[Open] Working

[pachintoki]

Who: Gintoki, Katsura and you!
When: Soon after Gintoki's arrival in Cerealhell
Where: Just answer the door, it's your house.
What: Gintoki's trying out his new job.
Warnings: Stupid samurai in this log.  Teal text for Gintoki, Blue for Katsura.




<sub>[ It’s a pleasant day. The sun is shining. You’re minding your own business, probably sitting on the toilet with your CEREVice and you aren’t expecting any visitors today. Maybe you are, but you’re going to get a visit from two uninvited people right about . . . now. Better wipe quick. And even if you don’t, they are going to find a way into your home one way or another. You know, typical persistent salesmen.

They both have oddly matching mustaches that seem to resemble a certain red and blue clad plumber, only they are both more handsome by ten fold ( at least one of them is, you can guess which (it’s the long haired one, no doubt, even though his hair is alive. . .).

On top of that, they’re both wearing standard Strawberry Milky issue pink uniform, accessorized with only the most fashionable strawberry attire..

Both seem to be walking briskly with a box of something-or-another in their arms, nattering something-or-another while doing so, almost arguing, the distant and soft cry of “Even if it really was a wig, I would wash it daily! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this—” before casting you a wary sidelong glance as you open the door before turning to face whoever answers the door. Oh, shit? Somebody actually answered the door.

Just what could these completely not shady people be trying to sale to you today? Seriously, it was a complete and utter mystery, wasn’t it? Surely it had nothing to do with strawberries— not at all! ]</sub>

Aah, you answered the door. [He doesn’t smile, hardly reacts at all while he’s talking. No, instead he’ll reach out and take your hand, turning it palm upwards before setting a small cardboard carton into your palm. The other main seems just as collected as the other, keeping quiet for the time being. ]

That’ll be 3 credits.

[He’ll hold out his hand expectantly. When you show a little reluctance to pay, possibly - though why would you??- he’ll give a slight frown. ]

What do you mean you don’t want to pa--

_{[ The white haired man’s sentence is interrupted by a jab from the other man with his elbow into his ribcage, his teeth baring slightly behind his lips before he leans over, muttering something in Gintoki’s ear: ]}

Gintoki, is that the kind of attitude you have when you usually try to scam people? I don't think they're going to fall for it. Perhaps we should just skip to the drastic measures. Plan B!

_{[ the fact Katsura says this just makes it more obvious they're doing such a horrible job at this. His eyes blink, darting to you, then back to Gintoki. Zura's attention perks up to the customer and he clears his throat: ]}

Good afternoon. We're two sales-people selling a specific kind of milk that is guaranteed to—

Hold on, hold on, we already sold something here, now if you’ll just pay us--

—Guaranteed to work miracles, such as cleansing your dirty bowels. It’ll even make your test*cles grow--

[The silver-haired guy definitely didn’t just elbow his partner in the throat. The other guy’s coughing something serious, crumbling to his knees, and as you and silver-curls watch, he’ll suddenly reach his hand out, frantically?]

The milk! Give me the milk before it’s too late, it’s the only thing that will save him!

[And that’s when he rips open the milk box, shoving it at his sales partner’s mouth; the pink liquid dribbles down the other’s chin.
There’s coughing, sputtering, probably a booger flying out or two as the black haired man improvises here. He’s going to milk this situation for all it’s worth. Literally. This could be it. This could be the seller.

He grabs his partner’s wrist, staring blankly into the sky.]

I saw a bright light. My life, it flashed before my eyes. I saw little my Heidi-chan, running towards me, her arms outstretched. I saw her grow up and leave the alps to succeed and grow up and become a successful young lady. I.. I see..

_{[ Another cough and hack. ]}

Her own children.. 3.. no, 4 of them.

It is because of this product I will be able to see this wonderful future. It grants life. Everlasting life that will never end, a life as far as I can see into the horizon. Thank you, CERES Strawberry-Milky. Buy it today for only 3 even credits and start your path to everlasting life today!

<sub>[ He gives you a thumbs up, and his voice sounds like something gross and out of a 1980's infomercial. Next to him, the silver-haired guy holds up the carton of strawberry milk like a model straight outta the Pr*ce is R*ght.

This is probably the right time for you to slam the door on their faces, interrogate them, call the police. Any or all of the above. ]</sub>

Comments

[deontology]

[......................

why did he open the door?

Sousei has so many regrets right now. He stands there silently, watching their spiel, the time ticking away into useless time spent--

It's when the milk gets involved that Sousei tries to shut the door.

No. Goodbye. He doesn't even have words.]

[pachintoki]

Oi--

[. . .Gintoki blinks as the door is closed, and in a move of sheer frustration, throws the half-empty carton of milk at the almost-closed door.

It's definitely gonna splash, Sousei. What are you gonna do. In the meantime, he's yelling at his co-worker.]

T*sticles?! Really?!

[psycholawgy]

[ She turns red at the mention of test*cles and she holds both her fists up, ready for a brawl. ]

DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE THOSE?!

[ Her voice is so loud that it echoes throughout the corridor. Sorry, neighbours. ]

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki. . . tilts his head, giving her a good look, up and down.

Then he looks to Zura and . . . slowly glances back to Athena.]

You could.

[perfectstrike]

Did you rehearse this?

[The only reason Peko didn't close the door on Gintoki (and drop the milk in the process) is because she knows and respects Katsura. Usually respects him, anyway. Is he trying to reenact one of his beloved commercials...? She doesn't seem impressed in the slightest.

This silver-haired guy doesn't look like the pictures of Elizabeth, though. Unless this is what it looks like not wearing the mascot uniform?]

[pachintoki]

[He'll tip his hat a little. Yeah, he's not Elizabeth, but he's the main character so she should feel special.]

You think you can rehearse for every emergency in life, hah? That's why you need something like this on hand all the time.

And it's delicious, too, so what do you say?

[spiritpearls]

[ Regretting opening the door about now, yep. Pearl stares for a moment... wholly unimpressed. She would have been 600% into it if these handsome men weren't so obviously full of it, which is the sad thing.

Heck, they could have just gone "hey, want to buy some strawberry milk" and she would have. Would that have been so hard, weird strange men?

You two are the type of people her mother warned her about when she was little, she's pretty sure. ]

... You two need to work on your sales pitch.

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki blinks for a moment, then all the pretend enthusiasm drains out of his face, and he'll even give a yawn right there in front of her. In just a few moments, the expression on his face has gone to utterly bored. ]

Oi, Zura. She's talking to you.

[And then he's ruffling his silver curls some, leaning on her railing like he's hasn't got a care in the world.]

[prosecutory]

[. . .

Not impressed. He folds his arms across his chest brusquely, glances up at the ceiling irritably as if there was a button there that he could push to eject these two crazy salesmen from his doorstep, and huffs.]

You could have saved yourselves the trouble by simply asking if I wanted to buy a carton of milk instead of forcing one on me and then putting on this shoddy, unnecessary display.

[Harsh, Edgeworth. He raises a hand to his forehead to emphasize how he feels. Face. Freaking. Palm.]

[pachintoki]

[He'll straighten his posture and give the man his most professional-sounding voice.]

Sir, do you want to buy a carton of milk? It's strawberry. [no kidding, Gintoki.]

[hackandhop]

[It's a small wonder he actually stood there to listen to the whole farce this long, really. Throughout the presentation, his face kept its usual line-faced expression, and not once did he raise his voice or arm to interrupt.

The situation with his face doesn't much change once the two are finished, but he does finally speak up. He has something important to say, after all.]

That's... not what happened to Heidi.

[That is the important part.]

And... does it really have an effect on testicles?

[That, too.]

[pachintoki]

Ah- ha ha ha I think you're gonna have to answer that question for yourself. [He'll even bring his hand up, voice going quieter.] If you know what I mean, right? Just 3 credits for 1, then you don't have to be curious anymore.

[He's elbowing Zura now though; tell the guy what it does to testicles already!]

[niceguypose]

[Rock Lee stares them down for a few moments. Intensely.

......
.....
.....
......
..................]

I WILL BUY TEN!

[pachintoki]

[Oh, the smile on Gintoki's face. Lee, what have you done? He'll proudly hand over some of the cartons, only to stop and look Lee up and down for a moment --]

Say, I'll bet you'd even like the special we're running right now. Right now, for a limited time only, if you pay for 20, you actually get 20 instead of 10. Wouldn't you like that more, hah?

You would, right?

[Have a shoulder pat, even.]

[allthreefourths]

[ ...............................

katsura has made a friend who makes less sense than he does. there's two katsura-like people, in terms of "sense made". there's two katsuras making weird comments. why did he open the door. hiccup's entirely torn between concern and laughter. halfway into their act he'd taken to leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, watching--

--and it's honestly because katsura's his friend that he didn't just close the door right there. ah, yes, testicle growth, life saving miracle milk. that's about what he expected. ]

Ttthere's two of you now.

[ .... help. nah, just kidding, he's got this, because... ]

I think I'm getting used to this. That's concerning. [ yet he's smiling as he mutters that to himself, and a certain dragon is seen walking in the apartment through the open door as he continues: ] You know, if you want to sell that stuff, you should start with something a little more believable. Like, uh... it tastes good? That's usually what people get milk for.

[pachintoki]

Hah?

I don't look like him, do I? Tell me I don't look like him! [wow, he sounds so desperate.]

[But the confusion on his face changes to serious worry, and suddenly Gintoki is reaching forward to drag Hiccup out of his house and behind him. For what it's worth, he's actually putting himself between Hiccup and the perceived threat of-- ]

A-ah, that's, that's probably a robot right? It's a robot, or like, you know, those Cy--Cybuddies, right? Like, you know, I was panicking for nothing, but you know, it's pretty big, and it looks like a dragon but it's a robot or. . . is it a hologram?

[He'll pat Hiccup on the shoulder. Sorry kid.]

[fairbrook]

[... ... ...
.... .... ....
..... ..... .....

Think fast. There is one agitated young woman now shooting her pistol deliberately at the railing. If she continues, maybe they'd go away...?]

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki didn't. . . just use Zura as a human shield, he just needed someone to stand in front of him for a moment and . . .

Yeah, this is probably just a wrestling match now.]

Oi, OI! You psycho broad! Nobody shoots the strawberry milk salesman!

[twomeals]

[...What is he watching? He has no idea.

And yet it's so weird, he can't look away.]

.........Who's Heidi?

[pachintoki]

[Yeah, that one's definitely going to get passed off to Zura as Gintoki gives him a sharp elbow.]

She's a . . . a little girl who drank a lot of milk, and found out some interesting secrets.

[carptricks]

. . .

[kaito's hand rests on the open door, and honestly he looks like he's about ready to slam it in their faces. HOW POLITE OF HIM]

I'm lactose intolerant.

[SO BLUNT. spoilers: he's not actually lactose intolerant]

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki will look pretty sympathetic.]

I'm pretty sure they have a cure for that in the hospital. This is the future, right? Even defective humans can be as cool as the B*onic Woman these days.

[trafalgar]

[Oh, jeeze, someone dying at his doorstep. "DYING". He's not sure what to make of any of this, but while they continue on with an act they absolutely had to have practiced -- who even dies like that? WHO EVEN CARES ABOUT ADVERTISING WHEN THEY'RE DYING?

So he's going to do a little sidestep and continue along his merry way, as if he had some errands to run. He has no kids (though he does have testicles...), this product isn't for him. Surely they'll be gone once he returns.]

[pachintoki]

[But WAIT they aren't done--

Oh wait. Yeah they are. Look at Gintoki, blinking a bit as the guy walks past him, then making a half-hearted reach for his shoulder. ]

Maybe. . . maybe if you tried it? Maybe you should be a man and give it a try!

[rollin]

[ Well, Yata doesn't know what to think other than opening the door was a huge waste of time.

But wait. ]

Who the fuck is this guy?

[ He's referring to the man with the perm, unaware of his protagonist status. ]

[pachintoki]

[The shame of woefully ignorant youth. Still, said godlike protagonist is still going to offer the milk to Yata, hoping eagerly that he'll give it a try.]

One sip is all you'll need to feel like 10 times the person that you were. It's been proven.

1/2

[espersions]

[ ...







Oh look, it's the guy from the samurai flick. And... a friend. ]

[espersions]

[ At the end of this bizarre sideshow, Hyoubu stares down at Katsura, letting an uncomfortable moment slip by, before saying: ]

You just drank my milk.

[makigumo]

[ And here Shihoudou is, walking around all casually, even more lightly dressed than she usually is. Having a big cup of tea mixed with half a cup of sake.

She throws up the door wide, and totally ignores anything the visitors say. ]

Oh! Raven-chana! Aaaandddd.... Poodle-chan! Hi! Whaaaat can Granny do for you boys?

[bakudanma]

_{[ oh my gooooddd? oh my god????? Katsura is disciplined enough to keep his focus on Shihoudou's face, eyebrows stern and pinned together.
Gintoki... maybe? They're both perverted men in any case so what does it matter. ]}

It's not Raven-chana, it's Katsura.
Granny-dono, you have got to help me. If you don't buy this milk, one of us could possibly die.
It'll go great with your morning breastfast—
—breakfast.

[creepface]

[ Oh no. He made a mistake. He's fidgeting so much, and blushing like a little girl even though he's taller than both of them. It might just look a liiiittle (very) laughable. ]

I-I'm sorry. I don't. Can you please. Leave?

[bakudanma]

_{[ It'll be okay, shh. It's just like every other sales person, right? Right. ]}

Not until you buy our product. Our feet are planted to the ground as rocks; solid and strong as our souls.

Err...I hope this isn't too late...

[good_ideas]

[Shiho isn't sure why this started out as a scam and then turned into some kind of...impromptu Heidi-reinactment.

But hey, this could work in her favor.

She gives the two of them a bright-eyed look of admiration, clapping after they're done like a high school girl who is totally not out to scam them back.]

Wow! Really? Everlasting life? That's amazing!

NEVER TOO LATE

[bakudanma]

_{[ Katsura adjusts his posture and wipes milk from his lips, clearing his throat. ]}

It does? ...
I mean, aaah. Of course it does.

I am pretty amazing, I like to think.
_{[ Not Gintoki. ]}