[Open] Working

[pachintoki]

Who: Gintoki, Katsura and you!
When: Soon after Gintoki's arrival in Cerealhell
Where: Just answer the door, it's your house.
What: Gintoki's trying out his new job.
Warnings: Stupid samurai in this log.  Teal text for Gintoki, Blue for Katsura.




<sub>[ It’s a pleasant day. The sun is shining. You’re minding your own business, probably sitting on the toilet with your CEREVice and you aren’t expecting any visitors today. Maybe you are, but you’re going to get a visit from two uninvited people right about . . . now. Better wipe quick. And even if you don’t, they are going to find a way into your home one way or another. You know, typical persistent salesmen.

They both have oddly matching mustaches that seem to resemble a certain red and blue clad plumber, only they are both more handsome by ten fold ( at least one of them is, you can guess which (it’s the long haired one, no doubt, even though his hair is alive. . .).

On top of that, they’re both wearing standard Strawberry Milky issue pink uniform, accessorized with only the most fashionable strawberry attire..

Both seem to be walking briskly with a box of something-or-another in their arms, nattering something-or-another while doing so, almost arguing, the distant and soft cry of “Even if it really was a wig, I would wash it daily! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this—” before casting you a wary sidelong glance as you open the door before turning to face whoever answers the door. Oh, shit? Somebody actually answered the door.

Just what could these completely not shady people be trying to sale to you today? Seriously, it was a complete and utter mystery, wasn’t it? Surely it had nothing to do with strawberries— not at all! ]</sub>

Aah, you answered the door. [He doesn’t smile, hardly reacts at all while he’s talking. No, instead he’ll reach out and take your hand, turning it palm upwards before setting a small cardboard carton into your palm. The other main seems just as collected as the other, keeping quiet for the time being. ]

That’ll be 3 credits.

[He’ll hold out his hand expectantly. When you show a little reluctance to pay, possibly - though why would you??- he’ll give a slight frown. ]

What do you mean you don’t want to pa--

_{[ The white haired man’s sentence is interrupted by a jab from the other man with his elbow into his ribcage, his teeth baring slightly behind his lips before he leans over, muttering something in Gintoki’s ear: ]}

Gintoki, is that the kind of attitude you have when you usually try to scam people? I don't think they're going to fall for it. Perhaps we should just skip to the drastic measures. Plan B!

_{[ the fact Katsura says this just makes it more obvious they're doing such a horrible job at this. His eyes blink, darting to you, then back to Gintoki. Zura's attention perks up to the customer and he clears his throat: ]}

Good afternoon. We're two sales-people selling a specific kind of milk that is guaranteed to—

Hold on, hold on, we already sold something here, now if you’ll just pay us--

—Guaranteed to work miracles, such as cleansing your dirty bowels. It’ll even make your test*cles grow--

[The silver-haired guy definitely didn’t just elbow his partner in the throat. The other guy’s coughing something serious, crumbling to his knees, and as you and silver-curls watch, he’ll suddenly reach his hand out, frantically?]

The milk! Give me the milk before it’s too late, it’s the only thing that will save him!

[And that’s when he rips open the milk box, shoving it at his sales partner’s mouth; the pink liquid dribbles down the other’s chin.
There’s coughing, sputtering, probably a booger flying out or two as the black haired man improvises here. He’s going to milk this situation for all it’s worth. Literally. This could be it. This could be the seller.

He grabs his partner’s wrist, staring blankly into the sky.]

I saw a bright light. My life, it flashed before my eyes. I saw little my Heidi-chan, running towards me, her arms outstretched. I saw her grow up and leave the alps to succeed and grow up and become a successful young lady. I.. I see..

_{[ Another cough and hack. ]}

Her own children.. 3.. no, 4 of them.

It is because of this product I will be able to see this wonderful future. It grants life. Everlasting life that will never end, a life as far as I can see into the horizon. Thank you, CERES Strawberry-Milky. Buy it today for only 3 even credits and start your path to everlasting life today!

<sub>[ He gives you a thumbs up, and his voice sounds like something gross and out of a 1980's infomercial. Next to him, the silver-haired guy holds up the carton of strawberry milk like a model straight outta the Pr*ce is R*ght.

This is probably the right time for you to slam the door on their faces, interrogate them, call the police. Any or all of the above. ]</sub>

Comments

[pachintoki]

[The kid looks pretty worried? Or something, so Gintoki's gonna ask.]

Hah? Are you okay? Like, probably, you probably gotta use the toilet, right? Is that why you're dancing around? We'll wait.

[pachintoki]

Actually a dragon? It's purring like a housecat, though. . .

[he's referring to the happy croons. Zura's grossness aside, he's pretty curious about the dragon, so once he realizes it isn't dangerous he'll walk inside too, right into Hiccup's house with the strawberry milk.

Thanks for the hospitality.

Once he gets close to Toothless he'll tilt his head some, putting a straw into one of the milk boxes and sipping thoughtfully.

Then he'll offer it to the dragon, holding it out.]

[bakudanma]

Aaaa-- what hair? Are you referring to that poodle-nest that is constantly perched on your balding head?
Please don't be rude to Cykes-dono. She's my first born.

_{[ looking at Athena. ]}

Sorry. He's the member of the family we don't let out much.

[bakudanma]

This milk comes from an all natural strawberry cow. Everything is all natural. The udder of the cow is natural. I touched the udder; it is the most natural feeling strawberry udder I have ever felt. The strawberry milk that comes out-- it's naturally flavored.

We're both natural sales people, doing all natural things.
Please, do buy at your convenience, or you'll regret it.
_{[ that sounded like a threat. ]}

[bakudanma]

_{[ OWOWOW that's the back of his head, yep. He's just going to scoff and grimace. ]}

Bastard.

_{[ Zura puts his attention on Noiz. ]}

You should probably make sure to get two to balance out the other test*cle. You wouldn't want one to be significantly bigger than the other by just drinking one. Two-- two is the lucky number!

[bakudanma]

<sub>[ Katsura catches sight of an oncoming Gintoki in his side vision. He tries to ignore it, but no. No. He can't.

He turns his head to Gintoki, holding Toothless' head almost.. protectively.
This isn't your house? Or your dragon? What are you doing, Katsura. ]</sub>

Toothless-dono has the soul of a samurai. He shouldn't let the consumption of sweets corrupt his soul's temple, Gintoki.

8'D

[bakudanma]

<sub>[ There is an embarrassing sort of squeak on Zura's part when he is suddenly lifted and hauled inside. He's suddenly sitting? And he has to blink a few times.

Katsura elbows Gintoki in the side-- hard-- when he asks such a tactless question.
Are they going to sell strawberry milk here? Probably not. Probably not at all. ]</sub>

Gintoki, don't ask Granny-dono a question like that.
_{[ then.... he looks over at Shihoudou. ]}

Do you perform in scandalous attire in front of audiences for your career?
_{[ Nailed it. ]}

[bakudanma]

Even if you have to take a dump.
We will be here until you can come back; no matter how big or messy it is.

We're rooting for you. I will recite some sutras in your name if you are not back within 5 minutes.

[bakudanma]

The amazing price of 3 credits.
And for 3 credits more, you could have another. Share them with your friends-- or your cat.

_{[ this sounds positive! ]}

[bakudanma]

I'm so worried, I think the wrinkles in my face may wilt my mustache off, Gintoki.
Lee-san, you wouldn't hurt your brethren, would you? After all we have been through?

You could buy the entire box if you really wanted. We wouldn't mind at all. It's a special deal just for you exclusively.

[good_ideas]

My friends?

[Quiet pause as she closes the door to make sure that Kaoru can't accidentally peek out and give her away.]

Then maybe I'll take two. It really does work though, right? The eternal life thing. And it's not some kind of marketing strategy to trick me into buying it?

[pachintoki]

[He'll glance down at the fox, then glances back up at Zura, gradually edging Zura behind him and standing a little in front of him. Was he drooling. . . seriously. . .]

You're gonna have to answer that for yourself. Maybe, like. . . you like wearing women's clothes in your free time? But we don't, you know, gotta hear about it right now.

[awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck now.]

You could be a princess. That's, it's sort of like an apprentice probably.

[pachintoki]

[Well okay. The bullshit can stop here for a second.]

Oi. Don't you think if this stuff made that happen we'd be drinking it like, nonstop? We wouldn't even be here anymore.

[What a moody guy.]

[pachintoki]

[Dear kami-sama why him. . . why punch him. Gintoki's gonna keel over, and by the time he recovers, he's going to yell angrily right back in Yata's face.

MOTHERF***ER!

[yeah, he's going for the face.]

[pachintoki]

[Gintoki, in case anybody were wondering where he was, is just gonna be watching this exchange. Zura, you've become a salesman. A lying, cheating scumbag of a salesman.

He's almost proud, except that she's basically a kid. That just means she's more naive, so he thinks.]

You gotta drink it right, but it'll work.

[He interjects here, because Zura you're not covering your bases. Naive, naive.]

[pachintoki]

Uh, it's definitely not yours unless you cough up some cash, pal.

You want it so much? A special price then. 2 for 5 credits. [an actual deal??]

3 for 7. [such deals! But this guy's gung-ho, so they'd better jump on it.]

[pachintoki]

Oi, shut your trap.

I just wanna know, like. . . would he try it? What does he think of it? I've never actually met a dragon, so this is very important to me, Zura. Back off.

[Edging closer to the dragon with the milk. . .now. . .Hiccup don't leave them alone with the dragon, don't.]

[bakudanma]

He wouldn't! He was just telling me the other day how much he despised it! What you are doing in front of him is incredibly rude, insulting and self-centered!
_{[ ah ..... ]}

[pachintoki]

How does he even talk to you, aah? He's not talking right now! I don't hear anything or see his mouth moving!

He's definitely gonna like it. Then his owner will have to keep buying it for him, and I won't get fired. Oi oi, you're so short-sighted.

[bakudanma]

It's not so short-sighted, it's Katsura! Katsura!

_{[ Oh, he is letting go of Toothless at this point and approaching Gintoki, standing about 6 inches away from his face. His body language is tense. Apparently this is very important to him too. ]}

It gives his tummy an ache. An ache! Are you willing to stay here for hours and stroke his tummy until he feels better? What about Bepto*? We don't have enough Bepto for a stomach his size.

[allthreefourths]

[ ................. what is happening, why is everyone just invading his house, why are they fighting over his dragon wasn't he getting sold milk--

why are they feeding his dragon.

since when did his dragon have a soul of a samurai, it's a soul of a viking. but okay, stepping in now!! as toothless looks very much confused, even if he is sniffing the milk that's being offered--not fish, however, so he's a little hesitant to partake in that. ]

All right, so now that we've successfully invited ourselves in... [ gods. hiccup can't even be mad, he's just. he doesn't know what he is. ] Are you really fighting over my dragon?

[ dear viking jesus, it's me, hiccup. why is this my life, why do people just like me for toothless (toothless is pretty cool). ]

[creepface]

Wha- n-no, I don't. I mean, I don't need. To do that. Why- why are you talking. About that? Please just. Leave?

[ He's not really a kid, he was well over legal age when he died, okay. He's just extremely nervous by nature (more like after the way he lived but, details). ]

[rollin]

[ Yata gets punched. Naturally. ]

Hold on, I gotta kill this guy. Oryaaa!

[ And so their sales pitch devolves into fisticuffs. ]

[twomeals]

I've never tried. Wearing women's clothes, that is. Have you?

[A pause. Gonna just...pick up the fox, yes.]

Though I guess the more important question would be if the milk tastes good.

[niceguypose]

Ah... I do have money, I swear! I have been working hard! [He does peer towards Katsura in confusion, because what mustache?]

The last thing that I would want to do is hurt you, Katsra-kun. Please... let me accept this special deal!