The Zettai Karen Children Christmas Special

[good_ideas]

Who: Sannomiya Shiho (good_ideas), Akashi Kaoru (queenofminiskirts, Andy Hinomiya (lapdogged), and Hyoubu Kyousuke (espersions)
When: December 25th, ~7pm
Where: Shiho and Kaoru's apartment
What: The obligatory Christmas special, with a barely edible "dinner", pseudo-family bonding times, and of course, the obligatory canine companion. And possibly violence, lolicons, and misuse of psychic powers. As well as a wombat cybuddy that's been programmed to attack all human males.
Rating/Warning: PG-13



[Shiho had a good idea of what had prompted Kaoru to decide to have a Christmas dinner. But she did know what had prompted her to ask Andy and that lolicon to come by like she actually wanted them there or anything....

She blamed Christmas.

As befitting of the season, there's a tree up in a corner of their one-bedroom apartment, wreathed in paper chains with an origami star taped to the top (an easy task with an esper around). Any presents have long been unwrapped, but a huge, chubby and still unnamed wombat is sitting comfortably on the couch with a good vantage point of the door in case anyone of a male and human persuasion walked through the door. (Shiho insists that he's a big softie, really.)

....the smell of something burnt is wafting from the kitchen which is always the indication that this is going to be a great Christmas.]

Comments

[good_ideas]

A.
[The good thing about being in a house full of espers, was that Shiho felt totally justified and comfortable in picking up the still unnamed human male-destroying wombat and tossing him at the nearest person.

Catch!]

B.
[Shiho had seen the pictures of what the food was supposed to look like. What they actually had on their plates were piles of odd blackened meat (??) and vegetables (???) that had charred in places. She looks at the food silently before she picks up her fork, braving the first bite.

And of course, she eats it without complaint. For one, her best friend had made it. Besides, it was full of the kind feelings and the epic struggle Kaoru had gone through in the kitchen. The feelings were delicious even if the actual food was best described as ash and salt and strange crunchy bits that seemed to be eggshells.

Hey, eggshells meant extra calcium, right?

She chews as she looks at how her table-mates are faring and whether or not they'd benefit from seconds and thirds and fourths.]

B

[espersions]

[ He had a feeling this was going to happen. It's not an new experience actually because he has had to eat Mio's cooking. She went through a phase where she wanted to cook for him, and would sit and make sure he ate everything.

(She also wanted to wash his underwear, the hell? Kids these days...

that's Magi's job, anyway. )

In any case this is how he has perfected the art of discreetly teleporting small pieces of food from his fork to the nearest potted plant. Or, in this case, to Andy's plate. Sorry Andy.

He notices that Shiho is looking at him, and he smiles back. ]

Enjoying your dinner, Empress?

[good_ideas]

[She smiles back, popping another piece of mystery meat into her mouth, swallowing those feelings and ignoring the taste. Her tone is friendly and conversational, at least...]

Don't call me Empress, you pervert.

[The least he could do for them inviting him to dinner is to not talk to her ok. And since he obviously seemed to be enjoying his dinner...she scrapes more of the appetizer onto his plate.]

1/3

[espersions]

[ eye TWITCH!!! ]

Don't —

[espersions]

[ waaaaait a second...


This could work out in his favor, just like it did with Kaoru. ]

[espersions]

[ With difficulty, he rearranges his features into a less seriously annoyed expression and says, silkily: ]

I'll stop calling you Empress if you'll stop calling me "pervert."

[ And this is Shiho, so he adds straight away: ]

Or "lolicon."

[ And he has experience with people gaming the rules (FUJIKO), ergo: ]

Or any other synonym, variant, or similar epithet or phrase.

[good_ideas]

[His less annoyed expression and silky tone make her click her tongue in annoyance. She was sure she'd nearly had him that time.

And now he was trying to negotiate....she scrapes the entire plate of appetizers onto his plate first.]

And what are you going to call me if it isn't "Empress"?

[.......because the thought of him calling her "Shiho" was just.
No.]

1/3

[espersions]

[ He parks his elbows on the table, laces his fingers together and rests his chin upon them, gazing at her. His eyes do flick down when she scrapes all of the appetizers onto his plate... ]

[espersions]

[ They're burnt to a crisp, like everything else, but somehow manage to be green and oozing some sort of clear, viscous....



URGH is that moving????? ]

[espersions]

[ yeah he'll kill it later okay? For now the most important thing is to gaze into the Empress's eyes in a completely not-creepy manner and ask: ]

What would you like me to call you?

B - I am terribly sorry for the super late tagging, RL got me

[lapdogged]

[Shiho will see Andy very carefully prodding and poking at the "food" on his plate with a fork, as if hoping that something slightly edible looking would be hiding beneath the charred and blackened pieces of... whatever it was supposed to be. Alas, his search was in vain. Ruined food all the way down to the plate]

...

[He glanced up at Hyoubu, then at Shiho, looking strangely resigned (he'd have to eat it, he knew he would), before back down to his plate. He frowned. Huh, somehow his plate looked fuller than before. Must be his imagination (nope, it's Hyoubu. Thanks, you damn esper).

Well, may as well get this over with. Surely it can't be worse than the poisoned stew Hyoubu fed him that one time, right? With this optimistic thought, Andy took a bite of what he was presuming to be a bit of vegetable - immediately, he made a very quiet, odd noise in the back of his throat, every scrap of willpower he possessed dedicated towards maintaining a neutral expression. Must. Not. Offend. Espers. At. The. Table.

But still, he couldn't help but mutter, in a very quietly pained voice;]

...the poisoned stew was...

[Much. Much. Much better]

It's fine, no worries!

[good_ideas]

[WOW rude

Almost as if she didn't hear his pained voice (she did though), she goes to give him more of the mystery meat and what she knows was an attempt at mashed potatoes. (A charred mass of crunchy raw potato bits and burned butter.)]

It's good, right? Eat some more.

[lapdogged]

[He wants to go home]

R-Right. Yeah.

[Has anyone ever looked so unenthusiastic about something ever? He stared at the 'mashed potatoes' as if half-expecting it to rear up and bite him, and prodded it with his fork, before slowly pushing it around his plate. Man, what he would do for Gilliam to stick his ugly head in through the window right now...]

It's.........

[... he couldn't even attempt to lie about how nice it looked. He just stared at Shiho with the face of a man begging for mercy. Spare him, Shiho. Save him]

[good_ideas]

[No mercy for anyone who wouldn't eat Kaoru's food.

She recognizes that face as someone who thinks she's going to help them. Too bad she's a sadist though.

Shiho props her head on her hands and gives him the sweetest smile she can muster up, determined to make him either beg out loud for mercy or to clean that whole plate off.]

What? You don't want me to have to feed you, do you?

[lapdogged]

[He'd prefer getting (non-fatally) shot, to be honest, but he wisely didn't say this aloud. His pleading expression became pained, and his gaze dropped to his plate as if gripped by the urge to simply flip it off the table.

Right, he's reshuffling his mental list on the most dangerous of his associates. Move aside, Hyoubu, you've been replaced by motherfucking Kaoru and her cooking]

No, that'd be weird. [He lowered his fork, sitting back in his seat] I'm just... not very hungry right now...

[He eyed the nearby window. Could he make it? Could he honestly do a rapid, overly dramatic escape? He'll have to deal with the inevitable fallout of actually fleeing the dinner table, but that would be future!Andy's problem, not his]

A

[queenofminiskirts]

[Kaoru did not expect to have a wombat flying at her, but she manages to catch it with a squawk.]

Shiho!

[She was kind of moping about the failed dinner here! But the wombat nuzzles her and, okay, this is probably nicer than her moping over her failures. Still!]

[good_ideas]

[This wombat is probably the best present ever if it had come from Minamoto. As it was though, Shiho still likes it a whole lot because it was the snuggliest creature they'd ever encountered and because it wasn't a real animal that needed feeding.

She laughs as Kaoru catches it, coming over to pet the creature on the head.]

Nice catch, Kaoru-chan!

[queenofminiskirts]

I can't believe you actually threw him! [She's laughing though.]

[good_ideas]

Well, we both knew you'd catch him, right?

[The wombat nuzzles back into Shiho's hand before nosing against Kaoru's cheek.]

[queenofminiskirts]

Of course~. What kind of irresponsible pet owner would just let her giant wombat fall?

[She giggles as the wombat noses against her cheek and she squeezes him more securely.]

Forever late

[queenofminiskirts]

A: Setting Up

[Kaoru could have taken the food out all at once. But she's kind of embarrassed of what she's produce so she's just...taking the stuff out one at a time. Please don't ask her what this black mass that she's carrying out on this platter is supposed to be.

And if you offer to help, well. She won't say no, but you should probably stay out of the kitchen. No, really. Don't go in there.

Needless to say, she is a bit quiet right now.]


B: You're going to eat that, right?

[Okay, so the food looks terrible. But...but maybe it won't taste so bad?

She's trying to surreptitiously see what you all think. But this is Kaoru, we're talking about, it wouldn't be hard to catch her staring.]

A

[good_ideas]

Kaoru-chan....

[She looks at the plate that Kaoru's bringing out.....placing her hand on Kaoru's wrist.]

Spaghetti, huh.

[She couldn't tell by just looking at it. Sorry.]

[queenofminiskirts]

[Kaoru just looks at her food glumly.]

...I don't know what happened. It looked so easy when he did it on the show...

[good_ideas]

Maybe next time you should ask to borrow a pot?

[That way Shiho could help a little bit.

......at least the pasta will be delicious. Though she might attempt to poison Hyoubu's portion.]

[queenofminiskirts]

But...[She's still looking down. It isn't that she doesn't want Shiho's help, it's just that...] I wanted to do this for you. Just like how Minamoto does it...