[Open] Working

[pachintoki]

Who: Gintoki, Katsura and you!
When: Soon after Gintoki's arrival in Cerealhell
Where: Just answer the door, it's your house.
What: Gintoki's trying out his new job.
Warnings: Stupid samurai in this log.  Teal text for Gintoki, Blue for Katsura.




<sub>[ It’s a pleasant day. The sun is shining. You’re minding your own business, probably sitting on the toilet with your CEREVice and you aren’t expecting any visitors today. Maybe you are, but you’re going to get a visit from two uninvited people right about . . . now. Better wipe quick. And even if you don’t, they are going to find a way into your home one way or another. You know, typical persistent salesmen.

They both have oddly matching mustaches that seem to resemble a certain red and blue clad plumber, only they are both more handsome by ten fold ( at least one of them is, you can guess which (it’s the long haired one, no doubt, even though his hair is alive. . .).

On top of that, they’re both wearing standard Strawberry Milky issue pink uniform, accessorized with only the most fashionable strawberry attire..

Both seem to be walking briskly with a box of something-or-another in their arms, nattering something-or-another while doing so, almost arguing, the distant and soft cry of “Even if it really was a wig, I would wash it daily! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this—” before casting you a wary sidelong glance as you open the door before turning to face whoever answers the door. Oh, shit? Somebody actually answered the door.

Just what could these completely not shady people be trying to sale to you today? Seriously, it was a complete and utter mystery, wasn’t it? Surely it had nothing to do with strawberries— not at all! ]</sub>

Aah, you answered the door. [He doesn’t smile, hardly reacts at all while he’s talking. No, instead he’ll reach out and take your hand, turning it palm upwards before setting a small cardboard carton into your palm. The other main seems just as collected as the other, keeping quiet for the time being. ]

That’ll be 3 credits.

[He’ll hold out his hand expectantly. When you show a little reluctance to pay, possibly - though why would you??- he’ll give a slight frown. ]

What do you mean you don’t want to pa--

_{[ The white haired man’s sentence is interrupted by a jab from the other man with his elbow into his ribcage, his teeth baring slightly behind his lips before he leans over, muttering something in Gintoki’s ear: ]}

Gintoki, is that the kind of attitude you have when you usually try to scam people? I don't think they're going to fall for it. Perhaps we should just skip to the drastic measures. Plan B!

_{[ the fact Katsura says this just makes it more obvious they're doing such a horrible job at this. His eyes blink, darting to you, then back to Gintoki. Zura's attention perks up to the customer and he clears his throat: ]}

Good afternoon. We're two sales-people selling a specific kind of milk that is guaranteed to—

Hold on, hold on, we already sold something here, now if you’ll just pay us--

—Guaranteed to work miracles, such as cleansing your dirty bowels. It’ll even make your test*cles grow--

[The silver-haired guy definitely didn’t just elbow his partner in the throat. The other guy’s coughing something serious, crumbling to his knees, and as you and silver-curls watch, he’ll suddenly reach his hand out, frantically?]

The milk! Give me the milk before it’s too late, it’s the only thing that will save him!

[And that’s when he rips open the milk box, shoving it at his sales partner’s mouth; the pink liquid dribbles down the other’s chin.
There’s coughing, sputtering, probably a booger flying out or two as the black haired man improvises here. He’s going to milk this situation for all it’s worth. Literally. This could be it. This could be the seller.

He grabs his partner’s wrist, staring blankly into the sky.]

I saw a bright light. My life, it flashed before my eyes. I saw little my Heidi-chan, running towards me, her arms outstretched. I saw her grow up and leave the alps to succeed and grow up and become a successful young lady. I.. I see..

_{[ Another cough and hack. ]}

Her own children.. 3.. no, 4 of them.

It is because of this product I will be able to see this wonderful future. It grants life. Everlasting life that will never end, a life as far as I can see into the horizon. Thank you, CERES Strawberry-Milky. Buy it today for only 3 even credits and start your path to everlasting life today!

<sub>[ He gives you a thumbs up, and his voice sounds like something gross and out of a 1980's infomercial. Next to him, the silver-haired guy holds up the carton of strawberry milk like a model straight outta the Pr*ce is R*ght.

This is probably the right time for you to slam the door on their faces, interrogate them, call the police. Any or all of the above. ]</sub>

Comments

[pachintoki]

[But WAIT they aren't done--

Oh wait. Yeah they are. Look at Gintoki, blinking a bit as the guy walks past him, then making a half-hearted reach for his shoulder. ]

Maybe. . . maybe if you tried it? Maybe you should be a man and give it a try!

[pachintoki]

[The shame of woefully ignorant youth. Still, said godlike protagonist is still going to offer the milk to Yata, hoping eagerly that he'll give it a try.]

One sip is all you'll need to feel like 10 times the person that you were. It's been proven.

[bakudanma]

_{[ Zura holds up a carton of this crap, totally posing as an assistant. ]}

It's exactly what worthless straight men like you really need in your bland life.

It's been proven to help customers like you get a girlfriend.

[allthreefourths]

I, uh, thought you were selling me things, not kicking me out of my own house!

[ he says a little bit concerned, as if this entire thing should be a surprise but it's not, it's really not. at least he can appreciate gintoki's apparent heroics, except the chances of toothless actually hurting him were about as high as him swearing off fish.

as for toothless and katsura, well. what he'll get at first is a low hum of confusion from the dragon department, but that turns into a happy sort of croon when the pettings come. welcome invader, very much a welcome invader.

so much for guard dragon. ]

And he looks like a dragon because he is a dragon, actually.

[bakudanma]

_{[ Nothing else matters right now. Gintoki has just lost his assistant. Never mind the fact they have been childhood friends for years.
He scritches around Toothless' chin and jaw, doting on him as he looks into his eyes. It was gross. ]}

Aa-aaah, such a good boy. Did you enjoy your treat I gave you?

_{[ bye Katsura. Nice knowing you. We have completely lost him. ]}

[carptricks]

Yo, Katsura-san, it's nice to meet you.

[he says flatly, skepticism lacing every single word]

Does the milk make your skin sparkle in the sunlight too?

[trafalgar]

[No...stop paying attention to him. Strange crossdressers, pls go. It matters not how many props your canon gives mine.]

I'm not thirsty.

1/2

[espersions]

[ ...







Oh look, it's the guy from the samurai flick. And... a friend. ]

[espersions]

[ At the end of this bizarre sideshow, Hyoubu stares down at Katsura, letting an uncomfortable moment slip by, before saying: ]

You just drank my milk.

[perfectstrike]

Delicious...

[Just... watching Katsura vomit. That's... that sure seems delicious, alright.]

No, thank you. "Milk" is not something I tend to have around me.

[Considering that a certain frequent houseguest of hers (Kuzuryuu) takes extreme offense to milk, it's really not that surprising. But--]

Are you Elizabeth?

[rollin]

I DON'T NEED ONE!

[ Even if Zura is the one who made him mad, he punches Gintoki. ]

Whaddya take me for, huh? Do I really look that desperate to you!?

[sunshrouded]

[Okay how about no.]

Hey, hey! Settle down.

[It's a step but Tenka can pretty much feel the murderous aura radiating from Sousei, hence why he's going to throw an arm around his shoulders now, ready to yank him back if he takes another step forward.

As for Katsura--]

Go home, Katsura-kun!! Strawberry-kun too! I'm trying to save your life here!

[bakudanma]

Tenka-kuuuuun!! He will take me back to the strawberry fields. Strawberry Fields Forever! Please help me! Look how he treats me!
_{[ points to Gin who is probably doing something like picking his nose. ]}

[bakudanma]

_{[ He staggers back to his feet and looks over his shoulder at Peko. Did she just--? ]}

That is nothing like Elizabeth. Elizabeth has more class and charm in a single flipper than he will ever have in his entire life.

[bakudanma]

It was a medical emergency I think you should understand.

[deontology]

[stopped by an arm around his shoulders.... ah yes, Tenka was there too. Right. Enjoy the strawberry milk that might be dripping from his hair onto you, Tenka.

Irritatedly, Sousei wipes a sleeve over his face finally.

But he stopped, at least.

And, fully exasperated--]

Leave.

[niceguypose]

[As Gintoki makes his offer, Lee's eyes widen in astonishment. Then, when Katsura speaks, he turns to him as if facing a trust confidant, and he nods along.]

Ah... such specials! I've never been approached in such a way before. I feel like a very important customer! So... so... so!!!

...I will buy all of those!!

[prosecutory]

[He did NOT need to know that some of it went up your nose, Katsura. But thank you for switching to Professional Mode, Gintoki.

Edgeworth sighs. He wants to say no, he doesn't need a carton of strawberry milk no matter how strawberry it is, and...besides, you guys just used that carton you were trying to sell him.]

Are you going to try and sell me the carton you just opened?

[bakudanma]

_{[ Zura sort of stays put, but his eyes follow this guy's walk. ]}

Are you at least thirsty for all of your problems to be solved with this product? We have what your soul craves.

_{[ he's trying too hard at this point (though he was trying too hard from the start, too.)
But now it was just even more absurd. ]}

[bakudanma]

_{[ who do you think you are.. punching the main character like that. That is his job. ]}

You don't look that desperate— I just know you are. Don't worry, it isn't terribly obvious until you try to open your mouth and talk to a girl.

Um. It tastes good, other than that.
_{[ it tastes like shit to him but you know. He's doing a friend a solid here. ]}

[rollin]

I don't care! Who the hell goes door to door with a reenactment of Heidi and expects me to buy their shitty strawberry milk?

[makigumo]

[ And here Shihoudou is, walking around all casually, even more lightly dressed than she usually is. Having a big cup of tea mixed with half a cup of sake.

She throws up the door wide, and totally ignores anything the visitors say. ]

Oh! Raven-chana! Aaaandddd.... Poodle-chan! Hi! Whaaaat can Granny do for you boys?

[creepface]

[ Oh no. He made a mistake. He's fidgeting so much, and blushing like a little girl even though he's taller than both of them. It might just look a liiiittle (very) laughable. ]

I-I'm sorry. I don't. Can you please. Leave?

[bakudanma]

_{[ such a stern response form such a stern fellow. He remembers this guy being stubborn to cater to. ]}

You will have to talk to my colleague about that. He is my boss. I only answer to him.
_{[ this is him putting the blame on Gintoki here. If anybody is going to get murdered, it should be him. ]}

[bakudanma]

Absolutely not. We have plenty of cartons.
—We should have plenty of cartons unless... somebody drank it all.
_{[ slooooowly looks over at his companion. ]}