles before returning to stare at the picture. "I'm glad that they're active and happy. It proves that we're good parents."

She pulls out the picture she received and lets Han look at it. Luke, Artoo, him, herself, and Padmé all look so close and quaint near the house in Luceti. It's obvious that she's looked at it over and over when Han wasn't watching her. "I got this. I don't remember taking a picture it, but I do remember helping Mother in her garden a few times."

"Huh." He doesn't recognize the particular moment. There's no mistaking the setting though. Or the people. After you've told the real deal that you get three of her a week, you don't forget her face.

"I don't remember taking it either. It's good to have something of her." He rather liked Padme, after all. He and Anakin were incredibly complicated and addressed it by avoiding each other fairly successfully. But it was simpler, with Padme. Even if he would never understand some of it. She was a good woman.

"I wish I had more of her and Anakin." And that she was sure that Luke and everyone else are okay. "I know that you and he didn't get along, but then again that wouldn't make it any different from any other day in our family, right?"

She turns away from the pictures, knowing the faces are all tattooed on her heart already. "I wish we knew more."

"Not getting along is progress, all things considered." Considering what went down between them once Vader was on the scene. Perhaps it was uncharitable, but it wasn't easy for him to just forget everything Vader did to Leia.

He wraps his arms around her, holding her close. "It's almost like we have more questions than we did when the past stayed in the past."

"You mean as opposed to trying to kill one another? Yes, I suppose that is progress." They've had this conversation many times. As much as she forgives Vader for what he did to her, she has a hard time forgetting what happened to both Han and Luke.

She leans into his warm, familiar embrace before lifting a hand to cup his cheek with a half-amused smile. "Yes, we do. I'm not sure if I like this. But I see that I'm doing a poor job of cheering you up."

Anakin Skywalker was... not exactly the most cheering topic. Never had been. And they'd actually made progress. No one had frozen anyone in carbonite in the whole nine months he was in Luceti.

"Having you around always helps though." The way she just felt right in his arms. The way her hand just fit along his face. One thing he could always be sure about. They belonged together.

While it was true that Anakin hadn't made it any better, neither had Leia nor Han. They were all at fault and no one was a winner in this fight. But anything you can walk away from is...okay. She just hopes that Han understands that too.

"I'm glad, but we both know that I can't always be around." If she isn't busy doing something, she goes stir-crazy. "I don't want you to be miserable either. So, tell me how I can help you."

Because she hates seeing Han like this. It's nearly physically painful with the strength of their Bond.

"I need to find something new to focus on, I think." Because they're cut from the same cloth, on that front. Neither of them has ever been very good at sitting still. They were people of action. They had to be, or they never would have made it this far. "So far building cabinets isn't cutting it."

At least that was something with his hands. But not quite enough... distraction, really. He needs a distraction.

No, he needs a goal.

"Are you saying you need a hobby?" Something she never thought she'd say in a million years. Han was always active back home and even in Luceti he'd had things to do at the Smithy and around the house and farm.

"I don't know what to do in that case. There are few things that we both find enjoyable." Pissing off Imperials, sex, their family (for the most part) those things they agreed on. But where he liked to tinker with his hands, she preferred to read. "I'm still trying to determine why this...place thought that making me a glorified guard was necessary."

"Not a hobby, exactly. Just finding some sabaac buddies is only so much of a distraction." Cards was a hobby, right? What do people without lives full of one crisis after another even do with their time?

"A goal has to turn up eventually, right? Once we get information that's not right out of that presentation." Because there's no way he's taking that at face value. Not until it was confirmed independently. "That'll be something we both enjoy."

"Back to that, are we?" Didn't you learn your lesson the last time, Han? Card games aren't all they're cracked up to be, you know. And normal people do things like socialize and read.

"I'm sure that it will. In the mean time, we could try and get some information from others that have been here for a while." She smiles ruefully at him. "Not everyone in this place has just arrived or is a teenager, from what I've gathered." She knows how much he loves being reminded that he's older than those around them.

"Also, you're a smart man. Sometimes. I wouldn't have married you otherwise. I'm sure you can think of something to keep you occupied."

"There's always cards." It's one of the constants of his life. Though Leia's a better constant. Cards are a good one when she's otherwise occupied, which is fairly frequent.

He shakes his head. "What is it about this place and teenagers?" THere have been a few adults, but mostly he's run into an awful lot of sixteen and seventeen year olds. He'd thought Luceti was heavy on kids but this was ridiculous.

"Probably just need to get out and explore. THen something will need doing." He doesn't know what to do with free time really.

"I suppose that's true. And so long as you aren't playing for money, then nothing too bad can come from it." She hopes. She really, really, really hopes that that's true.

"As for why all the teenagers, I couldn't say, but I think it might have to do with the ViViD game." It's obvious that she's put some thought into that theory over the last few days. "Most games are geared towards them, so it makes the most sense." However, she will concede that there are a lot of teenagers running around here. She hasn't seen so many since she was in school.

"You're starting to sound like me, Han. I'm not sure if it's cute or scary."

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[Closed] Take me to the place I love

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