[ sometimes he wonders if they are good at anything but hurting each other.
those words jab at him like needles, even knowingly going into this expecting to deal with some of this sort of thing. He knows the other isn't all there, he knows—so why is it so hard to ignore it when he says shit like that? (Because, what if Souji really thinks that, how can he really think such a goddamn—) ]
—Don't. [ his words are hissed in warning and partially defensive. Why so much irritation seems to swell inside of him over such an accusation in this instance when Hijikata's put up with random shit Souji's said in the past. It's not the first time he's claimed knowledge over Hijikata's thought process. ]
You're making this into something it isn't. [ or, at least, something Hijikata doesn't want it to be. Because he doesn't need to have this wrecking ball of a conversation (seems like their only version of a heart-to-heart they've managed thus far in any and every circumstance) with the other with swords pointed at one another and when Souji's not all there. It's bad he's already enough there to make this more difficult than it has to be, but Hijikata isn't going to feign hope of reconcile at a time like this).
But, for all the warning in his tone, he doesn't know what else to say (maybe he's just afraid to touch on such things) so he attempts to deflect it by pretending to let it sail by as unimportant enough to keep on topic. ]
You're not thinking straight; I think you know, but do you understand what is going on right now, Souji?!
[ what you did. what you're doing. what you're about to do.
...or is the only thing in all of this that's crystal clear really just what Hijikata is going to do to him and clarity if the rest is far too much wishful thinking?
(But he'll always hope for reconcile, but he goes day by day wondering if it's ever possible and simply tell himself there's always tomorrow—even when the fact is that their tomorrows together past a place like this have long since ceased arriving.) ]
no subject
those words jab at him like needles, even knowingly going into this expecting to deal with some of this sort of thing. He knows the other isn't all there, he knows—so why is it so hard to ignore it when he says shit like that? (Because, what if Souji really thinks that, how can he really think such a goddamn—) ]
—Don't. [ his words are hissed in warning and partially defensive. Why so much irritation seems to swell inside of him over such an accusation in this instance when Hijikata's put up with random shit Souji's said in the past. It's not the first time he's claimed knowledge over Hijikata's thought process. ]
You're making this into something it isn't. [ or, at least, something Hijikata doesn't want it to be. Because he doesn't need to have this wrecking ball of a conversation (seems like their only version of a heart-to-heart they've managed thus far in any and every circumstance) with the other with swords pointed at one another and when Souji's not all there. It's bad he's already enough there to make this more difficult than it has to be, but Hijikata isn't going to feign hope of reconcile at a time like this).
But, for all the warning in his tone, he doesn't know what else to say (maybe he's just afraid to touch on such things) so he attempts to deflect it by pretending to let it sail by as unimportant enough to keep on topic. ]
You're not thinking straight; I think you know, but do you understand what is going on right now, Souji?!
[ what you did. what you're doing. what you're about to do.
...or is the only thing in all of this that's crystal clear really just what Hijikata is going to do to him and clarity if the rest is far too much wishful thinking?
(But he'll always hope for reconcile, but he goes day by day wondering if it's ever possible and simply tell himself there's always tomorrow—even when the fact is that their tomorrows together past a place like this have long since ceased arriving.) ]