[Open] Working

[pachintoki]

Who: Gintoki, Katsura and you!
When: Soon after Gintoki's arrival in Cerealhell
Where: Just answer the door, it's your house.
What: Gintoki's trying out his new job.
Warnings: Stupid samurai in this log.  Teal text for Gintoki, Blue for Katsura.




<sub>[ It’s a pleasant day. The sun is shining. You’re minding your own business, probably sitting on the toilet with your CEREVice and you aren’t expecting any visitors today. Maybe you are, but you’re going to get a visit from two uninvited people right about . . . now. Better wipe quick. And even if you don’t, they are going to find a way into your home one way or another. You know, typical persistent salesmen.

They both have oddly matching mustaches that seem to resemble a certain red and blue clad plumber, only they are both more handsome by ten fold ( at least one of them is, you can guess which (it’s the long haired one, no doubt, even though his hair is alive. . .).

On top of that, they’re both wearing standard Strawberry Milky issue pink uniform, accessorized with only the most fashionable strawberry attire..

Both seem to be walking briskly with a box of something-or-another in their arms, nattering something-or-another while doing so, almost arguing, the distant and soft cry of “Even if it really was a wig, I would wash it daily! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this—” before casting you a wary sidelong glance as you open the door before turning to face whoever answers the door. Oh, shit? Somebody actually answered the door.

Just what could these completely not shady people be trying to sale to you today? Seriously, it was a complete and utter mystery, wasn’t it? Surely it had nothing to do with strawberries— not at all! ]</sub>

Aah, you answered the door. [He doesn’t smile, hardly reacts at all while he’s talking. No, instead he’ll reach out and take your hand, turning it palm upwards before setting a small cardboard carton into your palm. The other main seems just as collected as the other, keeping quiet for the time being. ]

That’ll be 3 credits.

[He’ll hold out his hand expectantly. When you show a little reluctance to pay, possibly - though why would you??- he’ll give a slight frown. ]

What do you mean you don’t want to pa--

_{[ The white haired man’s sentence is interrupted by a jab from the other man with his elbow into his ribcage, his teeth baring slightly behind his lips before he leans over, muttering something in Gintoki’s ear: ]}

Gintoki, is that the kind of attitude you have when you usually try to scam people? I don't think they're going to fall for it. Perhaps we should just skip to the drastic measures. Plan B!

_{[ the fact Katsura says this just makes it more obvious they're doing such a horrible job at this. His eyes blink, darting to you, then back to Gintoki. Zura's attention perks up to the customer and he clears his throat: ]}

Good afternoon. We're two sales-people selling a specific kind of milk that is guaranteed to—

Hold on, hold on, we already sold something here, now if you’ll just pay us--

—Guaranteed to work miracles, such as cleansing your dirty bowels. It’ll even make your test*cles grow--

[The silver-haired guy definitely didn’t just elbow his partner in the throat. The other guy’s coughing something serious, crumbling to his knees, and as you and silver-curls watch, he’ll suddenly reach his hand out, frantically?]

The milk! Give me the milk before it’s too late, it’s the only thing that will save him!

[And that’s when he rips open the milk box, shoving it at his sales partner’s mouth; the pink liquid dribbles down the other’s chin.
There’s coughing, sputtering, probably a booger flying out or two as the black haired man improvises here. He’s going to milk this situation for all it’s worth. Literally. This could be it. This could be the seller.

He grabs his partner’s wrist, staring blankly into the sky.]

I saw a bright light. My life, it flashed before my eyes. I saw little my Heidi-chan, running towards me, her arms outstretched. I saw her grow up and leave the alps to succeed and grow up and become a successful young lady. I.. I see..

_{[ Another cough and hack. ]}

Her own children.. 3.. no, 4 of them.

It is because of this product I will be able to see this wonderful future. It grants life. Everlasting life that will never end, a life as far as I can see into the horizon. Thank you, CERES Strawberry-Milky. Buy it today for only 3 even credits and start your path to everlasting life today!

<sub>[ He gives you a thumbs up, and his voice sounds like something gross and out of a 1980's infomercial. Next to him, the silver-haired guy holds up the carton of strawberry milk like a model straight outta the Pr*ce is R*ght.

This is probably the right time for you to slam the door on their faces, interrogate them, call the police. Any or all of the above. ]</sub>

Comments

[bakudanma]

_{[ Oh nooo, oh no. Little paws— he senses them. Focus, Kotarou, focus. ]}

Do ..you want to become a princess... ?
<sub>[ because if so, then yes, YES DEFINITELY.
glances down ta the liltte fox.

sweating,,,,, ]</sub>

[bakudanma]

If you want to use it for that purpose, then yes. I once knew a man who bathed himself in strawberry milk. He glittered, just like Edw*rd C*llen.

Women fell to his feet in yearning.

[bakudanma]

We're doing this for you, Yata-san.
What— would you prefer us to wear socks on our heads and vandalize the public property— is that more appealing for your type?

Uwahh, it would say: Yo, dawg, diggity! I drink strawberry milk, I live on the edge, motherf***er!!

[bakudanma]

_{[ oh my gooooddd? oh my god????? Katsura is disciplined enough to keep his focus on Shihoudou's face, eyebrows stern and pinned together.
Gintoki... maybe? They're both perverted men in any case so what does it matter. ]}

It's not Raven-chana, it's Katsura.
Granny-dono, you have got to help me. If you don't buy this milk, one of us could possibly die.
It'll go great with your morning breastfast—
—breakfast.

[bakudanma]

_{[ It'll be okay, shh. It's just like every other sales person, right? Right. ]}

Not until you buy our product. Our feet are planted to the ground as rocks; solid and strong as our souls.

[carptricks]

Hooooh, you make it sound so tempting. It's just the thing I always wanted-- skin so bright everyone around me needs to wear sunglasses.

[A LONG PAUSE. . .]

But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass.

[hackandhop]

[He's actually interested for a moment. He is, because as absurd as it sounds for milk to have any affect on testicles, this is the guy who's lived on junk food his whole life. He doesn't know better.

But then...]

No thanks. [Arms crossed now.] Who'd want their balls big like apples? That'd get uncomfortable.

... Now, if it made something else as big, then maybe.

[spiritpearls]

What kind of company trains you to do all that? [ Whatever that was. ]

Why not just... I don't know, politely ask people if they want to buy some milk? That'd be more gentlemanly.

[twomeals]

I'm not sure. Is that a good thing to be?

[A serious question. Really.

Meanwhile: Look at the super fluffy tail on that fox. It's got a nice thick winter coat, too. So soft, so white, so furry...doesn't it just look incredibly huggable?

...Don't hug it though, it bites. There's a reason it's not going past the door.]

[rollin]

It's not a sock! Why can I hear you censoring yourself? No, wait! What kinda thug says they drink strawberry milk in public, anyway? Your target audience is totally wrong!

Err...I hope this isn't too late...

[good_ideas]

[Shiho isn't sure why this started out as a scam and then turned into some kind of...impromptu Heidi-reinactment.

But hey, this could work in her favor.

She gives the two of them a bright-eyed look of admiration, clapping after they're done like a high school girl who is totally not out to scam them back.]

Wow! Really? Everlasting life? That's amazing!

[trafalgar]

Are you talking about going home?

[Or whatever, the place from which they came. Not that he's suddenly optimistic about the drink, but it'd be a shame if a good opportunity waltzed right up to his door and he ...waltzed away from it.]

NEVER TOO LATE

[bakudanma]

_{[ Katsura adjusts his posture and wipes milk from his lips, clearing his throat. ]}

It does? ...
I mean, aaah. Of course it does.

I am pretty amazing, I like to think.
_{[ Not Gintoki. ]}

[makigumo]

[ Now look here, young turd, there is no problem with her walking around like this at home (or out on town, for that matter) because she's confident and can kick everyone's collective asses. ]

You're totally a raven, we already discussed that! [ They did not. ]

You're gonna die? How? In a gruesome way?

[ Spare no details, please. ]

Yay!

[good_ideas]

[Nope. Definitely not Gintoki. Or Katsura, really. But she doesn't stop smiling.]

Definitely! So amazing!

Ah...what should I do....should I get one....maybe I should get one! How much did you say it was again?

[bakudanma]

_{[ and without a beat: ]}

This poor protagonist _{[ pulling Gintoki in front of him and looking over his shoulder ]} is on his way from dying of from severe hemorrhoids. If you buy some, all proceeds go towards his operation to remove the gruesome part of his anus.

They will install a new brand new one straight from the factory.
_{[ you don't install anuses? .... maybe not. ]}

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki's on his 5th thing of milk now. It actually wasn't bad at all, pretty much what you'd expect from delicious strawberry milk. Suddenly he regrets dropping the half-empty container at this guy's door - only regrets being so harsh with the milk, that is - , so he'll give a casual glance back at it.

Only to see all three of them looking at him, Zura, angry guy, stranger. ]

Hh--

[just those dead fish eyes now]

. . . what.

[makigumo]

[ She looks between Katsura and Gintoki for a few moments, then smoothly picks them up under her arms, and carries them into her Japanese-themed apartment. ]

That's not good, Poodle-chan! Protagonists need to keep their anus clean even when they shit, you know!

[ How?


She dumps them on the tatami by the low round tea table, where her shogi board and confucius book lays. ]

If Hishigi was here [ and, well, alive ] He could totally install a new one for you! After the sticks up his ass were pulled out, of course.

[ Except Hishigi would rather try to kill her (again) for spreading rumors. ]

He's the best anus doctor, you know!

[pachintoki]

[He'll hold on to his finger, looking down at it almost as if she's wounded it by slapping it away. But then his eyes snap back up to Zura]

Who's an uncle!? We're not related at all, oi.

You just wish you'd inherited my hair.

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki's blank expression at the girl's question is gonna slowly become a scowl with each new word that pops out of Zura's mouth.]

Do I look like an Elizabeth, kid?

[He'll lean closer to her, cupping his hand next to his mouth and whispering - not quietly.]

Anyway, you know, yesterday I'm pretty sure this guy walked around half the day with a soba noodle stuck to his cheek. Wanna see?

[pulling out his CereVice device, yep]

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki brings up a fist, coughing into it.]

Young lady, we're humble milk-sellers. This milk comes from a fine strawberry cow; would you like to make a purchase at your convenience?

[so formal]

[pachintoki]

Yes sir, right away sir.

[it's drawly and lazy, and Gintoki's going to fish out another carton from their portable cooler.]

For the special price of 3 credits, today only.

[pachintoki]

Of-of course they don't get that big!

[He'll give Zura a whack upside the head.]

Look, I think, you know, it's gonna get as big as you want it to.

[Just in your dreams, Noiz.]

So do you want one, or what?

[pachintoki]

[He's about to hand Lee the whole cooler, but then he'll pause for a minute.]

Oi, that's a pretty great deal. You're carrying that much cash though? Like, maybe you should let us see it so we know you're not trying to rip us off. I'm kind of worried, Zura, aren't you worried?

[Looking to Zura for help.]

Samurai Deeper Kyooooo

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki, probably too startled by what she was wearing to react properly to the insults to his hair or his anus, blinks after she drops him on the floor.

Did that small-looking woman actually pick him up? Zura too? Was she a demon? Or maybe she was. . . he'll blink again.]

Oi. . . are you a stripper?

[okay, he's actually not thinking about her super strength at all.]