estoria | (closed)

Entry tags:

hokuto midou,
rasu

(closed)

Who: Rasu (creepface) and Midou Hokuto (smokingspirit)
When: 2/25
Where: The hospital
What: Rasu said some things after not sleeping for several days, and he can't take it back.
Warnings: Ridiculous. Mostly that.

Rasu has done everything to avoid Hokuto these last few days. Two full days of trying to avoid a guy you've just confessed to is a real chore, especially when he feels too guilty to stay away from the hospital. He has to be there to help restore it. But at least there's plenty of things to do.

The water's being drained in the showers, and he's mopped the floors until it's decently dry. But what to do with all these wet machines? He doesn't know anything about things like these. And besides, even though he might have crashed and slept for fifteen hours right after that energy that kept him up disappeared, he's not exactly feeling energized right now.

But he's keeping himself busy, paper towels in one hand where he's trying to dry off a CT scanner and trying even more to think about what exactly he told Hokuto. Oh god, his afterlife is over.

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Hokuto felt a little like that too at the moment. That is afterlife was over. It was the first time ever in his 140(+) years that he's been confessed to, and he had honestly never expected it to happen. Most of all because he happened to be a little bit of an ass. He was only nice to Rasu 24/7 because he could be a responsible superior and didn't want his subordinate and only other citizen of Sheol in this place.

But he couldn't let things go as they did the last time weird shit happened and made Hokuto want to screw the other man. Not that he wants to do that this time. ....he thinks. He's actually not sure what he is thinking of feeling or... whatever's going on. Still, he figured Rasu was at the hospital, and ended up wandering the corridors chewing on an unlit cigarette until he accidentally stumbled upon the room Rasu was in. He pause silently in the door, not sure if he should say anything or if he should just whut up and leave.

At first Rasu didn't notice Hokuto. He was too concentrated. But then he looked up as he was about to get new, dry paper standing on top of the machine. Then he spotted him, and ducked down for a moment. But then his head peeked up, his face bright red and uneasy. Was he going to tell him not to come close to him again now? He was fully prepared to be turned down, it was much more likely than being accepted.

He was, after all, not a very attractive or likeable man, nor was he popular in life or in death. "H... H...i..."

Hokuto really wished he had someone to ask for advise about this. Beyond his dad, though, he hadn't had anyone even in Sheol, and he wouldn't want to ask him either way. He'd much sooner punch Akito before asking for relationship advice. And he really wanted to hide too, but unlike Rasu, he couldn't, and it would probably seem weird if he did. Hokuto wasn't the type that hid from people.

Even if he really wanted to.

"...........hi..."

Peering over the edge of the machine, he stared at Hokuto with wide eyes, trying not to show how insecure he was feeling at the moment. That, in and of itself, was something that Rasu always had a difficult time with, and so he didn't do very well. There was worry in his eyes, and a hint of fear. He had only confessed to one person before, and while he had accepted him, so many other things got in the way.

He had no idea what to say. He couldn't very well say hi one more time, that would just make things even more awkward. So... he waited, hoping that if he was going to get turned down he would do it quickly.

So he had no idea what to say, or what to do. But he should say or do something, he knew that. They coudn't go running around being all awkward if they were going to continue living together. After finding a new place, of course.

Hokuto looked down at the ground, pulling his hat into his eyes, so at least part of his red face wasn't visible. "Um..." Words. "I... don't really..." He took a deep breath before he continued. "...know how to, um, react.... I've never..." Just tell him the tryth already. "Never been con-confessed to before or... been in a, uh, relationship so... I don't know....." He had stopped breathing again, so he had to force himself to take another breath. "Don't know what to do..."

Well, that was a start. It wasn't like Rasu would ever dream of laughing at anyone for something like that, especially since he had only been in one once, and besides, he wasn't the type to tease about things like that. "You- you're supposed to. T-turn me d-down."

It was what he expected. He didn't even know what he would do if he wasn't turned down. He was sure that Hokuto cared about him to some degree, but there was no way he would like him back.

"...Am I...." But one of the reasons that made this whole thing so hard for him - and there were others - was that he wasn't sure about that. He liked Rasu a fair bit. Sure, he was weird and awkward, and he had been really scared of Hokuto at first, and Hokuto had been weirded out by him a lot, and still got a bit weirded out by him, but he didn't really know at what level his 'like' for Rasu laid at. He fingered the crucifix around his neck uncertainly. For the love of God, what the hell was he supposed to do or say?

Well, of course he's supposed to turn him down. That's the only thing Rasu expects, to get a no. Maybe he won't think that he's gross or creepy for liking him, if he's lucky, but there couldn't be any way that he liked him the way Rasu liked Hokuto, right? He was sure of that, he wouldn't have confessed if he hadn't been so strange and tired while not being able to sleep. He had never confessed before, since his previous relationship hadn't exactly... happened in that way.

So he just... waits.

As if Hokuto has ever actually turned anyone down; he never really stuck around in life and he never showed any interest in Sheol besides one-night stands, and that has been firmly mentioned so he wouldn't have to deal with these sort of things. Not that he expected that he would be this embarrassed if the situation ever - despite his efforts and expectations - occurred. "I.. don't get it. I'm not, uhm, liking material." And he also really want tot smoke right now, but he's only chewing nervously at the filter.

If he smokes inside the hospital Rasu might actually get angry. It's very rare for him to get angry at someone, but that's something. Not all of the people in this place are dead like they are, nor is it safe for the machines and medical things.

And, well, Hokuto saying that doesn't exactly tell him if he likes him or not, and he really just wants to get this over with. If his heart is going to get broken he would have it be sooner rather than later. So taking a deep breath he ducks down to hide, but he speaks up none the less. "Just um- um tell m-me. Wh-what your. An-answer. Is. Please."

He's well aware of that, and he has hospital manners. He'll just do his best, and when he's outside he'll probably smoke an entire pack or two to calm down.

Hokuto is thinking that Rasu is equally helpful right now, to be honest. He runs a hand through his hair and tries to rub away his blush unsuccessfully. It just makes his cheeks redder with the friction. "I don't... I don't know. I'm confused."

Rasu has done as much as he can. He's confessed, he's told him how he feels, and there's not much more he can do other than wait for Hokuto's response. And he's pretty sure he won't be able to live in the same room as Hokuto while not knowing. It's already torture enough just having had to wait as long as he had. He sits behind the machine, curled up with his arms around his legs.

He doesn't know? "It's- it's ok-okay if you. T-turn me d-down." If he's trying to let him down gently, this was not the right way to go.

Rather than trying to let him down gently, how do you do it at all? He turns to the doorframe, and there's a slight thump when he drops his head against the frame. His fingernails digs into the sides of the frame, and the cigarette in his mouth bends between his teeth.

"I've never. Uhm. Done that before either."

If Rasu peeked at him he would think it looked like a sign of anger or frustration, and right now he just wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide until all his feelings went away and Hokuto had forgotten all about him. He hadn't felt so much for someone since before he died, and if he hadn't already been dead he was sure he would have died right here.

He hid his face against his knees. There's nothing he can say at this point. Hokuto is the one who has to say yes or no.

Really. Fucking. Unhelpful.

Hokuto stares at the wood of the frame, and he closes his eyes when he sees his nose and notices that he's starting to go a little crosseyed. "I think..." There's a very long pause as he tries to find a way to phrase it. And, more importantly, as he tries to figure out what the hell he feels. "I think that,um, I like you too but I... don't know how because I'm... not used to liking people."

What is he supposed to do? He can't tell Hokuto how to feel.

It's... closer. But it wasn't clear, and it wasn't, even more surprisingly, not an outright no. Maybe he meant it like he likes him but not like that? That would make more sense than him liking Rasu the same way Rasu liked him. "T-that is... W-what. K-kind of. L-like...?"

If he knew what kind of like he meant, he wouldn't be in this situation. Or at least he wouldn't have been so confused. "I don't know, I don't exactly have much to use as reference. I've only ever liked mom and dad, and most of the time I still want to punch dad in the face." And his mom he has not seen in over a century, and would never se again.

"O-oh..." That didn't really help them at all. He still wouldn't know what to make of it all, or be able to sleep in the same room as Hokuto. It was too nerve wracking, he wouldn't be able to sleep at all. It had been hard enough already, since he confessed, even though he had crashed before.

As if he didn't know that he was being just as helpful as Rasu. "So, um, I..." His nails dug deeper into the doorframe. "...don't know what so say.."

"I c-can't... t-tell you h-how. T-to. To f-feel..." He knew he was being kind of rude saying things like that, but he felt like he had to be daring right now.

"I know that." He slides down in a crouch, still leaning his head against the doorframe. "And I can't either."

That solves... nothing. Rasu hugs his legs tighter, a pathetic sight for anyone to see. A tall, skinny man with a mad blush on his face, looking like he's not far from tears. "T-then. W-wh-what- what do we. D-do?"

That's botho f them. It's not like Hokuto can see Rasu from his position. Or like he's looking at him. "I don't.. know." Run away? He's not going to run away but he still really wants to run away.

If he runs, it's not going to solve anything. But the one who has to do something right now is Hokuto. As he already told him, he can't tell him how to feel. Staying curled up, he tries waiting. At this point it's the only thing he can do.

He knows that, alright? He just wishes he had someone to ask about these sorts of things, and that he had some sort of reference. He hits his head repeatedly against the doorframe, trying to figure out what to say. He might be heard muttering things about confusion and stuff under his breath if Rasu listens closely.

He hears it, but he doesn't know what to do about it, so he stays where he is, silent. He doesn't even know what he should say at this point. He's laid himself out there, and doesn't want to do it again if it means not getting an answer this time either.

Rasu put them both in an awkward situations, and right now Hokuto really wishes Rasu had not said anything. "I don't..." Another long silence. "I don't think I'll mind but, um..." He buries his face against his knees, so his voice comes out muffled as he continues with a much lower voice. "I don't know anything about relationships so you'd... have to teach me....."

Rasu kind of wishes he didn't too. But he already hates himself so much of the time, he doesn't want to do it for this thing too. He leans his cheek against his knees, since he doesn't speak very loud and would probably be missed if he spoke right into his knees right now. "O-only if. You l-like me. Back..." He knows some people are together anyway, but he has never done that.

Only if you like me back he says, but that's the problem, isn't it? "I... like you, I just... don't really know in what way..." But he's willing to find out, if only for both of their sanity.

He isn't really sure if that is a good thing or not. But he's so used to being alone, that he isn't going to mind if Hokuto doesn't like him back the same way he does. Sure, it would probably be heart breaking if he doesn't end up liking him back, but it wouldn't kill him the way his last affair did.

"O...Okay." What is he supposed to say?

Well, at least Hokuto wouldn't run him out into the cold... An okay means... what though? He has never done this before, what does it mean? "So um... what... now?"

No. But his last boyfriend hadn't done that either. Even if he had done nothing to help, it had been his parents.

"I'm no-not. Sure... Are you my. B-boy-boyfriend...?" Or wasn't he? If he asked that and it meant he wasn't he would die of shame, hadn't he already been dead.

Hokuto's dad wouldn't do that either, if he had been around. Rather he would have taken him in, friendly as he was.

Okay, Hokuto isn't sure people can actually die from shame. They can die of fright, but shame, he's not so sure about. But either way... He nods. "I.. if you... if that's alright with you....."

"It-It is." Maybe he wouldn't die of shame in the literal sense, but Rasu had a way of beating himself up for many reasons. And something like that could certainly be added to that list.

To be fair, surprisingly, Hokuto knows how to beat himself up too. He just doesn't show it like Rasu does, he hides it. "So, um..." He picked at a thread on his shirt. "how does this work?" Rasu might not have much experience, but his one relationship was more than Hokuto's zero.

This is going to be... an interesting relationship. "We... u-um..." He doesn't know what a couple does aside from keeping themselves a secret. He had never gone on a date with his first, they had just done physical things where they wouldn't be found. "I d-don't know how. A r-real. Relationship is s-supposed to. B-be... like." Or one that wasn't seen as shameful and something to end as soon as it was found out.

For sure. Also one where both parties knows little or nothing about how a relationship works... But they don't have to keep this one a secret, at least. "Perhaps not, but you probably know more than I do."

"I on-only know about k-kissing and. S-s-se-sex... A-and cudd-cuddling." That was what the relationship had been. There had been a lot of feelings, but since they were forced to keep it a secret there had been nowhere to put them other than in the physical plane.

"See, you already know more than I do." Even if it's embarrassing to say that. He's got no issues with sex, absolutely NONE, but kisses and cuddling (that's not with his parents) on the other hand...

"U-um, I'm sorry." Wait, that probably wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I m-mean. I c-c-can t-t-t-teach y-you?" Oh god, the embarrassing things he says. This is killing him. Though he's already dead.

No, he wasn't looking for any kind of apology. "Um...yeah...okay..." Hokuto is really embarrassed too, this is horribly embarrassing. Things he never expected to learn: kissing and cuddling. Because why would he need those sort of things?

Not that he knows how to teach him those things, it's not like he has much experience in it. It was just a spur of the moment thing, saying it before thinking it through. "O-okay..." Now what?

"I...don't know. Find a better place to stay?" With a change in topic, his face is slowly cooling down just a little bit. And they can't stay forever at the hospital.

"M-mm, okay." Rasu's still blushing, but he picks at the rag he's used to dry the machines off.

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