(closed)

[creepface]

Who: Rasu (creepface) and Midou Hokuto (smokingspirit)
When: 2/25
Where: The hospital
What: Rasu said some things after not sleeping for several days, and he can't take it back.
Warnings: Ridiculous. Mostly that.

Rasu has done everything to avoid Hokuto these last few days. Two full days of trying to avoid a guy you've just confessed to is a real chore, especially when he feels too guilty to stay away from the hospital. He has to be there to help restore it. But at least there's plenty of things to do.

The water's being drained in the showers, and he's mopped the floors until it's decently dry. But what to do with all these wet machines? He doesn't know anything about things like these. And besides, even though he might have crashed and slept for fifteen hours right after that energy that kept him up disappeared, he's not exactly feeling energized right now.

But he's keeping himself busy, paper towels in one hand where he's trying to dry off a CT scanner and trying even more to think about what exactly he told Hokuto. Oh god, his afterlife is over.

Comments

[creepface]

If Rasu peeked at him he would think it looked like a sign of anger or frustration, and right now he just wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide until all his feelings went away and Hokuto had forgotten all about him. He hadn't felt so much for someone since before he died, and if he hadn't already been dead he was sure he would have died right here. He hid his face against his knees. There's nothing he can say at this point. Hokuto is the one who has to say yes or no.

[smokingspirit]

Really. Fucking. Unhelpful. Hokuto stares at the wood of the frame, and he closes his eyes when he sees his nose and notices that he's starting to go a little crosseyed. "I think..." There's a very long pause as he tries to find a way to phrase it. And, more importantly, as he tries to figure out what the hell he feels. "I think that,um, I like you too but I... don't know how because I'm... not used to liking people."

[creepface]

What is he supposed to do? He can't tell Hokuto how to feel. It's... closer. But it wasn't clear, and it wasn't, even more surprisingly, not an outright no. Maybe he meant it like he likes him but not like that? That would make more sense than him liking Rasu the same way Rasu liked him. "T-that is... W-what. K-kind of. L-like...?"

[smokingspirit]

If he knew what kind of like he meant, he wouldn't be in this situation. Or at least he wouldn't have been so confused. "I don't know, I don't exactly have much to use as reference. I've only ever liked mom and dad, and most of the time I still want to punch dad in the face." And his mom he has not seen in over a century, and would never se again.

[creepface]

"O-oh..." That didn't really help them at all. He still wouldn't know what to make of it all, or be able to sleep in the same room as Hokuto. It was too nerve wracking, he wouldn't be able to sleep at all. It had been hard enough already, since he confessed, even though he had crashed before.

[smokingspirit]

As if he didn't know that he was being just as helpful as Rasu. "So, um, I..." His nails dug deeper into the doorframe. "...don't know what so say.."

[creepface]

"I c-can't... t-tell you h-how. T-to. To f-feel..." He knew he was being kind of rude saying things like that, but he felt like he had to be daring right now.

[smokingspirit]

"I know that." He slides down in a crouch, still leaning his head against the doorframe. "And I can't either."

[creepface]

That solves... nothing. Rasu hugs his legs tighter, a pathetic sight for anyone to see. A tall, skinny man with a mad blush on his face, looking like he's not far from tears. "T-then. W-wh-what- what do we. D-do?"

[smokingspirit]

That's botho f them. It's not like Hokuto can see Rasu from his position. Or like he's looking at him. "I don't.. know." Run away? He's not going to run away but he still really wants to run away.

[creepface]

If he runs, it's not going to solve anything. But the one who has to do something right now is Hokuto. As he already told him, he can't tell him how to feel. Staying curled up, he tries waiting. At this point it's the only thing he can do.

[smokingspirit]

He knows that, alright? He just wishes he had someone to ask about these sorts of things, and that he had some sort of reference. He hits his head repeatedly against the doorframe, trying to figure out what to say. He might be heard muttering things about confusion and stuff under his breath if Rasu listens closely.

[creepface]

He hears it, but he doesn't know what to do about it, so he stays where he is, silent. He doesn't even know what he should say at this point. He's laid himself out there, and doesn't want to do it again if it means not getting an answer this time either.

[smokingspirit]

Rasu put them both in an awkward situations, and right now Hokuto really wishes Rasu had not said anything. "I don't..." Another long silence. "I don't think I'll mind but, um..." He buries his face against his knees, so his voice comes out muffled as he continues with a much lower voice. "I don't know anything about relationships so you'd... have to teach me....."

[creepface]

Rasu kind of wishes he didn't too. But he already hates himself so much of the time, he doesn't want to do it for this thing too. He leans his cheek against his knees, since he doesn't speak very loud and would probably be missed if he spoke right into his knees right now. "O-only if. You l-like me. Back..." He knows some people are together anyway, but he has never done that.

[smokingspirit]

Only if you like me back he says, but that's the problem, isn't it? "I... like you, I just... don't really know in what way..." But he's willing to find out, if only for both of their sanity.

[creepface]

He isn't really sure if that is a good thing or not. But he's so used to being alone, that he isn't going to mind if Hokuto doesn't like him back the same way he does. Sure, it would probably be heart breaking if he doesn't end up liking him back, but it wouldn't kill him the way his last affair did. "O...Okay." What is he supposed to say?

[smokingspirit]

Well, at least Hokuto wouldn't run him out into the cold... An okay means... what though? He has never done this before, what does it mean? "So um... what... now?"

[creepface]

No. But his last boyfriend hadn't done that either. Even if he had done nothing to help, it had been his parents. "I'm no-not. Sure... Are you my. B-boy-boyfriend...?" Or wasn't he? If he asked that and it meant he wasn't he would die of shame, hadn't he already been dead.

[smokingspirit]

Hokuto's dad wouldn't do that either, if he had been around. Rather he would have taken him in, friendly as he was. Okay, Hokuto isn't sure people can actually die from shame. They can die of fright, but shame, he's not so sure about. But either way... He nods. "I.. if you... if that's alright with you....."

[creepface]

"It-It is." Maybe he wouldn't die of shame in the literal sense, but Rasu had a way of beating himself up for many reasons. And something like that could certainly be added to that list.

[smokingspirit]

To be fair, surprisingly, Hokuto knows how to beat himself up too. He just doesn't show it like Rasu does, he hides it. "So, um..." He picked at a thread on his shirt. "how does this work?" Rasu might not have much experience, but his one relationship was more than Hokuto's zero.

[creepface]

This is going to be... an interesting relationship. "We... u-um..." He doesn't know what a couple does aside from keeping themselves a secret. He had never gone on a date with his first, they had just done physical things where they wouldn't be found. "I d-don't know how. A r-real. Relationship is s-supposed to. B-be... like." Or one that wasn't seen as shameful and something to end as soon as it was found out.

[smokingspirit]

For sure. Also one where both parties knows little or nothing about how a relationship works... But they don't have to keep this one a secret, at least. "Perhaps not, but you probably know more than I do."

[creepface]

"I on-only know about k-kissing and. S-s-se-sex... A-and cudd-cuddling." That was what the relationship had been. There had been a lot of feelings, but since they were forced to keep it a secret there had been nowhere to put them other than in the physical plane.

[smokingspirit]

"See, you already know more than I do." Even if it's embarrassing to say that. He's got no issues with sex, absolutely NONE, but kisses and cuddling (that's not with his parents) on the other hand...

[creepface]

"U-um, I'm sorry." Wait, that probably wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I m-mean. I c-c-can t-t-t-teach y-you?" Oh god, the embarrassing things he says. This is killing him. Though he's already dead.

[smokingspirit]

No, he wasn't looking for any kind of apology. "Um...yeah...okay..." Hokuto is really embarrassed too, this is horribly embarrassing. Things he never expected to learn: kissing and cuddling. Because why would he need those sort of things?

[creepface]

Not that he knows how to teach him those things, it's not like he has much experience in it. It was just a spur of the moment thing, saying it before thinking it through. "O-okay..." Now what?

[smokingspirit]

"I...don't know. Find a better place to stay?" With a change in topic, his face is slowly cooling down just a little bit. And they can't stay forever at the hospital.

[creepface]

"M-mm, okay." Rasu's still blushing, but he picks at the rag he's used to dry the machines off.