[it's strangely gratifying to get a hit in on hijikata, even if souji full well knows that it's nothing more than bait to try and make an opening. but as stubborn as souji is, especially in this state, he also can feel himself tiring out quickly.
there's a certain knowing that comes with that. it's one that means souji realizes his end is near; as much as he wants to fight back and plunge that sword through hijikata for the second victory of the night, he also knows how much energy that'll take from him. he can feel his movements getting more sluggish—everything starts to feel like it's moving in slow motion, a haze fogging over his eyes and making his vision a little more unsteady. and though he holds his ground well, though his feet remain firmly planted with all of his will, he's unable to do much else.
so really, there's no way for him to avoid hijikata's return blow. he sees it coming, and he doesn't falter. as much as there is still a deep sense of bitterness that emanates from him, and as much as he wanted these roles to be reversed... if someone had to be the one to take him out, it was better that it was hijikata. even in this state, there's a flash of his memories of haven that passes through, a bitter memory of mitsunari catching him in his rasetsu form, and the vow he'd asked mitsunari to keep if he'd ever lost his mind. yeah, it was definitely better this way. definitely better it was hijikata with the full understanding of just how fucked up it all was to be the one to put an end to his life.
it's not like it's really the end, anyway. that's not how it works in these places, not where death is some arbitrary existence that has no permanence. life and death have lost their meaning in this state, and though his more rational side would see full well that it still has plenty of lasting effects on them if nothing more than through physical scars and psychological trauma, he's still not quite there. he's still unhinged enough that he can only see the parts instead of the whole
and that's why he lets out a weak and pained laugh even as the sword plunges straight through his chest. it hurts. it's an unfathomable amount of pain.]
Really... the hardest... [his words come out in a weak and breathless hiss. it takes a lot to muster up the strength to even say that much one he's been run through. it's the last of his consciousness and his will power. it's a last bit of defiance and bitterness as the world begins to blur and fade. his body begins to slump, strength leaving him as the white flickers away and fades back to its normal shades.
if he has to die, it's better this way. somehow, it hurts his pride a lot less, even if that means hurting hijikata a whole hell of a lot more. but maybe somehow, souji knows that he'll have to pay that forward to hijikata one day, in a place like this one where everything's a mess and the deaths "don't matter."]
no subject
there's a certain knowing that comes with that. it's one that means souji realizes his end is near; as much as he wants to fight back and plunge that sword through hijikata for the second victory of the night, he also knows how much energy that'll take from him. he can feel his movements getting more sluggish—everything starts to feel like it's moving in slow motion, a haze fogging over his eyes and making his vision a little more unsteady. and though he holds his ground well, though his feet remain firmly planted with all of his will, he's unable to do much else.
so really, there's no way for him to avoid hijikata's return blow. he sees it coming, and he doesn't falter. as much as there is still a deep sense of bitterness that emanates from him, and as much as he wanted these roles to be reversed... if someone had to be the one to take him out, it was better that it was hijikata. even in this state, there's a flash of his memories of haven that passes through, a bitter memory of mitsunari catching him in his rasetsu form, and the vow he'd asked mitsunari to keep if he'd ever lost his mind. yeah, it was definitely better this way. definitely better it was hijikata with the full understanding of just how fucked up it all was to be the one to put an end to his life.
it's not like it's really the end, anyway. that's not how it works in these places, not where death is some arbitrary existence that has no permanence. life and death have lost their meaning in this state, and though his more rational side would see full well that it still has plenty of lasting effects on them if nothing more than through physical scars and psychological trauma, he's still not quite there. he's still unhinged enough that he can only see the parts instead of the whole
and that's why he lets out a weak and pained laugh even as the sword plunges straight through his chest. it hurts. it's an unfathomable amount of pain.]
Really... the hardest... [his words come out in a weak and breathless hiss. it takes a lot to muster up the strength to even say that much one he's been run through. it's the last of his consciousness and his will power. it's a last bit of defiance and bitterness as the world begins to blur and fade. his body begins to slump, strength leaving him as the white flickers away and fades back to its normal shades.
if he has to die, it's better this way. somehow, it hurts his pride a lot less, even if that means hurting hijikata a whole hell of a lot more. but maybe somehow, souji knows that he'll have to pay that forward to hijikata one day, in a place like this one where everything's a mess and the deaths "don't matter."]