yuri "flock of seagulls" lowell (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fatalstriker) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
estoria2015-10-07 10:24 pm
fatalstriker) wrote in estoria2015-10-07 10:24 pm
Entry tags:
( closed ) tequila is always a mistake;
Who: Yuri (fatalstriker) & Flynn (thatdamnknight)
When: IC 3/16, morning.
Where: The jungle.
What: Dealing with the aftermath of pre-jungle nonsense like totally mature, responsible adults.
Rating/Warning: S for "stupid as hell"
[finally.
as if waking up a total wreck after that night of drinking hadn't been bad enough, right? yuri may have gotten the better deal of the two, but it wasn't really all that good. but then couple that with getting dropped in the jungle mid-recovery and flynn's tendency to have to run ahead and be a white knight, and now more than 24 hours have passed and they've barely spoken a word to each other.
not that yuri has much reason to thing it'd go poorly after the way flynn reacted to their late-night endeavor the previous morning, it's all but out of his mind already. things are fine, right? they both accepted what happened and they'd just move on. minimal yelling from flynn and even less pearl-clutching isn't something he'd about to take for granted, after all. let the topic drop; weird as his reaction had been... it's just better that way.]
Ugh... [still, waking up after sleeping on the ground in a vast jungle isn't the follow-up he wanted. he sits up, running a hand through his tangled, disheveled hair, and looks around. he's definitely groggy, but it's not like there will be any coffee to help with that.] I remember the part I don't miss about leaving cities. What I wouldn't do for an inn right now...
[it doesn't matter whether or not flynn is awake or listening, since repede is lounging beside him. that's good enough, even if the pooch doesn't care—he doesn't get those luxuries even at inns most of the time, after all.]
fatalstriker) & Flynn (thatdamnknight)When: IC 3/16, morning.
Where: The jungle.
What: Dealing with the aftermath of pre-jungle nonsense like totally mature, responsible adults.
Rating/Warning: S for "stupid as hell"
[finally.
as if waking up a total wreck after that night of drinking hadn't been bad enough, right? yuri may have gotten the better deal of the two, but it wasn't really all that good. but then couple that with getting dropped in the jungle mid-recovery and flynn's tendency to have to run ahead and be a white knight, and now more than 24 hours have passed and they've barely spoken a word to each other.
not that yuri has much reason to thing it'd go poorly after the way flynn reacted to their late-night endeavor the previous morning, it's all but out of his mind already. things are fine, right? they both accepted what happened and they'd just move on. minimal yelling from flynn and even less pearl-clutching isn't something he'd about to take for granted, after all. let the topic drop; weird as his reaction had been... it's just better that way.]
Ugh... [still, waking up after sleeping on the ground in a vast jungle isn't the follow-up he wanted. he sits up, running a hand through his tangled, disheveled hair, and looks around. he's definitely groggy, but it's not like there will be any coffee to help with that.] I remember the part I don't miss about leaving cities. What I wouldn't do for an inn right now...
[it doesn't matter whether or not flynn is awake or listening, since repede is lounging beside him. that's good enough, even if the pooch doesn't care—he doesn't get those luxuries even at inns most of the time, after all.]
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[he knows. he knows all too well what is expected of the knights, from the bottom ranks all the way to the top. he also knows that flynn lives his life trying to avoid failure. he knows these things, and that's why yuri does everything he can on his end to try and make sure that flynn doesn't fail.
the things flynn blames himself for, the things yuri doesn't realize, are all things he can't see as failures, because they were just unavoidable circumstances. many of those were things yuri had to take into his own hands and handle in all the wrong ways just to get it done. he did things so that flynn wouldn't have to. he did things so that flynn wouldn't get blood on his hands. he did things so that he could see flynn rise up, even if it was at the cost of his own reputation, because someone needed to do those things.
he said the knights and guilds don't go together, but it wasn't as if this was yuri's creed. the knights and guilds had their own swath of issues and while they did need to work together for a common cause, a knight couldn't just join a guild. yuri isn't stupid, he knows that flynn's reliability and trustworthiness would have been called into question. even raven wasn't so stupid and reckless—he had an alter-ego for a reason, and part of that reason had to do with those rifts.]
Your standard, that you can't lower even when it's just us. It's never like it used to be when you think about nothing but your goddamn duty.
[that's the part that pisses yuri off the most, and that's why as flynn's words go on, he finds himself more and more unable to hold back. he's quick to pull away before flynn can reply (regardless of the fact that flynn's still working on his hair, he'll deal with the pain of that tug), turning to look him right in the eyes. there is fury in yuri's expression, a fire lit in him that only flynn's condescension can bring.
can't he see that by always bringing up his duties and responsibilities, and then constantly nagging yuri about his habits and his 'irresponsibility' that he's the one drawing the line in the sand? it's the exact reason why yuri fully knows and believes that one day, they can't even associate as friends anymore. because yuri is a criminal, and flynn is there to uphold the law.
yuri can live with that, but he can't stand the feeling of being belittled—and by flynn of all people. so his hand curls into a fist, and before he says anything else, it's flying directly into flynn's jaw. nothing pulled back, all of his rage as been channeled into that punch because someone needs to knock some sense into him.]
If you don't want me to make assumptions, then act the way you mean! Don't go pulling this crap that I can't possibly know, or that I'm the one to blame for your problems! You act like you're above it all every damn time your compare your duties to mine.
I'm not even sure you could even begin to understand the shit I've gone through to make sure you could get where you are right now. [it's almost scarier when yuri goes from an angry yell to that deeply angered seethe. flynn's not the one who committed the act of taking lives because nobody in the knights could step up. flynn's not the one who has to live with the weight of those taken lives on his shoulder. flynn's not the one who would have have to run his sword through estelle's chest if things went wrong with alexei. and flynn's not the one who got got deservedly attacked for the things he did, and for deigning to be in the presence of such a great man. no, that was all yuri, so he doesn't want to hear it from flynn that he doesn't understand.]
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the reason for that is the sudden, unavoidable punch coming right at his jaw. a full force collision leads to flynn flying toward the ground and ending sprawled out on it. the perk of sitting means not flying far, at least, even if it doesn't make it any less painful. he gives a groan before slowly propping himself up. a small, very small part of him begins to agree with some of those points. any full agreement stops within seconds because, right as he reaches up to touch his throbbing jaw, is when yuri speaks the last part. flynn freezes mid-reach.]
...I can't begin to understand the shit you've been through?
[he says that with the most incredulous, cold tone. no. no way in hell. maybe his reaction to the drinking was overboard and maybe some of what was just said holds truth to it, but there is no way in hell yuri will be allowed to slide with that comment. so many of them have suffered because of the shit yuri's done. all the deeds done in the name of good that branded the man a criminal: everyone one of them suffered.
another gritting of teeth comes, the rage burning far more furiously than before. flynn sits up, back toward yuri, with an eerie calmness. nothing happens for a few seconds. ...then, without any warning, he spins around and sends a solid, no holding back punch right back at the idiot sitting across from him. he hopes that fucking hurt, you goddamn moron.]
Do you have any idea how it feels like to deal with the shit you go through!? Do you have any idea how it felt to watch you murder Cumore in cold blood!? Do you know how much it hurt to consider turning my own sword against the person I care about most?! Do you really think I enjoy worrying about whether or not today will be the day that I see you hang for your crimes!? And do you ever stop to think how your actions hurt not only me but everyone else who gives a damn about you!? Estellise, Karol and all of us, we mourned you after Zaude so don't you dare tell me that what you doesn't impact every single one of us.
[they all cried. flynn cried. it hurt so much when his mom died, but it hurt even more when yuri was lost. the loss of the person dearest to him, the possibility of never even seeing a body for closure, hurt like nothing else.]
And I fucking know that!! I damn well know all my accomplishments are yours AND I TRIED TO GIVE THEM TO YOU, YOU ASSHOLE! [a brief forgetting that yuri hadn't actually been offered that yet happened, but whatever. flynn's far too fired up to concern himself with what has or hasn't happened.] I know I can't seem to do a damn thing right without you there, but you never let me try to carry my own burden!! Have I really failed you to the degree you can't trust me to pull my own weight!? How can I not try to act perfect all the damn time when anything less than that means screwing up!?
[look at how badly this screw up is going! and this is just from a couple drinks. what if something a little bigger happens and then people actually die!! the reason he acts like he does is because there's only so many times he can stand to watch people suffer all because of him!]
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and while he remains that way, his fists are still clenched, and so is his jaw. hearing those words—hearing the accusations that he didn't consider the consequences of his actions, that he hurt people in the process, that other people had to suffer because of the things he'd done...]
If you took even a minute to think about the things that happened, then you'd know that I've thought about those things a lot. You damn well know I never wanted anyone else to be involved with the decisions I had to make. You damn well know that I did everything I could to keep Estelle, Karol, you and everyone else out of it. It was my burden to bear, and it wasn't one I wanted to share, even if it meant losing my own life for it.
[despite the bitter, deep anger that comes with his words, there is an air of hurt that lines some of the way he emphasizes what he says. it's faint, faint enough that most people would not catch it. His tone is dark and unforgiving, but there's no doubt that he hates the fact that the people that matter to him have had to suffer time and time again because of him.
some of those burdens were his doing. even zaude was a situation well-deserved. he shouldn't have lived then; when he fell, he absolutely should have perished. it was duke's selfish desire to regain dein nomos that cursed him and kept him alive, and forced his friends to mourn for no real reason. all of these things yuri knows, and they're things that weigh on him every day. there isn't a day he doesn't wake up and remember what he's done and who he's hurt, where he doesn't think about how he's probably going to die for it.
the frustration with flynn he has no is so embittered that he doesn't really consider everything that's being said—it won't be until later that he realizes what's being said here on the whole. he's fired up too.]
These are burdens you can't carry, Flynn! [he forces himself to sit up, which... is likely not going to be good for flynn in a moment.] You can't be perfect, and not being perfect doesn't mean you're screwing up. But you can't have these burdens. You couldn't then, and you can't now! If you're going to be the one to go to the top, you can't do the things I've had to do! And you'll never know what they feel like, so don't you dare try to pretend you or anyone else feels the weight of my decisions more than I do!
[he tone raises more at that last statement, and another punch is thrown at flynn's face. when the hell is he going to understand that he does these things because if flynn does them, then he'll be no better and not be any closer to fixing all the fuckups of the empire? he needs flynn to see and understand that he became the worse person so that flynn could be the better one. the world needs flynn at the helm, they need his attitude and his vision.
they don't need yuri, who kills men in cold blood in the dead of night while making sure they feel the fear they inflicted in others first.]
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the hurt behind some of those words doesn't get missed. subtle the tone might be, but they've known each other for over half their lives. catching small stuff like that? comes easy. all the subtle hurt does is cause the determination within in him to rise, the determination to get his own points across. wanting good for others sums up what yuri wants; where that falls short, however, is him not realizing what people want for him. so many people care for him. so many people want him to be happy. no one wants this life for him, the life of the vigilante that willing throws everything away.]
Bullshit. You may have had good intentions, but you never thought about us beyond what you assumed would be best for us. You made the choice to bear it alone even though none of us would have wanted that! [his angered expression becomes more pained, if briefly.] None of us want you to die. I don't want you to die, especially not bearing the things you believe I can't shoulder.
[it was bad enough believing yuri died at zaude as a results of flynn failing. yuri dying because he had to pull flynn's own weight for him... god, the mere thought of it hurts. picturing a noose tighten around his best friend's neck all for a crime done to help further the commandant's glory... his stomach twists at the mental image. he is NOT weak enough to allow that. after taking a deep breath, the intense expression returns full swing.]
You're right, I'll never know what your burdens feel like, but you'll never know how it feels like to watch someone so willingly damn themselves and think nothing of it. How can you say I haven't screwed up when you had to resort to what you've done to get me to where I am!? I need to be perfect to keep you from doing anything else you know you'll regret! I don't want you to have to bear any more of my burdens and watch you die for it!!
[perfection needs to happen. the alternative is imperfect and imperfect can lead to yuri picking up more and more of his burdens. it'd be another horrid screw up. the others already hang so heavily over flynn's head and another would even more so. maybe the sword won't be in his hand if another murder occurs but it might as well be. his imperfections are what will lead to it happening. if it means giving up everything, giving up having fun and being human and, hell, working himself to death, then it's fine. no one else needs to suffer because of some idiot knight's shortcomings, not yuri, not anyone.]
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[he doesn't make an attempt to move from flynn's grip, but his tone of voice shows that he's no less angry than he's been since they've started fighting like this. he's back to a glower, rather than the yelling, but maybe that's because flynn's words have hit home hard.
after all, he's not wrong about some of these things, hard-pressed as he may be to admit it. being so accustomed to only thinking about what he needed to do for himself gave yuri pretty bad perspective on what other people want or need. and even though he cares deeply for all of his friends, he doesn't necessarily have the foresight to realize that what he feels is better (not burdening them with his dark choices), it doesn't mean that's actually the case. but even knowing that, even being forced to hear so harshly how much it really hurts them doesn't entirely change his mind.
if anything, it just meant that given the chance, he'd have been more careful to not get caught, so nobody else would have to bear any of it. he'd still rather suffer alone than make anyone else have to bear that weight. he can't take back the things he did, and he can't take back the fact that everyone knows it and has to live with it, either.
all the same, it doesn't change his reasons, either. and it doesn't change the fact that they're not things flynn should have to bear. "i can handle the dirty work. you go all the way to the top." it's the mentality he holds, because he can do the things flynn can't. he can be the criminal, he can take the fall, he can do the things a knight can't and shouldn't.
(and won't. and haven't.) he's doing what's just, regardless of what it means for his own fate. the fate of one man can't trump the fate of a whole empire. he can't let that happen.]
They're the Empire's screw-ups. [he'll finally say that after a moment, and that's also when yuri takes the opportunity to shove flynn off him. it's not as much force as his punch from earlier, just enough to get free so he can sit up. the state of his hair is long forgotten at this point, his fists pressing deeply against the ground before he continues.] This goes above you. This is the core of what the Empire does, and even with you at the helm of the Knights, what could you do? Do you think Cumore or Ragou would have stopped and listened to you? They were beyond saving, Flynn. Someone had to do these things, because you couldn't, especially not then.
[maybe now things will be different. but then, flynn didn't have nearly as much pull. he had to earn that. of course, part of that is because of the things yuri had done—but that's why he did them. why can't flynn just accept that? if he has to have a burden, let it be the knowing that yuri will willing to go that far for his best friend. yuri doesn't want the glory when he does good things, he just wants to see the world change so his friends and extended family don't have to suffer for the empire's greed anymore.] Get it through your head. I did those things not because you screwed up, but so that you couldn't screw up or get screwed over by how damn broken the system is.
As long as there's something you can't do, I'll make sure to be the one who makes sure it gets done. [which is yuri's way of saying that he doesn't regret what he did. he just regrets that other people got their feelings pulled into it when they should never have been part of it all.]
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No. You don't have the right to make that choice for me.
[he will not let yuri make that call. never. not only is justice not something to just deal around at a whim like that, but flynn never asked for this. he never would.]
And the Empire's screw ups are my screw ups, more so now than ever. I am the face of the knights. Every mistake they make is a mistake I make. Maybe neither Cumore nor Ragou would have listened, but you had no right to determine their fate because of it. I said I'd stop you if I had to and I will.
[back then, back at mantiac, flynn was ready to draw his sword in order to stop yuri. it was the most painful moment and, had sodia not interrupted, who knows how that could have ended. were yuri to murder again then flynn would no choice but to, once again, turn a sword against him. he would. that's a part of his duty that will get followed no matter how painful it is, no matter how much he doesn't want to. what, then, remains the only option in order to not have to it?
easy: be the one to sacrifice everything. yuri won't have a chance to murder if flynn does everything perfect. hard work and slaving away to an extreme can lead to that. what is right and what is wrong remains so blurred at the present. the situation with ceres has definitely made it worse. no easier way to sidestep that exists than to make certain things lean toward being right himself. yuri made the judgment call that flynn needed to be helped in that way; now flynn plans on making the judgment to help yuri in this way.]
As long as you keep believing you're destined to be some damned lone wolf vigilante then I will do whatever it takes to prevent it. If it results in working myself to the bone or going off the edge over a couple drinks then so be it.
[if it means not being human then fine. flynn can bear that burden. it'll be a heavy one, one that he hates, but he can manage it. yuri's already carried so much, far too much, for him that returning the favor needs to happen. he swallows hard, his voice sounding far more pained, but no less anger upon speaking once more.]
I am not going to let you kill yourself, Yuri, and not because of my own weakness.
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[yuri knows. yuri knows how badly things could have ended in mantaic. he knows things could have been worse, that flynn could have been the one to arrest him, or take his life completely if necessary.
it's obviously something he's wanted to avoid, but he'd never get in flynn's way to do his job either. if that was what it took, he'd fight flynn. and if lost, he'd accept it. there's no question in yuri's mind—he knows on ever level that the things he did weren't right from a moral standpoint. he knows that he shouldn't take the law into his own hands. these are things yuri knows and constantly struggles with. and maybe that's why he hates being called on it directly.
and maybe more so, that's why he hates that flynn refuses to understand him. it's why the anger doesn't leave his voice, though he's equal parts frustrated with himself as he is with flynn. this whole situation sucks; it always sucked, but this is the first time they've come to blows over things to this extent. it's too early for this, and now he already feels completely spent before even having his first meal of the day.]
We can't both be inhuman. [he says, a little more quietly as he turns his head away from flynn. his eyes fall shut; he's definitely still angry, but it's much more tempered than it was when fists were flying.] Working yourself to death will only hurt yourself and the Empire. It'll hurt the people if you kill yourself trying to keep me in line.
Let me do the things you can't, so the people can have some hope. [in the end, he's not just looking out for flynn, but for everyone else. he's one man, he can't be a reason for other things to suffer so much at flynn's behest.]
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[flynn lulls his head off to the side, also facing away from his friend. only then does he feel a slight trickling sensation, one masked by the sheer rage of a few moments prior. blood dripping from his nose. he reaches over and wipes it away with his shirt sleeve, with him wincing slightly at the sudden pain. one thing's for sure: they've definitely gotten better at beating the crap out of the other in addition to getting better at holding their drinks. he eyes the bloodied sleeve for a second before lowering that arm and speaking again.]
I can't do that. I won't. I've already failed so many people; I'm not going to fail you, too.
[not fail again, rather. not fail to a degree that it leads to yuri actually dying this time. both of them can't be inhuman, but flynn plans on being the one who is. a commandant can't be human, anyway, so the role fits him far more than yuri. yuri still has a chance to lead a good, pleasant life. one of them deserves that much, at least.]
Maybe it's selfish to want that, to want equality and to do so the right way while also wanting you to not go further down the road you're on, but I'm prepared to pay whatever price for my selfishness.
[namely giving up being flynn scifo the nobody and become commandant flynn scifo, head of the imperial knights and epitome of knightly ideals. if it's just him suffering then it's okay, right? it has to be. everyone else suffered so much for him, so many innocent people did, so him feeling it now and possibly for the rest of his life is how it should be, right? right. all that's necessary is to convince yuri of this. easier said than done. both of them seem so evenly matched in terms of stubbornness right now. both of them want the same thing so why can't they agree? why can't yuri agree? he gives a small sigh.]
I meant it when I said you matter most to me. Even if I'm willing to turn my blade on you, that doesn't mean I won't try to do what I can to prevent it from happening.
[everything he can to, within lawful reason and all. flynn doesn't plan on stepping outside the boundaries of what is right. he knows, with his level of dedication and determination, that it can and will be done. it has to be.]
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[this is definitely a sentiment he hates so much. flynn has never failed him, not beyond blinded by the shape the knights were really in before his own rise to the top. and that—it frustrated yuri to no end to watch and not be able to show him how fucked up things were.
so he did what he had to do, even at the cost of his own innocence. he's got enough blood on his hands that he can't really even consider the change of living a normal, pleasant life. he's never had that before, so why would that change? he wants to see things go differently, but for his friends, and for the people of the lower quarter who really and truly deserve to lead better lives.
he's not worthy of that, not anymore.
yuri's eyes remain focused on the foliage ahead of him, not looking back at flynn—if anything, he's turning so his back is all flynn can see. he swallows, thickly... this conversation is too dark and too heavy when they're in the middle of a much bigger situation. but he also knows these are things that probably needed to be addressed, an awkward elephant in the room every time they're near each other that neither dares to speak because they're both so intent on shouldering the burdens. this probably shouldn't be what friendship is; this probably shouldn't be what their friendship is. but here they are, and not only does is weigh down on his shoulders, but his chest—it feels like he's going to be crushed from the weight of this topic and how they can't find a way to see eye-to-eye.
he doesn't want to concede, though.]
It's not selfish. It's stupid and probably impossible. Turn your blade on me if you have to. You know I won't stop you if that's what it comes to. [he draws in a breath. he's really avoiding the words flynn says. "you matter most to me." mostly because he doesn't know how to acknowledge it, and partly because he knows he doesn't need to say it for flynn to know that this is a two-way street.] Don't be so damn single-minded when you have to look out for an entire Empire. And don't work yourself to an early grave to try and pull me out from what I already dug for myself.
These were my choices, and I'd make them again if that's what it took. [there's conviction in his tone that states he isn't going to give in so easily. but the hardlined anger has given way to something else. it's dark, yes, but it's contemplative and considerate, too.
there's really no question here that he doesn't want flynn to become what others in the knights became in order to achieve their goals, and he knows that flynn can be short-sighted enough at times to fall into a trap he unintentionally set for himself. how could he live a pleasant life knowing that was the cost? that's stupid, it's ridiculous, and it's unfair in a way he can't abide by. there's nothing just about that.]
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But I don't want you to have to be forced to make them! You don't deserve this burden!
[how can yuri believe he does!? yes, he has committed crimes and some sort of punishment needs to come for them (although, a pardon from ioder could be likely at this point), but that does not mean he has to throw away his future. people can change their destiny. yuri can change his. the blood may remain on his hands, but there is no need to soil them further! why can't he see that?
he opens his mouth and closes it while glancing away. the heaviness of this topic isn't lost on flynn. addressing all these issues and so suddenly with so much energy already spent makes it draining. he feels tired despite having barely done anything to warrant it. almost by chance, his eyes briefly turn toward yuri again and one thing stops him from looking back away: the disheveled jungle mess that yuri's hair has returned to. all their work undone within mere minutes. the reason the hair went back to such a sorry state is because they started fighting, because flynn overreacted over what happened the other night. as the one at fault, the responsibility to fix it lies with him. a moment passes before flynn pushes himself up off the ground, beginning to speak while doing so.]
Maybe I am single-minded, but so are you. You keep on believing what you're doing and where you're headed is all right, that you don't matter because you lack a title or social standing, but you're wrong.
[once sitting upright, he scoots over to be directly behind yuri and then once again begins to work on those tangled locks. the scene now mirrors the one earlier but the mood is entirely different. rather than the start of a dumb argument, this is the winding down of a serious one. they can't seem to agree at all. yuri thinks flynn is the one who deserves a good life; flynn believes the one who does is yuri. why can't they see eye to eye on this like they had with ceres?
it's clear now: neither of them are going to budge. flynn's frown intensifies as he nimbly undoes a knot. what needs to be done is obvious. if yuri would make the same choices if given a chance then flynn needs to ensure that chance never comes. it reaffirms his own resolve to become the best he can at no matter the cost to himself. maybe this road is no less self-destructive than yuri's, but it's okay because the only one who suffers this way is flynn.]
If you've already dug your grave then I suppose I've dug mine, as well. I can do it all. I'll change the Empire, I'll protect its people and I'll save you from yourself.
[firm resolve carries in flynn's voice, resolve to make sure his choice wins over yuri's. this fight will be one that the other man cannot --will not-- win. so what if he works himself to death as result? if his life ends early but leads to a better life for others, not just yuri but everyone else, too, then it'll be worth whatever suffering this path brings.]
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[yuri protests his words, but at this point, they lack the strength to argue at full capacity. he knows as well as flynn does that no matter how many words they exchange, this is a matter they won't see eye-to-eye on. it's going to take something cataclysmic for their perspective to change.
it doesn't matter if he understands flynn's words and the implications that go along with it. the weight of taking another's life, of taking the law into his own hands, of making his friendd—and especially flynn—suffer because of all he's done weighs on him too heavily. though he puts up the veneers that things are fine, that these are things he had to do, it doesn't stop him from knowing how badly is affects everyone else. he can't easily reconcile that; even if he doesn't regret the things he's done in the long run, he's still human. he never really wanted to have this burden to begin with, but now that it exists, he can't just wash it away.
and flynn can't either, no matter how much he tries to tell himself he can. that's what hurts about this; yuri knows that flynn will work himself to the bone until he goes grayer than alexei—until he drops dead, even—to find a solution. and he just doesn't want that for flynn, not at all. the responsibility of being commandant is enough on its own without the added worry.
...but knowing this and also knowing that their argument will continue to run in circles is just exhausting to deal with. maybe it's not surprising that flynn "wins" the fight, if only because yuri concedes with this half-assed retort. of course, the other victory for flynn comes in the form of yuri not refusing his aid once again. if anything, his shoulders relax a bit at the sensation of flynn fiddling with his hair. he doesn't even bother to try and fix the front right now; instead, he brings his hand to his mouth, letting his fingers graze over the swollen area of his lips from flynn's punch.]
And you throw punches as hard as your head, too. [seriously. flynn had always been strong, stronger than him, but this is ridiculous. he'd practically be laid out by a single hit, though maybe that comes with the territory of having a blowout fight first thing in the morning.
he sighs, quietly. yuri's not even sure what to say at this point. he's still frustrated, but also a bit defeated. this impromptu jungle trip is just a shit-flavored icing on top of the garbage-flavored cake this week is turning out to be.]
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[there's no bite in that. residual anger alongside tiredness are all that come across. he could ask it and get the same answer and start this deadlocked song and dance again. not now. not when they're both spent. honestly, the battle feels more like a loss than a victory. if nothing else, at least they got this all out in the open instead of avoiding it and pretending it doesn't exist. while not worked out, it was finally addressed. that's a start.
something else important did come out of this, too: his resolve got strengthened. no matter what it takes, he'll keep moving forward. how can he not when the alternative means letting the person dearest to him suffer? he can do it. he will. getting to where he is now was purely an uphill struggle; why not struggle a little more to reach even greater heights. hard work to an extreme and determination unlike no other will make this goal a reality. those gray hairs already on his head are going to get a lot of friends really soon. there goes the hope of keeping some blond hair come 30. then again, if graying is all that happens then it's not a bad price to pay. ...no matter how much the thought of it bugs him.
flynn suddenly pauses in his movements when yuri comments on the punch. oh right. that happened, didn't it? no motion comes for a few seconds, possibly long enough to raise questions about why, but the reason makes itself clear when some muttering comes under his breath and that familiar bright light of a cure hits yuri seconds later (the one thing always on his person is his blastia, thankfully). it's the least he could do. that punch carried far too much strength behind it. some restraint should have been shown.
with arte cast, the hair de-tangling resumes.]
You, too. If I had moved my head a little differently, you'd have broken my nose.
[instead, it's just really bloody (still dripping, too, but flynn feels way too tired to give a damn about it) and painful, but not broken. needless to say, no second round of a cure comes to fix it. no reason to waste the strength. what a punch that was, though. the power behind it definitely increased since the last time they came to blows like this. first drinking for the first time in ages and now beating the crap out of the other for the first time in ages: what a week.]
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[he retorts with a weak laugh; it's probably the worst time to crack a joke, but he can't help himself. when knowing and realizing that every last bit of that fight isn't resolved and not going to resolved here and now, all he can think to do is spin this in the other direction.
he doesn't like things getting too serious for too long—besides, this is probably the worst time and place for them to have some kind of an extended scuffle. yuri knows this argument isn't over.. if anything, they've blasted open the door on a plethora of issues that neither of them would have ever addressed otherwise. there's no way this will get a quick resolution, not so long as their approach on these ideas can't line up. it'll take something big for this to change, but revisiting it later... maybe that's just better. they need to conserve their energy for any threads they may come across. having their blastia on hand may be useful, but they're still unarmed and unarmored and that's a problem. they have to be on their toes for anything else.]
Thanks. [he'll say quietly as the effects of the first aid work their literal magic. the swelling, the physical pain—it all dissipates, leaving nothing but the lingering taste of blood to sit on his tongue.] Spend a little more energy and take care of yourself too.
[...you idiot. it's times like these that yuri curses is inability to grasp the formulas for magic artes. then, at least, he'd be able to make sure flynn didn't do this. he makes the request fully knowing that flynn will refuse. he's always got the energy to spend on other people, but if a broken arm couldn't slow him down, a bruised nose definitely wouldn't. he tries anyway, though, because he just wants flynn to actually take care of himself.
which all goes back to their earlier fight. it causes yuri to draw in a breath and follow up with a frustrated sigh, shoulders tensing up once again. this whole situation is just miserable, and even as they both try to move past it a bit, the feelings definitely still linger in the worst way. this definitely falls under "things yuri hates and is really bad at dealing with" as well as "sides of him that only flynn and repede ever get to see."]
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Because you're far less unpredictable than you think.
[flynn's half-hearted attempt at bantering. granted, the comment is an entirely true one. yuri, much as he probably doesn't think so, can be so simple-minded when it comes to the well-being of others. take for instance the comment about flynn taking care of himself. flynn knew it was coming. so what if he was the one who started their squabble? the worry still comes. nice as it is to have some who cares, having someone worry so much about a person while ignoring themselves isn't. ...ignoring how much of a hypocrite that makes him, but it's okay when he's the one doing the worrying.]
Mhm. [comes the hum of acknowledgement at the thank you, shortly followed by him addressing the concern about his own state.] I'll be fine; you don't have to worry.
[the injury isn't serious. at all. yeah, it hurts but not enough so to necessitate wasting energy on healing it. yuri shouldn't worry about him so much. this brings flynn's own thoughts back to their yelling session moments prior, resulting in a soft sigh. why can't yuri simply allow him to carry some of his own burdens or at least be trusting of his judgment? what would they do now if an attack comes and flynn lacks enough strength thanks to healing himself without good reason? struggle needlessly with worse injuries, that's what. see, logic goes behind the lack of self healing.
yuri suddenly tensing up gets taken to mean something else. with his mind having been elsewhere for those few seconds, the leap is made that accidental hair pulling caused it. shit, did he pull that hard? his hands freeze once more while flynn mentally curses his own inattentiveness. the last thing needed right now is causing the other man more pain after that stupidly strong punch.]
Ah, sorry, I didn't tug too hard, did I?
[without waiting for a response, combing the hair resumes but with an extra gentle touch. no more distracting himself with that sort of thought. dwelling on the unpleasant topic from earlier can wait until later.]
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[that much is true, at least. the way his shoulders tensed has nothing to do with the way flynn's handling his hair. it's just the residual thoughts that come with a situation like this.
maybe he is predictable, but so is flynn, there's no doubt about that. and that's likely why the whole argument had been an infuriating one. and it's exactly why flynn refusing to heal himself doesn't come as a surprise. they both know each other entirely too well—this is why each of them trying to shoulder all of the burdens ends up in disaster, always. yuri has already almost lost his life once because of it, and with flynn willing to do the same, it's hard to make any progress.
one day, maybe one day, they'll be able to push each other into the right direction and put an end to the self-destructing natures they carry for the sake of one another. but now? now is not that time, not when neither of them can let go of their stubbornness long enough to see that their respective approaches are doing nothing but making things worse. on some level, yuri knows this, but when his options at the moment are "destroy himself" or "let flynn destroy himself," he only sees one of those paths as viable. it's all very circular, and not something that can be helped right now. he knows that.
so his shoulders relax again, and yuri drops his head slightly. that causes a tug in his hair, but hardly enough to hurt. he just hates this impasse, even if the worst moments have passed. no, he has to let it go, as best he can for the time being. there's no point in expending more energy on this. so he shifts instead, keeping his hands on the ground as support as he leans his body back slightly towards flynn.]
Wonder how long we're gonna be stuck out here for. [finally, he shifts the topic completely. it's not subtle at all, but yuri doesn't think it needs to be.] Even when it's not CERES, we're getting dragged into other people's messes.
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a nod comes at the commentary, with flynn silently appreciative at the easier access to the hair that yuri's new position provides. progress with the hair is coming along nicely. one part of it is done, evidenced by a hand going smoothly down through it all the way to the end to double check for anything missed. time to work on the huge unpleasant knot in the center, quite possibly the worst of this hairy disaster. it'll take a little more effort than the rest of it, but flynn jumps right on in.]
Yeah. First the constant troubles back home and now having to deal with the troubles of another world; it feels never-ending.
[this is more commentary as opposed to a complaint. it really has been never-ending, one thing right after another. a break, no matter how small, would be so nice between all these bad things that keep on coming at them. flynn knows that no way to expect these things exists, but wishes the universe cutting them some slack. neither of them can ignore any of it, either. people are suffering and god knows both of them can't sit still when that happens. they both need to do something.
...though, hopefully, it won't end with yuri doing something he regrets. no need for it has arisen yet, but flynn can't rule out yuri's methods in dealing with things coming back into play if necessary. those methods are precisely why flynn can't budge in that earlier argument. to budge means inadvertently allowing them. never. not in a million years. this is why he'll sooner work himself to that early death than allow yuri to soil his hands once more. a sigh comes, but one relatively light,just to not make it overly obviously that his mind still keeps darting back to earlier no matter how much it tries not to.]
I never believed in you being cursed before, but even I'm starting to question whether or not there's some truth to it.
[and if there is then why does he always get pulled along for the ride?]
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instead, he'll just remain as he is, leaning back and letting flynn work on his hair. it gives yuri an excuse to be lazy—sure, he could definitely do this himself, but it's easier this way. flynn's doing a good job with it and working surprisingly fast... though maybe that's not surprising when considering how long yuri has kept his hair at this length. this is hardly the first or last time that waking up from a night of poor sleep would end in his hair being some kind of literal disaster area.]
Not sure why you didn't believe it to begin with. It's not like things really ever go right for me, even when I try.
[which is why he's stopped trying. he just accepts things as they are, in that way. arrested? yeah, sure. falling off ancient shrines after being stabbed and still not dying? why not. it's always one bad thing after another in his life, and it's been that way since he was kid. sure, there are things that are great—meeting flynn, taking in repede, getting to be with the rest of the party members. there's been a lot of shit in his life, but despite the feeling of being cursed...
despite the knowing he'll never be able to escape the fact that a lot of bad things happens to him...
well, he still wouldn't go back and change anything. he's the person he is because of it, unyielding beliefs and all.]
I almost can't believe it took you fourteen years to realize it. Good thing it's not really contagious, huh? [flynn may get pulled along for the ride, but his luck tends to be a lot better about these things. it's not as bad as it could be, right?]
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things were so simple then.
flynn wishes things could be so simple now. maybe they were never on identical pages, but never did their ideals feel so far apart while being so close. why does it need to be this way? why do both of the have be stubborn enough to make things be this way?
the commentary on curses thankfully distracts from the topic, if momentarily. not contagious? flynn gives a laugh. is yuri serious?]
In the past month or so I've had a platform fall on me and break my arm, got intoxicated to the point of not only missing work but vomiting, found myself stuck in a jungle weaponless with potential danger everywhere and nearly had my nose broken by you. [a tired sigh comes.] Nevermind that the latter 3 have happened within the last 48 hours.
[not contagious? more like dangerously so. that curse attached itself and how. bad luck follows bad choices? maybe but, at the same time, this level of bad luck is exceptionally bad. something must've made lady bad luck decide she has a thing for blonds in the last two days.]
It maybe more contagious than you think.
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[well, now is as good of a time as any to make an inappropriate joke, right? granted, it's a joke that has some basis, given the context...
...but there's also no telling how it'll be received, given how this morning started. he tilts his head way back, probably making it impossible for flynn to do much with his hair—but enough to get an upside-down view of flynn's face. gone is the distant, serious expression; it's been replaced by a teasing smirk that would more typically be expected of yuri.]
What do you think? Contagious from mouth-to-mouth contact? Sounds more like a nasty virus than a curse if you put it that way. [but it's not really wrong. there's not much accounting for how his arm got broken, but most everything else was connected to a certain string of events that they've still only narrowly addressed.
not that yuri really intends on addressing it deeply. but he takes that aspect of the situation lightly enough that he can crack a joke about it. what happened? it happened, and while he's not expectant (or even necessarily seeking) a follow-up, especially given this most recent scuffle, yuri isn't about to sweep it under the rug completely and pretend it didn't happen. it's in the same vein as any other joke he'd make, whether it's about flynn's uptight nature or the lecherous gazes that raven gives to curvacious women; light and playful, but definitely with an edge.]
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oh. OH. cue a hint of red spreading across his cheeks. leave it to yuri to make a crack at that if given a chance. the most exasperated sigh ever follows within seconds of the blush. addressing the most important issue first.]
Can't you at least give me a warning before suddenly moving your head?
[he IS working on your hair. at least don't make it more difficult, you lazy bum. now onto the second issue, the slightly more uncomfortable one. although uncomfortable, bringing up that part of the night... can't be called a bad idea. acknowledging it while sober and not hungover will eliminate any residual awkwardness. that can only be considered a good thing given their prior tension. laying things out and being on the same page, namely that nothing exists to be angry or upset about, sounds good. a kiss is but a kiss and a kiss with the best friend even more so. ...but talking about intimate stuff... maybe... maybe a snide comment like yuri's will suffice to get across the point. yeah, let's try that.]
And if it is then maybe I should try returning it to you.
[there. point across, right? right. now will yuri finally let him... wait... flynn's realization at what his own commentary implies comes with eyes widening and blush deepening. he successfully made himself blush even harder. good job. he opens his mouth to take that back but promptly closes it, bringing up a hand to rub his temple instead. you know what? he's just... not going to say anything else. between that little comment during the hangover, that oh so embarrassing one that hopefully yuri doesn't remember, and this, talking any more screams bad idea.]
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it's nothing like embarrassment, or even surprise that flynn would make a suggestion like that. yuri knows all too well that even with zero intent to actually make good on a threat like that, flynn would say it just for the comeback. but when the comeback is followed up by a very explicit realization of the implications that go with it... well, how else is yuri supposed to react?
he's laughing. he's laughing really hard—probably a lot harder than he has in a while. and this isn't the sort of forced laughter that probably should come with the fact that they were at each other's throats not even ten minutes prior. this is loud, boisterous laughter that makes his shoulder's quake. if yuri wasn't expecting anything from their drunken endeavor before, he's really not expecting any kind of recipriocation now. the embarrassment on flynn's face is so real, so amusing, so... flynn that he really just can't help himself at all.]
You look like an Egg Bear that walked right into a barrier... [he manages to say between his laughs. it's probably a little overboard, but man. it's funny. flynn had walked right into the trap yuri had almost unintentionally set. he knew that it would probably garner some kind of embarrassed reaction, but he didn't expect a retort followed by a realization of words so shocking he'd turned himself into a blonde tomato.
at least his mood's a little lighter, even as his laughter subsides slighty. but he's definitely not getting back into a position to have flynn finish his hair quite yet—not when he's about to lose his balance and fall backwards completely, at least.]
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S-shut up.
[so eloquent a response. then again, how else is he supposed to respond after getting called that. what the hell sort of a comparison is that even?? an eggbear that walked into a barrier... only from the mind of yuri lowell. two choices present themselves about what move to make next. he can either take the taunting with grumping or retaliate. flynn being flynn and this being yuri (a yuri close to dying of laughter COME ON IT WAS NOT THAT FUNNY) means only one is acceptable, namely the latter.
only one question remains: which way to go about doing so? two instant thoughts pop up. the first is plucking a hair. it'd get the point across to stop moving that damn head of his like that. but then there's option b, the option of making good on that embarrassing comment. chances are, that would not be expected at all and would likely have the bonus effect of shutting the stupid hyena up. the way yuri is angled right now would make easy enough to lean over and do just that. hmm... well, yuri seems to be fine with happened the other night and is probably about the least likely person to take a kiss the wrong way.
hair pull or surprise kiss. painful vengeance or unexpected attack. both good options. this internal debate only takes a few seconds before a verdict is reached. flynn lowers his hand and thoughtfully stares down at the idiot practically in his lap by now. considering all the bad shit that's happened in the past 48 hours, taking that goddamn smirk off his face and putting a stop to that laugh sound nice. fine, what the hell. yuri wanted him to act less uptight so why not grant that wish? angling his head a little (because this is a bit of an awkward angle but a workable one) and at a moment when yuri's not paying too much attention, flynn takes action to give the curse back via locking their lips together.]
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it probably shouldn't be surprising that three times in a row, he's more or less lost to flynn; that's the way things have always been, after all. but the feeling of lips pressed to his in one of those brief pauses where his mouth is mostly closed actually comes as a surprise—yuri definitely couldn't have predicted that he'd react this way.
once again, yuri's goaded flynn into doing something ridiculous, though this time, the outcome isn't an expected one. it's only natural that his eyes widen in surprise for a moment as a result, though it's brief. the smile is still tugging at yuri's lips, almost as if they're waiting for flynn to pull back before he tries to say anything.
if flynn is going to be so bold—even if it's just to prove a point—yuri's still got not trouble with obliging. and possibly making it worse by still messing around with him while lip-locked, by way of reaching up and cupping flynn's cheeks. he's not particularly doing anything special to deepen the kiss, but he gets kind of a kick from feeling the warmth of flynn's skin against his palms. at least he's not taking these gestures too seriously, right?
he may wind up taking his curse back, but it isn't exactly like he was expecting to give it up to begin with. that's just the way it goes, even if he's got plenty of fuel to keep messing with flynn once they've parted.]
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on the bright side, they finally do share a similar sentiment on something today. the touch on his cheeks can't be called unpleasant. honestly, it feels nice and might be part of the reason why the kiss continues a little longer than intended. longer though it lasts, the innocence of it doesn't get destroyed. it's far less hungry, far less passionate than the first one and ought to remain as such.
another difference is the lack of flynn's mind being clouded, a factor that means he instantly realizes that yuri's little teasing leads to the man doing an unpleasant balancing act. a hand reaches up and gets placed against his back to help keep him in place. this position is awkward enough so think for once, will you?]
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he barely even knows what the kiss signifies, given the fact that flynn's been content to let it linger. yuri doesn't mind, because he can just roll with things as they are, but what started as a clear declaration of proving a point now feels decidedly more initmate. which—is a bit strange in its way.
they probably need to sort this out to some degree, don't they? especially when they were just exchanged punches a few minutes ago. so yuri finally tilts his head a bit, just enough for their lips to separate.]
You know, Flynn... [his brow arches and a smirk remains on his lips. but now he's pressing his palms with a little more force against flynn's cheeks to force his mouth into a pucker.]
I told you that you had to watch with your unintentional flirting, but you're just getting worse. Now you're an out-and-out tease. What are we gonna do with you?
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