[Open] Working

[pachintoki]

Who: Gintoki, Katsura and you!
When: Soon after Gintoki's arrival in Cerealhell
Where: Just answer the door, it's your house.
What: Gintoki's trying out his new job.
Warnings: Stupid samurai in this log.  Teal text for Gintoki, Blue for Katsura.




<sub>[ It’s a pleasant day. The sun is shining. You’re minding your own business, probably sitting on the toilet with your CEREVice and you aren’t expecting any visitors today. Maybe you are, but you’re going to get a visit from two uninvited people right about . . . now. Better wipe quick. And even if you don’t, they are going to find a way into your home one way or another. You know, typical persistent salesmen.

They both have oddly matching mustaches that seem to resemble a certain red and blue clad plumber, only they are both more handsome by ten fold ( at least one of them is, you can guess which (it’s the long haired one, no doubt, even though his hair is alive. . .).

On top of that, they’re both wearing standard Strawberry Milky issue pink uniform, accessorized with only the most fashionable strawberry attire..

Both seem to be walking briskly with a box of something-or-another in their arms, nattering something-or-another while doing so, almost arguing, the distant and soft cry of “Even if it really was a wig, I would wash it daily! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this—” before casting you a wary sidelong glance as you open the door before turning to face whoever answers the door. Oh, shit? Somebody actually answered the door.

Just what could these completely not shady people be trying to sale to you today? Seriously, it was a complete and utter mystery, wasn’t it? Surely it had nothing to do with strawberries— not at all! ]</sub>

Aah, you answered the door. [He doesn’t smile, hardly reacts at all while he’s talking. No, instead he’ll reach out and take your hand, turning it palm upwards before setting a small cardboard carton into your palm. The other main seems just as collected as the other, keeping quiet for the time being. ]

That’ll be 3 credits.

[He’ll hold out his hand expectantly. When you show a little reluctance to pay, possibly - though why would you??- he’ll give a slight frown. ]

What do you mean you don’t want to pa--

_{[ The white haired man’s sentence is interrupted by a jab from the other man with his elbow into his ribcage, his teeth baring slightly behind his lips before he leans over, muttering something in Gintoki’s ear: ]}

Gintoki, is that the kind of attitude you have when you usually try to scam people? I don't think they're going to fall for it. Perhaps we should just skip to the drastic measures. Plan B!

_{[ the fact Katsura says this just makes it more obvious they're doing such a horrible job at this. His eyes blink, darting to you, then back to Gintoki. Zura's attention perks up to the customer and he clears his throat: ]}

Good afternoon. We're two sales-people selling a specific kind of milk that is guaranteed to—

Hold on, hold on, we already sold something here, now if you’ll just pay us--

—Guaranteed to work miracles, such as cleansing your dirty bowels. It’ll even make your test*cles grow--

[The silver-haired guy definitely didn’t just elbow his partner in the throat. The other guy’s coughing something serious, crumbling to his knees, and as you and silver-curls watch, he’ll suddenly reach his hand out, frantically?]

The milk! Give me the milk before it’s too late, it’s the only thing that will save him!

[And that’s when he rips open the milk box, shoving it at his sales partner’s mouth; the pink liquid dribbles down the other’s chin.
There’s coughing, sputtering, probably a booger flying out or two as the black haired man improvises here. He’s going to milk this situation for all it’s worth. Literally. This could be it. This could be the seller.

He grabs his partner’s wrist, staring blankly into the sky.]

I saw a bright light. My life, it flashed before my eyes. I saw little my Heidi-chan, running towards me, her arms outstretched. I saw her grow up and leave the alps to succeed and grow up and become a successful young lady. I.. I see..

_{[ Another cough and hack. ]}

Her own children.. 3.. no, 4 of them.

It is because of this product I will be able to see this wonderful future. It grants life. Everlasting life that will never end, a life as far as I can see into the horizon. Thank you, CERES Strawberry-Milky. Buy it today for only 3 even credits and start your path to everlasting life today!

<sub>[ He gives you a thumbs up, and his voice sounds like something gross and out of a 1980's infomercial. Next to him, the silver-haired guy holds up the carton of strawberry milk like a model straight outta the Pr*ce is R*ght.

This is probably the right time for you to slam the door on their faces, interrogate them, call the police. Any or all of the above. ]</sub>

Comments

[pachintoki]

[Oh, the smile on Gintoki's face. Lee, what have you done? He'll proudly hand over some of the cartons, only to stop and look Lee up and down for a moment --]

Say, I'll bet you'd even like the special we're running right now. Right now, for a limited time only, if you pay for 20, you actually get 20 instead of 10. Wouldn't you like that more, hah?

You would, right?

[Have a shoulder pat, even.]

[pachintoki]

Ah- ha ha ha I think you're gonna have to answer that question for yourself. [He'll even bring his hand up, voice going quieter.] If you know what I mean, right? Just 3 credits for 1, then you don't have to be curious anymore.

[He's elbowing Zura now though; tell the guy what it does to testicles already!]

[pachintoki]

[Yeah, that one's definitely going to get passed off to Zura as Gintoki gives him a sharp elbow.]

She's a . . . a little girl who drank a lot of milk, and found out some interesting secrets.

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki will look pretty sympathetic.]

I'm pretty sure they have a cure for that in the hospital. This is the future, right? Even defective humans can be as cool as the B*onic Woman these days.

[pachintoki]

Oh yeah? What job are you used to having, hah? Full-time terrorist or full-time know-it-all asshole!?

[Have an empty carton chucked at you, wig. Gintoki will start in on another.]

I work all the time, oi.

[glug, glug.]

[pachintoki]

Oh yeah? [He's getting all petulant now; someone must not have listened much during customer service training.]

I'll break your finger fir--

Ahh! [Surprise, as if he had a sudden realization. It dawns on him that they've met before.]

[He'll point, finger right in her face.]

Movie theater girl! You're still a pain in the ass I guess, this just confirms it. [Huff.]

[bakudanma]

If you count working your finger up your nose and cleaning it out a job, I'll say that—
<sub>[ oh. He quiets down because he notices Sousei sticking his head out of there.. and.. backs away from the window only to see Tenka standing behind him.

....
..... ]</sub>

Tenka-kun! Please help me. This angry strawberry man kidnapped me and made me his servant! I don't want to die a strawberry slave!

[pachintoki]

Hah?

I don't look like him, do I? Tell me I don't look like him! [wow, he sounds so desperate.]

[But the confusion on his face changes to serious worry, and suddenly Gintoki is reaching forward to drag Hiccup out of his house and behind him. For what it's worth, he's actually putting himself between Hiccup and the perceived threat of-- ]

A-ah, that's, that's probably a robot right? It's a robot, or like, you know, those Cy--Cybuddies, right? Like, you know, I was panicking for nothing, but you know, it's pretty big, and it looks like a dragon but it's a robot or. . . is it a hologram?

[He'll pat Hiccup on the shoulder. Sorry kid.]

[bakudanma]

_{[ Zura chimes in, cupping his hand over his mouth. Oh my God. He's going to throw up. How does Gin drink this sweet shit? He has no idea. But here— right here, right now. Be strong for grandma, Kotarou.
Weakly, he speaks through his fingers: ]}

—They heal any stomach illness, Pekoyama-san. Believe it.
_{[ turning around and scurrying off to blow his vomit load right there in the yard. ]}

[bakudanma]

It's not Zura, it's Katsura.
_{[ flatly: ]}
She's addressing both of us, Gintoki. She said the two of us.

Our sale pitch is exactly as the company trained us. Not improvised in the least. We stick to the book like gentlemen.

[bakudanma]

Aaahh, some of it went up my nose— you bastard—
_{[ Katsura straightens up then joins in with Gintoki. ]}

It's the most strawberry milk of them all. You can't get anything more strawberry than this. Not even strawberries themselves are this strawberry.

[bakudanma]

_{[ son of a bitch— ]}

Ah. You know .. they get big. Like apples right after their most plump season. That sort of big.
_{[ he's selling it.. HE'S SELLING IT. ]}

[bakudanma]

_{[ Suddenly, he is shifted, and suddenly, he is a human shield, and suddenly, a bullet hits a clump of his ~*gorgeous silky hair*~ ]}

It's illegal to shoot the strawberry milk man during this season! You could get arrested!

_{[ but yeah, he's squirming, and— he might actually take off running?
Yeah, he's going to do that if he can get out of Gintoki's grasp. ]}

[bakudanma]

Ah. Stop.

_{[ elbowing him back? elbow wars right up in here as they clash, but he keeps his eyes on this customer. ]}

She drank the milk, which deemed her worthy of traveling to N*rnia and became a princess. She's my child. Please buy some milk in her honor.

[bakudanma]

I'm Katsura.

_{[ ???? ]}

Drinking this milk will cure your lactose intolerance. No lie.

[bakudanma]

<sub>[ Katsura's response is a lot different than Gintoki's. And as soon as he sees Toothless into the picture, he feels his cheeks tint lightly at the sight of his dragon friend.
While Gintoki is jabbering on, Katsura is just gonna— sneak— tiptoe— like the fugitive he is and get past them both to invite himself into Hiccup's house.

Once he is in, he scampers up to Toothless with his hand extended. ]</sub>

Aaaah, Toothless-dono! It's been too long. Are you getting bigger?
Aaaa, what? Oh, you probably don't recognize me— here.
_{[ RIPS OFF HIS MUSTACHE. ]}

It's-a me, Katsura!
_{[ Petting him on the nose? Petting him on the nose. ]}

[bakudanma]

it's not Movie theater girl, it's Cykes-dono.
Gintoki, you can't speak to my daughter that way.
_{[ it's a long story. ]}

Ah, you see. Buying this strawberry milk is for a cause. We're raising funds to help him have surgery on his high-temper. Please help for mine and everyone else's sake. The curls are really getting to him as you can tell.

[bakudanma]

_{[ always count on his brethren Rock Lee. ]}

It's an offer that cannot be beat, Lee-san. It actually won't be happening for much longer, so you better act on it now!
And if you do act now, you'll get 5 more for only the price of 5! You can't find his offer in stores, so buy today!

[deontology]

[Sousei is just feeling

so very murderous

He doesn't need a weapon to be murderous right now, honestly. A drip of strawberry milk slides down his nose, and his eyes narrow, even as he takes a solid step towards the window.

Is this really how you want to die, guys--]

[psycholawgy]

[ Slaps that finger away. Shoo, shoo! ]

And you're— you're a big meanie! [ Where are her friends to stand up for her ;_;

Then she looks at Zura and just puts her hands on her hips. ]

You guys are friends? Maybe you should tell him to shave off his hair if it's really grating him.

[pachintoki]

[He's pretty far from the window so. . . go for it, Sousei. Gintoki's on his third carton of milk now.]

[bakudanma]

This is your uncle. My apologies for any and all of his crudeness you may encounter.
And no, he won't do it. If I try to do it, he might sue my pants off.

[trafalgar]

[Oh, jeeze, someone dying at his doorstep. "DYING". He's not sure what to make of any of this, but while they continue on with an act they absolutely had to have practiced -- who even dies like that? WHO EVEN CARES ABOUT ADVERTISING WHEN THEY'RE DYING?

So he's going to do a little sidestep and continue along his merry way, as if he had some errands to run. He has no kids (though he does have testicles...), this product isn't for him. Surely they'll be gone once he returns.]

[twomeals]

Hmm. Does everyone who drinks it become a princess then? It does sound interesting.

[Looking at...whichever one drank the milk in that weird performance.
Also there's a white fox peeking out the door from behind him and eyeing the both of you suspiciously.]

[rollin]

[ Well, Yata doesn't know what to think other than opening the door was a huge waste of time.

But wait. ]

Who the fuck is this guy?

[ He's referring to the man with the perm, unaware of his protagonist status. ]