[ bullshit he wants two at the same time, but he doesn't bother with a retort.
For all Hijikata wants to stop Souji, there is definite conflict in his actions when Souji's reaction seems slightly out of place and the next thing he knows his weapon has cut into and left blood that somehow manages always to be such a stark contrast to him seeing it on Souji. The colorings of a rasetsu make that even moreso but the real unsettling issue is the blood is his own.
(He's long since come to hate blood splattered on this person that belongs to him even more than from others. It just reminds him of everyday Souji got worse and never recovered. And losing him so soon after Kondou had just been—)
But Hijikata can't stand down with Souji acting this way and still putting a fight up. The fact he's wearing down is like some mocking false hope when all it resorts to is the fact that he may have a lot of openings but nothing he can see that can incapacitate the younger man instead of kill him.
And it's getting to him, and the linger it goes on, the more hopeless it becomes. ]
Goddamn stubborn—don't fucking make me do this, Souji! [ is he too soft to be letting this affect him, knowing Souji and his pride are ultimately at the core of this refusal? Yeah, probably, but how the hell is he supposed to be fine with taking out the last one of his family he has?
Yes, the others are like family, but Kondou and Souju have and will always be different and special and precious in ways he can even begin to properly express. The thing is, that all his heightened emotions along with the fact that he's not completely void of pulse influence himself makes for a bad combo. The emotional distress only metabolizes the drug faster and makes his movements just that more intense, although it's clear he does seem to avoid taking opportunity with an opening.
That'll have to end eventually, Souji's still his responsibility and as much as he'd give his life for the other... he can't be selfish and leave even a weakening and frayed unstable Souji to wander across anyone else. For the sake of that person and for Souji himself, he can't.
But it doesn't mean he's happy about it and when he finally comes to the point he sees one of those openings and he's felt he's run out of options... ]
You really are more than enough trouble to last me beyond a lifetime. [ his words are strangely bitter after their swords clash for the nth time, but, in order to take the chance for an opportune counter he lets Souji's blade through his own defense. It's just his left arm, though, and that pain burns far less than the acidic furnace building in his chest as he jerks his sword back enough in the half-second or two gained by taking the hit in order to thrust it forward into's Souji's chest. And his voice cracks, and is much quieter, the volume just unwilling to come now and hell he's not even sure anymore if he's still trying to talk to the Shinsengumi captain or just himself. ]
...But the only thing easy is knowing killing you is the hardest thing I've ever done. [ and he's sure, when push comes to shove, the world will be hardpressed to make anything to come even harder than this.
( It's like reliving failing to save Souji from his illness, losing him to an enemy he can't win against no matter how badly he wants to or how long and skilled he swings a sword.
no subject
For all Hijikata wants to stop Souji, there is definite conflict in his actions when Souji's reaction seems slightly out of place and the next thing he knows his weapon has cut into and left blood that somehow manages always to be such a stark contrast to him seeing it on Souji. The colorings of a rasetsu make that even moreso but the real unsettling issue is the blood is his own.
(He's long since come to hate blood splattered on this person that belongs to him even more than from others. It just reminds him of everyday Souji got worse and never recovered. And losing him so soon after Kondou had just been—)
But Hijikata can't stand down with Souji acting this way and still putting a fight up. The fact he's wearing down is like some mocking false hope when all it resorts to is the fact that he may have a lot of openings but nothing he can see that can incapacitate the younger man instead of kill him.
And it's getting to him, and the linger it goes on, the more hopeless it becomes. ]
Goddamn stubborn—don't fucking make me do this, Souji! [ is he too soft to be letting this affect him, knowing Souji and his pride are ultimately at the core of this refusal? Yeah, probably, but how the hell is he supposed to be fine with taking out the last one of his family he has?
Yes, the others are like family, but Kondou and Souju have and will always be different and special and precious in ways he can even begin to properly express. The thing is, that all his heightened emotions along with the fact that he's not completely void of pulse influence himself makes for a bad combo. The emotional distress only metabolizes the drug faster and makes his movements just that more intense, although it's clear he does seem to avoid taking opportunity with an opening.
That'll have to end eventually, Souji's still his responsibility and as much as he'd give his life for the other... he can't be selfish and leave even a weakening and frayed unstable Souji to wander across anyone else. For the sake of that person and for Souji himself, he can't.
But it doesn't mean he's happy about it and when he finally comes to the point he sees one of those openings and he's felt he's run out of options... ]
You really are more than enough trouble to last me beyond a lifetime. [ his words are strangely bitter after their swords clash for the nth time, but, in order to take the chance for an opportune counter he lets Souji's blade through his own defense. It's just his left arm, though, and that pain burns far less than the acidic furnace building in his chest as he jerks his sword back enough in the half-second or two gained by taking the hit in order to thrust it forward into's Souji's chest. And his voice cracks, and is much quieter, the volume just unwilling to come now and hell he's not even sure anymore if he's still trying to talk to the Shinsengumi captain or just himself. ]
...But the only thing easy is knowing killing you is the hardest thing I've ever done. [ and he's sure, when push comes to shove, the world will be hardpressed to make anything to come even harder than this.
( It's like reliving failing to save Souji from his illness, losing him to an enemy he can't win against no matter how badly he wants to or how long and skilled he swings a sword.
It's exactly like that.
All fucking over again. ) ]