« 005 ⇢ event005.exe »

[reparator]

Who: CERES & you
When: IC: 10/04 | OOC: 11/15
Where: ViViD & McCERES
What: Intro Log
Rating/Warning: PG-13 | slightly nsfw

//event005.EXE Learning is Fundamental! Let's play CERESLearn ViViD's usual worlds are unfortunately down for maintenance. While CERES' programmers work on getting it back up and running, all new entrees this round will be going through a different level than usual. Only a single world is accessible at the moment, a simple one entitled 'CERESLearn.' "What the $%@& is this?" you must be thinking. Well, it's simple! It's a study program, of course! CERES' advanced AI technology is here to make sure you learn and that you learn sexily. Whether or not you pay attention to the actual content is up to you, the player. Please enjoy it while it lasts. They're here to teach you a variety of subjects and also to make you feel vaguely uncomfortable all over. New arrivals and those logging into ViViD will first find themselves in a classroom with a new operator greeting them rather than Vidia. "Greetings and welcome to Cerealia! It's nice of you to join us at last. As you can see, we're just about to get started! Here are the instructions: ♥ Choose your subject of choice. They include things like medicine, math, CERES economics, CERES history, fun facts about Julius, engineering, and science! ♥ Choose your tutor. You can hire Astor, Hilda, or UN-Zippy ♥ They'll teach you slowly, deliberately, sensually. Then after that, they'll drill you hard and without stopping. ♥ Just when you think you've had enough, they'll quiz you all over until you're sweating and panting. ♥ For those of you who pass, you'll be welcomed well into Cerealia and be given a free voucher for a McCERES Mildly Content meal. Please enjoy!"

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ xxxx ] Once you choose your lesson and your tutor, you will be transported to a classroom where you and a few other players who decide to choose the same lesson will sit with your tutor after school, getting knowledge taught to you by someone who seems more intent on learning what's under your clothes than filling your head with knowledge. They will be awkwardly stretching, dropping pencils by 'accident' on the floor, and bending down slowly to pick them up. Certain things might be spilling out of their clothes. Awkward things. They will breathe down your neck and make sure you are well-versed in their anatomy by the end of the lesson. Fortunately, it won't last long as their bodies start to flicker erratically. PHASE II [ xxxx ] Just as things begin to escalate, the flickering will grow intense until your tutor will start to morph before your eyes. What takes their place is something that is anything but friendly. And yes, it will continue to breathe down your neck and speak in a sweet, soft, alluring voice while reaching out with its 'hands' to try and touch you. This will be your cue to run through the halls of the school while That Thing chases you in every single direction imaginable. There will be others joining you as everyone starts bolting out of their classrooms. PHASE III [ xxxx ] Feeling tired already? Well, don't stop and rest now! For those who successfully murder their own tutor, they will get their food voucher and a lovely welcome into CERES. You've officially passed! Everyone will be allowed to mingle around the game room in the CERES Research Tower before being directed into McCERES just across the street. For those who were already in the colony, you will also receive a voucher and directions to McCERES at the end of the game in case you want to go meet up with the newcomers there or just eat some artery-killing fast food. PHASE IV [ xxxx ] For those who get eaten by That Thing or don't pass their quizzes and upset their tutors, they will be forced to endure the Price of Failure. This means being sent to the gym with the other 'failures' to endure a painfully slow and erotic striptease by UN-Zippy. Once that is over, they will then be logged out and allowed to have their complimentary McCERES voucher. BONUS [ whyo'clock ] Congratulations on surviving CERESLearn! Here's your complimentary voucher for a free Mildly Content Meal at McCERES. This month's special is also the McKnight Burger. Characters are immediately invited to take a load off and enjoy some good ol' fashion fast food of questionable origin. Those who decide to order and eat here will also get a special toy included inside their Mildly Content Meals. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's latest intro post. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's usual arrival experience (which is not entirely applicable this round for reasons stated above^) and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[harepiece]

People haven't talked about it? [THE INFORMATION SYSTEM HERE IS SO QUESTIONABLE but Oz doesn't blame people for it, assuming there are probably bigger things to be worrying about day to day if this sort of arrival is the norm.]

But I'll do that... Thanks. It sounds like it isn't going to be as easy as filing a complaint, either way. [He glances back over toward the burger joint while speaking, somewhat absentminded, but then shakes his head as if to clear the topic for the time being.]

Even that's good to know, though. I think I have a better idea of what to expect here.

[foodcritic]

Not to me.

[but why would they really talk to elle about it? she's a kid, and even she knows that's pretty much the whole reason why. they want to protect her from a lot of the bad (even if she can handle it) and the things that will undoubtedly go over her head.]

It's all pretty weird, but it's not that bad most of the time. But I guess when it's bad, it's pretty bad, you know?

[harepiece]

[And then there's Oz, proponent of telling kids more than they should likely know, just because he thinks it's (usually) worse to withhold things due to age. That's something that's come back to bite him once or twice, though...]

Even a little bad isn't good... [Words Of Wisdom™, truly. But hey! At least it isn't filled with murder. Yet.]

—But I guess that isn't a great topic, huh? You've been a lot of help! I know that you probably won't need it, but if you ever want help for anything in return, I'll do what I can right away!

[foodcritic]

[at this point, she could probably handle a little murder talk. she's already seen quite a few dead bodies. and people killed right in front of her. not that she really wants to remember it, but she'd handle it better now than a few months ago.]

My daddy always said that it was good to help people who need it, especially if other people helped you first. AndI got a lot of that when I first got here... so I guess I can accept your offer if there's something I ever need, too. [she folds her arms over her chest and her cheeks flush a bit. she doesn't really want to admit that she's glad she was able to help someone out; it makes her feel useful.

especially when he's not totally looking down on her or not taking her seriously because she's a kid. stuff like that is important.]

[harepiece]

[THAT'S A TRAGEDY but luckily Oz usually tries to spare younger kids from murder talk unless it's absolutely necessary... Granted he probably makes up for the dry spells by being indelicate WHOOPS.

But that's a good thing to hear, and he nods once in definite agreement.]

He sounds like a pretty smart guy! [The world, he thinks, would be a very nice place if everyone thought that way.]

I'm glad, though; don't forget, okay? Even if it's just something like being hungry but not feeling like cooking or spending money! I know how to make instant oatmeal really well now. [He sounds so... proud.....]

[foodcritic]

[sorry, oz... she's not exactly impressed by instant oatmeal though. which is kind of what happens when you've got a picky kid on your hands whose caretaker is actually an amazing cook.]

Instant oatmeal? That's not really cooking though. [maybe you should take lessons, bro. also, it's totally not the point here at all but she gets a little stuck on it because she isn't sure that's something to actually be proud of.]

[harepiece]

[The struggle of knowing Truly Good Food... But as a dumb noble who hasn't ever really had to prepare things for himself until recently, and also a Ye Olde who has no experience with modern stoves, he is totally proud. He will take this misplaced pride to the grave!!]

It is! You have to use those weird stoves and everything! [Or the microwave, but Oz is not yet brave enough to make an attempt.] You can add fruits or spices, too - that's definitely cooking!

[foodcritic]

What's so weird about stoves?

[truly, she's asking the most important question here. sure, she still doesn't really agree that adding stuff to instant oatmeal is actually cooking... but whatever. she's never met anyone who thought a stove was weird.]

[harepiece]

[No he hates showing his ye oldeness... DON'T LOOK AT HIM, NEW FRIEND.]

They aren't wood-burning here...! It took a long time to get used to the gas ones back at the park and now these ones are just— knobs.

[foodcritic]

But a stove is still a stove. It's not really that much different, is it?

[she really doesn't get the big deal here. granted, she doesn't know the finer points in different kinds of stoves either, considering all the ones back home were powered by spyrix or spirits. but hey, she's eight.]

[harepiece]

[That would be even more confusing. There is also no good way of explaining that he's never touched a stove until like a week ago either, so he just lapses into a vaguely embarrassed silence before APPARENTLY DECIDING ON SOMETHING, shifting to set his hands on his hips with determination instead.]

If you think that, then I'll learn how to cook more things on it! It can't be that hard to learn.

[He has set teabags on fire before. Inflammable teabags. He's gonna die.]

[foodcritic]

I guess I'll just have to be the judge of whether or not it's edible then, huh?

[she's already pretty skeptical that he'll be able to do that much. he's got a lot of competition on his hands, because she knows the best cooks in the world!! ...at least by her standard. it's hard to live up to.]

[harepiece]

[Now he is Shonen Determined™, so she better prepare herself... now his undying enthusiasm is going to end in a flood of burnt food.]

Then I'll make sure that it is! Just give me enough time to get used to the kitchen here and I'll come make something for you right away.

[foodcritic]

Well... if you say so. I guess I can give you a little leeway first.

[isn't she totally generous? even if it's futile because it's going to be awful no matter how long it takes.]

[harepiece]

[It seems to be generous enough to placate this nerd, at least.]

Good! You won't regret it! [Famous Last Words™.] ...What sort of thing do you like to eat, anyway?

[foodcritic]

I'm not really picky. Just don't put any tomatoes in it, got it?

[she does have favorites, but they are reserved for certain people to make. otherwise? she's not very particular. as long as it tastes good.]

[harepiece]

No tomatoes? That's fine. [A nod; he's already planning out what to make, even though like 99% of the things that he thinks up are... desserts... The side-effect of having a horrible sweet tooth.]

I'll come find you again as soon as I have something good!

[foodcritic]

[she won't say no to desserts. as long as they're not tomato cupcakes (why is this a thing, xillia-verse).]

Okay, but don't take too long. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, you know. [elle, where you even get these things from...]

[harepiece]

[wh... no.... no Oz would never desecrate a dessert with tomato, at least. AT LEAST HE CAN DO THAT.]

Cooking is serious business in the end, isn't it? [DOG-EAT-DOG KITCHEN.] I won't, I won't! I'll be a top tier chef before you know it!

[Or he'll bully Gilbert into holding his hand through the entire process, BOTH WORK.]

[foodcritic]

I think I'll be the judge of that one!

[which sounds pretty serious, but she may be stifling back a giggle. this is kind of fun for her.]

[harepiece]

Then I hope you have scorecards ready! Make sure you have the highest one on hand.

[No... no one needs this... But Oz is quite pleased to be able to make someone laugh, so even if he makes something horrible and she bans him from every kitchen, he'll consider it a success.]

[foodcritic]

You're pretty confident for someone who's really proud of oatmeal, you know.

[he's definitely getting banned from the kitchen, but until she's eaten the pandora hearts equivalent of mystery food x, she'll have a little fun with it in her own way.]

[harepiece]

[Luckily, coming from a place where somehow everyone knows how to cook and anyone who doesn't is kitchen-banned, she will probably not suffer through anything too traumatic.]

It's a good starting point! [He will argue this to his dying breath...] And it's really tasty if you make it the right way! And filling. And warm.

[These things had all been very important when they were stuck in crappy murder barracks...]

[foodcritic]

Just because it's tasty doesn't mean it's hard to make, though. Oatmeal is as simple as it gets!

[probably. granted, she doesn't eat a lot of oatmeal, but that's because her dad and ludger both usually went all out for every meal. oatmeal was reserved for usually just days when they're rushing and can't really waste a lot of time cooking.]

[harepiece]

There are probably some things that are more simple than oatmeal. ...Toast!

[don't sound so proud of yourself oz]