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Who: Saitou (

iaijutsu) & Okita (

tuberculosis)
When: Backdated to when everything was getting frozen over, because I am still dead from December but this conversation was super overdue and needed to get posted already.
Where: Their apartment.
What: Some much needed clearing of the air about their respective CRAU baggage and that time they accidentally made out and whatnot.
Rating/Warning: Nothing yet. Will edit.

[Saitou has never been the kind of person to complain needlessly, and his first reaction to damned near anything is to 1) fix it, if it is a problem that can be fixed (or a problem that can be told to shut up, as the case may be), and if that fails, 2) ignore it.

The problem of the weather, despite his well-intentioned but clumsy attempts to coax something out of the heater, seems to be falling firmly in the category of Type 2 Problem.

But this isn't the first time he's been in an unfamiliar place that got unnaturally cold, and the results of that particular trick of the weather in Zelien don't instill a great deal of confidence in him that it is indeed a trick of the weather alone, or one that he can afford to simply ignore as he'd rather.

He spends nearly a full day trying, though - and the fact that he hasn't felt an overpoweringly irrational urge to set himself on fire is certainly a good sign, but it's not enough of one to be convincing, and by the end of the day, whatever barely-noticeable signs of slight discomfort he's been showing have given way to far more clear-cut uneasiness. (As clear-cut as anything ever gets with him, at least, but if anyone knows the signs, it ought to be Souji.)

He knows full well what he's going to open himself up to if he asks, but annoyance is the lesser evil, with the possibilities running through his mind right now, and so after another fruitless attempt to get the heater to turn back on, he - doesn't turn to look at Souji.

They're not that good at looking each other in the eye lately.]

...Souji.

Are you cold?

[Understatement of the century? It might be.]

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[well, it's definitely not as if souji's unfamiliar with the notion of weather going haywire—considering that in haven, it was all machine-controlled and they'd figured out how to modify that at will? it's not unheard of. he remembers this brand of cold too, though he'd considered it a tolerable annoyance at worst in haven.

here, it feels significantly worse. part of it is definitely attributed to being spoiled by things like heaters, but much more of it just lies within the awkward air that settles in the room whenever he's alone with saitou these days. usually, he just avoids extended time together or plays it all off. today, though, there hadn't been anywhere to go, and with the cold really settling in, it seemed like a waste of effort to try and avoid saitou. he's mostly been laying around idly, fiddling with his cerevice, and casually looking over to saitou every so often.

he's noticed, definitely, that saitou isn't quite himself in light of the cold. it's been largely subtle, enough so for souji to not feel much need to question it (he knows that he'll be met with it being brushed off, anyway). besides, with how hard he's been trying to avoid talking to saitou about anything serious, it doesn't seem like a good time. he'd avoid discussing the kiss-and-kill situation for the rest of his days, burying it under piles of assholery and bad jokes if it were possible.

it's not though, of course, and when saitou speaks up, souji knows that whatever attempts to completely avoid the topic he's been making are likely to fall to the wayside. he's going to try and keep it light, avoiding the deeper aspects of this... even if seeing saitou's visible discomfort with things means he already knows how it'll really go. he peers in saitou's direction, grateful that they don't yet have to make eye contact, but still noting just how stiff he looks right now. he responds, and while it's as light and airy as he usually speaks, there's a definite distance to his tone that normally wouldn't be present when talking to saitou.]

I think even snow bunnies would be cold when it's like this, Hajime-kun. [yes, he's cold. he's colder than he really cares to admit, but it's almost refreshing in a way and it doesn't seem like enough of an issue for him anyway. they have blankets, and as it stands, it's not that much colder than patrolling outside during a kyoto winter.]

One would think.

[It's not sarcastic, exactly; Saitou's less prone to that kind of thing than Souji and far less prone to sounding like it even when he is. But there's something a little flatter than usual to his tone, the kind of flat that usually implies a story that Saitou is carefully avoiding telling - that he's having to work to keep his tone flat, and that it's not just his usual level of not-terribly-expressive.

He gives the heater a final, slightly exasperated poke before he retreats to the small pile of blankets he's made for himself in the corner.]

It answers your question, doesn't it?

[it's definitely hard to tell what saitou is thinking right now, which bothers souji a lot. he's used to largely being able to read him, and while souji can tell that something is off, he can't tell the hows or whys, exactly.

it's different than the avoidance and the tension that's been weighing down the air between them recently. at least with that, he understands things, as much as he's been ignoring it. but this? souji can't read it at all. so for the moment, his eyes follow as his friend makes his way back to the blankets before closing them and sighing quietly to himself. this is awkward and frustrating—maybe he should have taken residence in another room for the day after all.]

Yes, but -

[But it was needlessly sarcastic over something that bothers Saitou on a very deep, personal level.

...a level that Souji knows nothing about and he can't expect him to appreciate, and that's enough for him to stop and leave that thought where it lies. It's hardly fair to get annoyed about something Souji has no way of realizing would annoy him that much, after all.

So the sigh that slips out of him in lieu of the rest of that sentence isn't so much the louder, exasperated one that would normally signal that Souji's on his nerves, just a quiet, subdued one as he pulls his knees up to his chest and tugs that blanket as tightly around himself as he can manage.]

But there's something about what I said that's a problem, is that right?

[normally, souji wouldn't even press. saitou's not one to talk when he doesn't actually want to, and he knows that all too well. but something about the way he cuts himself off doesn't sit well with souji at all.

he isn't sure exactly what it is, but it's not hard to figure out that something must have happened at some point; he can think of a few sore topics of his own thanks to haven that would elicit a similar reaction from him. still, it annoys him somehow.

part of it is the knowing that things have been strange between them for a while now—between the incident with the bloodlust and what happened under the influence of the pulse. but most of it is the fact that all that plus the odd disconnect from their separate memories has made it hard for them to connect at all. saitou doesn't want to tell him those things, even though he may have before, and that gets under souji's skin.

especially because everyone else has retained memories he hasn't; he'd have thought he was going crazy by now if not for the fact that he's encountered someone else who had memories of haven as well. so it grates and agitates souji just enough to drop the pretenses. it's enough for him to not just shrug it off and ignore it like he's been doing for a while now, because this isn't just casual avoidance, this is actively shrugging off something he said in a way that was atypical for them.]

[It's not usual for Souji to press, and that isn't lost on Saitou - nor is the probable reason, really. Souji isn't the only one who's found things between them awkward to the breaking point.]

It was the answer I had hoped for.

[It's not the answer that was a problem; it's the way Souji said it, that's all.

He pauses for a beat, but as much as he doesn't like talking about these things, Souji has a damned good point, even if he's not actively making a point of it so much as he's just pushing. He doesn't really have to come out and say that what's going on between them is ridiculous. What he's said already makes the point clear enough.]

If you're also cold, I'm not going crazy again.

[at least saitou can pick up on the cues. and when he makes that addendum, his suspicions are confirmed.]

Again, hm. [that "hm" is more of a sound of consideration than a question. the truth of the matter is that souji really, really hates that answer. even if it's something he saw coming, because so much seemed to happen in that time frame that he can't really process or understand...

even though that was mostly because everyone kept him in the dark about it. granted, souji hasn't been much better. not a single member of their group knew of the hardships he endured in haven, and that he endured many of them either alone or with only chizuru. pitiful, regretful things that he wishes to keep buried, even though it's doing them no favors and only drive the fork between them deeper.]

Zelien didn't do anyone any favors, from the sound of it. [he muses, idly. he still won't press, not directly, as to what happened, or how the cold made him crazy. he's not sure he wants to know, and he's pretty sure he doesn't need to know more than what saitou's already said to understand that whatever it was? it was bad. it had to be bad, because saitou isn't one to let his lingering anxieties show.] I guess it doesn't matter now though, does it? We're all cold, and it looks like we'll have to wait for the weather to change for things to get back in order.

[souji's positive the heat not working at the same time it's freezing is no coincidence.]

[It was bad, and it was bad in precisely the worst kind of way for Saitou at the time it happened. No matter what else was wrong in the world, he's always been able to rely on his skills, and he's always been able to rely on his own convictions and judgment.

Kazama utterly destroying him just before Zelien was a bad blow to the first, and a week later, losing it badly enough to prove that he couldn't rely on the second. It wasn't a good way to start his descent into horror jamjar hell.]

Whenever that may be.

[Souji presenting the level-headed analysis of the situation and Saitou making the sarcastic aside feels awfully backwards, and Saitou's quite aware of that himself - and maybe that's what prompts him to keep talking, because even if this is certainly an actual weather phenomenon, and not a selectively targeted mass delusion...his nerves clearly aren't doing him any favors.

It's annoying, not being able to just think about this more rationally.

On the other hand, the fact that it's Souji he's snowed in with, even if it makes this all the more awkward with what's happened (and not happened) between the two of them isn't entirely without its upsides. Hijikata is the only one who was in Zelien long enough to know exactly why Saitou's feeling so anxious about the weather, but even after everything that happened between the two of them in Zelien...Hijikata still is, and always will be, above Saitou, in his mind. For all that things between Souji and himself have been incredibly uncomfortable as of late, that doesn't change the fact that Souji is an equal, and it's infinitely easier for Saitou to speak to him as one...and make requests of him as one.]

I don't intend to allow this to become a problem for you, but - don't let me do anything foolish.

["Foolish" can cover an awful lot of ground.]

That would depend on the definition of foolish, wouldn't it? Really, I could say it's foolish you even think you need to make that request of me.

[of course, souji knows that saitou means something far more drastic. he's not stupid enough to really think that it would be meant for something other than an occurrence far outside the norm. hell, he's had to warn others of his own issues with similar results in the past.

so he gets it, even if he goads a little. the only reason he even does that at all is to seek even the barest sense of normalcy in a situation that is clearly anything but. neither of them wants to breach the topic properly of the things that happened, mostly because it's difficult. it's not as if souji doesn't want to apologize for his actions that night (day?) after all. hurting saitou like that isn't something he'd ever do in his right mind—he's owed at least that much of an apology. but he can't come right out and say it, especially when they're already dancing around other touchy subjects.

one thing at a time, right?]

It doesn't really make much difference though. It's not like I'd really let Hajime-kun do anything troublesome, anyway. [even if that meant killing him, again. but doing so in his right mind to save saitou from himself is much different, and he knows that goes without saying.]

...I can't have you stealing my thunder, after all. [and a self-deprecating jab at himself. it's true though, because only one of them needs to go out making foolish mistakes, and souji's met their monthly quota for that already. the smallest of smirks creeps on his lips as he shifts positions. it really is getting pretty damn cold in the room.]

[Even if Souji is right - he doesn't need to ask - it still doesn't feel right to ask this of him without making it clear what the extent of things is. Whatever it takes, he already knows Souji would do it; he's never doubted that for a moment. So maybe this is more...

...clearing the air. Putting it out straight instead of leaving Souji to guess what has him so ill at ease with something as seemingly ordinary as a cold snap.]

Most didn't feel anything. [He doesn't specify that he's talking about what happened then. Context is obvious enough, and even when this needs to be said - he'd rather not use any more words on it than he has to.] But for those who did, nothing helped. The locals were building funeral pyres outside the buildings we stayed in.

[That's all easier. That's all inspecific, generalities, the actions of others and not something specific and personal.

It's the last part he really doesn't want to get to.]

Had I not been stopped, I'd have been on one.

["stopped" is a mild way to put "punched out and tied to a bed until he found his marbles." But he'd rather not go there unless Souji really wants specifics, and he trusts Souji to know better than to push for more than he's ready to give.]

Most of us hadn't arrived yet. Yukimura has forgotten it, so only Hijikata-san remembers that.

[He doesn't have to say "so for the love of god, don't discuss this with any of them" to get the message across.]

[souji does know better than to press too much further than what saitou is offering. all too well, he knows what it's like to not want to talk about those sorts of experiences, and he absolutely knows too, that if saitou ever wants to get further into detail? he will. he always does, because his nature is straightforward enough for that much. much for so than souji's himself, in fact.

it doesn't mean that he's not curious, of course. that dissonance in the memories is one that always bothers him, and even if he does largely the same by not talking about haven very much (save for acknowledging that it was definitely a Thing that happened), it grates at him.]

It's funny how that works, isn't it? [he muses, somewhat idly. it's a silent agreement that he won't bring it up to any of the others, because souji understands all too well what it means to reveal traumatizing things to people who have absolutely no memory of it happening. sure, the circumstances are still a bit different, but it doesn't change that it's the same at their core.

so instead, he sighs, pulling away the blankets he's been using to keep himself warm atop his own bed, holding them as he stands and moving to sit next to saitou. he drapes them out over the two; he's still cold himself, but souji's not a totally inconsiderate asshole all the time. he doesn't really want saitou suffering or worrying about that stuff, and with the strange need to clear the air between them and compensate for his own fuckups a few weeks earlier? it seems like the best compromise until he can find the words for himself.]

I don't think the ones here are interesting in messing with us in the same way. Who knows? Maybe this place has a weather machine and someone just hit the wrong button. [souji wouldn't doubt it. that's what happened in haven to cause a whole lot of snow and cold. machine controlled weather seemed crazy at one point, but he thinks it's even more plausible here than there. besides—it's easier to try and lighten the conversation a bit than to have saitou focus on the shitty things.]

[He looks up, slightly startled as Souji gets up and moves over to sit with him...

But he understands. There's a lot that needs to be said, maybe, but words have never been the only way either of them has ever said everything to each other, and they're certainly not always the easiest one to manage.

His hand curls around the side of the blankets Souji's dropped over them, pulling it in tighter.]

They don't seem so interested in being blatantly sadistic, no. [Which is strange and catches him somewhere between "relieved" and "constantly looking for the less blatant sadism," because it's hard to believe there isn't some kind of a catch. But...that's not the point right now, is it? Souji is. They're...maybe not fixing things, but they're getting closer than they have since they arrived here.]

...a machine that controls the weather would have sounded so ridiculous, before.

That makes two of us. But it would be the first time I've seen it... and with everything here being based on some kind of machine like that, I don't think it would be surprising.

[despite the heavier subject matter the conversation is based on, it feels a little more comfortable than earlier. it's the kind of thing the two of them can talk about with a little more ease, even if the things that make them wary are still lined in their words. but it's not talking directly of the traumatizing events or the way souji acted out; it's not talking about what happened the night of his bloodlust, either. so for a moment, they can put it out of their minds and talk in a manner that suits them better.

it's something they haven't been able to do very often at all in recent weeks, so souji wants to take that for what is. it's a small step in the right direction, a medium point where they try to seek some kind of normalcy before they can do much else. finding the right words, knowing what to say when he fucks up—that's incredibly hard for souji, especially when it comes to saitou. they'd always been so good at effortlessly communicating with few words, or words that held double meanings. so to try and be direct, to try and say "sorry i killed you right after we made out—and by the way, what do we do about that?" is... difficult, to say the least. he's trying, and he's sure saitou understands what he's trying to do here, but it's not the sort of thing he can do without a little effort. especially when he knows this isn't something that's easy for saitou either.]

I suppose it is not only warriors the future sees as disposable.

[He doesn't like the proliferation of machines; it's a little too close to the way guns are edging out everything he's already poured himself into, making his entire life irrelevant in the face of modern warfare. For not just swordsmen, but even things like the weather to be subject to machine control...

It's unnerving.]

[souji's not much of a fan of it either. though there are a lot of things that make their lives awfully convenient, sometimes it just seems like a bit too much. still, he does have something of a point of contention with what saitou says here.]

Is it the future, or is it just places like these, though? I don't think a machine that controls the weather is a terribly common thing otherwise. [if only because back in haven, even the people who came from more technology savvy futures seemed to be surprised about it and had to learn how to control it themselves. that counts for something, he thinks.

maybe he wants to hold onto some kind of hope, though. he already knows the future of their kind, of samurai, is one that will only live on as legends. surely, not everything else can give way to that too.]

It isn't something I thought to speak of to others. Zelien was a bit ahead of our time, but nowhere so far as this.

[It's not the kind of question that would ever have occurred to him to ask, and he does have to admit to himself that it's nothing he can imagine thinking to mention, if he were from somewhere that thought of it as normal.]

It wasn't that much different in Haven. They said it was... about 150 years, but aside from some things that are similar to here, it wasn't that much different.

[of course, haven was a run down piece of crap. and there were still a lot of basics that went over his head, but because of how things were, he learned quickly from others what he needed to know. it's different than here, where everything seems so well and beyond even that much that it leaves their heads spinning.]

Most there seemed familiar with that sort of thing. Here, it seems like even those types had a learning curve. [considering he's met some familiar faces that didn't remember him... and some who also came from haven too.]

Zelien gave me the impression that a large number of those there were still from ages beyond it. How close to this, however, I couldn't say.

[Well, at least some of them weren't from this far, at least - he's gathered that much from Rei. But so many people were talking about things that were difficult to wrap his mind around. Like hacking and coding frequencies on the devices. Or nuclear radiation, which is still really weird no matter how he tries to slice it.]

I'm sure it's not something we'll really be able to find out anytime soon, anyway.

[not unless they can get some solid specific information on that type of thing. but even if they did... well, would it really matter much? they're here and it doesn't change much else anyway. it's not exactly the most productive thing to work towards unless they stumble upon it seeking out the bigger picture.

which is annoying in itself, of course. it's enough to make souji sigh a bit, which is followed up by a pretty big shiver.]

...It's getting worse. [and to that, he makes a face. the cold is getting out of control at this point, and honestly... it worries souji a bit. if not for his own sake, then for saitou's.]

[There's a flash of something like relief on Saitou's face, though not for long before he suppresses it - but as much as he doesn't like to be the one to say something out loud, Souji is...absolutely right about that.]

It is.

[souji catches the look on saitou's face, brief as it is. it's hard for him to miss when he's grown so used to the subtle changes in expression that many others wouldn't catch. he lets out another sigh, this time quieter.

We may have to see if there's somewhere warmer for us to go. It won't do anyone any good if we end up like two icicles under a blanket here. [not that souji really wants to move. it's cold out there, but how long can this really sustain them?]

[There's a long pause, because it's really difficult not to think about what happened last time he tried to do that. Maybe there's somewhere warmer in the city right now, but is it anywhere trustworthy?

But that argument, he knows, isn't really holding any weight right now. (And isn't it worse to let what's happened rule his judgment like this?)]

You're right.

[Though for now, he just pulls that blanket tighter.]

...it would not be prudent to move until we have an idea of where we ought to be going, however.

Mm, that's true. I don't think it'd help anyone if we wind up frozen solid quicker because we went without a plan. I can just hear Hijikata-san yelling over it already...

[okay, so maybe that's just a piss-poor attempt at trying to lighten the mood a little. souji can easily tell that the circumstances are troubling and distracting for saitou as it is. it's not as if sitting there and sharing a blanket in an already-cold room is doing them many favors, after all, and he still can't really breach the other heavy topic that looms over them.

this is the only way he knows how to cope, and boy, is he taking advantage of it right now. even if it's probably the worst idea ever.]

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