semi-open

[cardboard_journalism]

Who: cardboard_journalism & the people around her
When: February 7th, morning
Where: Different places around Cerealia
What: Myriam Scuttlebutt's newspaper, 6th edition!
Rating/Warning: (possibly some PG content?)

---

[ February 7th, the week wasn't quite as dramatic as previous, but there was still more than enough stories to fill the paper, and as published, editor, reporter, and sole delivery-woman, it was Myriam Scuttlebutt's job to make sure it was written, printed, bundled, and handed out to the various businesses and anywhere else that would stock it around Cerealia! And if that failed, she'd just hand it out to any yokel who passed through her line when she stood at the counter later at the School Supply Store. ]



A. OTA

[ Myriam Scuttlebutt, wearing her cardboard box, carries a stack of bundles of The Cerealia Times newspaper in a cardboard box on a hand-truck.

But, wait, what's this? She misjudged a curb on the sidewalk and all the copies of the paper tumble off onto the ground! She screamed as if shot. ]

"Noo!!"

[ Followed by quick scrambling to get them back onto the truck ]

"You all right? Don't worry, I won't let anyone hurt ya..."



B. OTA

[ Myriam Scuttlebutt, wearing her cardboard box, sits behind a register at the School Supply Store she works at. She rings people up blandly and then energetically tries to offer them a copy of the paper. ]



C. Either/or!

[ No interaction with Scuttlebutt herself, just read the paper and post your own reaction wherever they may be! Maybe leave her a comment on her inbox or go track her down to complain with another prompt. The paper can definitely be found at Archer's food-stand, Thistle Do Nicely flower-tea shop, The Little Sister cosplay cafe, the Arcade, and the Opera House. ]

---

[ It looks, feels, and smells, like a newspaper, and the top above-the-fold part of the paper reads as follows ]




"do you know how hard i work"

Date: February 7th, ? year. Price: Free



AN OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE!
byline: Leia Rolando

FEBRUARY 07|

LOVE IS IN THE AIR. Cerealians who signed up with resident matchmaker Mabel Pines would soon find themselves paired up with their mysterious ideal date, in honor of the upcoming Valentine's Day: a holiday dedicated to love and romance. From morning to afternoon on the fifth and sixth, these lovebirds could be identified through their color-coded name-tags that they used to find each other in various assigned parts of the city: from the food stalls, to various cafes and restaurants of different cultures: the Italian Tomato, Big Daddy's, Top Dog, and more!

What could possibly go wrong? There were allegedly a number of participants who claimed they did NOT sign up at all, and were mistakenly paired with no polite way to decline. While it may be too soon to say who was the cause, multiple victim accounts seem to suggest multiple culprits.

If you missed your chance for romance, don't fret! The true holiday falls on February 14th of every year. A month from then, March 14th, is also considered White Day in select cultures, where male recipients who received a gift on Valentine's are encouraged to return the gesture.

Editor's note: this is not an official advertisement, endorsement or recommendation for any of the above named businesses.

[ The below-the-fold is a chart that lists who participated in the blind date and who they were matched up with and where. (Actual details of what happened on the date are not included.) ]

"Chart by Inaba."

Kagemitsu and Mia	Ryouga and Akashi	Ai Thao and Edgeworth	Taroutachi and Turkey
Tadashi and Milla	Nonon and Cyrus	Butch and Katsura	Kashuu and Atem
Roxy and Jaune	Jade and Manfred	Dotanuki and Masamune	Yogi and Shishou
Trucy and Leon	Hawke and Larry	Aura and Oona	Sousei and Kevin
Peko and Soramaru	Myriam and Shiho	Lapis and Phoenix	Gongenzaka and Ruca
Zara and Gintoki	Jungo and Haru	Rasu and Labrador	England and Chibi
Fuyuhiko and Veronica	Jaco and Nagasone	IV and Pearl	Vector and Yuto
Rio and Leia	Cain and Gundam	Weiss and Trunks	Integra and Ricther
Mizael and Patchouli	Rock Lee and Maya	Kousetsu and Souji	Levi and Wolfwood

Local delinquent Ryuko Matoi still arrested.
byline: Myriam Scuttlebutt

Local delinquent Ryuko Matoi who was previously denied any visitors has reportedly been permitted to communicate with select friends and partners, but an official request by the press was still denied. Ryuko was reportedly "angry" with her treatment, but offered no defense for her supposed actions.

Ryuko Matoi was arrested January 30th for causing widespread property damage, attacking police, and causing at least one decapitation with her telltale weapon the "scissor blade." No trial is yet scheduled but we at The Cerealia Times caution that everyone is innocent until proven guilty by a competent judge presiding over a trial put on by competent prosecutor and defense attorneys.

[ Next page is Obituaries. ]



Whoever Ryuko decapitated.
byline: Myriam Scuttlebutt

The Cerealia Times has confirmed that the unnamed person decapitated by Ryuko Matoi has in fact expired to all best knowledge. Their identity has yet to been released. Judging by anonymous reports, they probably were capable of defending themselves.

[ Next page is Local News. ]



Local pirates find their way of life threatened!
byline: Myriam Scuttlebutt

Upon being relocated, not all relocated have adapted well to life in Cerealia. Unemployment especially reigns high among a specific group: pirates.

That is, not digital software pirates, but 'yo ho ho', bottle of rum, sailing on the open seas pirates.

Local pirate Zoro, Captain's second of the Straw Hat Pirates, with a bounty of a hundred and twenty million, reported some positives of life here:

"Even if there were Marines here, my bounty isn't worth a [expletive deleted] thing here so there's no reason to hide."

"I don't got a lot I need to buy." stated Zoro, as he asked this reporter for directions on where to buy a type of sash called a haramaki.

In his spare time, he enjoys sparring against strong people, but holds no actual job. He lives off the kind donations of "a crewmate".

Howabout that, folks? Isn't CERES responsible for providing the relocated reasonable employment? This reporter calls on new employment standards to address this problem!

[ "Weather: Darn cold. Air quality: not-the-best." ]



[ There's a section titled: "MUSIC". In it, space has been allocated to Jakuzure Nonon. A photo of her conducting is here.

The article, byline Nonon Jakuzure, suggests "Orpheus in the Underworld" to the reader, written in a somewhat impatient style that the piece is part of an operetta based on the classic Greek myth of Orpheus attempting to rescue their lover Eurydice from Hades and how this was "actually a good idea," and only failed because the gods "cheated," before trailing off into angry sentences about "...no way is that happening again." ]



[ Next section is:

HOROSCOPES: by Myriam Scuttlebutt (temporarily).

♈ Aries (3/21 - 4/19); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♉ Taurus (4/20 - 5/20); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♊ Gemini (5/21 - 6/21); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♋ Cancer (6/22 - 7/22); Watch out for people with false intentions!

♌ Leo (7/23 - 8/22); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♍ Virgo (8/23 - 9/22); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♎ Libra (9/23 - 10/22); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♏ Scorpio (10/23 - 11/21); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♐ Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♑ Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♒ Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times.

♓ Pisces (2/19 - 3/20); You should read the top stories of the Cerealia Times. ]



[Next section is:

Love Advice ♥ with Miss Maggie

Miss Maggie's article does not appear this week. Please submit more questions for love advice for Miss Maggie!

[ there's a note that requests for love advice can be submitted anonymously or not to Myriam Scuttlebutt's inbox. ]



[ Next section is labeled: "Letters to the Editor"

No letters were submitted this week. We welcome all opinions regarding The Cerealia Times and other current events. Let us know your opinions!

For the record, The Cerealia Times is free! F - R - E - E ! If someone attempted to charge you money for this paper, they were attempting to rob you! The paper is always free! —So, stop accusing me of trying to get more newspaper sales!

-Editor, Myriam Scuttlebutt." ]



[ The next section is titled:

"GOSSIP"

There is a simple note that says:

"Miss Tattler's column does not appear this week." ]



[ Next page is dedicated to "Missing Persons" and reads as follows:

"An unverified person styling themselves "Lord" Cain C. Hargreaves is searching for his butler, a mister Riff Raffit. He is described as "quite tall, broad-shouldered, with fair hair and blue eyes, probably wearing a well-pressed suit in blue or gray. He's left-handed, strongly built and maddeningly altruistic."

Riff Raffit is of such reportedly high character he is likely to be seen "...rescuing a kitten from a tree, aiding a gentlewoman with her garden or teaching underprivileged children how to box." Any reports should be addressed to "Lord" Cain C. Hargreaves. No reward has been offered for this information. Mr. Hargreaves has expressed that as his employer, he is considering docking Mr. Raffit's paycheck."

"Friends are searching for beloved pillar of the community Apollo Justice, pictured here: . Mr. Justice has been missing since yesterday morning and various persons are just worried sick about him. Please report all information to Athena Cykes."

"Local Rock Lee is searching for several missing people:

Sakura Haruno
Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear
Rin Tohsaka

Anyone with information is directed to contact Mr. Lee at..." [and there's a link to Rock Lee's inbox written out.] ]



[ Below is a box which reads: "Want to print a message in The Cerealia Times? We print announcements, statements, job advertisements, etc! Contact..." (and there's a text reading of the link to Scuttlebutt's inbox.) ]



[ The following positions are listed:

Publisher: Myriam Scuttlebutt
Editor: Myriam Scuttlebutt
Lead Reporter: Leia Rolando
Reporter: Myriam Scuttlebutt
Reporter: Inaba Himeko
Photojournalist: Myriam Scuttlebutt
Correspondent: Myriam Scuttlebutt
Gossip columnist: Miss Tattler
Music columnist: Nonon Jakuzure
Horoscopes: Pearl Fey
Love Advice columnist: Miss Maggie

It specifies that letters to the editor can be delivered in person to Myriam Scuttlebutt. (No details of where or who she is.) ]



[ Another blurb reads: "Story sources and employees wanted! Inquire at..." (and there's a text reading of the link to Scuttlebutt's inbox.) ]



[ A final blurb reads: "Did we get it wrong? If you wish to correct a factual statement, leave your correction at..." (and there's a text reading of the link to Scuttlebutt's inbox.) ]

Comments

A!

[serving_love]

[Ambling along on his way home from work because SOME PIRATES ACTUALLY DO WORK GOSH, his usual cigarette dangling from his lips, when he sees Myriam stumble and watches all her newspapers scatter across the ground. He's by her side half a second later, stooping to help pick them up. No idea what the hell the box is about, but he'd never not help a lady!]

Oi, oi, you okay, Miss??

[Reaches for one of the papers that has fallen open to a certain article, and then pauses as the name sprinkled throughout it catches his eye.

Which is about when it clicks just which newspaper this is, and he abruptly scowls.]

How the hell does that idiot keep ending up in this thing?

[cardboard_journalism]

Kahk kahk kahk... other than spilling my life's work on the ground, I'm fine!

[she wasted no time hauling stacks back to the cart with a deep groan of "hurrrrgg" every time she exerted herself]

Oh, see someone you know? Sss, sss, sss.

[serving_love]

Yeah, this dumbass.

[Points to the article about local pirates being unemployed, quickly skimming it before handing the paper back to Myriam with a light snort.]

Kind donations, indeed...

[Sanji just feeds the guy, but he'd do that for anyone.]

Second shitty time he's been in there. Anyway—

[He beams suddenly, straightening up and offering his free hand to Myriam, his other arm full of newspapers.]

Guess this is one way to meet someone! The name's Sanji.

[cardboard_journalism]

[she took a glance to see which article he pointed to]

So, that'd make you the other crewmate, I s'pose? Sss, sss, sss!

[she wouldn't take the arm, she's not on the ground, just trying to lift things]

Name's Myriam Scuttlebutt: Ace Reporter! As well as editor. Among other things.

[serving_love]

[NOT ONE TO BE DETERRED!!! He'll just fold that extended arm back across his stomach as he swoops forward into a bow.]

Pleasure to meet you, Myriam-chan~! And yep, that'd be me.

[Straightens again, jutting a thumb at himself with a goofy grin.]

World class chef and cook of the Straw Hat Pirates, at your service! [A beat.] See, I actually have a job. I ain't a shitty deadbeat like that guy.

[He holds the rest of the newspapers out for her to take, brow furrowing slightly.]

Ah...mind if I ask -- what's with the box?

[Might be a good thing she's wearing it, though. Not being able to properly see her keeps him from going full on ridiculous spaz.]

C

[swordboning]

[Archer, as usual, was by his foodstand. When she dropped off the papers, he picked up one to read it. Again, as usual.

But after reading the top stories, he spoke up.]

Newspaper girl, what if I told you that Ryuko's arrest is a miscarriage of justice and I could prove it?

[cardboard_journalism]

[the first response would be the 'click' of her tape recorder and the 'flip-flip' of her notepad]

I'd say, "Keep talking, Archer!"

[swordboning]

Let's put it like this. Would you say that the biggest piece of evidence here is the existence of her scissor blade and the fact that she's the only person in possession of one?

[cardboard_journalism]

Well sure. And that it looks like Ryuko. The photograph proves that! Doesn't it...?

[swordboning]

Any idiot can photoshop an image and edit videos. Especially in this entirely digital era. No, the only solid evidence they have is her weapon as it's the only one here.

[codere]

[ Rin, who normally ignores people on a daily basis and doesn't bother to pick up a paper herself to read this time, will just perk up whenever he mentions Ryuko's arrest. ]

Ehh? What did that loud mouth do to get herself into trouble with the law? [ Also reaching over to grab something to snack on. He's made a plate full of stuff for her, right?? ]

[swordboning]

Murder, destruction, and various other things.

[Shrugging.]

That idiot may be an idiot but she's not the type to harm innocents in the slightest.

[codere]

She did try to kill you. Ughh... but you're going to tell me I misunderstood that situation so fine.

What proof do you have that she wouldn't go around attacking innocents?

C

[codere]

[ Most likely there to catch up with her after she's done speaking with Archer near his food cart. ]

H-Hey! I need to talk to you.

[ ...but anyone else is free to notice she's not missing any longer since she's outdoors with her Servant slash boyfriend slash cook. ]

[cardboard_journalism]

[she probably still has her hand-truck but with much fewer papers left by this point] [she'd obligingly bring it to a stop to talk with her]

Oh, if it isn't my favorite source. What can I do fer ya, Rin? Sss, sss, sss.

[codere]

You know I'm not a missing person, right? [ Seeing as she's right here in the flesh. ] What I did was intentional to see if I could discover anything new in the tutorial process.

More importantly, I did some digging for another person here in regards to Elias Segej. Though I think it's outdated news seeing as something happened while I was out... geez, what all happened? Do you have an older issue or something that covers that?

[ She's a lot... easier to approach now and seems to be more easy going. AMNESIA SUCKS. Don't get it. ]

[cardboard_journalism]

Oh... sorry about that! I made it a policy to leave those up until the person who requested them contacts me. Sure, I'll just write myself a note to remove it next edition.

[she'd take out her notepad: "Rin Tohsaka is not missing"]

Elias Segej? ...I don't recognize the name. Who's that?

a.

[gossipboy]

[ JK ends up just... staring at her as she drops the magazines and everything. She has a BOX on her head! ]

Dude, are you so ugly you've gotta wear a box?

[ rude ]

Re: a.

[cardboard_journalism]

[WOW, excuse you, they are newspapers!!]

What? I'm no dude, dude!

...Anyway, what's it to you?

Re: a.

[gossipboy]

[ Same thing to him. He likes reading the glossy. ]

I dude everyone, FYI.

A guy's gonna wonder why a chick's out and about with a box on her head.

[cardboard_journalism]

Because I want to wear it, FYI, too!

[she'd start picking up the papers, wearing a box on one's head doesn't help one pick up newspapers very well, either]

A

[protectthecastle]

[Being on the other side of the road, Veronica is too late to try and catch Myriam but she crosses as soon as she's able and starts helping to pick up the scattered newspapers, trying to catch the ones that are drifting away. She does notice the box, but considers that of secondary importance.]

Are you alright?

[She pins a few more papers down with her hand.]

Re: A

[cardboard_journalism]

Kaaaahk! Who cares about me?! I'm trying to get my delivery back in order!

[she'd grab more for stacking, careful not to rip them]

[protectthecastle]

[She disagrees (and actually stops and stares), but decides that if they can get the delivery back in order then she can see if this person (in a box....) was really alright.

That being decided, Veronica helps to put the papers back in order as well as she can, making a neat stack and handing them to Myriam.]

[cardboard_journalism]

Oh... Thanks!

[Scuttlebutt wasn't going to turn down help. She'd gladly take the stacks and re-tie them for the cart.]