The thing about Cerealia is, there really isn't any nature to be found here. Sure, you can go outside the walls of the city and explore the land beyond but who wants to risk a terrible, horrible death just to sniff the flowers? Not you, that's who! CERES understands that, CERES sympathizes, and sometimes CERES decides to take action when such problems arise. As part of the company's current "Healthier and Happier YOU" initiative, they've decided to let everyone get back in touch with nature a little.
Via ViViD.
Of course, this being CERES, the nature they've sent everyone to is more of a swamp. The place is disgusting, a real marvel of ViViD ingenuity and it smells like the dead. There's strange rustling among the leaves from creatures that may or may not want to eat you, and random pits that open up right under your feet with the goal of sending you straight into the marsh. It's not really that fun. There's no welcome sign either, no nothing except for swamplands as far as the eye can see.
Welcome to ViViD!  This is Mosley. One of our programmers forgot to include a welcome greeting for the level this time. How incompetent can you get? He's been fired now, it's fine. Instead, I will greet you today. Lucky you! You've been invited today to participate in CERES's "Healthier and Happier YOU" level where we've combined both physical exercise and relaxing meditation into the ultimate ViViD experience. Isn't that fun? You can... go camping and stuff. Or whatever. I don't... know...
Honestly, I don't even care. Have fun.
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PHASE I [ 6 00 ] Welcome to your new healthy living training ground! What does a swamp have to do with healthy living, you may ask? Absolutely nothing! To make up for it, CERES has outfitted all players with the proper equipment for their new healthy living lifestyle. They also may or may not have let you keep your shoes based on how benevolent the ViViD gods were being at the time. (Not very.)
Oh, and all newcomers will have something additional on their fancy new yoga shirt. It will be displayed loudly and proudly all over the front and back of it. And if you're one of the few not wearing a shirt, it will be on the back of your pants. As in, your butt. It will be on your butt.
What’s ViViD trying to say, anyway?
Regardless, it probably doesn’t matter as much as finding your way through the swamp. Some sort of dry land would be really nice right now, wouldn't it? You'll have to watch out for the mud that will suck you right down under the marsh, and the creatures with lots of teeth that will never surface from the mud but won't hesitate to snap up an unwary foot or two.
CERES is sure you'll be fine. Totally and completely fine.
PHASE II [ 800 ] Eventually, if you try really, really hard, you’ll make it to a house. Actually, it’s more of a shack, really. If you clamber your way out of the mud and the gunk and the marsh into said shack, you will find it to be empty aside from a table. A table hosting a huge pile of... well, health drinks. See, there's totally a health theme in this level. CERES would never make a ViViD level that wasn't thematically appropriate. Never! Health drinks of all sorts and types and sizes can be found here and there’s even a sign too; it simply says:
Take one.
Well, that seems safe.
Unfortunately, you won’t be able to leave said shack until you do take one. And drink it. The door will lock shut and cover itself in more swamp until you do. Yay. Depending on your luck, the drink may do the following to you: ➟ Cause your ViViD experience to glitch. This may involve phasing through walls, seeing everything in 8-bit, or hearing really annoying old video game music everywhere you go.
➟ Cause status effects. This can include suddenly moving incredibly slowly, being turned to stone for a period of time, suddenly being on fire, suddenly being poisoned, etc etc.
➟ Be healthier. Mmm, kale and hummus smoothie. Taste those veggies. If you try to take more than one, that’s fine too, nobody will stop you, but you probably won’t get lucky more than once.
PHASE III [ 900 ] And back you go, out into the swampy wilderness. Don’t give up! Keep going! Eventually, you’ll find the end of this level. Probably.
Eventually, though, you may stumble across something in the mud and the muck. It’s... a little doll?
In fact, it’s a little doll of one of your most important people (or, alternatively, of someone you absolutely hate). It might be someone in Cerealia currently, or someone who isn’t, but either way, the doll is there and it’s clearly them (covered in mud and all). Be careful, though. If you toss it aside, you’ll suddenly see that important person being tossed aside. If you cut the doll, you'll suddenly see that person bleeding. Even if they aren’t present in Cerealia, whatever happens to that doll, you'll see it happening to them. Is it a hallucination or are they actually there? That's a little more up in the air.
And if they are present in Cerealia, well... doing things to that doll might very well hurt them too -- for real, this time, though.
Be careful! Or don't. You do you, as CERES would say.
PHASE IV [ 1200 ] And then, eventually you reach a quiet, swampy area. Not that the rest of the swamp isn't swampy, this area is just extra swampy.
There’s very little happening here in this swampy place; even the birds are no longer squawking. And for a long moment, everything will remain quiet and peaceful, a place of reprieve... until the swamp begins to bubble. Then suddenly, a new friend will burst out of the swamp, showering mud and gunk everywhere.
Without warning, that creature is going to try to grab for the nearest person (it might be you!) and let out a mighty roar when they have them. Then, they'll hold them up to... read the nutrition facts on their shirt? What?
Of course, it will try to gobble you or whoever else it grabs if it finds, say, the salt content to be acceptable (the monster is watching their carbs). If it's not, then they'll just fling you away and move onto the next snack. For those without a handy nutrition facts label on your shirt, well, it might just take a gamble and try to eat you anyway.
Great. A health-conscious monster. That's just what this level needed.
BONUS [ xxxx ] Finally, you’re free of the game. Without warning, you’re dumped into Cerealia properly and you’re able to scrub the mud and gunk from your clothing (wait why did that come back with you and where are your normal clothes?). You're able to then make your way to your new place of residence (or old) and...
There is a tiny tree there waiting for you. Isn’t it cute? And if you take care of this tiny tree, it will eventually bear fruit! Tiny fruit. Itty bitty fruit.
Depending on which tiny tree you get, it will be one of the following: a tiny dildo tree, a tiny bacon tree, a tiny kazoo tree, a tiny carolina reaper tree, or a (dumb) tiny hats tree.
Everything will, naturally, be tiny. Enjoy your new healthy CERES gift!
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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yes i get to use this icon
[And Okuni gets her arm nabbed!! Because Kashuu is totally freaking out and that surprises her! Wow, let the monster eat what he wants, Kashuu??]
Eh, why? It's no fun if we just escape!
[okuni why... But she picks up speed and then suddenly yanks Kashuu to the side to avoid that tentacle!!]
INTENSE SKINSHIP
It's no fun if one of us seriously gets eaten! Just— [And then LORD, he's being yanked to the side?! There's a little shriek of surprise from him, but considering the tentacle smacks down onto the ground where he'd just been standing with enough force to leave a dent, gratitude follows soon after. Ah... the trash lady just saved him from becoming a panini.]
...See?! Let's get going!
[AND TIME TO RUN.]
INTENSE LIKE THEIR FRIENDSHIP
Boring. It's not like it would have actually eaten us.
[OKAY OKUNI....]
HE DOESNT WANT THIS LIFE
Seriously?! It would have! And even if this is just ViViD, you don't wanna get sent to the places you go to after you lose a life. Like, trust me. You might end up stuck in a chair trying to play shooting games where the guy in charge is a big fat cheater and you can't ever win so you stay there for hours and hours and hours with nothing to do.
IT'S TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW
So you've been eaten before? And that's what happened after? [said in a tone like 'LAME KASHUU...']
IS IT REALLY
[It wasn't anything like Real Death, which he can attest to being a truly awful and horrific experience...]
But it's different for every level I think, so this one might be even worse!
we have a soul contract remember
So you can die, but it's not really dying? [but maybe it's some weird tsukumogami thing??? /rude] What do you mean by level?
[she's OLD AS BEANS REMEMBER please enlighten her kashuu]
i... look........ maybe we can finagle our way out..
Here and in the city, yeah. And I'm talking about this place when I say level. It's all virtual reality, y'know? It's not really real, so we're not actually hurt out in the city when we get hurt in here. [...] Most of the time, anyway. And out there, we're like, made from code or whatever. You remember that presentation, right? That means that if we die out there, they can still bring us back with our code. Get it?
gently puts you out to sea.... too late.....
So, according to them, these aren't even our real bodies. And we're in a place they made that isn't real. [she gets it. she gets that things are WEIRD AS HECK] Is there anything that's real here?
DRIFTS TO THE NEW LAND...
[He tries so hard and gets so far but in the end he's only a dumb peanut.]
THE NEW LAND WHERE I'LL BE WAITING
Ah, well. At least you're aware, right? [aware of what... being a dumb peanut??] And you were sort of helpful.
[and here she'd say thanks if she wasn't a punk.... brightly!!!]
Want to go back and fight that monster?
[why]
WHY ARE YOU HAUNTING ME
[LOOK... He can admit his own flaws, but that doesn't mean others have to agree!! Though she's at least kinda-sorta thanked him... "Sort of helpful", whatever, he'll take it.
But wait--]
—Were you not listening to anything I just said?!
BECAUSE INTENSE FRIENDSHIP REMEMBER
That we can't really die and if we do, we'll have to do something really boring before coming back. [and CODE AND THINGS] But that's only if we do get eaten. Which I'm sure won't happen, because Kashuu Kiyomitsu is the fastest uchigatana in the army of...
[squints... AH RIGHT]
What was your army called again? [he never told her...]
ugh a true comrade til the end...
But ah, he's also a gullible moron who likes having his ego stroked, so honestly, she probably could convince his dumb ass to go back. Luckily, he's distracted by that... UNLUCKILY, it's not like he has some grandiose name to give her.]
We're just the Sword Army. [THAT'S IT...]
til the end and the afterlife too apparently
Eh?! [THAT'S IT????] What a boring name!
[though it's just the sort of name Sakichi would approve of tbh.] At least call yourselves something like... the Army That Conquered A Thousand Castles, or the Army with the Super Fast and Not Cute Swords. Something exciting! Not just Sword Army.
THATS HOW U KNOW IT'S TRUE AS CAN BEEE
What a punk, though!!]
Why "not cute", huh?! [Why is that the first thing he focuses on...] Anyway, we didn't come up with the name! That's just what the organization calls all of us, so- [Waves a hand!!] -whatever. It's self-explanatory, right?
AKI ARE U BUSTING OUT INTO SONG
Make up your own name! Don't accept terrible names just because an organization tells you to.
[why is she lecturing kashuu about this]
I AM NOW
It's not like I can just go up to my master and be like "hey! I don't like this name, go tell your bosses to change it!" There are other things to be nitpicky about, y'know?
[Like the rations they get for eating, or the materials they need to repair damaged swords...]
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Why not? Is your master the super strict and inflexible type?
[somewhere haru's sneezing prob]
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He's pretty much the exact opposite. [But he means that in an endeared way, really!!] So I don't wanna put that hassle on his shoulders.
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If that's the way you feel... Then I can tell him instead! [tHAT'S TOTALLY FINE, RIGHT]
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Nooo thank you. Dealing with a person like you would definitely give him grey hair.
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[PATIENT ENOUGH TO ENDURE OKUNI] Also, it's not like I'll say rude things to him like you do to me. [MAYBE] I just want him to come up with a good name for his army.
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If you do talk to him, don't make things hard for him. I'm serious! I won't forgive you if he feels even a little bad.
[He's a staunch member of the Protect Haru 2k16 squad!!]
no subject
Even a little? [how about a teensy weensie little bit] My, you sure are overprotective! Is that just you or do all his tsukumogami feel the same way?
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SLKFDSFLKSJDFLMF WHERE DO U EVEN FIND THESE CLIPS AKI
I DIG THEM UP FROM HELL probably
I THOUGHT U WERE A PURE BEAN
I AM!!!!
how can u lie to me this way
LOOK..... sets u out to sea, you can join dust..
I DON'T WANT TO DIE AT SEA WITH DUST THIS ISN'T THE TITANIC
THEN YOU CAN BE CAST AWAY INSTEAD
why do i die either way......
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